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You're Only A Man If You Have This. Corey Rodrigues - Full Special

You're Only A Man If You Have This. Corey Rodrigues - Full Special
if my girl I forgot me $200 worth the tools I'd be like return them and get me for PlayStation games sometimes I feel like I'm not a real man right like no no no that means so many different things nowadays I don't mean that okay no because people like I knew his shirt looked a little right now I

have

man parts I just mean I don't I don't know I feel like every real man I know has a lot of tools a lot of ties and a lot of dress socks when do you get all those tools someone
you re only a man if you have this corey rodrigues   full special
was like you get those tools for gifts I was like oh right if my girl I forgot me $200 worth of tools I'd be like return them and get me for PlayStation games schools who buys to up somebody needs to leave oh I'm looking around

this

room right now there's a lot of people in here with tools you

have

tools and look at your face the way you sit now of course I do yeah I know you doing is I

have

to face

this

garage working on his workbench putting things he has fun doing it no yeah
exactly not me you

have

a light on your workbench too don't you of course I don't yeah it's not a satisfying Christmas gift for me at all no no no I don't know like I

have

three tools I

have

a Philips screwdriver I

have

a flathead screwdriver and I use I use my girlfriend suppliers right let's just wait you know how it masks you late it's for your girlfriend but did you put my pliers back and I was like I was gonna use them again don't worry about it I'll put them
back the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me after it shows one time I was leaving the show and I was telling people

this

I don't

have

tools I'm leaving the show

this

lady follows me to my car as I'm walking out you'll excuse me honey excuse me hon can I talk to you honey excuse me hey can I talk to you I don't even know she was talking to me right Oh like what I was like yes she was like you don't

have

a hammer how do you not

have

a hammer honey when you
weren't stingy the three tools but um it's me hammer I don't even

have

a hammer honey how do you survive without a hammer oh my god how do you know anything hammer but she was like upset it was like bothering her I don't understand that you can subside when the word on my ham everybody's at me Hannah right and I'm like are you really following me you weirdo right we get to my car and I'm like yeah I don't

have

what she was just wait one second she runs to her car
comes back she goes I always keep two hammers in his one take the hammer I got a hammer from some lady after a show I took the hammer acting like I was really grateful so oh thank you no now everything's great I didn't

have

the heart to tell like I

have

a hammer stupid okay at home all right doesn't

have

a hammer okay just didn't tell you guys I

have

a hammer but of course I

have

a hammer Hey look house 101 anyways as I started driving away I started laughing at myself just
thinking how stupid I was because she probably went back to her car and made a call like yeah hello yeah I got rid of the hammer we're good to go worked out perfect I got some murders hammer of my trunk now beautiful love being him as my second time ever in Utah and I like it you guys I'm not saying you get a bad name but you a lot better than what people say about your name as well I like it here I do like it here I discovered you

have

the best Chinese food in the world apparently real
quarter to the place next door they're like what do you want to eat it was like the best Chinese food is here it says it right out front so let me get that what could go wrong everything could go wrong Chinese food but I had a little bit of that food I'm content though because I stopped and had the best meal of my life I stopped and had some McDonald's that's social I don't think any adult eats McDonald's nowadays and when they're done eating it they're like that
was delicious I think even when kids eat McDonald's are like my stomach hurts but I want to go back tomorrow what is because the

only

food you eat and you know you messed up when it's in your throat it doesn't even

have

to get to your stomach do it I got to start making mix takes what is

this

I don't care what fast food I eat if I order french fries I

have

to eat every Fri like I get depressive to Fri start running out like I reach in the bag of like I know it was more fries in

this

bag where's the rest of those fries then I moved to nap get out the way and I find that one little burnt piece of crunchy fried I'm like that's what I'm talking about baby right there my meal is complete right before today I

have

n't been to McDonald's in like six or seven months and I was cleaning out my car and I found some french fries in between the seats yes then the fries look better than they did the day that I bought on them I was like how is it no bacteria on
these fries you know how bad of a food you

