Top 25 CUTEST Animal Acts Ever on America's Got Talent!

this question to the room. What are they going to do differently if a gorilla sneaks up on them? Yes, thanks. I would love to know and it is very appropriate. PM me after the show. I'm desperate to do it. Know what a home field advantage

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yone has with their two Head Start seconds. Nothing ridiculous. Nothing. The only thing they are going to do differently than me is die of fear. That's all. This is a true story when I was 10 years old, my parents. I was sent to Camp Tourette, yes that's where the joke should end, it's a real place and I didn't realize it until this moment but I found out that when other people get it it makes me get more the first day we were put in a circle. hundred children, the boy next to me rolled his shoulders and my Tourette syndrome saw it and took it as a challenge.

I headbutted him. The girl next to her made a full body movement and

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yone saw that and all hell broke loose. my graphs I can't explain why they are true I only know from experience that this is what is going to happen here is my gym locker room I am the blue dot that I start changing the moment I take off all my clothes, they come in 12 guys and this is so true it defies statistics, sometimes statistics sound scary but it's not when you look at it from a different angle when I got married for the first time 44 of marriages ending in divorce is a scary number think about that 40 My wife and I think if we have any chance think about the other side if 44 of marriages end in divorce you know what that means 56 of marriages end in death thank you come on death to separate us those are the two ways that marriages end marriages, friends, if you are married, enjoy it now, it doesn't end well, leave it for my dad, do you know Kelly?

That could mean I love that guy, but he's a loser, why oh my god? I'm seven years old and we have the same job the other day he was like a hunter are you going to work tonight if you go? I'm going to have the same job. My roommate is actually white and he's like, "This is racist, right." all white people are serial killers. I'm like wow, it seems like all the serial killers are white here, man, we're on season 14. Come on, you know what I'm saying, it's a clean sweep, let's go and I feel bad because the whites.

They're actually the only people in the world who can be serial killers. There's no other ethnicity in the world that can get away with eight unsolved murders in a row. You don't think black people want to be serial killers. Of course they do. No. they can. Can you imagine a black sea or a murderer who would be stopped on the way to get supplies? He's never done anything yet. Come on, Indians, Asians, Hispanics, we can't be serial killers, our families are too nosy. What happened to the duct tape? bleach I'm calling the police I say come on mom you raised me son come on I'm 34 I don't look 34 I don't look like I'm any age I just look like I've been through things if 34 is a tough age why don't I She's old, but she's old enough that the world has changed, like I was old enough to remember the time you saw a guy with a tattoo on his neck, well, then you thought, oh, I'm about to see a dead body now.

You see a guy with a tattoo on his neck and all you think is: oh, this latte is going to be amazing and you have to do things to stay young. I do things to stay young. I recently borrowed money from my parents for those who have never borrowed money. from your parents, the crew will know this, celebrities, right?, you'll have to gather your parents and go, hey mother, father, you know how you're supposed to teach me responsibility, well, you failed and that comes with a fine considerable. I just finished. With that it was an open relationship meaning you can be with whoever you want.

I didn't know this apparently the girl can do that too and my girl got the first person I named this guy she told me do you know if this person is a better lover than you I was like what's his name she's like Alejandro I'm like no oh no you couldn't be with uh Eugene you know o o homework you couldn't do homework you couldn't do homework you couldn't do a diamond listen listen if you're not laughing right now if you're not laughing now your name is Eugene, okay , all the Eugenes here are like, actually, I've heard they're pretty vigorous, okay, yeah, so I met this guy and It was a relief because his name was Alejandro but his voice was Eugene.

He said, "Hey man, how you doing? I'm so much better now, this is my son, I landed for him. I don't even know this guy, but I would die for my son." The first time I see him, the first time I touch him, he would die for my son, he's not that crazy? We do that, guys, it's true, because we wouldn't do that for our wives, oh, I'm feeling the heat of women. Wait, wait, let me explain, ladies, wait, wait, look, ladies, the first time we see his tattoo is usually on the first date. No guy in this world dies for you on the first date.

Now let me make you feel better about the situation. If you're on a first date and a guy looks at you and says, I'd die for you, you better run because that guy was about to kill you, but I'd die for my wife now 100, it took a couple of years, but we got there. That's right, if a car jumped the curb and headed toward it, I would back away and grab the hip. That's how much I love her because we've all dated people we wouldn't die for, right? That same car jumps the curve. I guess it was daytime I guess it was daytime The Lord works in mysterious ways I'm the kind of guy ladies that will offer you my jacket if it's cold outside I'll offer you my jacket um but I'm not the kind of guy that, once you turn that down , you cool down, then the offers disappear, you obviously make bad decisions and we shouldn't both suffer for that.

I just found out that he might need reading glasses, so I had to make the difficult decision, you know, to stop reading the forms. I'm pretty good. They made me silhouettes. By the way, I knew I was getting old when I started rooting for kids in horror movies. Thank you. Do you remember how you saw Friday? 13. Halloween teens do something stupid or rebellious, but you still want them to do it, you want them to live, you're like you run a bar and he comes running now. I'm like your mom and dad telling you not to leave the house.