Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

welcome, today I am very excited to

talk

about how to speak effectively in spontaneous situations. I thank you all for joining us even though the title of my

talk

is grammatically incorrect. I thought that might scare some of you, but I learned from teaching here at the company. school getting people's attention is hard, so something as simple as that I thought might attract some of you here, so today is going to be a highly interactive and participatory workshop, if you don't feel comfortable participating, that's completely okay, but know that I'm going to ask you to talk to the people next to you, there will be opportunities to stand up and practice some things because I

think

the way we become effective communicators is by communicating, so let's get started right away.

I would like to ask you. everyone to read this sentence and as you read this sentence, the most important thing for me is that you count the number of fs that you find in this sentence, please count the number of fs, keep it quiet, I will give you just a couple more seconds. here three two one raise your hand please if you found three and only three f excellent great did anyone find four? well, anyone find just five f. Can anyone find six? there are six f. What two-letter word ending in f do many of us miss?

I'll be sure to send this to you so you can torment your friends and family in the future. When I was first exposed to this over 12 years ago, I only found three and felt really stupid, so I like to start each workshop in each class. with this I teach how to pass that feeling no, that is not why I do this I do it because it is a perfect analogy of what we are going to talk about today the vast majority of us in this room very intelligent people in this in the room were not so effective As we could have been in this activity, we did not do well and the same goes when it comes to public speaking, particularly when speaking spontaneously, it is the little things that make a big difference in being effective, so today Let's go to talk about little things in terms of your approach, your attitude, your practice, that can change how you feel when you speak in public and we are going to talk mainly about one type of public speaking, not the type that you plan. beforehand, the kind that you actually spend time

think

ing about, you could even create slides for these are the keynotes, the conference presentation, the formal toasts, that's not what we're talking about today, we're talking about speaking spontaneously when you are in a situation. that they ask you to speak spontaneously and right now what we're going through today is actually the result of a workshop that I created here for the business school several years ago, a survey was done among the students and they said what is one of the things what we could do to help you be more successful here and at the top of that list was this notion of responding to cold calls.

Does everyone know what a cold call is? It's where the bad teacher like me looks at some students and says. What do you think and there was a lot of panic and a lot of silence so as a result of that this workshop was created and a large majority of first year students here at the gsb go through this workshop so I'm going to walk through a kind of hybrid version of what What they do, the reality is that spontaneous speech is actually more frequent than planned speech, maybe it's giving presentations, you're at a dinner and someone says you know and such, would you mind introducing them?, maybe it's giving feedback the moment your boss turns to you and says could you tell me what you think could be a surprise toast or could it finally be during the question session and by the way we'll leave a lot of time at the end of our day today.

So I would love to hear any questions you have about this topic or other topics related to

communication

that is why our agenda is simple to be an effective communicator no matter if it is planned or spontaneous you need to have your anxiety under control so we will start there second First, what we're going to talk about is some basic rules for the interactivity that we're going to have today and then finally, we're going to get into the heart of what we're going to cover again, like I said, a lot of activity and I invite you to participate, so let's get started. with anxiety management. 85 percent of people tell us they get nervous when speaking in public and I think the other 15 are lying.

Well, we could create a situation where we could make them nervous too. In fact, last week, a Chapman University study asked Americans what they fear most and, among the top five, being caught in a surprise terrorist attack, having your identity stolen, speaking in public, among the top five was speaking in front of others, this is a pervasive fear and I think we can learn to manage and I use that word manage very carefully because I don't think we ever want to overcome it anxiety actually helps us, it gives us energy, it helps us concentrate, it tells us what we are doing.

It's important but we want to learn how to deal with it, so I would like to introduce you to some

techniques

that can work and all of these

techniques

are based on academic research, but before we get there, I would love to ask you what it means. I feel like when you're sitting in the audience watching a nervous speaker present, how do you feel? He just yells some things. How uncomfortable do you feel? I heard many of you say Yes, uncomfortable, it feels very uncomfortable, doesn't it? Then what do we do? Now, some of you probably like to see someone suffer, okay, but most of us don't, so what do we do?

We sit there and nod and smile or tune out and the nervous speaker looking at his audience sees a group of people nodding or tuning out, that doesn't help, okay, so we have to learn to manage our anxiety because fundamentally their job as communicator, regardless of whether it is planned or spontaneous, is to make your audience feel comfortable because if they feel comfortable they can receive. your message and when I say comfortable I don't mean the fact that your message has to be sweet and pleasant for them to hear it, it may be a harsh message but they have to be in a place where they can receive it.

