The ONLY Time To Tell Kids That Santa Isn't Real. Kevin Bozeman - Full Special

No, because I just want you to know that you are retiring, but I will be back next year, just take your money from me. I know how creepy it is. There is a laptop. You have a great young review coming your way, but not this doctor. He did that to me and the next week he retires, so of course I'll do it. thinking: Am I the reason he retired? Maybe he stuck his fingers in my butt. It was like he couldn't do this anymore. The temperatures were bad, so I'm curious. I see the next doctor and I'm trying to talk him out of it.

He says simply. relax, I'll be fine, so he tries to pull his pants down and right before he does, I turn around and say I'll see you again, shouldn't I have just said that? I just want to know how old I am. I love being in my 40s. I mean, it was bad being in my 40s. You have to be careful because some

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s you get out of the shower and see yourself in the mirror and it completely ruins your day. Windows will fog up that I will never be able to lose the weight I want to lose as long as McDonald's keeps coming out randomly with the McRib I can't turn that down and I'm ashamed of it.

Never before in my life had I loved a more indescribable piece of meat. Have you ever seen me roast? It's a creepy sandwich, one by one, take off the bread. See you later, you're scared. It comes out once at random every six years. let me crib he's back pretty sure there's someone and he backed me up in the warehouse of him like me, we just found eight more boxes. mcribs had the expiration date in 1994, yes, the people who try to defend him are still good, he has no bones, but the little uncle from Maidan has bones.

It's creepy that Macri was a human being to be a pedophile, that's not creepy, this just comes out of the bushes, he's bad at sex, this country wants to keep us fat and unmotivated, so with these they fall, be too lazy to fight against them, I can't fight against some bodies. You got the remote and cheesy popcorn, okay, I'll let you take over this earth with those, go change the channel, man, the things we can think of, national pizza day, what a national fried chicken day , National Donut Day, I missed it, I watched National Donut Day.

I've been on social media, it's National Donut Day or Fat People Day, so just go fry them good. I love some friends that day, they are all bad, very fat. Will you get angry and send me a private message? He's like crazy, you owe it to yourself. I apologize for that joke. I said: No, no, no, I don't apologize for my sense of humor. He says: What if I say the same thing about black people? Well, that's an example, because I do eat less. I'm still black, there is no white diet. I can go on, I'm sure there are things I can do.

I can state my things. Improve my credit score. Being quiet in a movie theater, but that joke should have had a better response and I understand that you don't. I don't have many black friends, so you don't know what I'm saying is true. Many of you are going. Don't know. I have no idea if that's true and that's up to you because that joke was perfect. I got that joke right. but your lack of diversity has cost you quality laughs and I have to go home and question your life eat well that's what they

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you you have to eat well eat well I don't like eating well eat well it's horrible go to these grocery stores

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ized you walk with those conceited people judging what you have in your basket you ever shop with those people they approach you excuse me sir.

I was just wondering why don't you eat romaine lettuce when there's kale right there why we why when you get kale, why would you buy romaine lettuce? Why wouldn't you buy kale? Because I don't like the taste of fresh bushes. That's why Kjeld is a horrible calcite like the name of an old hippie kid. I just want you to meet my son Cael. This is my daughter quinoa and here's my sexually confused kid hummus because dad loves baby hummus, do it, I worked out, but the last

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I tried to work out it's all that p90x madness.

It sounded good to me, oh I can undo 20 years of damage in 90 days, eh, number b9, yeah, but those don't remember. p90x was a training video and it brought you to the brink of death for 90 days straight. I did it for two days, the first day, I did half of it, the second day. I lay in the fetal position crying on the third day. I just watched a video. I did not do it. I just saw it as a shitty horror movie. I thought, yeah, I know how this ends. The black guy dies. Dollars. These are on our p90x, they don't.

