Best of Ricky Gervais | Science | Universal Comedy

I don't know if you've been outdoors and in Regents Park, but it's like that, no roof, obviously, it's got a show and lights and it's got thick seats, okay, it's like an amphitheater with seats all the way around the outside um and there's nothing. in the middle I just left that wild you can't sit there it's like a I mean grassy knoll but I'm not sure I know what a null is. I've only heard that. When people talk about that kind of murder, I assume it's a mound, but you didn't mean to say mound when a president's brain gets yelled at because it's vaguely comical, right?

They shot the president, oh, from where? oh look what, then they say no and go oh, then you go oh no, we shoot it and what a mound it adds to the mystery anyway, so I'll tell you what spiders are always ready, aren't they spiders always ready for action? a spider is always ready like that, completely ready all the time, I mean some animals are ready sometimes, you scare a cat and do that, it's fine, then it cools down again, they are most of the time just on their side , No? Cats, cats, just relax with their head down, with all four limbs extended in one direction, you'll never see a spider like that, you'll never see a spider lying on the ground with its head down like that and all eight legs out. that they are always ready like this and they are always ready in all directions like the matrix they do not have to go what is it that they do not have to do it they have ten eyes and eight legs above they are even ready when you think they are not ready you can see an empty net you go that spider is not ready don't touch the web you touch the web and it's there I hate them 37,000 different species of spiders 37,000 different species of spiders, I mean millions and billions of individuals in each species, okay, and that is just one kind of arachnid from an arthropod phylum, of which there are many, there could be five million species of animals on earth, it's

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to guess, at the very least, scientists say there are that many.

We can't get more than five million and that's one percent of all the animal species that have ever existed. 99 of all animal species that ever existed are extinct and the remaining one percent are five million. Take one of those species of termites if you weighed each one. the termites alive now would be ten times the tonnage of every human being on earth and it's statistics like that that make me think that this book is not totally accurate um it's the uh the book of noah um the children's edition um I have this as a prize at the sunday school i used to go to every week i believed in all this until i was eight um this was when i was four um it's a sunday school from Agnes presented to

ricky

gervais

r-i-k-i like a mongoose for regular attendance without even do nothing good just to show up, oh he's always there, give him something, he'll come back, thank you, let's look at the evidence long, long ago, when God first made the earth.

I'll blurt out both points, we don't have time, okay, a lot of time. A long time ago, I should say that, according to the Bible, according to the Old Testament, the Earth is no more than 5,000 years old. Well, which puts us in the era of the agricultural revolution. In reality, it is 4.6 billion years old. 4.6 billion years ago, when God first made the earth and the sky, okay, don't pick it up, I mean, it comes as a package, doesn't it? You couldn't, the sky was never an optional extra, it could be a construction. your planet I can't breathe would you like an atmosphere of course I would so everything would be peaceful everything beautiful god also made human beings and wanted them to be good like him arrogant but very soon they wanted their own way they didn't listen to God they became evil and they did evil things, look at them doing evil things, look you can't get more evil than that, really, oh, out evil, out evil, God look, yeah, go on, look what happens, look what happens, buddy, they're running.

Take a big bag of money, don't put it in a bank, God looked at them and said to himself: they are so evil that I will have to wipe them off the face of the earth, really, that is your only option, are you ? I'll have to go straight to the genocide. I was flying back from New York 925 ba first class to London JFK all week in the US before that flight. On every television channel there was a tape that said United States on red alert, okay? All the bulletins said that we have information that there will be another 9/11.

This weekend in New York or Los Angeles, don't fly unless absolutely necessary. I had to do it. I was filming and if you fly, be very attentive. Well, then I'm there. I'm the only one in the first class lounge and I'm still trying to stay philosophical. I'm thinking today is the day you definitely don't try to plant a bomb on the plane. You know what I mean? I think not, everyone will wait until Monday and so on and about 15 minutes before boarding in the first class lounge this guy arrives, I don't know if he was from North Africa or the Middle East, we had all the equipment and the beard , all still with the case attached, okay, here it is. your rational middle class liberal I go, I'm certainly just engaging the staff in silly conversation, I'm flying on time, they're going, yeah, what's the weather like in England? and they go, oh, it's like they're going, oh.

It's a great club, he's right, it didn't happen, it didn't happen well, so now I'm thinking about this, all the things for the week before, there will be a level nine, it will be here, be today is going to be new york oh my god true but now I'm in two minds there's a fight between good and evil between the rational and the irrational okay so this one says oh that's a suicide bomber that's stupid what do you know that's what they look like why did you say that Is there a photo of him on every page of the Daily Mail?

A very stupid cliché and then he makes a phone call. I can't understand what he's saying, but he sounds a little angry. I made a phone call, this one says, just made a phone call, yes, but not abroad, miss, shut up, stupid, oh, I just want, why do you think he looks at the beard, has it been checked, has it been checked just like us? beard, yeah, they check the beard, they check the beard, okay and then I kind of move on and I'm looking at him and I absentmindedly stare at him and he catches me looking and he says like this this one says oh he knows this one says no he knows why What are you looking at?

Has he had that kind of prejudice that month? Stop looking at him. Shut up, but he starts to win. Fear starts to win over the rational. It's okay. She's doing well. Well, I said it would be today, yes, I know, but what, but the statistics, well, they are up today, right? They are up, yes, but don't give it that, it won't happen to us, they said that on the 9th. 11. Yes, but what about all the controls? Well, they find new ways to get past our detection, so we have to up our game and that's it. Yeah, you're right, suddenly now we're one there and I'm like, Oh my God, this.

It is? and you had a wave of nausea when you suddenly say, "Oh my God, this is it, I'm one of the people who witnessed it and it's going well, yes, we're going to report it, this is going, no, we can't, why in?" case someone thinks we are racists what not, let's denounce him and be a wrong racist, let's leave him and then I'm there and I think he's a suicide bomber, I'm going to get on the plane with him and I'm going to die and I'm suffering a little nervous breakdown and I'm almost crying and all this happens in a few moments and I look and he's joined by his wife, who has all the equipment and there are two little girls, right? and I said, "Oh, of course he's not a suicide bomber, if you're going to see 72 Virgins, you don't bring your wife and your kids, so I got on the plane and I was relieved and embarrassed and I saw how funny it was." side of this and of course he wasn't a terrorist, he was a businessman and a family man, he was playing with his little daughters, he kept running up to them and bumping into my chair, he wasn't doing anything, um, and It was like scaring him and they were screaming at the top of their lungs after half an hour.

He hoped someone would fly the plane.