have

to be for mold to be like Palin eat that that's a horrible food someone was like did you eat the fresh I did lick one of whom it was still salty I didn't eat it though I was like

this

is super salt yeah I was telling one of my friends about that on the way he liked you I felt french fries in between my seat shoes like you found french fries she was like I found a burger between my seat does like a burger I was like what like a wrapped-up
burger she was like no just the patty I said who loses a burger patty in between

this

is how dirty is your cart you can lose a patty I've never once went to McDonald's who's eating the cheeseburger and the meat fell from between the bun and I just kept eating it like I guess

this

is just a ketchup on your cheese mustard sandwich that's not thing about some people's car some people's cars are filthy some people can lose a pad hit a car never go to get in someone's car
you get in the passenger seat and they start apologizing as you get in like don't worry about it you could step on everything don't worry about it just get in and step on that stuff you step in as Aquafina bottles and all cuz the coffee comes like those crushing stuff leaking on your feet - alright I feel like they always

have

one important thing on the flow don't step on that my application it lays it on the floor it's my FAFSA sorry I left it on the floor people's cars are
filthy like that they feel pressure when more than two people ask him for a ride hey I get a ride - they like give me a second meet me at the car in five I gotta clean all that suffering behind the passenger seat that they just throw back then gross cars clap if you

have

a

have

a pet if you

have

a dog clap time if you

have

a cat all right so one girl has both back to the girl screeching girl back there good ok very happy to

have

both that's good your car smells phenomenal I guarantee laughs
a girl that just lies to you sitting in the car she's like oh dog got wet somehow I don't know jumped in a lake I don't know what happened you'll be riding someone's car with a dog and you like it and you know they know it stinks in there but they're waiting to look at your face to see when you crack the window you know when you just sitting there are you just waiting and eventually like I can't take any more bleep doesn't matter three degrees outside you like I
can't breathe it stinks in here okay I kind of just attempted no I'm good I want the fresh air if you

have

a dog and I'm riding in your car clean your car a little bit that's all I'm saying I don't want to step out you're like open the glove box I got one of those Roly things so you can get all the stuff off of you just clean the car before I get it roll it over my clothes fine it's the last strip I don't people with cats and dogs are funny man how many people
don't like cats clap if you don't like that how'd that feel raise your hand if you're one of the people who said you don't like cats why don't you like cats there's no purpose right the no purpose really how evil is

this

guy like the cat's purpose is to serve Him like I'm here for you right what do you mean no purpose these are the things that people say when you ask them about a cat I like cats I like talked to but when you ask someone a dog person you like
do you like cats like no I got a dog there's no purpose for cats right it's like I want to go back to the time when we could like two things remember we used to be able to like two things like I like some Republican views I like some democratic views right we could do that I like black people and I like police remember we could do the world's change we

have

to

only

like one thing forget that man I like it I like cats it's the funny thing no like dogs the the crazy thing with dogs
and cats is

this

like it's weird when you like yell out that you like a cat not just witness on you I'm saying anybody like if you're at a bar it's almost like once you picture Mike at you like you're a freak get away from him but people will show you their puppy all day right but the kid you can't pull out a cat a bar if a dude pulls on a cat picture at a bar to like he's a creep get away from that weirdo with three cats on his phone I

have

a friend who's always
like I don't like cats because they're mean and because they don't listen to you they do whatever they want to do I feed it I give it water I should be able to pet it when I want to him like really it's not how it works what if you wanted to your job every day and your boss was like Steve come here we're maybe a couple days we like don't touch me today I don't want any let's just