I'm not

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ing you that you need to be fit to be in that kind of shape, just a little warning for us. Hey, before doing p90x, you might want to take 8 weeks of military training. You can't go to the Chinese buffet. Chinese buffet p90x, that is. That's not how life works You have a powerful walk through the mall A song I get it man I'm not perfect There are things I like to do That's why I like coming here I like it I like the drink and I love that everyone here is sober, I love it, I love it, I love it, okay, hanging out with other drinkers is like a horrible game show.

Hey, you were about to make some questionable decisions, and to make things more fun, we're going to surround you with more questionable decision makers. Sober people give you a

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different perspective Trump people all they want to do is give you advice and this bad advice that you can't understand but you know is bad advice because the word is supposed to be a good word and then make you It sounds like it's a sober dirty word. I like the drink you want. No, my problem is alcohol. I'll be honest with you. I'm too good a drinker, that's my problem because I don't pass out and I don't think that's a good thing. you're supposed to pass out there are some things you're not supposed to remember when you pass out that's your brain taking care of you that's your brain basically saying hey man I'm

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ly uncomfortable with what's happening right now you're making decisions.

I can't take it anymore so I'll do you a favor and zone out for a little bit and then when I wake up, beyond denial, happy, I met a good girl, I'm a lucky man, my baby mama is great, great, you know , I know she is a keeper. she bought me a mini fridge for my dorm it's an amazing gift it's a great gift a mini fridge I never left the dorm it was too good for the gift she would get mad why don't you have a dorm leader? because it no longer exists. bedroom this is the studio I'm one microwave away from reading this for 1500 this is what I learned all men need a man cave that's what we need we need a place where we can escape in our own house get drunk in silence while she's upstairs planning a murder you wouldn't think women were trying to kill you until you see what they see on TV it's very disturbing obey what you're seeing oh they just gave it oxygen they laugh like it Oh it comes from the 70's and it's headed to the archives forensics marathon, I'm going to kill you, okay, just get drunk when you plan my device, use for married people, the divorce rate is too high, too high, I think the problem is the wedding vows, well, Eve Isles was written in the year 1549 as I researched about marriage, as if now people married for love, but that was not how marriage used to be at the time when families got married, whole cities got married, this used to be business that used to be done more powerful that way. family needs to be like hey I heard you make rice guess what we do with beans that was back then and I've always had problems with relationships like that that's what I'm so happy to be in a relationship like my body He will naturally reject relationships, that's why he snores intelligently. it's just a subtle little way of saying I prefer to sleep alone I've never heard myself snore but I'm pretty sure it sounds like that here when our relationship goes gonggi you know you keep someone out your gang better sound like an old black man it helps go later, problems coming kpop, oh no use, games, things at work in the morning, you don't have to walk, although he will crash, wait, he came, write your wedding vows.

Levi was written here in 1549 and was not updated even once. I'd say no to half of them. I wrote my own vows. I think that's important. It may not be important to all of you. Look, if you want me to get married, enjoy these jokes. If you don't listen to them, listen to the wedding vows. They sound nice. cheesy when you don't say no to half of them for better or worse, yeah, and no richer poor man definitely handles illness and health depends on what he has, I mean, Rachel, oh mouth, I don't care what whatever if it's important to you. write it down will you promise to support my fantasy football team? that one of my wedding vows is the one on the porch and the men's fantasy football team and watching their relationship storm this is boring men women don't do it that I don't understand I I don't understand why you do fantasy football, you don't have You have to understand it, just support us, there are many things you do, I don't understand, but I still support you as if I don't understand why you say you are not hungry. but then when I order something, you eat everything on my plate.

I don't understand why you think the silent treatment actually punishes us. I'm not doing it in this relationship. I'm honest, seriously, I think my girl is better, she earns more. money than me and she's a better mother clearly clearly a better mother but she slips away because she loves me well, love has a way of balancing things because love makes you do irrational things when we make you look at your man's name, Yes, baby. I'm about to go to Utah and tell some jokes in front of Mormon. Where will you go. Well, don't tell this joke.