Therefore, it is up to you as a communicator to help your audience feel comfortable and we do this by managing our anxiety. So let me introduce you to some techniques that I think you can use right away to help you feel more comfortable. The first has to be When you start to feel those symptoms of anxiety for most people, this happens in the initial minutes before speaking in this situation, what happens is that many of us start to feel whatever is happening to you. , maybe your stomach gurgles a little, maybe your legs. you start to shake maybe you start to sweat and then we start to say to ourselves oh my gosh I'm nervous uh oh they're going to say I'm nervous this is not going to go well and we start to lose control so investigate attention plena tells us that if when we start to feel those symptoms of anxiety we simply greet our anxiety and say: "Hey, this is me, the one who feels nervous, I'm about to do something important and we simply greet your anxiety and recognize that it is normal and Naturally, 85 percent of people tell us they have it.

You can actually stem the tide of that anxiety from getting out of control. It won't necessarily reduce the anxiety, but it will prevent it from escalating, so next time you start. to feel that anxiety. the signs take a deep breath and say: it's me, I'm feeling anxious. I notice some of you taking some notes. There's a handout that will come at the end that has everything I'm supposed to say. Okay, I can't guarantee that I'll do it. Say it, but you'll have it there, in addition to this approach, a technique that works very well and this is a technique that I helped research when I was in graduate school that has to do with reframing how you view speech. situation most of us when we are doing planned or spontaneous presentations we feel that we have to do it well and we feel that we are acting how many of you have ever acted, singing or dancing?

I'm not going to ask for introductions, no, that's fine. many of you should keep in mind that we could do next year maybe an alumni talent show, it looks like we have the talent there, that's great, so when you perform you know there's a right way and a wrong way to do it yes no You don't play the right note or the right line at the right time in the right place. You made a mistake, it confuses the audience, it confuses the people on stage, but when you present there is no right way, there is certainly a better way. worst ways, but there is no one right way, so we need to look at presentation as more than just performance and what I would like to suggest is that we need to look at this as a conversation right now.

I'm having a conversation with over a hundred people instead of saying I'm performing for you, but it's not enough to say this is a conversation. I want to give you some concrete things you can do. First, start with questions. Questions by their very nature are dialogic, there are two of them. What was one of the first things I did here for you? I asked him to count the f-number and raise his hand. I asked you a question that engaged your audience and makes me as a presenter feel like we are in conversation, so use questions, they can be rhetorical, they can be polls, maybe they really want to hear information from you, in fact, I use questions when I create a outline for my presentations instead of writing bullet points, I list the questions I'm going to answer and that puts me in that conversational mode if you looked at my notes for today's talk you would see that they are just a series of questions right now am I answering the question How do we manage our anxiety beyond questions?

Another very useful technique to make us conversational is to use conversational language many nervous speakers physically distance themselves if you have ever seen a nervous speaker present he or she will say something like this welcome I am very excited to be here with you they move as far away from you as possible because you threaten us speakers you make us nervous so we want to get away from you we do the same thing linguistically we use language that distances us it is not unusual to hear a nervous speaker say something like one must consider the ramifications or today we are we are going to cover step one step two step three that is very distancing language to be more conversational use conversational language instead of one you should consider saying this is important to you we should all care do you hear that inclusive conversational language is about pronouns instead of step one step two step three first what we need to do is this.

The second thing to consider is using conversational language, so being conversational can also help you manage your anxiety. The third technique I would like to share is research that I actually started when I was a student here. I was very fortunate to study with Phil Zimbardo of the Stanford Prison Experiment. A lot of people don't know that Zim was actually instrumental in starting one of the first shyness institutes in the world and especially in the country and I did some research with him that looked at how your time orientation influences how you react and what we learned is that if you can immerse yourself in the present moment instead of worrying about future consequences, you can actually be less nervous.

When we are present, many of us are worried about future consequences. My students are worried about not getting the right grade. Some of you are worried that you won't get the funds. They may not get support. They may not laugh. I want all of those to be future states, so if we can get to the present moment we won't be as worried about those future states and therefore we'll be less nervous. There are many ways to orient ourselves in the present. I know a professional speaker. He gets paid ten thousand dollars an hour to speak It's a good concert He gets very nervous He's in front of thousands of people backstage What he does is a hundred push-ups right before leaving You can't be that physically active and not be in the present moment now I don't recommend that we all do that level of effort because it starts out out of breath and sweating, but a walk around the building before speaking can do it, there are other ways if I have ever seen athletes perform and prepare for their event listen to music concentrate on one song or a playlist that helps them be in the moment you can do things as simple as counting backwards from 100 to difficult numbers like 17 i' I'm going to pause because I know the people in the room are trying.