have

personality right you can't bribe them with treats all the time you're
you re only a man if you have this corey rodrigues   full special
gonna pay they're like not good right somebody's dog you just pull the treat out the dog can be fished on the list the dog is really really well trained the dog like are you like hey look what I got boy he's like let me run over here real quick and he just talks to his owner like I'm gonna go over here real quick and see check that Treat out I'll be right back trying to take somebody's cat like that you mother tree under the cat the cats like yeah right walk away from it
we're underground and walk away from it I'll come back and smell it and decide if it's safe the dogs just like give me a treat Oh give it to me give it to me quick fast you can put you can put a bowl of food and leave the cat for three days a bowl of food put water there okay if the water evaporates or you drink so much open the toilet do whatever you gotta do to put more water around the house the cat will eat and drink for a week the cat will be fine there'll be food left when
you come back the cats like wow how was your trip I think you do the same thing with a dog before you get up the block that dogs like hey really thought it was Thanksgiving I had like five minutes I thought it was a treat he put so much in there one time I thought it was a donkey Christmas hey stupid come back home the dogs already eaten half the couch yeah I was hungry man I thought thought you were gone forever you must not

have

pets sir you

have

a dog did I just disrespect your dog too much
what did I nail your dog nail just dog what kind of dog do you

have

Labradoodle oh that's a pretty little non allergenic dog right oh I said little I'm sorry well I'm up here at one stage so I'm kind of right still I was a little da he was like up here Thank You Labradoodle such a confused dog no he's like a big a big tough size but like it's a poodle Labradoodle my friends

have

pit bulls and a couple of my friends

have

pit bulls one of my friend Jay tonight has a couple
pit bulls she's scary but her Instagram scary whose dogs aren't they beautiful nope

only

people that own pitbulls are the ones that are like they're the best dog ever you need to open up your heart like no I'll trust you from a fire because I

have

a couple friends here's the thing I

have

a couple of friends that love pimples and I go to his house and actually one of my cousins and I go to his house it's so scary because like when I show up at the house the dog is already
waiting for me at the screen like right and I see him in his living room like yell come let me in he was like the doors open just come in I was like nah man won't you just come let me in right cuz the dog is ripping at the screen right he's like yo the dogs nannies do anything just come in I'm like well he's ripped his screen to pieces I don't know if I want to walk by him right now so he angrily comes to the door come on watch out touch the dog to watch other dog obviously
listens to him cuz he feeds it so the dog to me looks like a monster to him the Dozen backs up my god Cesar Millan okay go ahead and back your dog up dog backs up he comes he's like hearted man I'm staying really close to the hoenn league' right on his butt when we go in a house he's like you got to relax man the dog can smell fear I was like well he can definitely know

this

P running down my leg right now there's I am afraid right now straight-up afraid the other dog lifted
you off your feet why is telling you because the dog never smells an area buddy you don't care about right immediately when I get in the house the dogs I'm trying to act tough that's alright dog it's okay I'm so scared the dog hear my heart beating right now I am a Friday - right now it's always weird when people say stuff like that - like just just act a certain way act tough like they say the same thing with bears go like if there's a bear attacking you in the
woods you play dead I'm like what's the Bears qualifications for knowing if you're dead cuz I'm definitely gonna he's hitting me I'm definitely though like does that mean cuz I could keep my eyes closed when I do that here's a beer slapping up a bit like me bears just slapped me around I'm like I'm the best charades player do we messed up who steals like one smart bear out there just put his little paw on your neck like no still has a pulse I don't know
things I think about I grew up with my grandfather my grandfather came from North Carolina as a third grade education moved here has had can has every tool you can think of can fix everything hot water heaters plumbing floor and ceilings everything he can do all that work third grade education when he moved here from from North Carolina he came up in two barbershops three homes third grade can't even say three he says one to shree shree tree I'm like what did they used to teach these two
how does he know I'm still looking at brown wires a lot of times when I do stuff on my watch the ground wire here how does he know

this

stuff I

have

a college degree if I lose Wi-Fi I can't fix anything if I can't get on YouTube nothing will ever get done you ever watch a youtube video you're like oh that's too advanced for me right you ever watched a youtube video and they're like listen before you do any electrical work in your home everybody knows you need to go
downstairs and turn off the main power source I'm like everybody doesn't know that I need to watch another video that leads up to

this

video I thought but I could just use rubber handle tools to get the job done died people walking by my casket because I electrocuted myself like you should

