Frankie Boyle's Best Jokes on Mock The Week: Too Hot For TV 1

three, but what tfhc means is the doctor saying try moving yours, this has cancer, more tax cuts for corporations, the first thing they took out is basically more money for the bastards, that's conservative policy, next policy will be you don't have to pay the congestion charge if you're riding and you're looking at the real government policy they're talking about is having cohabitation legislation, so if you've stayed with someone for two years, that person has cohabitation rights. marriage and can get Half of your things favor me because I'll trade mine for two years of sex, so she has the perfect opportunity, hasn't she bet if you give a gift and they'll send your parents out of the room ?

I see what kids like, she sends your parents out of the room. We are making an advent calendar. Rebel killing people and exploding. That's what I want to see in a leader, someone who can crush a man's head like a beer. He's having a hard time with the whole Litvinenko thing. He can't imagine just thinking that Levinenko wasn't a very good spy if he doesn't know how not to accept a glowing cup of tea from a glowing teapot from a man who looks like he's wearing a space suit. He was going to make

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. about all Russians being gangsters, but some Russians spoke to me and all I would like to say is that I am looking forward to Chelsea continuing their great start to the season and for my pregnant wife to return safely. and their environment wasn't that before it was an advertisement for mints everyone complained about the floods so they are like storms I like thunder and lightning what I like to do during the storm is fuck my girlfriend and pretend that we participated in the conception of the antichrist 25 in a row what's the question is if you just got picked up while hitchhiking what's the last thing you want to hear the trucker laugh while pointing at the 24 empty backpacks in the back, you know?

When you have to make something with paper mache, don't you need glue? There's a thing in Scotland this

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where they've introduced philosophy to primary school kids who are already pretty philosophical after seeing all their brothers and sisters die in a series of unrelated French fry fires that I always encounter at school , the only thing I could never figure out was how to unclasp the girls' bras. I just couldn't figure it out and finally realized that these girls were wearing a different type of bra than me. Great, it's not all about school, it will never be as stimulating as life is now for kids because they have blockbuster movies and video games, you know, there's no way school can be as stimulating as Tekken, sir, because?

Do you have the head of a leopard, a calm boy, a ball of fire? Which British athlete will be looking for a new job soon? Tim Hayneman is retiring, isn't he apparently? Yes, the bad back, yes, his decision is due to his two young daughters who beat him regularly. him in straight sets tim if tim henman had won wimbledon it would have been so strange that it would have actually opened a hole in our reality hello henry's and here to present the trophy is winston churchill with the head of a bee bad things to listen to an airplane which is the first cloud I have seen with a lift Louisa and her flight team will take care of you today and your kidnapper's name is ibrahim.

This is a non-smoking flight, though feel free to join me. the booth where we open the window the worst person to marry when I said he was a positive person I meant hiv I have contracted so many sexually transmitted diseases now I ejaculate penicillin he sleeps in bed with us okay no Don't make me choose between you and the wolf, I'm happy to say yes, I do animals. This is an image of the diabolical mastermind Osama bin Laden, but what it does not mean is that he never orders rehabilitation nor does it sloganize him among his friends. apparently he is crazy on the road, that's what he tells me more or less well, if we go out to eat pasta to make nuts on the road, we will do it, but the environment also has it environmental and anything that is a little tasty coming of it without air travel.

We would never have heard of him. Now all politicians have to pretend they're not racist even though they're all very happy to be racist if they think it will get them votes. You know, so you see conservatives pretending not to be conservatives. Be racist, the controls they are putting on immigration from Eastern Europe are terrible. Don't people know that these are the last prostitutes in the world that you can pay with turnips? They need to have English education to the GCSE standard. Yes, yes, yes I am. Someone is giving me a handjob. Do I really care if they read Death of a Salesman?

Yes, in fact, I'll probably make it more depressing. It was the anniversary of Elvis' death recently. People still think that Elvis faked his death. Surely yes. You're going to fake your death, wouldn't you do it in an accident? I mean, you do something brave, wouldn't you rescue a little boy from a river? surely it won't be a work related heart attack that you might suffer, don't feel like a celebrity Navigators you can now get a Princess Diana satnav and it keeps saying, "Put your foot down" I think we may lose them. I'll be honest with you.

