Coronavirus Holiday - SNL

AND NOW A RONA FAMILY CHRISTMAS. I CAN'T BELIEVE 2020 is ALMOST OVER. I'M GOING TO MISS IT. I KNOW. AND WE HAVE TRAVELED NON-STOP ALL YEAR. CHINA, ITALY, NEW YORK, FLORIDA. HOW BIG IS FLORIDA? VERY COOL. I JUST WISH WE HAD A BREAK FROM ALL THE CHRISTMAS PARTIES. HOW MANY CAN THE WHITE HOUSE LAUNCH? I THINK I KNOW WHO HE IS. AH, MY BABY'S HOUSE. HELLO MOM. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST SEMESTER OF UNIVERSITY? IT WAS AMAZING. I took out like an entire bedroom. WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU, HONEY. MY GIRL IS A SUPERSPREADER. I WANTED YOU TO MEET this guy I'm starting to date.

HELLO. NOT TO PUT IT IN REACH BUT WE MET ON THE CONTACT TRACING APP. I did a cleanup on the right. AND IT'S SOMETHING FAMOUS. I guess a little. OH COME ON, TELL THEM. EVERYTHING WELL. IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. BUT... I WAS THE ONE WHO INFECTED HANKS. TOM HANKS? WOW, THAT WAS BASICALLY THE SUPER BOWL OF INFECTIONS, WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT? I'M GOING TO THE WORLD OF DISNEY. THIS IS A GUARDIAN. OH, NOW WHO IS THAT. HELLO, THEY ARE YOUR NEIGHBORS, WE THOUGHT OF COMING OUT OF NOWHERE AND WE WOULD SAY HELLO. WELL THIS IS A SURPRISE.

HONEY, HAVE YOU KNOWN ABOUT HERPES? OH, ACTUALLY I HAVEN'T. EVEN THOUGH STATISTICALLY I SHOULD DO IT. I AM ORAL AND THIS IS MY WIFE'S GENITAL. PLEASE CALL ME JEN. Hey. HEY WHAT'S WRONG? ARE YOU NOT GOING TO INTRODUCE THEM TO YOUR OTHER CHILD? WOW, LOOK WHO'S AWAKE BEFORE 6:00 P.M. JUST IN TIME TO START DRINKING. OH, YES, I AM LITTLE DISINFECTED. AT LEAST I'M NOT A CHEAT LIKE THE REST OF THIS FAMILY. SORRY, MAYBE NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME. IT'S LIKE HERPES IT ONLY OCCURS WHEN YOU ARE STRESSED. SORRY. OH NO NO. OKAY, WE'LL BE BACK.

WE ALWAYS DO IT. WELL, THAT WAS INCREDIBLY RUDE. SORRY MOM, THE PROTEINS ARE NOT PERFECT LIKE MY LITTLE SISTER HERE WHO RETURNED FROM HER FIRST SEMESTER OF THE UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX IN PERSON. WE GIVE YOU EVERY OPPORTUNITY. WE PAID TO SEND YOU TO NEW ZEALAND AND NOW SEE ZERO CASES. PEOPLE GO TO CONCERTS THERE. THAT IS A MISFORTUNE. THINK ABOUT YOUR POOR GRANDMA'S SPANISH FLU. COME, GIVE ME A KISS, I WILL KILL YOU. NOW, SHE INFECTED THE WHOLE WORLD AND THAT WAS BEFORE PLANES. -- MATTHEW EVERYONE. IF YOU DON'T START INFECTING AGAIN, YOUR CAREER IS OVER.

YOU'RE GOING TO END UP LIKE THOSE WASHED VIRUSES BY DANCING WITH SARS. MAYBE YOU WOULD FEEL BETTER IF YOU DINE MORE INDOORS. HEY, I'M JUST FOLLOWING CUOMO'S STAY AT HOME ORDERS. YOU DON'T MENTION CUOMO IN THIS HOUSEHOLD! MANY PEOPLE SAY HE'S THE ONLY REAL LEADER IN THIS COUNTRY RIGHT NOW. YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP IS JUST ONE WHO TAKES CARE OF US, WE STILL WOULD NOT BE HERE WITHOUT TRUMP. AND TRUMP INTRODUCED US TO EVERYONE HE KNOWS, EVEN AFTER HE WAS INFECTED. Now that's a class act. GUYS, DO WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT POLITICS RIGHT NOW?

YOUR BROTHER LIVES IN THE CLOUDS WHEN HE SHOULD LIVE ON THE SURFACES. JARROD I HEARD IT'S NOT EVEN DEADLY LIKE THE REGULAR FLU. LET THE GREAT MAN SPEAK. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT BIG ENOUGH TO BEAT YOUR OLD MAN? DAD, STOP! YOU ARE NOT MY DAD. MAYBE MOM JUST LANDED ON A LUNG CELL AND REPLICATED. YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I WISH YOU'RE NOT MY SON. OH YES, IT MUST BE CHRISTMAS BECAUSE YOUR WISH JUST CAME TRUE. I'M GETTING THE VACCINE. YOU WOULDN'T DO IT. LOOK AT ME. VERY SOON I WILL HAVE THE ANTIBODIES. JOINS THE RADICAL ANTIBO.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US? BECAUSE MOM, YOU NEVER HAD TIME FOR ME. I NEVER WENT TO ONE OF MY NFL GAMES. DAD HAS BEEN SO FOCUSED ON THE SECOND WAVE THAT HE CAN'T EVEN HEAR HIS FIRSTBORN SON ASKING FOR HELP. RONIE, SAY SOMETHING. YOU ARE A BIG VIRUS, SON. YOUR LAUGH WAS ALWAYS SO CONFECTIVE AND YOU GAVE COVID TO THOSE TIGERS AT THE BRONX ZOO, REMEMBER. I don't even know how the hell you managed that. THEY SNEAK INTO THEIR QUEUES OF HER. I KNOW I DON'T SAY THIS ENOUGH, BUT I AM PROUD OF YOU, WE ALL HAVE A LOT TO BE THANKFUL FOR THIS CHRISTMAS.

AND TO THINK THIS TIME LAST YEAR WE WERE JUST A GLOW IN THE EYE OF A SICK BAT. I KNOW THE ODDS ARE AGAINST US, BUT MAYBE 2021 WILL BE EVEN BETTER. We were going to wait to tell you, but we're committed. AND WE MOVED TO RUDY GUILIANI. YAY!