have

known better even sad for me I don't know I'm not stupid though I feel people judging me right now I don't need to watch stupid people videos okay I'll let you know what your
video would are like okay before you do anything electrical work in your home you want to step out of the bucket of water I'm just saying I don't speak fluent contractor that's all I'm saying I just recently learned how to hang pictures properly six months ago I learn how to properly hang pictures right I've been hanging them for years well properly no the pressure I feel when some guy will be like you don't hit a difference he just starts knocking on a wall near me
knocking on the wall you don't hear it I start sweating I'm like okay I'm supposed to hear something cuz I'm a man I'm supposed to hear some knocks back there something's back there if there's a lot of people around it'd be like I hear it but I'm telling you right now I never hear it I wait till he gets to an area where he's like there it is and then I just back them up I'm like - what I'm talking about I hear it now right I don't hear it that
pressure people like that picture looks a little low for

this

room no you think they come and they start judging my pictures all around the house don't you think that's a little off I'm like if you moved in us all the holes behind it you shut up

this

is a secret you might not know 85 therm tax will hold your TV for five minutes I've tried a lot of shortcuts even though that was a long shortcut it'll fall but for five minutes you're like wow no nope it didn't stay
sometimes you

have

to admit as a man that there are men that are more manly to you you

have

a guy stand in front of your car and make the engine Rev from the front whoa you see you got standing from your car like whoo you like what are you doing he's like don't touch the gas oh goodness there's some of you look at me like that's not a big deal to me I'm like he's a wizard look at him worker what is he touching the head gasket the catalytic converter was he touching I
don't even know if those are the right parts I just know those under there right you see that guy's fingers recti who's doing that whoo but what's under his fingers look it's like he's been digging graves with his bare hands and cutting portobello mushrooms all week what's under your fingernails in filthy I work hard that's what's under my nails well you need to work hard to cleaning your fingers looks like you got a French manicure with black tips what is
that please my friend Joe is like that every time I go to his house he's like you want something to drink I'm like yeah he's like you want some ice I'm like don't touch my ice can I

have

one drink at your house without crude oil in it is that possible everything I drink away has a rainbow film at the top ways down he's always like it'll make you tough I'm like it'll make you dead that's oil are you thinking about nothing bothers him a little steel stomach
guy many people don't never get affected by germs like germs I don't of a germaphobe like I'm like a half-turn merfolk like I'm not like

full

fledge like I can't get in the world I'm not like that but I don't like seeing germs like one time I just show someone shaking my hand I had a great time and why the guy was going he was going to shake my hand he was like and he sneezed yes oh it's right thank you my people right he's gone but he didn't mean to do it
you re only a man if you have this corey rodrigues   full special
but he was just like oh man I had enough and he was going but I was already going forward I couldn't stop the momentum and then we locked and I was like ah it's felt like my arm was burning I'm so exaggerated somehow I felt between his fingers it was the weirdest handshake ever I think why is it moist between your fingers what is that gross handshake my buddy was like oh you look like everything's big deals like that is kind of a big deal I don't mind if germs get on me I
don't want to see them no I don't need to see them hey that's gross I think people

this

is something gross I noticed about people myself included need to wash your jeans more yeah hahahaha yeah yeah woojae's let people watch the jeans you know a couple times a month you know once a week even wife you wear those cheats you need to wash if you ever pick up your jeans it's not a button be like who's gonna wear my jeans the hut on these jeans is right

this

can't be me
what did I sit in these aren't even sound like me yeah because you let your jeans go for too long because by the time they feel good it's like you've worn them a few times you like now they're stretched out perfectly because when you first wash jeans things like that are worse when you first wash me like ah I don't like the way they feel and then give it like three days you're like that's what I'm talking about but they see people wash their jeans like they winter
coat never looks last tell me what you wanna co people lose their winter coat before they wash it hide that coat for two years and it just disappeared I don't know what happened to it when the coats are gross you ever see an adult do with just a streak of dry snot up his sleeve yeah I'll go home and look at your coats in the closet right now

