Victor Borge

Good evening and welcome to Minneapolis. I've been looking forward to tonight's performance since 7:30. Two weeks of development. We will have information very soon. I'm right, sorry, sorry, sorry, positive, where are you coming from? Oh, they don't know each other. I come from Copenhagen and I was here before you. Are there children in the audience? Yes that's fine. Oh, we have some kids here, that means I can't do the second half of the loot. I wear the tie the long the very long I still have a request. I generally don't make requests for numbers unless, of course, I've been asked to do so and that has happened.

I have a request from a lady who called me at the hotel and said: mr. boogie, would you be so kind as to play it? Then she could remember the title of the things you wanted to hear, so I told her maybe you could come and sing it for me and if I know it, I'll play it and she said, well, I can. I don't remember going and then she said you're the musician, you should know the piece. I said I'm sorry I can't help you right now and she said it doesn't really matter because I'm not going to do it.

I'll be there tonight, so now I'm going to play something else. I'm going to play a little piece by the Danish composer Mozart and Christian Mozart, as you know, many of you know that Mozart went only from up here. They've seen replicas of Mozart from Of course, Mozart was what we call a bust and he was on a lot of pianos in windows and things like that, and the scholars and sisters, despite that physical disability, Mozart was quite happily married, but Mrs. Mozart, right? She went to the ground. What a fair compensation. She rolled on four floors because she had to move three times.

We never stayed long enough in any of them to finish this piece. This is called Bagatelle and it's in the key of C, but who cares, I hope you enjoy it and if you don't, there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, why are you so late? Well, three pedals, they only have two feet, Mozart's Bagatelle, the key of C, nowhere. Damn, if you didn't make fun of the sea, now I understand why so many people in America say we haven't seen each other in a long time, start these big, fat opera singers who always lean on pianos and pencil in heavy arias.

Speck. They always ask me to play something. straight and you know it's not easy oh I'm out of time sorry backwards my grandfather gave me this a few minutes before he died for 20 dollars plus tax he was a Danish inventor invented the soft drink he asked for but the Danes didn't turn out well with this, so I think he added a little sugar and then he took his fiber still not, but then he tried one more time, at that time he rated it a six, but he had no luck, so he finally gave up and died of a broken heart.

Little did you know how close he came, come right, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me, you haven't missed much and I'm afraid you'll never know who gave me this watch. In fact, I'm not telling you he added something to music my grandfather he wasn't very musical and he wasn't a composer but he wrote this and that's very important because without this we should never have had this I gave my first concert at 8:00 about minutes after 8:00 because you know that for 12 years I was giving concerts and I often had the opportunity to do an encore which I usually did early in the evening so that people, when they left early, could hear something about the uncle's illness, some of my favorites. guys were a series of Viennese waltzes from a Japanese for a was I seriously said Japanese I speak there are three things you know I must tell you there are three things that I will never be able to remember because I speak a little Japanese and you know how I learned to speak, of course not, but there is a wonderful method that we never told you about by which you can speak or learn to speak any language you want or anything you want to learn while you sleep, not your course put butter under the pillow in your bed. or in any bed, you put on a cassette player and then insert a tape on which must be what you want to learn, of course, in my case it was Japanese language lessons and then you play them every night until you have unconsciously absorbed what there is.

The tape may take weeks or months maybe a year but that's how I learned. I know you won't believe it, of course, but this is true. I don't speak it perfectly well, but I can get along and unfortunately I have been. I can only talk and I'm fast asleep, but I remember words like Toyota, here's a good word. Negi nega nega means onion in English nega nega 200, such an easy language. I mentioned this word in particular because if you are ever around a Japanese person who has eaten onions and it bothers them a little, they just say nega nega, yeah, very polite, in every way they say a soul and back away and then they will check their photo and Remember that they are not very tall people, they only take it from here down, yes, the rest.

Is it Mozart? Sorry, man, what was he talking about. So, these Viennese waltzes. In fact, it is very difficult to first choose a musical program for an audience that is not present because of a specific musical program, such as a boxing recital, for example. of all which bus listen Johan Sebastian many times I met a general you have an audience that likes real roses this type of music and the other half likes riddles that is a type of music and then I am going to play a little of this type and I'm going to play a little bit of that so it would be something for each of you to enjoy.

I have a problem as you may have noticed with pronouncing th particularly when you are close together, it's easy, it's not easy when you have to learn to speak English and you didn't grow up in an English speaking country, now you have to stick your tongue out guys, things like that. I'll just stick my tongue out, you never know how much you know. In Denmark, where I grew up, we talked a long time ago here, that's just It's a small country and we don't have much space to mess around and it's cold in winter there, I can tell you, and we don't get anything out of this because we're going to put it back in, well, I have some music. on the piano bench, listens a little with Jack and that is a memorial, a little incredible.