Do not say this. You are going to say this. Don't say that. Don't tell that joke. Definitely stay away. of pops in my offers don't say I wish I was younger I had a smartphone a real smartphone no this shit to take out now it's a smartphone yes this is not a smartphone this is just a phone that does things that you don't like laziness making you a real smartphone would judge you after making a poor one. I would love to have one like it's just a smartphone, like Kevin. I won't let you call your ex-girlfriend at 2:00 a.m. m., whatever, Siri. love, I already ordered you pizza, it's a good option, a series, you use the smartphone Siri and you are loved, sir, yes, no, don't be ashamed, most of the people here I love it, I can say that you have to put up with the things when you are in love like you are on the same side to have the same person forever, you can say that you have ever seen people who are not married, this is like a gray cloud floating above their heads and the cloud of greatness eventually occurs defeated, they simply give up on life.

You know, I just want to outlive them, that's all the time. I don't believe in being completely honest and truthful. No, that's not good for relationships. If I am honest and sincere, I will have to show up on the first date with my feet open. Sandal to show up I'll wear my feet I'll never do that My feet I'll be at Jack My feet on what they call game changes I treat my feet like I treat my farts You don't see it until six months into your relationship, unfortunately, some kind of commitment before that you see these things.

I think I love you, let me show you something. Why do you shower with your socks on? Because I worry about you, girl, you're not emotionally ready to deal with this. you're afraid to love he had to be bad you have to be crazy to love someone seriously to love another human being you have to be a sociopath there's nothing crazier than loving another human being you know believe me just listen to how people in love talk It sounds crazy I'll give you my heart, my mind and my soul, slow down, greedy, you get one of the three, I maintain, love is born psychotic, then the word psychotic, I'll give you look at a crazy tribe, you like madness, psychotic love like love makes you cut tires and burn people's houses exhibition lover makes you send 20 unanswered texts you're so crazy you answer the last three to yourself you never did anything crazy in the taxi like you probably wouldn't respond because your battery died your phone you've probably been at work ringing for the last six days that's why I ever heard from you anyway I'll be at the bar down the street from your house let me know what's up love will make you sit down someone's house bushes for four hours just to see him she kept walking next to you how about I just want to make sure your safety I just want to make sure you're safe girl you know the

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reason I don't say because you're my bushes, true, but never? cliff bar wrappers everywhere, psycho, well you know how I feel about real sugar or like Bill agave, that's crazy, but no, I just like it, copy this, our crazy love is love, it's the

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thing in life that is not enough to show a person. that you love them, you are going to say what I say, it is not enough to show a person how you feel every day, even if you do mathematics, you have to show your work, but that is not enough with the love that you always have, constantly telling that person that you love them. you love thathave a good day love I will miss you so much I love you if you don't say you love her you have real problems why you never say you love me because we live together I just a thought that was implicit I'm sitting here watching episodes of The Bachelorette eating gluten free pasta you wake up you crazy how you don't know that I love you you think I did things like that when I was single that's really how You thought I live, my life owes me tonight's love, oh man I just relax watching The Bachelor, no, no, wrong king , wall, you know, I break down on Saturday night, if you cry, you don't do that with anything else in life where you have to. confirm what you're already doing nothing, it may be the simplest thing, hey man, you want to go play soccer, yeah, I'll go play soccer, as long as at some point, when we play soccer, ​Stop and tell me we're playing.

Football is a bit strange, but of course, and I had a great game, thank you. You know it was a great game because we played soccer. You know you're too mean to me because you said that right there. I mean, I knew I was doing something that was people. clearly trying to tackle me but until you said we were just playing football I wasn't really sure we played football but now I know we play football you better believe I'll play football with you every days. I will always be open for you. pass then I won't take it anymore pass and apheresis sometimes just don't call your phone and be like walk, walk and hang up, you must be very funny, thank you for coming tonight.