Yes, it gets difficult after the third or fourth. I know that my favorite way to orient myself in the present is to say tongue twisters. Saying a tongue twister forces you to be in the moment, otherwise, say it wrong and it has the added benefit of warming up your voice. Most nervous speakers don't warm up their voice, they withdraw into themselves and start saying all these bad things to themselves, so saying a tongue twister can help you stay calm.oriented to the present and warm up your voice remember that I said today we are going to have a lot of participation I am going to ask you to repeat with me my favorite tongue twister and I like this tongue twister because if you say it wrong you say a bad word and I am going to be listening to see if I hear some bad word this morning, okay, repeat after me, it's only three sentences, I cut a leaf, I cut a leaf and on that cut leaf I feel, oh, very good, no shit, excellent, very good, now on to it. moment at that moment you weren't worried because I'm in front of all these people it's strange that this guy makes me do that you were so focused on saying it right and trying to figure out what the naughty word was that you were in the present moment that's how easy it is so it is very possible for us to manage our anxiety we can do it initially by greeting the anxiety when we start to feel those cues we can do it when we reframe the situation as a conversation and we do it when we become present oriented those are three of the many tools that exist to help you to control your anxiety.

If you have questions about other ways, I'd be happy to chat with you and at the end I'll point you to some resources that you can check out to help you find additional sources for yourself, so let's start with the core part of what we're doing today, which is how to feel more comfortable speaking in spontaneous situations, first some very simple ground rules for you. I am going to identify four steps that I believe are essential to being effective when speaking in a spontaneous situation. With each of those steps, I will ask you to participate in an activity.

None of them are more painful than saying the tongue twister. out loud they may ask you to stand up they may ask you to talk to the person next to you but none of it is painful and finally I am going to conclude with a phrase or saying that comes from the wonderful world of improvisation through continuing studies program here at stanford for the last five years i have co-taught a class with adam tobin he is a professor in the creative arts department he teaches film and new media and he is an expert in improvisation and we have partnered to help people learn to speak more spontaneously, we call it improvisation and Adam has taught me wonderful improvisation phrases and ideas that I want to pass on to you and that really stick, that's why I share them with you to help you remember these techniques over and over again.

At the end of all of this, you will receive a booklet that includes this, so let's get started. The first thing that gets in people's way when it comes to speaking spontaneously is themselves, we get in our own way, we want to be perfect, we want to give the right answer we want our toast to be incredibly memorable these things are loaded by our effort to try the best we can do the first step in our process is to get out of the way it's easier said than done for most of us in this room we are in this room because we are type A personalities we work hard we think

fast

we make sure we do things well but that can actually be a disservice when we try to talk in the moment I would like to demonstrate a A little bit of this for you and I need your help to do it so let's do our first activity.

We're going to do an activity called shout out the wrong name in a moment. If you can and want, I will do it. to ask you to stand up and I'm going to ask you for about 30 seconds to look around in this environment and you're going to point at different things and I know it's rude to point, but for this exercise please point, I want you to point at things and you're going to call the things that you're pointing out loud anything but what they actually are, so I could point at this and say refrigerator, I could point at this and say cat, I'm pointing at anything in your environment around you. you can be the person sitting next to you, standing next to you, you will just scream and screaming is important, the wrong name, so in a moment I will ask you to stand up and do it, please raise your hand if you already have the first. five or six things you're going to say, yeah, that's what I'm talking about, we store, you all are excellent players, I told you the game is calling out the wrong name and you've already started to figure out how you're going to dominate. the game that is your brain trying to help you get it right.

I would like to suggest that the only way you can do this activity wrong is by doing what you just did. There is no way to do it wrong. It's okay, even if I call this. a chair you won't be given any penalty, that's okay because I won't know what you were aiming for, you could have been pointing at the floor under the chair and you called the floor of the chair and you were fine, the point is that we are planning and working to do it right and there's no way to do it right just by doing it makes it right, so let's try this now, we're going to play this game twice again, it will be for 30 seconds if you're willing and able, could you please?

Stand up, by the way, you can do it sitting, but if you are willing and able, stand up. It's okay in a moment. I'm about to say go ahead and I'd like you to point out anything around here, including me. It's okay to take notes. I hope what you say when you point at me isn't something bad, but point out different things and loudly and proudly call them different from what they are ready to start porcupine California salt shaker car library tennis racket purple putrid orange hello time time, come on please stay standing because in a few moments we will do it again, so if you feel comfortable standing, we are about to do it again first, thank you, it was wonderful, I heard wonderful words, it was fun and some of you in the part From the back you were doing it in sync, so it looked like you were doing a 70s disco dance.

