It's better to be alone than wish you were

In my experience, people often see loners as atypical people: people who, for some reason, don't fit in well with everyone else. They are often seen as having traits or qualities that somehow do not align with the group's norms. In fact, there are cases where this is true; Many people who spend most of their time

alone

have difficulty socializing with others. In some cases, these people are hostile towards the world, which could have its origins in bad experiences with their peers. The pack often fears the so-called "lone wolf", since this individual is shrouded in a veil of mystery and few know what he is doing.

In many cases, being

alone

has a bad reputation. After all, doesn't much of our happiness and enjoyment come from spending time with others? While that is true, other people can also be a source of great misery. And if one's experiences with others have been repeatedly hurtful and traumatizing, wouldn't it be expected that this individual would begin to prefer solitude to company? This video explores the nature of loneliness, what philosophers said about it, and why it's

better

to be alone than to want to be alone. Imagine waking up alone. You jump out of bed, walk into the kitchen and open the refrigerator.

Everything there is yours. By the way, the same goes for the rest of your living space. You have arranged everything to your liking without making concessions. In your rooms you can do what you want, whenever you want, and there is no one you have to take into account. You can do whatever you want, on your own schedule, without taking into account the preferences of others. You are the absolute ruler of your living space. And you appreciate this unique and irreplaceable freedom behind closed doors. Solitude is sweet. It is the pleasure of not having to put up with other people: people who, on the one hand, can enrich our lives in various ways but, on the other, can be important sources of pain.

Let's be honest. In many cases, it is not the work that makes workplaces toxic; They are the people in it. It's not school itself that makes some children unhappy; They are the bad teachers and the bullies. We humans have the ability to make each other miserable. At the same time, we are also good at bringing pleasure, comfort and happiness to each other. Therefore, human interaction is a compensation; The more we interact, the more we deal with the dark sides of our fellow humans. The further we move away from humanity, the less we face human toxicity and the stress of dealing with people who are “meddlesome, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and sullen,” as Marcus Aurelius described the difficult people he encountered. diary.

It is not surprising that the sage described in the Taoist book Zhuangzi rejected the position of ruler of the kingdom and chose a solitary life in a hut near the river, where he would fish and be at peace. Being alone is delicious. And when the joy of solitude overcomes us, it can become addictive. The absence of critical eyes, peace and tranquility, freedom. “A man can only be himself as long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for only when he is alone is he truly free,” wrote Arthur Schopenhauer.

Solitude provides a space where one is not limited by social norms or the needs and desires of others; There is no one around to tell us what to think and do, and there is no one for whom we must make compromises. We can go around naked, express our opinions without the restrictions of political correctness, and engage in the strangest of hobbies; no one will care. Yes, it is clearly

better

to be alone, enjoying one's own company and all the advantages of being out of the gaze of others, than to

wish

to be alone while suffering from his presence.

Spending time alone has a deep place in several religious traditions, such as Buddhism. In fact, the Buddha urged people to withdraw from social life and considered solitude as the cornerstone of spiritual enlightenment. Many philosophers also recognized the value of solitude. One of them is Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who admitted that he liked solitude because it made him get away from the animosity of humanity while he enjoyed the smile of nature. Another is Henry David Thoreau, who wrote a book about his experiences living alone in the forest. Let's briefly explore some philosophical ideas about loneliness. The Rhinoceros Sutta, a Buddhist text about a rhinoceros that walks alone, deeply explores the value of solitude.

The Sutta uses the metaphor of the rhinoceros, an animal known for its solitary nature, to show why solitude is essential when walking the Buddhist path. He persuades the reader to free himself from life's many attachments and “wander alone, like a rhinoceros.” The Sutta strongly advocates being alone and suggests that getting away from a busy social life can help us see things more clearly and grow as individuals. Some conclusions from this ancient text are that avoiding attachments will benefit the spiritual life, since with companionship come social expectations, which can be a great burden. Furthermore, sensual pleasures are pleasant at first glance, but ultimately lead to suffering.

People can wear us down, and sensual pleasure in general involves an endless search for satisfaction. Having too much social interaction also prevents us from doing things that truly benefit us spiritually, such as meditation, self-reflection, and contemplation of Buddhist teachings. The Rhineceros, in this case, embodies the strong, resilient and solitary animal that endures life's difficulties with equanimity and detachment. The Sutta states: “Having abandoned passion, aversion and delusion; having broken the chains; Undisturbed at the end of life, he walks alone like a rhinoceros.” Disentanglement and loneliness go hand in hand. When we are alone, we can distance ourselves from the world, which is often noisy and marked by pressure to conform, as we ask ourselves: What does it matter what I am conforming to?

