How To Talk To Anyone | small talk, social anxiety, conversation tips!

Do you feel uncomfortable around people? Has the pandemic exacerbated your

social

anxiety

? Do you tend to overthink every little thing you said in an argument? If so, you have clicked on the right video because today I am going to share with you how I master my

social

anxiety

and how you can shine in any

conversation

, let's get started. First I want to

talk

about the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem. These two are always used interchangeably, but they are actually quite different, so self-confidence can be applied to skills like being confident in things that you do over and over again and that's how you master them, like driving.

I remember when I first learned to drive at 15, I was terribly terrified. He was driving five miles an hour. in the slowest lane going crazy but after doing it continuously over and over again I'm like I'm moving down the road safely of course the same can be applied with socialization it's really a skill you can develop just by do is repeated over and over again, self-esteem on the other hand is how you see and perceive yourself, this is how you treat yourself when you are alone and this really explains how I felt socially, I had complete confidence when be in social situations

talk

ing. to people, but because I had low self-esteem when I went home, I literally overthought everything I said, I thought if I shared too much, it was too much, it sounded stupid, I knew I had to get to the root of the build. my self-esteem so I can have healthier social interactions and a great way I built my self-esteem is therapy.

This brings us to our sponsor. Thank you Betterhelp for sponsoring today's video. Betterhelp is a service that assesses your needs and then matches them together. you with your own licensed professional therapist, they have a wide range of over 20,000 therapists so they really cover a wide range of experience so you will find a person who will help you get through whatever you are going through and the beauty therapy. Can you go for any reason you want? If you want to heal from trauma, get to the root of what's bothering you, vent, and even make new discoveries about yourself.

I have been having very insightful

conversation

s with my therapist Sarah about better help like me. I love therapy because it's a place dedicated solely to whatever I want to talk about and what I feel ready to share best helps is also completely confidential so everything is safe. Getting started is super simple, just fill out a questionnaire and you'll be assigned a therapist within 48 hours from there, you'll enter a secure video or phone session and exchange unlimited messages with your therapist, but let's say you're not vibing with your therapist, better help him to be really simple and free to change if necessary.

I'm going to go. a link for 10 off your first month, you can go to my link at betterhelp.comgen, that's better help. Of course, I'll leave it in the description box, so click on it if you're interested, so let's make

small

talk. I would say that most people don't like it, I mean, there was a phase in my life where I hated

small

talk. I thought it didn't make sense. I immediately wanted to dig deeper, but things have changed. In fact, I see a beauty and charm in small talk. I have learned that small talk is more or less the foreplay of conversation many times people need to warm up we really are like onions I feel like Shrek is at his best like we all have layers to ourselves and small talk is like peeling the skin. first layer It's also an atmosphere test, you can also tell if you will get along with someone, if they feel sociable, they feel more closed, but I don't love small talk throughout the conversation.

It doesn't have to be an hour, but I think 15 15 10 15 minutes of small talk is a reasonable amount. I think when you talk to strangers and acquaintances you should treat them like ovens, as you should. preheat before putting in the main course, it's not until you've gained their trust like with a best friend or friend where you can treat them like microwaves where you can just open them and start right away, this brings us to the next phase which is making questions, I think my usual questions start with a simple question: how are you? How was your day?

I see every question I ask as a kind of network because I'm trying to capture what we have in common as the main goal for me when I get into a conversation is to find something that I have in common with that person a small conversation question that has like the Highest success rate for me is what neighborhood you live in because if I've been to that city, town or state, I'll blurt out any observations I've made about it, so a recent example is like I went to a concert and met this girl and I asked her what neighborhood she lived in and she said rancho cucamonga, luckily I had been there so I just said I love rancho, I love how simple the roads are, it's like it really is like a perfect grid system and she just He lit up and said, oh my God, yes, like when I drive. just a shot of the street and that was immediately my way of connecting with someone and the thing is it could be extremely light, it could be a dim sum restaurant, it could be a park, it could be a stadium, it could be a fucking Costco, It could be anything else simple is what are you drinking? because if we drink the same thing we can say ah, oh my gosh, you know, like sauvignon blanc tequila, oh my gosh, even if it's just water, because you can talk about different brands. of water or if you have a water filter, you are literally blurting out anything that comes to mind or any information that you know about what they say.

That's why I like small talk because it's really my way of evaluating whether I vibe with this person or not, and it just allows me to keep things light, so if it's really not going our way, then I know not to drain my social battery with it. this person, so once the small talk is flowing, you feel good, the next goal is to find a topic. that sparks excitement in both of us, so I have a list of hot topics that I like to talk about, so naturally I'll check them out and see what sticks with that other person and I swear to God.