I can assure you I prefer a little bit of me here, bang-bang, oh, this is supposed to be a book, not Lucy, well, sorry, what about you? Are you interested in piano music? well some will be 85 cents you read music you will also be a dollar fifty this is supposed to be a real listen little that this look these are all this is not just one that among these the one that I gave you is that like this or that that is this you keep that what is that oh that is all social business this that was among those theses that is that actually that is a list but you don't know any different my my glasses my glasses are not on the piano Oh a stagehand I told the doctor that I don't need blood I always try to sell you something we have a good neighbor who doesn't but he is our next window neighbor because we don't have a door at that end of the house I will give you five more seconds on that, he is a doctor, a good friend of the family, for Of course, I went to see him and he told me that you need glasses, so when I left his office I took her and now.

He wants to see me when I come home but he can't because I have the glasses where the doctor told me that and he is a doctor he knows what he is talking about he said that a person with one eye can see more than a person with the other two eyes can see and I I doubted it of course but he said that's true because the one with one eye can see both eyes of the other person while the person with two eyes can only see the other that's what you said, I'm sorry but I I'm sorry, but someone come and help me please, I need someone to turn the pages for me.

Someone here? You work here? Oh, I thought you were breathing. What are you doing? I call the lights. I'm Benjamin. I call the lights. I don't think you heard me, I said, what are you doing here? Like all white people, you call lights and that's what you do, what do you call their lives? You don't know, I do, Barb, what happened, what happens is the light, no. come to your column don't you know I haven't seen you in a long time I've passed the lights what I do the lights you'll run denied that's against the law that's against the law you're afraid of losing your hand you're holding on to it you make your own clothes like such a polymer, so what can I do for you?

Oh yes, sorry, would you be so kind as to turn the page? I forgot, Oliver, could you turn the pages for me? Yes, let's do it, thank you. You're nice Philip, but they fertilized it a lot because I should wait a minute when I'm playing. I should have told you I'm sorry for me lady, are you laying eggs? Okay, this is a good piece nega nega apparently not like that. read music but I'm sorry it should have lasted please don't listen to a slow one that gives me the opportunity to tell you what to do and where to do it.

It's nice, no, she will be kind, start here and you appear and here it says peepee but don't pay attention to it because that means pianissimo which is an Italian abbreviation just the opposite of so when I say now you take this corner of a single sheet and you turn her around to make it look like You don't have to say Zoop, you can look good, but come up here, otherwise you block my view if you make Anya as simple as that. I need the back, obviously, then I go here and finish that as simple as that once.

English. okay, this is the strong leader by the cliffs, you know, happiness, happiness, this F, this young man is first, don't say I'm exhausted, Lepus drowns for the first time, I hope you enjoy it, could you put a foot of water too far, too far, okay, press down, press? press like that that's all you Oh you, he's a lawyer American folk song 5:30 in the morning of the vile and vile West ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha , ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha , ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. be a Mozart Marilyn has sung in many operas and neither has she sung sung in many operas nor did she sing in many operas yesterday song Romania person has neither sung in many operas opposite sir exactly what I meant and it is exactly what I said, please don't touch she has a habit that you shouldn't lean on the piano melon because sometimes it may not be the piano pillar 59 next to you screaming when you say maybe a flutist you can hold on to him, he can't make fun of the melody of the flute celebrating In fact, today she celebrates her second wedding anniversary.

That's right, how long were you married? Oh, two years, yes, I see, that's what it is, yes, that's the second one anyway, don't touch the beauty, but have you chosen to sing for us tonight? I would like to start. with a folk song, aha, oh, one of the folk songs that your uncle brought from Croatia, yes, that's right, his uncle is an archaeologist and he has been an archaeologist recently in the far distance where Croatia is and he found it in an old monkey in the basement of the monastery or you can say convent why can't you say mockery well anyway that's not my problem but anyway ah yeah, hands up for Melanie's uncle to bring some manuscripts that he found wherever he was and there are six songs and Marilyn sings all six not now, but she knows more than these are some old folk songs for old people, for some old people and Devon, but which one have you chosen to sing tonight?

Well, I'm not sure you think I should start singing the one you like best because I'm going to pray for the one I like, but oh no, no, I tried not to. Marilyn remembers she wants me to tell you not to hum because you know the musicians, when we play, man, you're a coach, you stand there and sing without knowing it you really got hung up on the violas me oh you finished all these things and I have the habit and I must remembering is not pretty this is one of those songs - by Megan Oh to three Oh, too late and if you don't You don't know the song you're going to sing, don't sing it, you're an opera singer, you should sing opera.

Melanin is a guarantee and triggers, why don't you sing an aria about what it is that you like? Wait, you should listen to what she is police thank you when this applause has died down what have you chosen to sing them? I would like to sing the economics of Rigoletto. Oh god, okay for those of you who say Maryland without the poop can lead Kagome astray. I may owe me an aria from the opera rigor mortis of course who wrote that man Giuseppe Verdi why tell me why yes why yes yes that's the next gift why yes it's your language I'm just trying to use it them why yes Giuseppe Verdi Joe Greene, for you not to touch me, it should take a long time.

I will be outdoors. Oh, oh, you don't know, what's wrong with you? You do not know? Oh, a law is mine, I'm sorry, Oh, oh, oh, oh, in it, oh. Oh, we have an agreement. She doesn't play my piano. I don't put my hands on her coin. Oh, you can set it twice. I thought you fixed it.