Kate Garraway Opens Up On Telling Derek’s Story and Fighting For Carer Support | This Morning

joins us now

this

morning

, good

morning

, nice to see you, see you, we'll deal with brilliant cat Ben, we'll deal with Happy, a little nervous about getting there, so we'll stick with

this

. I love you. to tell me everything, okay, we've lived this for the last four years together, obviously, you've been a part of those documentaries, but this last documentary, by virtue of the fact that it was the third, and tragically, of course, we lost Eric . There was once a point a couple of months ago and you must have been filming it for months and months when you considered not posting it.

Yeah, there was, you know, being honest, so after he passed away on December 10th, as you know. You can also talk about that. He had a heart attack that caused massive bleeding and hemorrhage and finally on January 3rd he took his own life and after he passes away, obviously, you're consumed by that pain and things like the funeral and the children. it's mom and dad and all that stuff, um, Lucy will be brilliant, the producer called very upset because of course she became very close to Derek and said, you know, we've got this ready to go virtually, what do we do now and my reaction initial?

It was oh God, he can't, it's too painful now, but then I thought after I'd talked to his family, actually that was rather selfish of me because I was thinking about my feelings about it and the reaction he might have and if It was appropriate, but it was actually Derek who chose to make this documentary and it was never really about Derek or me, although I know you know where the faces are there, but it was about the system that allows people to care. Caregivers of all kinds disappoint and, indeed, also disappoint the people who work within the system.

I've gotten a lot of response from social workers, from healthcare workers, from you, people who are often seen as the people who make decisions that are not helpful, they say we are. I'm so frustrated that I thought, well, that's why you're doing it, that's why Derek wanted to do it, actually, move on, well, yeah, because that was one of the things that I took away from the documentary, is that I had new eyes, I wanted to be heard, yes. he really wanted to be heard, so you were putting this almost complicated place where you knew what he wanted, yes, but you're trying to figure it out as a family and you're going through a brief moment at the same time, what was it like when?

You saw it again. I actually couldn't speak for about an hour afterwards and that was the kind of humorous reaction of um, that's pretty unusual too, cat. I'll just point out that everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief and took a moment to take a vacation from me uh no, I couldn't really talk, I was overwhelmed, it was raw things that jumped into my mind, it was just the incredible frustration of seeing how well he did. he was making, how much progress he had made to have fought so hard. hard and I fought for so long, um, that's just a personal sadness for me, but I was also very keen that it didn't seem like a waste because I thought about all the hundreds of specialist doctors, nurses and

carer

s who had given so much. a lot of their own time to try to make things better for Derek and they do it for everyone, you know, it's just that my experiences with Derek, I wouldn't want them to think that that effort was a waste because those four years had The purpose was precious and we cannot be in a society where unless you are fully functioning contributing in a way that we would all like to know, working, paying taxes, all of that is useless and meaningless, you know that life is life.

He had also come a long way in those four years, if you think about what everyone was able to celebrate in those four years thanks to those specialists who did everything they could to give him the best standard of living, including getting his MBE and him being there that day, yeah, it's amazing, I never thought it was possible, even two days before he was in the hospital, but he was there determined to be there and how wonderful it could be, you know, and that's a gift that we have , there is something. Also special is Kate in the documentary in that people got a real sense of the connection between the two of you, uh, and how much love there was.

I think you're very honest about the change in the way he was able to show his affection for you as well. your role within that relationship and that is something that resonates with many of the people who have contacted us regarding caring for their partner, yes, I think whether it's a partner, a parent, a child, a sibling , you know, a great physical and um, in Derek's case, the brain changes, the dynamics change and he certainly was very aware of it, he felt helpless in many ways, physical communication regarding everything, um, he desperately wanted do it, he said and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I left you. as a father to the kids, which you know broke their hearts, they were like no, you're our hero, um and he didn't let them down, of course he didn't, but he felt like he did and I'm like very aware of the things that you do. and that you don't even notice in a relationship, like the little things you do when you know someone so well that they physically couldn't do it anymore, so I didn't know.

I was wondering if he knew how to do it. be and we were in the process of figuring that out for the four years and I feel like we had gotten there, I feel like we got somewhere, um and unfortunately, you know the road ended, their wedding was one of the most unique experiences, why was it? an extraordinary occasion, really incredibly loving, energetic and fun, and great speeches. I imagine great confidence. The speeches were the highlight. Cly For me, Kate was much better than others, but if you ever wanted to get an idea of ​​what it was about Kate that Derek found so special.

I thought there was an incredible moment in the documentary. We interpret this little kit. This is brilliant, it just sums it up and their relationship is perfectly fine. When did you meet Kate? You made a blind date. Can? Remember what you first thought of her, yes, what did you first think of her? You thought she fit in. What else did you think about Kate Krie? Hopefully, you knew you wanted to marry her? Yeah, and then I love how the interviewer asks you the question and she says I talk too much, can we ask D what you thought would be best first?

I was like oh god what's coming next yeah he talks too much I went for but yeah that was pure Derek some chlee fit I love it no class obviously but fair but that's why it was so cool , that's why it's so good, because it's his essence that was absolutely there, absolutely there throughout the whole process, but it must have been so exhausting that we talked about how the relationship changed and I know there was a point where you took care of Derek alone for 10 days, 24 hours, there were periods of time, yes, and I honestly felt like I was going a little crazy, you are so sleep deprived, yes, you are so stressed, there is so much responsibility and of course you.

