Game Theory: How Deadly is Super Mario's Bullet Bill?

No, no, oh God! (she starts sobbing) No!! (sobs more) Oh my god, whyyyy!? This is scarier than that chunky girl in 7th grade gym class!! (inhales) Wait. Will this really hurt me? Hello Internet, welcome to Game Theory, where I'm happy to say that we're finally out of our blue period. Look! There are no hot topics in the title, no criticism of

game

rs or the gaming industry, no sales charts, no serious music, and no PewDiePie! Well, it was there but it won't be back for the duration of the episode. Leaving us alone with our favorite sociopath and a ridiculous question that can't really be realistically solved, but we'll try anyway because this is

game

theory

, damn it, and we're back!

So, question of the day: how effective is Mario's Bullet Bill

bullet

? This actually came from the Game Theorists reddit page and when I first saw the post, I instantly knew it had been made into an episode! Loyal theorists RumblezMan (Rumble-z-min and ROFLicious (Row-flicious) did a lot of work to find their versions of the answer and now it's my job to analyze the data and give my opinion on whether Bullet Williams really measures up . to their name, or if they are just a group of projectile impostors. To do that, we need to know the strength that Bullet Bill O'Reilly has, but first we have to know the scale of the Mushroom Kingdom using Mario's height; calculated before as 4 feet 8 inches in my two most controversial videos.

Ha ha, yeah right... Boobs and Sonic The thing is, in that calculation I used Super Smash brawl, which has inconsistent scaling on all of its characters. I mean, many "diligent" and "helpful" commenters are always eager to remind me so finding Mario's height again shouldn't be a problem, except for one thing: Mario fluctuates in size and not just when he has a mushroom. . game by game his size relative to Bowser's; always changes in the jump from 3d to 2d, main series games - What are you doing? Get that out of here! We do not recognize the existence of that game!

It's ridiculous! We can prove that the boy has antisocial personality disorder and that his girlfriend has Stockholm syndrome, but we can't tell how tall he is! (sigh). It's a mistake on my ass. Well, let's try a different tactic. Why not compare Mario's height to someone consistent? someone with easy-to-demonstrate height; someone who starred in one of the worst games of all time. Kazaam! We're talking about Shaq! What didn't you know about Mario's cameo in Shaq Fu? Of course not, it doesn't exist! I'm referring to NBA Street Vol. III for the game cube where Shaquille O'Neal himself can go toe-to-toe with Mario "White Men Can't Jump Man" Mario playing the old round ball.

If Mario isn't scaled to life size here, that just wouldn't make sense. Shaq IRL is 7 feet 1 inch or 2.16 meters tall. Comparing the two using the power of mathematics, Mario is 4 feet 6 inches or 1.39 meters tall. Finally Shaquille O'Neal does something useful in a video game! But seriously, Shaq fu got funding on Indiegogo. Do they have so much money they don't know what to do with it or...what am I missing here? Even more absurd than the people actually funding that atrocity is that now we need Mario to cross himself. You see, we just calculated the height of 3D Modern Mario, not 2D Retro Mario.

Again, something you "always helpful" commenters taught me (fake cough) Sonic episode (more fake cough). So we need a game that fuses both eras of Mario. Can you think of one? I'll let you think about it (Jeopardy theme song begins)... Super Mario RPG! Sorry, I couldn't wait that long. Super Mario RPG has a Reuben Booster tower where you can switch between 3D and 2D Mario. Comparing the previous curtain to Mario's curtain and the shapes that run out of time, we find that a little mini Mario measures 0.65 meters or two feet and one inch. He is very small, but it is humanly possible at that height.

Mario is barely taller than the record holder for the world's shortest woman, Jyoti Amge, who stands at 2 feet 7 inches or 0.6 meters. Although it is quite curious, mini Mario would surpass the shortest man in the world, Chandra Dangi, who measures 1 foot and 10 inches... 1 FOOT 10 INCHES, 0.55 meters. Having solved that game mystery once and for all, we can apply it to our beady-eyed

bullet

s. Remember that these "bullets" are huge, so Mario getting hit by one will be less of a typical gunshot wound and more like getting hit by a car or falling out of a window. Those things hurt you because of the rapid changes in speed in a short time.

Do you fall out the window and hit the ground? You go from moving very quickly to zero speed in a fraction of a second. The body cannot withstand the force of that change. Literally, it's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop in a car accident or the impact of a bullet; It is exactly the opposite. In this case, a person, Mario, will go from 0 to a certain speed almost instantly. If the screen didn't freeze, you'd probably see him being thrown back as the bullet makes him accelerate (or pass through his body if the contact surface is small enough, but looking at the bullet isn't actually the case). ) is about the force being found, we eventually want to get here: mass times acceleration equals Fapp. (Fapp?