It was amazing, okay, this was great. Now let me ask you just a few questions. Did you notice anything in the words you were saying? Us? find patterns maybe maybe some of you were consuming fruits and vegetables some of you were consuming things that started with the letter a certain, that's your brain saying okay, they told me not to hoard, so I'm going to try to be a little more tortuous and I'm going to give you patterns, okay, same problem when we taught that class, I told you about that improvisation class, we like to say that your brain is there to help you, these things that it is doing have helped you succeed , but like a windshield wiper, we just want to erase those suggestions and see what happens, so this time we will do this activity again, try your best to thank your brain if it provides you with patterns or reservations and just say thank you to your brain. and ignore them, okay, so let's see what happens when we're not hoarding and we're not playing with patterns, we'll do this just for 15 seconds, let's see how this feels, baby steps, done, start, kodak, bike, chain, skateboard, bananas, purple, rotten, time, please have a seat, thanks again, did you notice any difference between the second time and the first?

Yeah, was it a little easier the second time? No, it's okay, we're just getting started. These skills are not like a light switch. It's not like you learn these squeals. skills and suddenly you can execute them this is a wonderful game this is a wonderful game to train your brain to get out of its own way you can play this game anywhere anytime I like to play this game when I am Sitting in traffic makes me feel Better than shouting things. It's not the bad things I want to shout, but I shout things and it helps you train yourself to get out of your own way.

Are you working. against the muscle memory you've developed throughout your life with a brain that acts very quickly to help you solve problems but, in essence, in spontaneous speaking situations you put too much pressure on yourself trying to figure out how to do it well. so a game like this teaches us to get out of our own way it teaches us to see the things we do that prevent us from acting spontaneously in essence we are reacting instead of responding to react means to act again you have thought about it and now you are acting on it, that it's too time-consuming and too thoughtful, we want to respond in a genuine and authentic way, so the maxim that I would like you to take from this and again these maxims come from improvisation is one of my favorites.

Dare to be boring and in a room like this telling you that you dare to be boring is offensive and I apologize but this will help you instead of striving for greatness. Dare to be boring and if you dare to be boring and allow yourself to achieve that. Greatness is when you set greatness as your goal that gets in the way of getting there because you evaluate too much, you analyze too much, you freeze, so the first step in our process today is to get out of our own way, to dare to be boring. It's easier said than done, but once you practice in a game as simple as the one we practiced, it's a great way to go, but that's not enough.

Getting out of our own way is important, but the second step in our process has us changing the way we play. To see the situation we find ourselves in, we need to see the speaking opportunity we are a part of as an opportunity rather than a challenge and a threat when I coach executives on skills when they appear in front of the media or any investors who see. It's a confrontational experience between me and them and one of the first things I work on is changing the way you approach it. A session, for example, is an opportunity for you.

It is an opportunity to clarify. It's an opportunity to understand what people think. Look at it as an opportunity, it feels very different, we see it differently and therefore have more freedom to respond when I feel like you are challenging me. I will do the bare minimum to respond and protect myself if I see this as an opportunity. where I have the opportunity to explain and expand, I am going to interact differently with you, so spontaneous conversation situations are those that give you opportunities, so when you are at a corporate dinner and your boss turns to you and says : "oh, you know better." As for the rest, would you mind introducing it?