That joke can go either way. Middlesbrough Real and Liverpool. What is the question? Has my car been stolen? and cut into three pieces, where is it? What are the first three chapters of the book? places not to grow up gay if I lived in one of those towns I would be happy to die there is a sniper above the town hall cool Let's go there, what was the moment to receive the go-ahead to create? This

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they were given the go-ahead to create human-animal hybrids. Yes, they are exactly, yes, yes, and the scientists are very excited because they've already had tremendous success with Wayne Rooney.

He's injured right now, but the kid has spirit. He's hanging around the sideline like a caged potato on day one. What a new follower would never say. Rape, murder, arson. I've had a fantastic weekend and I can't help but think that if my country was ravaged by famine, I'd just move and if there's one thing to be learned from this high school massacre it's surely this: don't mess with the goths, they're crazy, the next topic is unlikely to read letters aloud. about points of view dear points of view watching queer eye for the straight man made me think that if I made gay friends they would give me fashion advice, in fact the other night I watched Nigella Lawson and learned a couple of good tips about baking bread and in the process I almost ripped myself away from my sheltered upbringing if your idea of ​​a bad guy is someone who brings you a nutritious grain bar someone who runs into the house at 12 at night screaming hide me I've killed a child Here's a photo of Liberal Democrat leader Sir Mingus Campbell at his party conference in Brighton, but what does p-m-o-c mean for horrendous?

It looks scary. Didn't I kill him in level three of Resident Evil? Is it Peter Mandelson's oldest conquest? What problems has he faced at the conference? He's an old bastard. He was the guy who founded the Ming Dynasty. He's not even that much. He's so lifeless and lacks energy. There's more life in Robin Cook. He has one white blood cell left and he's struggling. against the Alamo it's no wonder Flash Gordon won every week, but isn't it? If someone is praying for an early election, I mean, he should be praying for an early election. He is number two on the list in prayers for him after a painless death, he says he wants a greener vision. of Great Britain, yes, he will have a more ecological vision of Great Britain, right? anyone leading them won't make any difference, so I say, come on, let's leave Lee of the blue policies aren't going to come in and fortunately, but once in a while I think gays should declare war on robots, let's spin the roll first.

The topic is help to volunteer

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. Part of the side effect of Scotland's smoking ban is that every pub, no matter how terrible or horrible, now has tables and chairs outside. Basically, Glasgow looks like Paris after a nuclear war. People say there is no such way. a good way to die and those people have never heard the phrase drug fueled sexual heart attack the answer is 25p how much would they have to pay me up front to kill jeremy clarkson? how much would it cost to have sex with miss colombia from 1978 to an enlarged knot hole in the outside door of a bathroom in Bogotá what is the jackpot in Romania, deal or no deal, I took viagra once I took viagra and had an erection during so long that I had to give it its own shelf in the refrigerator, I won I don't bother, I don't bother anymore.

What I do is sprinkle powdered rhino horn on a tiger's gallbladder, but often when I microwave it, the woman manages to escape from saved marriages. Isn't that because people can still fuck their wives long after they become physically repulsive? I wonder about that old woman who gave birth at 63 years old. Yeah, because that baby couldn't have been forced out, I mean, every time. she went for a probably she had to prepare. They've eliminated the famous older brother, haven't they because she had been brilliant that day? 63 and og she is painting a version of guernica using charlie's intestines from the first rusty guy.

It's what a rugby commentator would never say. Rugby was invented at a famous English public school which, of course, was called Saint Bummington's Junior Academy. This young man has a brilliant playing career ahead of him, followed by a dismal speaking career and then. before his suicide at 40. Unlikely things for a royal correspondent to say is the queen with the crown jewels on her head while Prince Philip performs a 69. This man is a good friend of Prince Edward. There is no euphemism for gay Prince Harry. eliminated by the congestion charge, he says he still manages to come to Chelsea twice a day.

It's great to see the whole family waving from the balcony through the scope of my Ak-47. I have to lower my voice because I'm standing. in the echoing halls of camilla's vagina thanks for watching see you next week for the long lasting series with a special until then i'm darbreen, good night