It's not as robotic and systematic as I'm making it out to be, but it's something I do unconsciously, so I like to talk a lot about similar feelings, so sometimes I can say, "Hey, how's your soul been doing recently?" or what season of life you are in at the moment, have you picked up any hobbies during lockdown? Have you had any revelations about lockdown because you know greed is something that we all experience globally so it's just an objective thing that we all have in common and from there it really branches out to anything like, you know, some people they're into fitness, health, science, walking, meditation, spirituality, you know, so I feel like when I ask that question, it opens up a box of potential ways that we can connect, a lot of people think that.

To be interesting, they need to be super smart or funny or whatever narrative they have in their head, but the best way to be interesting is to be interested. In general, people like to talk like even the most introverted, but the key is to make them feel comfortable. and I think the best way to do that is by actively listening. I do my best to really engage with what they say. If someone talks to me and shares something with me, I will just focus on what they are saying. I don't like to play in my head saying okay I'm going to say this and I'm going to think about that response like I've noticed that the best responses come from me just genuinely listening and not putting pressure on myself to be a certain type of way.

I think learning to be an active listener is a tool that extroverts and introverts should absolutely use, it's like a life skill if you haven't read the book how to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie, that's like a good model of how to do that, like when I read that book in 2016, it just transformed the way I move in social situations and, personally, when I discovered this tip it was like a huge relief for me because it took the pressure off. like I like to act in quotes because I'm really like an ambivert, like I would say I'm a 55 year old introvert and a 45 year old extrovert, so I don't have any problem when an extrovert wants to take up space and you know you know how to do your thing when someone is sharing. something with me I like to ask a question that takes a little more pride in what you just said.

So, for example, let's say we're talking about revelations you had during lockdown. Let's say this person said yes, the pandemic was crazy. I used that. It's time to really be more introspective and then I'd be like oh wow, that's really interesting, like what activities did you do to be more reflective, even if it's just a super basic question, it tells the other person that you're actively interested and curious. his life, let's say you're blinking and you just don't have any questions to ask. One trick I do is just summarize what they said in one sentence, so let's go back to the most recent example if someone you know is talking openly about their you know, introspective pandemic period uh, I would literally just respond oh wow, that sounds like an extremely reflective time. for you, period and maybe I would share revelations that I had during lockdown, you know, so it really is like a two-way street, I think.

Every introvert's nightmare is like the dreaded pause or awkward silence and I just want to point out that these pauses feel longer in your head than what is actually happening in reality. I don't trip when there's a little rhythm. in the conversation and if anything I see it as a sign that okay, let's change things, a quick way to break it is to just point to something that's in front of you because, again, it's a shared experience, it's something that you have in common, so it could be as simple as, oh my gosh, do you see that chair that's so pretty?

It's a terrible example, but you know you guys could talk about interior design. There's always something to talk about, but let's say you guys are having a really unstable day and you're just frozen. I think you just have to be honest and sincere about how you feel. I've been in that situation so many times where I'm just like oh man, I feel as socially awkward as if I did. I haven't talked to people in a long time, so forgive me. You know that playing like this can be very helpful, even if you say I'm about to have a panic attack and that also disarms the other person and If that other person feels the same way, they will feel completely more comfortable knowing that you both They feel nervous.

I think it's a good thing to say on a first date, like you're both feeling really nervous. I'm nervous, uh, that really helps because it shows that you're human and you're vulnerable, so I think being honest about how you are and how you feel is the best policy in any conversation you're in. to our final tip, which is that no one remembers everything you say, they only remember how they feel. This is the perfect tip for all those overthinkers and perfectionists, like no one really cares if you stuttered or if there was a pause or if you asked a stupid question, the only thing that will be remembered is the energy, the vibe and the tone, and that's something that just goes into the whole experience of that interaction that you had, so if you make them feel comfortable, that's all that really matters. for example, think about it after a social event, for example, how often do you feel so obsessed with what someone did, if someone stuttered or if someone you know, maybe if they said something bad, maybe it will stay with you , but then again, so is it? not on you, that depends on that person, it is very true that everyone is the main character of their own movie, if even if you spent the whole night with that person, you are still just a secondary character and if you only have a small interaction, so They're very strange, they probably won't remember it, but they will remember how they felt, you know, and the thing is, even if you give a bad impression or they felt strange around you, if you see them again, it's totally, it's totally.

New opportunity to try again. There have been so many times where I just didn't feel right, but I went out anyway and probably didn't make a good impression. In fact, I look forward to seeing those people again because I can redeem myself. You know, there's always a bright side to this kind of thing, okay folks, that's all the time I have for today. I feel like we've just scratched the surface on conversation, socializing, and connecting. uh you know it's so true that even the most introverted person needs connection and even the most extroverted person can find ways to connect more deeply so this is truly an evergreen video for

anyone

and it's also a topic that fascinates me for complete.

Also, I think it would be really fun if people wrote in their favorite. I like a questionto ask people, leave them in the comments below too. I want to thank you so much for watching and going out and socializing. They can do it. Okay, we'll talk to you later, bye.