vines that make me drop my croissant (mastered for your poor ears)

I am the sand guardian! Guardian of the sand! Poseidon trembles before Him! FUCK OFF!!! Why do you

make

me sing? I hate singing. When I come in, I don't even do it. Start singing "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey Stop! I could have

drop

ped the

croissant

! I just wanted to go to the bathroom, but now I'm so confused. I'm a woman? I'M A WOMAN??? Yesterday I was diagnosed with cool guy syndrome, haha! I take Adderall now, haha! Hello, I am a lesbian. I thought you were American??? And they were roommates. Oh my god, they were roommates.

The good news is that you are not sick. And the bad news? Well, you will relive this 6 second moment for the rest of

your

life, oh God NO! 🎵Baby can't stay🎵 🎵Baby, it's cold outside🎵 🎵I gotta go🎵 🎵BABY, IT'S COLD🎵 "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey MHMHMH! That's not correct Because according to the lsjbvldasbvadvbadjlv encyclopedia """""Two""""" shots of vodka No, don't do it! Hey? Well, dear diary, today went from good to excellent. Mmmh, is the ice slippery ISIS? Yes, ice is... ISIS. No, ice is... ISIS. Islamic State. Islamic State. Islamic State. Islamic State.

Islamic State. Islamic State. Islamic State. Islamic State. Welcome to the Bible study, we are all children of Jesus... 🎵 Kumbayaaa, my Lord! 🎵 Hello, welcome to chili's ADAM! There's something about cracking that whip that you just know, like Oh! Look at this: Boom. It just keeps me going... Don't be afraid to be exactly who you are. Even if that means being a little different. Even if that means being a soccer ball or an iPad! Emergency? Someone at our dance has been murdered, please help! Calm down, we don't want to panic! At the disco. "I write sins, not tragedies" by Panic!

At The Disco Stop Saying I Look Like Chicken Little! He's stupid and cowardly! AND I AM NOT A COWARD! what are you doing this summer? Oh! In fact, I'm going to Madagascar! Oh! I'M GOING TO MADaGaScAr Jared, could you read issue #23 for the class? No I can not. Dad? I'm Jared, I'm nineteen y

ears

old and I never learned to read. So how was the pasta? Oh! It was great, send my congratulations to the Chef! Alright! Hello cook! Yeah? You have beautiful eyes. "Two Of Hearts" by Stacey Q 🎵You're my dad🎵 🎵You're my dad! Boogie Woogie Woogie🎵 Hello everyone, today my brother pushed me.

So I'm starting a kickstarter to defeat it. The benefits of killing him would be that I would be put under much less pressure. You can't sit with us! Actually, Megan, I can't sit anywhere! I have hemorrhoids. "Take On Me" by a-ha Objection,

your

honor! What is it? *slap* Canceled! This one is to end racism! "Cool for the summer" by Demi Lovato *Flexing piano and singing skills* 🎵Shut up, damn🎵 Today I'm playing Mozart's Symphony No. 40 in G minor oh my god. Are there good police officers? Let me show you something. He is here. Let's let him sleep.

I saw you hanging out with Kaitlyn yesterday. But, Rebecca, it's not what you think! I won't hesitate, bitch! Merry Christmas It's chrismmm Happy crisis Merry chrysler "Drop It Like It's Hot" by Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell Now we'll play the deceased's favorite song: "SIMPLE2" by iMovie "The child (Faze action tea party mix)" by Alex Gopher "Around the World (La La La La La)" by ATC "All I want for Christmas is you You" by Mariah Carey "Shots" by LMFAO ft. Lil Jon "Run Away With Me" by Carly Rae Jepsen It's Wednesday my friends aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAH??? Are they helium balloons?

I already told you, the car is not for having helium balloons!! Ah, it's too late, we're flying away! Hahahaha I do that! What is your name? What the fuck? Go to del taco, they have something new called FR E SH A FR E EHEH FR E SH A VOCA DO FR E SH A VO That awkward moment when you're flipping through someone's old Instagram photos and accidentally comment on the entire declaration of independence Oh, shit "Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson You will never save Prince Horatio, I, dragon king, will take you down... ...Dennis Hehe, that's me Who do you think is the sexiest girl in school?

The Epcot Ball Well, I like Melanie and not just because she's pretty... Epcot... Jobs on the road ahead? Oh? Yeah! I hope so! "Yeah!" By Usher feat. Lil Jon, Ludacris Hello baby Happy one year I'm 27 y

ears

old- 🎵I want to see my little one🎵 🎵Here he comes🎵 🎵I want to see my little one🎵 Well, if it's not Captain America But it's me No, it's an expression Your Nazi tricks They won't work on me. There is only one race: the human race. What's up with NASCAR? Why do we need labels? Gay? Force? We are all humans! Are you eating mayonnaise?

It's just food, why do we need labels? STOP "You Make My Dreams" by Daryl Hall and John Oates Like, I'm not racist, but... No, you are. You are a racist ass. CHRIS IS A WEED No, this is a crayon I'M CALLING THE POLICE 911 What's your emergency? While the X-Files theme plays, I mean, four female ghostbusters? Feminists are taking power! I'M A GROWN VIRGIN On the subject of Ghostbusters 🎵two brothers, relaxing in a hot tub🎵 🎵five feet apart because they're not gay🎵 I'll go out *PANTS* Like my favorite Diana Ross song *sigh* Because it reminds me how gay I am .

Damn, I was born in the wrong generation. I wish I were in the 13th century. Where there is no drinking water or electricity. And they all died from the plague. "Take On Me" by a-ha. So there is no head. ? Hehe 420 Do you even smoke marijuana, friend? No, it smells disgusting and the brownies are pretty good on their own. Also, 420 is a marijuana thing. How did you defeat Captain America? We shot him in the legs because his shield is the size of a dinner plate and he's an idiot So, are you a boy or a girl? ARE YOU A DICK OR A BIG BITCH? guys....

The glasses broke aaaaAAAAAAAH "Summertime Sadness" By Lana Del Rey I have new glasses, friends aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAH I'm an LGBT ally and this is a safe space! So what are your problems? Confusion and disgust What? Because???? 💦 Dear diary: I couldn't find my diary today. So I'm writing this on my two Kung Fu Panda 2 DVDs. Here it is: the Tumblr logo. What do you think? Do you think this is a fucking joke? Hurry up, we're going to be late for school, bro, relax, I don't know why you're in such a hurry. The Big Time Rush song begins to play "I Don't Care" by Usher featuring Juicy J.

Thanks for hanging up. the cake for us Why is the inside of the cake blue? The cake has spoken! That? The boy will have a penis! (Penis, penis, penis, penis) ALL GREETINGS GENDER Hello beautiful, what is your name? Hey! No! Miss me with that gay shit! Oh? So there's no... Mr. Me with that gay shit? "Take On Me" by a-ha PUSSY