You say great, thanks for the opportunity instead of doing it right. You better get this right, so see things as an opportunity. I have a game to play to help us with this. It's fun. Holidays are coming. everyone in this room is going to give and receive gifts this is how this game will work it works best if you have a partner so I hope you can work with someone sitting next to you if there is no one sitting next to you turn around present yourself it's a great way to connect, if not you can play this game by yourself, it's a little more difficult and you can't do the second part of the game, so after I explain the game to you, this will give you a chance to meet someone, this is how it works if you have a partner you and your partner are going to exchange imaginary gifts okay pretend you have a gift it can be a big gift it can be a small gift and you will give your gift to your partner your partner will accept the gift and open it and you They will say what you gave them because you don't have any, you simply gave them a gift so you are going to open the box and you are going to look inside and you are going to say the first thing that comes to your mind at the moment is not what you just thought or what comes after that remember what we talked about before that's still playing that's still in play okay you're accumulating look there my favorite I said someone gave me this a gift during the game I looked inside and I saw a frog's leg I don't know why I saw a frog's leg but that's what I said that's the first part of the activity now the opportunity is double in this game the opportunity is for you, the recipient of the gift, to name a gift that is fun, that is a opportunity, it is not a threat, but the real opportunity is for the one who gives the gift, because the one who gives it has to say it, then you look and say thank you for giving me a frog's leg and the person will look at you and say: I knew that you wanted a frog's leg because whatever you find, the person who received it will absolutely say, "I'm so happy that you're happy that I bought it for you because that's what it is." you have to respond to everything they say, what a great opportunity now some of you are sitting there saying oh that's hard, I don't want to do it, I make a fool of myself, other of you or if you are following this advice, saying what a great opportunity, so the game is played again so you and your partner will exchange each one will exchange a gift one will start and then the other will follow the first person will give a gift to the second person the second person opens the box however big the box is and if the box is big and you find a penny in it, perfect, it doesn't matter, the box is heavy and you find a pen, okay, there is no way to go wrong, okay, whatever is in the box is in the box you can return it and get what you wanted later, okay, the person, then you'll give it a name, you'll say thank you for what you saw in the box, the person who gave it to you will say, "I'm so glad you're here." excited, I bought it for you because and you will give them a reason why you got them, whatever they decided you gave them makes sense, real quick, just in five seconds,find a partner if you're willing to do this with a partner that everyone has. a partner is fine, it is fine in your associations, in your associations, choose a person and person b, you can stand or sit, it is totally up to you to choose a a and choose a b, okay b goes first, okay b give him a gift b give them a gift thank them and then b will name them and give them the reason why they gave it to them.

If you haven't flipped the switch, please, if you haven't flipped the switch, let's finish in 30 seconds, let's finish well, if we can all take our seats. If we can all take a seat please, I know I'm telling a room of many mba alumni to stop talking and that's hard, okay ladies and gentlemen, did you get what you wanted pretty good? They always get what they want now for some of you, this was very difficult because you were really taking on the challenge and not seeing what was in the box until you looked in there. Was anyone surprised by what they found in the box?

What did you find, sir? What was in the box? What, wow? nice nice uh if you have a ferrari you need a transmission I like it who else found something that was surprising? what did you find? a live unicorn that makes a great gift. How was he like the one who gave you the gift? It's in the box, right? It's interesting that when we give an imaginary gift, knowing that the person is going to name it, we already have in mind what we're going to find and when they say live unicorn, let's go well, that's interesting, right, so the objective of this game is one reminding us that we have to get out of our own way like we talked about before, but to see this as an opportunity and have fun, I love watching people play this game, the amount of smiles I saw among you and I have to admit When at first some of you seemed a little stern and a little hesitant, but by the last game everyone was smiling and looked like they were having fun, so when you reframe the opportunity to speak spontaneously as an opportunity as something you can co-create and share suddenly you are less nervous less defensive and you can achieve something quite good in this case a funny result this reminds us of perhaps the most famous of all improvisation sayings yes and many of us live our communicative lives saying no but yes and it opens up a tremendous amount of opportunities and this doesn't mean you have to say yes and to a question someone asks this just means the approach you take to the situation so you're going to ask me questions that's an opportunity yes and I'll move on. versus no and I will be on the defensive that we have accomplished the first two steps of our process.

First, we get out of our own way and then we reframe the situation as an opportunity. The next phase is also difficult but very rewarding and that's it. To slow down and listen, you need to understand the demands of the requirement you're in so you can respond appropriately, but often we get ahead of ourselves, listen long enough to think we've understood it, and then move on and start thinking about what to do. we want. We are going to respond and then we respond, we really need to listen because fundamentally as a communicator your job is to be of service to your audience and if you do not understand what your audience asks or needs you cannot fulfill that obligation. so we need to slow down and listen.

I have a fun game to play in this game. You are going to tell everything you say to your partner. I'll translate it. You will meet with the same colleague you just worked with and have a very brief conversation. about something fun you plan to do today, I know this is the most fun you're going to have all day, but the next fun thing you're going to do today is tell your partner what you're going to do. It will be fun today, but you will do it by spelling. Okay, so you're going to spell it. It's okay if you're not a good speller.

