Ricky Gervais On Britain's Got Talent??? | Science | Universal Comedy

I don't understand the recession, it wasn't until last year that I discovered that you could go to your bank and say, Can I withdraw my cash? and they could go. No, we don't have it. I'm sorry. No, I have £. 50,000 saved you and where it is, I don't know, have you check the vault, it's empty, what was the point of that? You might as well keep it in a draw, little irregular. I hope you enjoy the show, this is almost the end of the UK. leg of the tour, then I'll go to America to finish that and then I'll do the rest of the world, it'll be the first world

comedy

tour and then I'll go on Britain's Got Talent because that's when "The race really looks at Susan Bole, yeah "You can, hell, Jesus Christ, oh, shocking, be fair, because usually in the music industry it's all about image, isn't it?

You can't just have a great voice and great

talent

." I have to be young, thin, modern and pretty, and she's turned all that on its head, although I think it's the same image powers just working backwards with her because I don't think she has a great voice, I actually think she en She fooled a lot of people, it's like a mock opera for people who don't know any better, but I don't think she would be where she was today if it weren't for the fact that she looked like a Mong him. M said, yeah, he did, yeah, you can't say Mong, you can, it's easy, it's one of the easiest words to say, it's like M anyone, it's like you just need lips, uh, even mongs can say it, that It is part of the beauty of the word.

They don't consider him a PRK I'm sure, but why does he get away with it and no one else can kick him out of the Telly? Good luck, and even if I get kicked off the Telly, I'll just go and scream. Come in through her window, I care so much, they're just words and there's no better word to describe Susan Bole when she first appeared on Telly, just when she first appeared on Telly. I went, it's just that you all did it, you all did it. and you're supposed to like it the judges hadn't planned that i didn't meet her at rehearsal they knew that was going to happen they knew the headline was going to be oh voice of an angel face of m and they were right, and we all fell for it, You know, and I don't mean that she has Down syndrome, by the way, no, that would be offensive, that word doesn't mean that anymore, it's a long way from us not using that word to describe that condition.

What about the derivation? ? Never mind, the derivation words change when I come here tonight. I called them all. Remember that used to be an insult, but now it's a term of endearment, so the words change. Okay, let's get on with this. Nobody wants to be. here all night now listen you can have too much good thing like heroin what um although too much heroin is the death of her basically what's wrong with her too much was good it was lovely but too much that's what kids try anything once sure they try but you know this about heroin, go, oh, go on, I'll take one, I'll take some heroin, go on, that's right, oh, just take one, oh, just, oh, that's lovely, that gives us.

I can't have just one, they're like codes. that's it or serial murder that's it that's surprisingly dumb you think oh I'm just committing a penis crime I love all that I love all that I'll go out you go out T and cut someone up and don't just kill them if you're a serial killer, kill them, Eat them in that order, at least have some, you know what I mean? I don't want to see you on TV in 10 years, oh why are you doing it, oh, Ricky said. me to try to be a serial killer oh what did you do?

I just killed him, well you didn't and you ate him, now get out of my courtroom so go away, I already did it, get rid of all the body parts. Not everyone saves some for later, what, Jesus Christ, oh, maybe you shouldn't mix alcohol with painkillers, right? It seemed like a waste, right, and um, you get home and you leave, I've already done that thing I'll never do. to do that again before you know it you'll be Q again with a new claw hammer oh here we go again so keep in mind okay let's get on with it the show is pretty long but not as much as when I saw Ken Dodd at the open air theater in Regent Park and left after 2 and a half hours during the interval.

Well, he did 5 hours, I mean, he was 75 years old and then 5 hours of

comedy

. I can't even stand for 5 hours. these days and he bounced, I mean I followed him a little bit ironically, but he's a legend, we got there and I went with a girlfriend and I were the youngest by about 30 years. I think everyone else is 70 years old and They had to follow Doy and they knew they were in this for the long haul, they would come in kls and make lunches, and uh, I don't know if you've been to a theater opening and Regent par, but it's so without a roof, obviously, it has a show and lights and it has fixed seats, okay, it's like an amphitheater with seats around the outside, and there's nothing in the middle, they just left it so wild, you can't sit there, it's like a I want to say herbaceous null, but I'm not sure I know what a null is.

I just heard that when people talk about the Kennedy assassination, I assume it's a thread, but they didn't mean to say thread when a president had his brain removed because it's vaguely comical, isn't it, the president was shot, oh, what, from where, what, then, they say no, and they say, oh, so, you go, oh, you know who shot him and what's a nonentity. It adds to the mystery anyway, so I looked down and realized that a person I use the term loosely had sat there okay and security had allowed him to and people were ignoring him.

I thought, oh anyway, she was a little bit and, oh my gosh, she was me, I'm trying to be politically correct tonight, I'm trying to avoid the phrase fat, mental bird, but that's what she was, is that what she was? Why do people use euphemisms like that, they say like they're trying, but you said it, we know what? you say you said mental, in fact you said it so that more people can understand the deaf and foreigners can understand what you are saying now and they don't want to say fat anymore, they use eans for fat, they don't.

I don't want to say fat because it's a dry term, it's not descriptive, okay, they say things like oh, you know, Brenda, no, oh, you know, Brenda, big girl, what a 7, but no, don't talk, but big, What does she look like, oh, you know, she's wet even in Winter just says fat, you know, Brenda, she, she's out of breath just standing at her desk. In the past I have been accused of having a fat attitude. I've never had to attack fat people. I have only pointed out the scientific fact that you get fat, you gain weight, you accumulate a layer of subcuticular fat if you eat more calories than you burn, that is indisputable, okay, I don't judge you in any other aspect of your life, but you got fat because They consumed more calories than they burned, and they knew that was what was happening.

Nobody ever gained weight behind his back. Nobody was bothered. What the fuck? No one sneaks into thin people's apartment and injects a million calories into their lettuce, okay, so they're doing it, they're doing it of their own volition and they know that's what makes them fat, okay, you see. to a fat person surrounded by puddings, you go up to him and say, Frank, do you know what he's doing? You're fat, he doesn't go, it's because of all the running, he knows it, so what I'm saying is that you get fat if you eat too much and you know that's what's happening, but I don't judge them in any other aspect of their life.

I don't make value judgments in any other area of ​​their existence, if I see a fat person I don't go, oh he's fat therefore he's probably cheerful, many of them feel miserable, if I see a fat girl , I'm not going, oh. She would be pretty if she lost weight, that's rarely the case so not many of them started eating because I had everything to lose if I did, I don't want any fat people to feel uncomfortable at one of my concerts. So next time buy two seats. I'm kidding, I'm kidding.