this

is Provos got cold here it's cold

this

times when it's been chilly outside if someone's asking you for directions where's
tripod it's over there faster Marriott where is it oh past the Mary of it where any like I told you to go I can't wait for someone to Facebook me later and be like yeah I had some stuff on my sleeve you were right how many grandparents are in the room grandparents

have

no respect when they watch your kids you know that right they do whatever they want to do and you can't say anything cuz you're like it's free so you just gotta let it happen they don't care niblet listen
he has peanut allergies is gluten allergy they like okay I'll make sure I give him the second four o'clock I'll give him the other thing at 7:00 I'll give them as soon as you leave they're like you ain't getting none of that stuff kid I've raised 7 kids and they're all fine right you come back the kids eyes are all swollen like what are you like hey I raised you and your brothers and you're alive right that's a great Prince

only

qualification for doing a
good job is that you're alive yeah yeah I'm a little messed up old people gotta be stopped at some point right listen follow before a second army killed or anything okay I just think they should

have

to take some kind of test

this

up before they buy certain electronics old people don't know how to use anything you ever be in life behind somebody ever roll with a cell phone with that stupid default ring on the whole time do you even know it's them ringing right now is that my
phone why is it lighten up there's a salad button in the cell phone hit the side button my grandmother she's on the phone of people bragging about me using a remote control like a child you should see

Corey

use that remote control the other day he changed the channel from another room I'm like mana you could change the channels too if you stop hitting auxilary and hit the cable button you could change the channels to my grandfather that used the microwave listen how to use it
everything he puts it a microwave he pushes 43:33 it doesn't matter what it is pop-tarts ramen noodles 43:33 the other day he came in the kitchen he was reheating the fish-and-chip and he had any one of those white Styrofoam containers yes he put it in he puts 43:33 I said

this

is gonna be good I like the 15-minute mark the container just collapsed after 22 minute mark he came back in the kitchen he was looking in the microwave he said hey that don't look right I don't remember
putting cheese on that stuff I said that's provolone cheese grandpa that's provolone and I watched me every bite of it - I don't care he's gotta learn he knows that's not cheese he knows that styrofoam what kind of cheese you cut those it wouldn't catch up in pepperoni see you'll hear that cheese sweet he said I thought that was my cell phone ringing I said see technology at a certain point we get to a point where we know where we stop like you get to an age really
like I don't care about that anymore right you just stop you start seeing it in school it happens in school early on doesn't matter how smart

this

teacher is it doesn't matter what they teach if they

have

to roll in a TV or there's a TV that needs to be turned on they're like oh it's not working right and there's always someone in the room was like yeah you gotta plug it in hours off don't you

have

these devices at home get in the classroom they like I don't
know it's not working I can't rewind it it's the one that goes that way the arrows thicker something happens to you at a certain I don't know what age I don't know when it's gonna happen to me I just wanted to never happen I'm like I hope it never happens I hope I'm always like I'm ready to go right cuz

this

isn't it inspiring when you see someone like 87 and they're like I got email email like you got email because most of them like I don't do
that I just pick up the phone you're like that's why nobody picks up when you call just text us sometimes they don't know how to use it you got to be careful with a smart phone if you don't know how to use it you got the font giant right that giant font does they can't see I got a call them three times I gotta call my grandmother three times sometimes I know she's there right because she has to go through the whole thing of finding her glasses hanging on her neck that
she's looking for put it on then look at the phone

this

she has to get a pin for whatever reason she's not even writing anything down but never what were you doing trying to find my glasses in my pan telling you anything write down just in case I was on a flight three weeks ago going to West Virginia I go up there a lot do shows out there and I was going to go work at a college out there and I'm on the plane and the funniest thing in the world happened to me I'm sitting next to

this

older white lady she's in the middle I'm on the IOC and I look at her phone and she has the giant font it says

this

is a black guy sitting next to me right yes right now somebody would be like you should mind your business and not be looking at a phone I'm like you should hide your business okay if you if you take out a phone or a book around me I'm reading it for a second to be like okay I'm safe all right everything's good right I gotta check you out for a second I
don't care I'm a beaker I'm peaking that so when I saw that as a black I said next time I'm like oh