Well, you will see the benefit of doing it with the partner you just worked with. with the person to go first this time you are just going to tell your partner you are actually going to spell out to your partner what is fun something fun that you are going to do today okay, do what you were really going to do for fun and not do things like f-e-e-d-t-h-e-c-a-t right just because you don't want to spell right so you can use big words right 30 seconds at a time spell to your partner something fun you're going to do today would you like to? to play oh my gosh say it again spell it again e-x-c-e-e-l-l-e-n-t i hope they win e x l c l l e n thank you that was great thank you if you haven't flipped the switch take 30 more seconds with the new partner spelling g-r-e-a-t exclamation point t-h-a-n-k-y-o-u- E t-a-k-e your So what did we learn?

Did we also learn that we are not that good at spelling? You have to pause between words. How did this change your interaction with the person you were interacting with? What did you have to do to concentrate and listen and you can't think about the future? you have to be in the moment where you listen and really understand what the person is trying to say, then you can respond in a better way, a more specific answer, often we don't listen, so we start by getting out of our own way and then Reframe the situation as an opportunity.

Those are things we do inside our heads, but when interacting we have to listen first before we can respond to the spontaneous request. Perhaps my favorite maxim comes from this activity. Don't just stand there. listen listen and then respond now how we respond that brings us to the fourth part of our process and that is that we have to tell a story we respond in a way that has a structure all stories have structure we have to respond in a structured way the key to speaking spontaneously successfully and, by the way, planning speech is having a structure.

I would like to introduce you to two of the most frequent, popular and useful structures that you can use to communicate a message in a spontaneous situation, but before we get there, I have to talk about the value of structure, it increases what is called processing fluency, whose effectiveness or through which we process information, we actually process structured information about 40 percent more effectively and efficiently than information that is unstructured. I love watching this audience because you will remember how I remember phone numbers when you had to remember them if you wanted to call someone. Well, today's youth don't need to remember phone numbers, they just need to look at a picture, press a button and then the voice starts speaking. the other extreme, ten-digit phone numbers, it's actually difficult to remember ten-digit phone numbers, how did you do it?

You divided it into a three, three and four structure, the structure helps us remember the same thing happens when we speak spontaneously or in a planned situation, so let me introduce you to two useful structures the first useful structure that you have probably heard or used in some incarnation it's the benefit structure of solving the problem, start by talking about what the problem is, then talk about a way to solve it, then talk about the benefits of following through very persuasive very effective helps you as a speaker to remember helps your audience to know where do you go when I was a tour guide on this campus many, many many years ago, what do you think of the single?

The most important thing they put into our heads, by the way, was that it took an entire quarter to train to be a tour guide. Here they used to line us up at one end of the quad and make us walk backwards in a straight line and if you failed, you had to start. To this day I can walk backwards in a straight line because of that, as part of that training, what do you think the most important thing they taught us was to never lose your traveling party? I'm not kidding, never, that's never losing your travel group.

The same is true as a presenter, never lose your audience. The way you keep your audience on track is by giving them structure. None of you would go on tour with me if I said hello. My name is Matt. Come on. Do you want to know where you are going? why you're going there how long it will take you need to set expectations and a structure that problem solving benefit is a wonderful structure to have in your back pocket is it something you can quickly use when you're in the moment? be reframed so that you're not always talking about a problem, maybe it's an opportunity, maybe there's a market opportunity that you want to go out and capture, it's not a problem that we're not doing it, but maybe we'd be better off if we did. . did it, it becomes an opportunity, a solution, what are the steps to achieve it and then the benefit, another structure that works equally well is the what and what, now what structure, you start by talking about what it is, then you talk about why It is important and after what.

The next steps are: This is a wonderful formula for answering questions to introduce people, so if I'm in the moment where someone asks me to introduce someone, I change the what to who I say who they are, why they're important, and what are we. let's do next maybe listen to them maybe drink our wine whatever is right what and what now what is the reality this when you are in a spontaneous speaking situation you have to do two things simultaneously you have to figure out what to say and how to say it If you are structures help you by telling you how to say it, if you can get comfortable with these structures, you can be in a situation where you can respond very skillfully to spontaneous speaking situations that we are going to practice because that is what we do, this is the situation.

Is everyone familiar with this child's toy? It's a slinky. Okay, you're going to sell this slinky to your partner using either the problem solution benefit or the opportunity solution benefit. What does the slinky give you? You could use what and now what. What is it? Because? important and the next steps could be to buy it, okay, so using that structure you'll see how it helps you, helps you focus, connect with your partner and we're just going to have one partner sell to the other, okay, so stick with your partner, one of you will volunteer to sell to the other, okay, sell a slinky using the troubleshooting benefit or what and what, now what, please start, so when I inform you of this, you can Go ahead and hand them out.

