How to let go and move forward after a difficult breakup

Many people write to me about moving on after a

breakup

, saying they feel really bad and wondering if they've made a big mistake by ending relationships with their partners, or they feel sure they did the right thing but are still going around in circles. a sea of ​​despair and insecurity about what comes next they say that they love themselves enough to know that they deserve better, they really do and that the healthy relationship they want is definitely out there, and I know they mean it and then they tell me that OR they're thinking about getting back into the relationship they finally worked up the courage to leave after all, it wasn't that bad, I mean, at first things were great or they're on the edge, they're floundering, they're questioning themselves themselves, they're not sure how they're going to continue, they say they've done all the right things to love themselves through all of this, like all the experts say, they've started eating well and exercising and they've spent time with good friends and They spoiled and splurged on things like massages and facials and all sorts of feel-good things and even picked up or picked up hobbies they had left behind long ago because their loved ones took up too much of their time. their time or disapproved of these hobbies, but now they love themselves and they deserve it and yet all that self-love just doesn't cut it, they're still hurt and confused and insecure and they still think maybe they've made a mistake or They wonder if their exes will take them back if they ever really change their mind, they can't seem to remember how bad it was or the reasons they let them go, and they wonder where the other things were.

Bad, after all, they think maybe I'll join a convent or maybe my mother was right. I should take what I can and be happy about it or maybe I'm just meant to be alone. They begin to doubt themselves and blame themselves. It's like a failure in self-love. Well, let's take a closer look at this because we talk a lot about self-love these days, but what does that really mean? Is it getting a massage or joining a book club or taking a weekend getaway with the girls and listen, I love doing all of these things and I would never tell you not to do them, but that's not self-love, It's self-care, my friends, and while it's an absolutely important integral part of self-love, it's not the meat. the plate because self-love makes you spend less time pleasing yourself on the outside and more time exploring yourself on the inside so you can discover why you make the decisions you make in love in a relationship and it usually comes down to what we believe about ourselves, then, what is possible for us and what we deserve and once you discover those beliefs that keep you stuck and believe me, we all have those that tell us we shouldn't, we can't, we don't deserve, we will.

We never have those who tell us to settle and never take risks, we can change them and that's when we can find the courage, confidence and sense of security we need to let go, truly let go of what doesn't serve us. and

move

forward

whether it's an x ​​or a current relationship or a past relationship or a decision you've already made or a possibility or fear or mindset or other people's voices in your head reviewing our internal narrative in an empowering way that It tells us that we can and we must and we are worthy and that what we want awaits us is self-love.

That's why when the questions about letting go come those that say that I made the biggest mistake of my life and that if there is no other path to follow and what if I end up in a convent and what if I never find what I'm looking for and here I have given up something that is better than nothing what if my ex

move

s on? and I don't know, what if I'm the maiden aunt at everyone's Christmas table forever with tissues up my sleeve and hard candy in my purse? What if I really am a hologram?

Okay, these questions are a normal part of change as we prepare for the uncertainty of what will come next, we are the ones to figure it out because letting go of a relationship or anything of value comes with all kinds of uncertainty and emotions and there is no guarantees, but self-love tells us that not knowing what comes next is no reason to stay with what is not doing us good now or hold on to what was self-love tells you to take the reins from cup to court. people places and things now and in the past that you still hold on to without looking back or doubting yourself, self-love tells you to give life the best you can, let go to fully create space for all magical things that are meant for you because you know for sure, even if you can't see them at the intersection of this. particular crossroads you know they are out there and you deserve them this is the difference between self love and self care self love I know this hurts and it's hard but as my girl Glenn and Doyle say we can do hard things and as I say Heartbreak It is not a life sentence.

Self-love tells us to productively use the time we spend smug and on the couch surrounded by empty pizzas and tissue boxes to look back at our role in whatever we left behind and wonder once we're past the hologram. full hologram asks why we chose it and then we look

forward

and ask how we can choose and do better next time that's self love, self care, this hurts and it's hard and I'm going to get a manicure and see where I'm at. After again, I love a manicure and I really need it, but it won't help you stay true to yourself.

Self love is I have no idea why this person acted the way she did, didn't give me what he wanted or not. They don't treat me like I deserve, but instead of spending time in an armchair diagnosing them for the reasons, I will do my own work and ask myself with honesty, compassion, and zero judgment why I chose them, why I stayed, and how I can let go and move on. go ahead and do better next time, self care is I have no idea why this person did what they did so I'm going to stand up to my friends they will know they will make me feel better.

They'll tell me what to do or if I'm overreacting, they'll help me be honest with myself and you know, maybe I'm missing something, self-love. I know that wasn't right for me, but I chose it because I thought. It was the best I could get, but now I know better and I can do better and instead of being afraid to say what I want out loud only to feel like I will never find it or be worthy of it, I will act boldly and Claim it because I know that I don't have to be perfect to be loved or have what I really want and if someone doesn't want what I do, that's okay, I'll just wish them the best and continue to take care of myself.

I'm going to take better care of myself, lose weight, get a dog, meditate and do what I need to do to be more attractive to someone else because life is meant to be shared and I'm sure I'll feel better if I do these things for myself, which is wonderful. , but it's not the main reason I do it. Self-love is that I am not afraid to let go because I know that no matter what happens, I will always be okay because I have my own back. I'm scared to let go but a massage will help me or maybe plan a vacation to help me know what to do even though I know what to do but I'm scared see where I'm going?

There's a big difference between self-love and self-care, and frankly, you need both to have the happy, healthy love you want with yourself and another person. I've been caught up in love and heartbreak and though it was always wonderful to have a day. at the spa and a night out with the girls, it was the self-examination I did in the mirror that ultimately led to reinvention and recovery, that moved me forward, that got me where I wanted to go in the best way. that allowed me. let me go completely, so what do you think about what I'm saying if you see yourself in any of this and are interested in learning more about how you can use self-care and self-love to move forward?

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