We all take all these rules, customs, traditions, rituals, beliefs, ethics and values ​​for granted, but why do we follow them? From a distance, as a spectator of humanity, you can see more clearly what joke it has been compared to when you are part of the joke itself. Taoist sages generally disentangled themselves from the world, turning their backs on society and its rigidity. They wanted to return to a purer form, the limitless, also known as Tao. Solitude was their response, as being alone protected them from the outside influences from which they sought liberation. American philosopher Henry David Thoreau also experienced disengagement from society while living alone at Walden Pond as an experiment, which he wrote about in detail in his work Walden.

He discovered the pleasure of getting closer to nature, simplicity and self-sufficiency as a result of spending time alone. Think about it. Generally, people are constantly distracted. Friends, spouses, and co-workers demand our attention daily. And if we don't interact with them directly, they still exist on our phones. All this human noise prevents us from connecting with the cradle that gave birth to us and to which we finally return, that is, the Great Mother, the force that works silently at an always constant pace, never rushing, nurturing everything. The power of unraveling in solitude also applies to the Nietzschean approach to life.

For Nietzsche, spending time alone was not a matter of spiritual enlightenment or getting closer to nature. He saw solitude as a means to distance himself from a flock contaminated with what he called “slave morality,” following a value system that disempowered them and basically turned them into docile sheep, resentful of their shepherds. Nietzsche also criticized the pastor and his “moral master” as they are part of the same system of oppression and submission. So, as far as Nietzsche is concerned, solitude grants us a way to transcend this system, allowing the creation of new individual values ​​beyond the conventional framework.

In short, solitude allows us to know ourselves, embrace our individuality, and think about how we want to live our lives authentically, on our own terms. So whether seeking spiritual enlightenment, a deeper connection with nature, escaping traditional values ​​and conventional ideas, or creating a breeding ground for individual meaning, solitude is our companion. So is it so surprising that many people crave it? It is better to be alone than to want to be alone. So, we might ask ourselves: do I long for solitude? Do I, as a participant in social life, have a persistent desire to be alone for any reason?

In my experience, social interaction is always a back-and-forth. You give something, you receive something. But sometimes you may not want to give what you give or receive what you receive. Social interaction then becomes a burden, costing us more than it benefits us. An intimate relationship can be very beneficial and an opportunity for personal growth, but it also takes away the freedom of being single, the loneliness and peace of not having a partner to consider. A vibrant social life can be a lot of fun, but the more we socialize, the less time we have for things like meditation and spiritual growth, as described in the rhino sutta.

Being part of a group or belief system can give us support, meaning, and a sense of community. Still, it compromises the authenticity and individuality so celebrated by philosophers like Emerson and Nietzsche. Being involved with humanity in general can be a great thing in many areas. But often what Taoist sages and philosopher Henry David Thoreau sought is at the expense of our connection to nature. Ultimately, social interaction has a price. And sometimes that price is too high. But loneliness also has a price, especially when it is excessive and unwanted. Depending on the individual, being isolated from other people for a long time can be harmful.

Loneliness and isolation are a growing problem. Some people crave social interaction but have difficulty achieving it. So, yes, it is better to be alone than to

wish

you were, but it is also better not to be alone than to wish you were not. There is a balance to find. And in my experience, this balance is not something static. It depends on who I am, my life situation and my needs at a specific moment. It requires daily self-reflection, asking myself the question: what do I want and need now? I'm not talking about absolutes. My desire for solitude is constantly changing, as is my desire for social interaction.

This continuous self-inquiry helps me balance loneliness and being with people. And the more true to myself I am, the healthier my relationship with loneliness and with others becomes. Being alone is not pleasant. Being surrounded by people and wanting to be alone is not good either. Changing one's situation requires courage. As for loneliness, it takes courage to admit one's situation and dissatisfaction and leave one's comfort zone. When it comes to your desire for solitude, it takes courage to recognize this need and step away from your social life, even for a while, or even admit that the people around you cause more harm than good.

Especially in cases of abuse, following the call to solitude (or at least separation from the abuser) may be the best thing to do. The question is, of course, whether you are willing and able to leave. Unfortunately, many people fear being alone. But what is there to fear if basic needs, such as food, shelter and security, are met? If you learn to feel comfortable and content in solitude, you will be less likely to cling to other people, the less power they will have over you, and the easier it will be to push those abusers, narcissists, and other toxic people aside.

It is better to be alone than to want to be, because in loneliness we find the strength we thought we needed from others. Thanks for watching.