Makes sense? No, um, after this activity, right. 30 more seconds please excellent let's all seal the deal let's seal the deal I've never seen more people in one place doing this at the same time I love it I teach people to gesture and gesture in a big way it's great I love it so if you were the recipient from the sales pitch, thumbs up, you did a good job, you used the amazing structure, I'm recruiting you all for my next business, as my sales people, try to ignore this, but as we speak, the brochure I told you about is On the back of that booklet you will see a list of structures we talked about and several others that can help you in spontaneous speaking situations.

These structures help you because they help you understand how you are going to say what you want. Saying that structure makes you free, and I know it's a little ironic, but it's true, if you have that structure, then you're free to think about what you're going to say, this reduces the cognitive load of figuring out what you're saying. and how are you going to say it, this is all in that brochure, okay, so what does all this mean? It means that we have the tools and approaches at our disposal to help us in spontaneous speaking situations, the first thing we need to do.

What we need to do is control our anxiety because you can't be an effective speaker if you don't have your anxiety under control and we talked about how you can do that by greeting your anxiety by reframing it as a conversation and being in the present moment once you do that. that you need to practice a series of four steps that will help you speak spontaneously first, get out of your own way. I would love for all of you on the way from here to the football game to point out things and call them the wrong name.

It will be fun if most of us do it. So it won't be strange if only one in two of us does it. It will be strange. Second, give gifts. By that I mean, view your interactions as opportunities, not challenges. Third, take the initiative. It's time to listen, listen and finally use structures and you have to practice these structures. I practice these structures with my children. I have two sons. When they ask me questions, I usually tell them what and what, now what, they don't know, but when. They go to their friends' houses and they see their friends asking their father the questions, they don't understand what, and what, and now what, so you know you have to practice, the more you practice, the more comfortable you will feel, ultimately Ultimately, you have the opportunity before you. to become more compelling, more confident, more connected as a speaker if you take advantage of these techniques if you are interested in learning more, this is where I add a little bit, okay, I have written a book, many of the mba students who take the strategic

communication

here that I and others teach read it, it's called speaking without going crazy.

More importantly, there is a website here that I selectcalled no damn talking and it has a lot of information that I have written and others have written about how to be more effective at speaking so that is the end of my topic, what I would really like to do is engage in a spontaneous speaking situation with you and I would love to attend any questions you have. There are two people running around with microphones, so some of us who remember the Phil Donahue show are going to do a little bit of that. If you have any questions, the microphone will come and I will be happy to answer them.

I think if you join, yeah, we'll be able to hear you great. Can? talk about hostile situations hostile situations yes, so when you find yourself in a challenging situation first it shouldn't be a surprise to you it shouldn't be a surprise before you talk you should think about what the environment will be like so it shouldn't It doesn't surprise you that there might be some challenges in the room when hostile situations arise, you have to admit it, so if someone says it's a ridiculous idea, why did you come up with that? Just saying that, the idea that occurred to me.

I was right recognize the emotion I recommend not naming the emotion okay then you sound very angry the person I'm not angry I'm frustrated now we're arguing about their mental state emotional state correct then I say something like I heard you have done There is a lot of passion for this topic or I listen that there is a lot of concern on your part so you acknowledge the emotion because otherwise it stays in the room and then you reframe or respond in whatever way makes sense so if someone raises their hand and says your product has a ridiculous price.

Why do they charge so much? I could say that I hear a lot of concern and what they are really asking is the value of our product. I would give them my value proposition and then I would go back and say, and because of the value we provide, you think it's priced fairly, so you answer the question about price, but you rephrase it so that you feel more comfortable answering it. The way to do this is to practice all the skills we just talked about. The only skill I'm adding to this is being aware beforehand that you might be in that situation.

First I have to really listen to what I'm hearing correctly. It's very easy for me when I hear a challenging question to get defensive and not listen to what the person is asking. I see it as an opportunity to reframe and explain. Okay, again you have to practice, but this is how I think you should approach it. There's others? questions I see a question back here yes, please, yes, first of all, thank you very much, excellent, excellent presentation, thank you for a lot of what I do, I have remote audiences spread all over the country with uh telecom, any advice for those guys of audiences, so when you're speaking in a situation where not everyone is located in the same place, in fact, right at this very moment there are people watching this presentation remotely, what you need to do is take that into account in a second attempt to include participation techniques where the audience actually has to do something, so physical participation is what we did here through games.