Oh physics, you're so dirty): the coefficient of friction times mass times 9.81 m/s^2, which represents gravity today, what we're interested in is Fapp done right, right? Isn't it always like that? It was also the What we were interested in during the boobs episode haha ​​nudge nudge Fapp is the force applied and that's what's going to hurt, that's why we're figuring it out, so let's start filling in these numbers, friction is easy, here There is a table that shows the bullet points. shaped objects the coefficient of friction is .295 and here the acceleration is zero yes bullet Billy Bob Thornton is accelerating enough to counteract any wind resistance or should I say drag towards the one he is flying towards, but his constant speed across the screen means its net acceleration is zero, which knocks down In other words, all we need is mass and love, but for now we'll just focus on mass.

Bullet

bill

iam Shakespeare here is basically a cylinder with a cone on top so break the geometry because we are about to increase the volume\volume, get it because we are calculating the vol- *sigh* nevermind my jokes are wasted here . By counting the pixels and then using Mario's scale, we were able to find that each projectile, Pete, measures 112.939 cubic centimeters. There's no way you can believe it, of course you can, because that number doesn't make sense. What the hell does one hundred and twelve thousand cubic centimeters look like? I don't know and I'm sure you don't either, so let me translate that for you.

It's a bullet the size of a small child aimed right at your face, but will it kill you? To know we need to find out what Bullet Billy Mays is made of and let's get down to it, the answer is iron. Note that Bullet Bill and Ted are launched from a number one cannon track, and not any cannon or cannons which were sometimes given names like Big Bertha

super

mario

RPG, real life cannons also had a tradition of being named " Roaring Megs" of the 17th century or "Moms meg" in Edinburgh, Scotland, the new number two and in the early days of cannon warfare it was round shot the stereotypical cannonball as we imagine made to punch through the holes of ships an pure iron ball finally the round shot was completely eliminated projectiles that had better aerodynamic effects these two were made of iron in the aircraft of Super Mario Brothers 3 We see that both types of ammunition are used with bullets and our Bill Clinton with the shape of the bolt of the projectile that shoots out of the cannons and both with the same black shine of the number three iron track, so in reality the Bill Bills are just glorified cannonballs. it should be called cannon-

bill

s, wait, cannonball, cannon bill-...

HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED! Now the iron has a good mid-range density and 7.87 grams per cubic centimeter. time to visit the DMV or density equals mass divided by volume, we need mass, so multiplying (multiplying) density by volume gives us eight hundred and eighty-eight kilograms, which again means nothing until you convert it to a metric that everyone we understand and that's a ton 2000 pounds or half a car bullet aimed directly at Mario who will teach you how to polish your brother's shoe at the end of tennis games, so let's go back to our equation 0 equals Fapp minus 0.295 multiplied by 888 kg multiplied by 9.81 m/s^2, which results in two thousand five hundred and seventy newtons of force, which is really not much, especially for an object that size that has half the force of a hundred mile per hour fastball.

It takes at least three thousand three hundred Newtons to break a rib and 4000 to break a femur, so no bones will be broken and to verify I check the speed of everything Bullet Bill travels at about 12 meters per second or about 27 miles per second. hour would be like getting hit by a mid-sized moped, sure it would hurt, but it probably wouldn't cause any permanent damage, so we have our answer, Bullet Bill? Ha, barely. More like William calmly, he's fine, but let's up the ante, surely this guy has to do some damage. Banzai bill, these puppies are the size of three mini Marios stacked on top of each other, it's a six foot tall behemoth that redoes all the calculations we just made. the volume jumps to about 7.4 million cubic centimeters, the mass becomes about 58,000 kilograms and the force shoots up to 168,000 Newtons, which my friends would certainly cause some damage if it didn't travel so slowly.

Bonzai bill clocks in at 7.7 meters per second or 17 miles per second. time, it's not like it came out of nowhere and surprises you, the floating round is clocking speeds that would make the bonsai jealous and because it's so big and rounded in the front, you're not going to get hit anyway with the full 168,000 Newtons. The impact will spread across a large cross section of your body, meaning much of that force will be dissipated elsewhere. No bullet spike is a problem nor is your bonsai spike, this is the one to watch out for with golden bonsai. even bigger bill, at 20 million cubic centimeters, which is the equivalent of about five thousand three hundred gallons of milk, except we're talking about pure gold, so the gold member here is not only the largest bullet in the franchise, but it is also the most massive.

It has a very high density, more than double that of iron, making it a devourer of 319,000 kilograms or 430 tons of gold. In comparison, one bullet would make up one tenth of the total gold at Fort Knox in June 2012, the gold was valued at 1,618 dollars and 82 cents per ounce, that means this bullet of gold would be worth a total of $2,227,496,320.98, sorry, still not as much as diamond armor, and it only travels at meters per second or four miles per hour total, so it's definitely not

deadly

unless of course someone shoots it. bullet without a ticket in your ass in his attempts to steal the gold I want to know where the gold is I want the gold bring me the gold I want the gold where is the gold I want the gold in fact, but hey, that's just a

theory

;

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