this

is crazy what's gonna be the next text I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like chomping at the bit like what's gonna be the next text well we take off take off we're in the air wheel and everybody's put their phones back on everyone's phones a ping ping ping ping right I'm not even speaking anymore I'm just looking at her phone just
waiting for her to sees like what somebody wrote back I look at a phone nobody wrote anything I'm like ah I'm so lost I wanted to know what did that mean was it because there's no there's no like there's no feelings in that in the text and all of the font was because she was old so you know the font was like a thousand write three letters on each thing it was like there's a th e I had to like took me a while for it to scroll across and see what she was writing but I
wonder right now like what did that mean was it bad or was it good I don't know what her conversation was with somebody before she got on that plane what's she like I've never sat next to a black guy I hope there's a black guy sits next to me and so she just texts somebody like

this

a black next to me like me Oh is she like there's a black ass next to me if I go missing off of the plane yeah your face like what is what I was thinking cuz I still don't know I just want to
do a show one time and someone's like oh that's my aunt she does that all the time the people she likes playing around with black guys that look at her phone she just writes stuff like that so my girlfriend is she's white good okay so the thing is I'm just figuring out how you feel about it anyways okay so so diversity anyways let's keep it moving

this

is such an eclectic crowd I feel like half of you I could talk to you about Facebook and snapchat and I feel like the rest of
you wait you put a rack back to show up love Sammy Davis the Candy Man can he got a dance tonight Oh what is he doing anyways reference was a little old for some of the people some people like who's the rat back other people like what snapchat what is that snap face what is that what it I hate what someone older messes it up on person I was on that face chat you like you know the name of it you

have

an account do you

have

an account look sighs all the people try to diss you but then they
want you to set them up how do I had friends you like get away from me you didn't like it a minute ago how do I

have

French writing all over your wall ridiculous stuff man is coming we want to make sure you're here to see Nana

this

year you like can you not write that on my wall please can you not do that how about that how about you just put it in a message I did I'd message it to you oh my wall forget it just gonna block you don't act like some of your family like I don't
even want to do

this

I don't block them I'm unfollowing them because I can't take it anymore right you're like negative people in real life but on Facebook they're like everybody loves everybody you're like in real life you're the worst person that I know the dark cloud over you all the time but on Facebook right there's so old the joys of the world okay so anyways the girl the girl I'm with she her family that's to go to Jersey Shore yeah I told you I
live in Boston so she like her friend likes to go to church so it's a big vacation destination we all go to LPI Long Beach Island it's crazy Beach time it's everybody's on the beach so I thought I was gonna be nuts gonna be a party no okay here's what happens we go rent

this

house for a week and whole family and then wake up in like 6:00 in the morning right and they drag out all the stuff out of the house and they bring it to the beach couches chairs cancer food sandwiches
whoops her mom's like you got a bookie gonna need a book honey you got a book he gonna need a book or you got a book he gonna really need a book you got a book I was like why do I need a book she said because we're gonna be here all day I had no idea they were all just gonna sit on the beach and cook in the Sun and then they all just flipped like little rotisserie chickens and they just keep going and at one point our mom looked at me she was like are you having a good time honey I was
like yeah I'm having a good time because I'm respectful but I wasn't I wanted to be like what do you want me to do lay on my back at 10:00 the bottoms of my hands in my feet I'm Tara already how long are we gonna stay here her dad by the third day her dad's always peeling from his forehead he's peeling from his nose like I don't know how I got partnership like really you don't know how you got furnace yet what happened to the Sun trick you

this

year did it
somehow hide behind the moon and it just popped out like burn baby burn jump back behind the moon and head leave her brother always takes his little pasty arm he puts it back next to my arm pray like the second days like look at me brah Moustakas you home

this

back in here I really is that you know how scared you would be if you woke up one morning than just the right side of your face was my complexion as a white black one of the days I'm sitting in what everybody has said give me 250
putting on the Sun bottle so you give me 250 when I go and putting on the 50 whatever he starts laughing a brother slap he's like why you put my sunscreen I'm like why are you laughing because you're putting on sunblock I was like yeah why are you laughing it goes because you don't beat it I was like yes I do need him he was like why I said because of me that's why what do you mean why