You can ask your audience to imagine something, imagine what it would be like if we were trying to achieve a goal instead of saying here is the goal we are trying to achieve. To achieve this, imagine what it would be like if you saw what that does to you, attracts you. I can answer survey questions. Most of the technology you are referring to has some type of survey function. You can open up some kind of wiki or google doc or some collaborative tool where people can do things and you can monitor that while you present, so I can take some breaks, I talk for 10 to 15 minutes and say, "Okay, let's apply this and Let's get into this Google document." I've created and I see what people are doing so it's about variety and engagement those are the ways you really connect with people who are far away from you okay other questions who are you pointing out oh I have to search where is The microphone is yes.

This might be similar to the first question, but I do a lot of expert witness testimony. What is your recommendation for handling cross-examination? planned element, I recommend identifying certain themes that you think are important or that you think need to come up and then with each of those themes, have some examples and concrete evidence that you can use to support it. Do not enter with memorized terms. or ways of saying it, you just have ideas and themes and then you put them together as needed, so when I'm in a situation where people are questioning me, I have certain themes that I want to convey and make sure I can do that. in a way that fits the needs of the moment If he becomes hostile again, the best tool you have to save time and help you answer a question efficiently is to paraphrase Paraphrasing is like the Swiss Army Knife of communication if you remember to show him macgyver which is your macgyver tool, so when a question comes up the way you paraphrase it, it will give you a chance to reframe it to think about your answer and pause and make sure you've answered it right, so that when you're in In those situations, if I have the opportunity to paraphrase, then what you're really asking is x, y, and z, which gives you the opportunity to employ one of these techniques.

I have never been an expert witness because I am not an expert in anything other than those tools. I think it might help if the microphone is back there. Thank you so much. This has been very helpful and fun this morning. Thank you. Could you show the last screen so we can write down the name of the book you wrote? the information absolutely thank you, I think they're actually there, you might even have a chance, but you know it's also on the sheet. Everything I said is on the back of that page, but I'm happy to have this behind me as I talk to others. questions yes please yes, I work with groups that represent many different cultural backgrounds.

Yes, so is there any caveat or is this a universal strategy? In terms of your perspective as a speaker, I think this applies, but when you communicate, you start. The listening aspect is also thinking about who my audience is and what their expectations are, what the cultural expectations are of the audience that I'm presenting to, so there may be certain norms and rules that are expected when I travel and do it. talks, I have to be mindful of where I'm presenting, so I help present on the ignite program and if you haven't heard of the ignite program here at the gsb, it's fantastic and I just did a stand-up presentation. in one of these amazing classrooms that have all these cameras and I just taught 35 people in Santiago, Chile and I needed to understand the cultural expectations of that area and what they expect and what they are willing to do when I ask them to participate.

So it's part of that listening step where you reflect on what the audience's expectations are. I think we have time for two more questions and then I'll stick around in case anyone has individual questions, but some of these people really want to. Yes, I wanted to ask a question. One of the things that you have done effectively and are speaking and I have seen other effective speakers do is intersperse humor into your talk, what are the risks and rewards of trying to get it right first, thank you and I appreciate everyone laughing , that's the sum total of all my jokes, you've heard them, I'm not funny beyond those jokes, so humor connects wonderfully, it connects wonderfully, it's a great tool for connection it's very, very risky cultural reasons get in the way The road, sometimes what you think is funny is not funny to other people.

What research tells us is that if you're going to try to be funny, self-deprecating humor is your best option, okay? Because it's the least risky, there's nothing worse than making a joke and not getting a response, it actually sets you back further than if you had gotten to where you would have gotten if the joke had touched on such basic fundamentals that you need to think about. with humor, one is funny, how do I know? First I ask other people, second, what if it doesn't work, have a backup plan right, and then third, if you're worried about the answers to the first two, don't do it right. one last question please the microphone is here and then like I said I will stay after yes please I am on the opposite side of this as I am a journalist and I often have to ask spontaneous questions to people I have gone through media training yeah so any advice for the chinks in the armor the way to ask a question without being antagonistic but get a facsimile of a straight answer so let me give you two answers one is I have kids small and power.

Why is great, just ask why a couple of times and you'll be able to get through the first two layers of training. Do you know why you say that? How do you feel about that? The second part is what I have found successful in getting people. I do this to get people to respond in a more authentic way. What I will do is ask you to give advice. So what advice would you give to someone facing this or what advice would you give to someone in this situation? and by asking for advice, it changes the relationship that they have with me as the one asking the question and often I get much richer and more detailed information, so the power of why and then I put them in a position to provide guidance and that really can work with that.

I'll be very gratefull. I invite you to ask questions later and enjoy the rest of your reunion weekend. Thank you.