I'm also thinking about the kids and what kind of mother you're being in that period and um yeah, I don't know how you can do that for a long time and one of the messages I got yesterday is that the person she would take care of her husband unfortunately passed away and she said that she realized that she did it for two years unfortunately she didn't have more time um but she found out that afterwards she felt that she was very angry because I'm frustrated and I felt like I did, that she spends a lot of time arguing about things and arguing about things and doing appeals that take so much time when you're asking for time for doctors to present their evidence and of course they're busy and they've moved. and then you get to the point and you think I can't convey this and if you can't see this and then of course you feel very guilty for asking but when it is and when you know if you don't ask you have to do it and you don't like it in what you've converted because you feel like you're rowing with good people, you know what I mean, yeah, I totally do and I'm sorry, it sounds really confusing, but I just don't want to. be this person, I want to be this person who says thank you so much, but you're doing it in the name of The Carers Who Going.

We need you to speak for us and, in fact, that was one of the things for me for the documentary that you were. Oh darling, you were drowning under this paperwork and trying to juggle everything at once, just the paperwork, although now I was obviously aware of this as we went along and you helped me, but it's also Deb, Kate, you've sunken. hundreds of thousands of pounds in debt in a desperate attempt to offer Derek whatever care you could and you are in a privileged position compared to all those

carer

s. There were some incredible caregivers in the documentary, absolutely, uh, and I'm wondering how you balance those two things now you know the struggle to get all that care for Derek unfortunately Derek is gone but you're left with this legacy of debt that you're still going to have to pay off yeah , and I will pay it, I will absolutely pay it and I don't regret it I don't feel bad um and you know it was the right thing of course it was the right thing you have no choice no you have no choice you know that and um but I think you know you know people ?

I was lucky because I had a job where people understood and it gave me time to rush to the hospital at any time or be around or go to appointments or be there to care, you know, there were times when there was a time when Celé attention, which turned out to be a mistake. One night, just before we got to J&B, you were with me the next day and I had to call poor Neil Thompson, the editor, and tell him I can't come in because I can't. I don't think anyone is going to show up and all they said at the time was we'll call an ambulance, take him to the hospital and leave him there.

I mean, Jim B didn't say that, let me be very clear, they said: do whatever you need. but that was the unofficial official B, they said this is all we can tell you to do now, in the end Thea showed up even though they didn't know they were going to get paid, oh W, because they came because they showed up and that's it. the people you're dealing with you know they're traveling a long way, they don't always live near you, they came and for those who aren't professional caregivers doing it on their own, you know it's a huge thing and I don't even think it's political really.

I think it's all of us, we just have to realize that we have to make this a priority because as a society we have to because we're all going to get sick we're all going to be vulnerable, we're all going to need it or we're going to be the person to take care of us, probably both. in life, so we have to find a way to make it important enough to us, other than when you're in Yes, I believe and that's all you think about. You know, something incredible happened last night while watching the documentary because I was following on social media and people's reaction suddenly understood your motivation and Dereck's motivation for wanting to make this documentary.

However, there was a lot of criticism that people were leaning towards you, yeah, in terms of sharing this

story

and how you've shared it. I wonder how you processed that door well. I think people are probably a little bored of me, frankly, I think. I think they're a little bored of me talking about the same thing, it seems to them um and I really get it and I don't think I would have done a third one because you know, if it hadn't been that Derek. I wanted to but I, but I'm glad I did it because, um, now I've realized that people say, oh, just because you're on the account, you're talking about this, yeah, actually, because those other people can't. , but.

I don't have a place to talk about it, yes, and they tell me to please don't give up because I can't tell anyone but myself in the mirror or my long-suffering friends who can't do anything either. I have to do it and I'm sorry and I hope that if people see it, I know they can see it on ITX, so maybe they'll see that it's coming from a different place, it'll probably just look like, oh, for God's sake. Kate stop talking about your own problems there are love problems in the world I'm not really talking about my problems I'm trying to talk about other people's problems my experience working with me this is the only problem I'm very happy with you To continue so often as possible hair, hair, it's annoying, but this makes you happy, but this is part of the reaction we've had.

Michelle, I'm M, we are welcomed into the families we care for and we become very attached to them. and I love them, my heart goes out to Kate and the kids and of course Jake, you are amazing. Jake is grieving, you know, and he and the very exceptional young man who is, by the way, the extraordinary car that saves lives saves lives. one of them Fiona has such a beautiful and powerful watch that you can clearly see the love and bond. I have been a care assistant for 30 years. I love my job as much as it is a hard and challenging low paid job.

I wouldn't do anything else. and this is Kate and Derek, how wonderful, well done for giving Derek patience, paid and unpaid careers, a voice we have been shouting for years, let's hope the government councils, MPS, are listening, that's From Michelle, thank you, thank you, thank you, I hope. so I hope we all, yes, I hope we all do something CU, we're all going to want a change, right? There is a lot of pressure on money right now, everyone is counting the pennies, but when you are at that moment alone in the middle of the night, the person whoneeds attention or the person who is praying for attention will suddenly arrive, don't worry about anything else.

I know, thank you, thank you Kate for coming, than you for inviting me. Brave and bright, brilliant, looking too good at you, thank you, are you enjoying it? Yes, we love it, don't we, we are, we are, I mean, the real us, she said. I, I've changed so much and I said yeah, you, so I thought you were going to say I trained her, I trained her, oh no, no, we're getting there with that, don't worry. I have changed now the training begins thanks K, we will have to get you back at some point, fill in all our deepest, darkest secrets, the ones we can't talk about, probably well done Kate, so proud that you and the family love too Bill, of course.