this

is skin what do you think what do you lie if I relax I didn't think you knew that
I grew up they can black it would it meets them scream I was like that's the thing you grew up learning he was like simulated into my brain somehow not racist clearly I'm hanging out with you right now so he's like I didn't know oh you know what's messed up as I look at your faces I feel like you're looking at me like that's a problem black people need sunscreen what is wrong with you what do you think happened to Morgan Freeman's face all those chocolate chips on
his face that's from his son it's not genetic it was Anna so no sunscreen put a lot of sunscreen on my face another time you know what I'm like I don't like how guys are supposed to be tough all the time sometimes when that tough sometimes we get afraid of things but we can't admit it all the time maybe like six seven months ago I'm in my house and I'm on the second level of my girl for the next me sleep and I hear something downstairs on the front door I hid right
all right so the first thing I do is I just pretend that I didn't hear it I was like oh I was scared that her to get hurt I said babe I said wake up I said I know one one of your phone get rid of his cinema go downstairs and check it out she was like what I said down I won one of your phone get ready to hit cinema go downstairs and check it out she said what are you talking about uh sit down I won one on your phone get ready she was like I heard you so why you keep making me repeat myself
she say you make me repeat myself when I ask you stuff I said are you really gonna fight with me right now I'm under to rest somebody who's breaking in right now she's like calm down you do

this

all the time because I do sometimes hit stuff at night sometimes but

only

when she goes to sleep I'm like I hear something right the house can't keep settling and what is it finally settled okay but I be hearing it I'm right because I watched a lot of scary shows forensic shows
and they're always like they thought the house was settling but somebody was in there so much somebody's in here

this

time anyways I'm telling my friend

this

story and he's like who wakes their girl up when they hear noise like who wakes awakes the woman here and I was like me I wake a row I said women are equal right well then help me I hate when I watch the movie there's just a woman in the closet cool get off the closet I'm fighting the intruder help me we're equal
in

this

right if I die we die we got together Romeo and Juliet in

this

house matter of fact anybody tending up get off the closet there help daddy I don't even

have

a ten-year-old what if yours is visiting that day for whatever reason they either gonna die or be a hero so they better come out and help it's not fair I don't like you get the hide in the closet if somebody breaks in my house they put a gun to my mother like what's their number to the safe I'm gonna be like
she's in the closet she has the other half of the combination come on out baby can see your feet come on seriously it's not fair think about it like

this

right as a man if you hear a noise in the house and your woman is sleeping you can go over black baby I hear a noise downstairs I'm gonna go check it out like okay check out and go back to sleep it could never work the other way around she could never come to you while you're signaling honey I hear a noise downstairs I'm
gonna go check it out you like check out and you go back to sleep you're not even a man anymore you lose your man card you could be born with a lay that's twisted in at birth doesn't even matter she hears a noise like hey wake up you gotta hop out of bed with that gimpy leg hop over to your wheelchair get in your wheelchair roll over to the staircase get out of your wheelchair get into the other share there takes you down the step the whole way down intruders like Darius my friend
was like all right man what the shenanigans who was breaking in I was like I didn't want to tell him I feel so stupid here's the thing right so we

have

two cats at me immediately let me tell you first I mean I made soup that day and the spoon from the soup was still on the stove and I was watching the cat's they kept alternating the jumping on the stove and licking the spoon and every time they look licked it it would click off of the stove like click click click right but when
you're scared are you watching a lot of Forensic Files shells it's not like somebody was breaking in his hand and I swear to you to

this

day she does not know where she sees

this

show no I guess now but when I went back upstairs I was like babe she's like what happened she's all wake now I was so embarrassed she was like what happened I said as soon as I got downstairs I heard her car peal off she was like are you serious I say yes I'm serious I said now lay down and relax
little I've relaxed about those PlayStation games we were talking about