Unqualified Relationship Advice, Indian Matchmaking & WAP - SimplyPodLogical #26

Ben: Hey, what's up? Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Simply Podlogic, a Simply Nailological podcast. Cristina: Hello. Ben: Today we're going to give you some absolute

relationship

advice

, because, you know, we're

relationship

goals. Cristine: No. Ben: That's what they told us. Cristine: According to memes on the internet, which I don't really consider a credible source. Ben: Yes. We are an Internet relationship. We've been together, how long? Eight years? Cristina: something like that. Ben: People seem to see us as an example of a healthy relationship. I don't know. You don't know what happens behind the scenes, but people seem to like it when we talk about relationships and we thought it would be something fun.

Cristine: Yes. Ben: you know, helping you resolve your little quarrels and disputes with your partner. Christina: Yes. Ben: Right? I have to say, I think the idea of ​​"

unqualified

" relationship

advice

might be redundant, because what really is "qualified" relationship advice? Cristine: I mean, is there such a thing as a relationship expert? Is that a field or discipline you can become an expert in? Ben: I think there are relationship coaches or people who call themselves experts, but I... Cristine: Or maybe there are therapists or counselors who have special training in couples therapy. I know this exists, so maybe not.

I want to debunk him completely. But for us, just like individuals, just because you are or have been in a relationship doesn't really make you a relationship expert. Ben: But I don't really think that someone is really an ex--- Like I don't... I don't think I really buy it and you know, like no one really knows what's going on in a relationship. outside of the two people in a relationship, so at the end of the day, it's your job to figure out what's okay and what's not for you. Cristina: Touché. Yes, sure. Ben: And, you know, speaking of hardcore relationship advice, this is a bit of a tangent, but we recently watched a show on Netflix...

Do you know where I'm going with this? Christina: Yes. Ben: We watched a show called Indian Matchmaking. In fact, we watched it because we know someone who was involved in the production. They told us about it and we had also seen the ads on Netflix. But basically it's a show about arranged marriages and these matchmakers in India who help match people up or help families find suitors or brides for their children. Cristine: Not just in India: the head matchmaker was also making some matches in the United States. Ben: Sure, yeah. So they are also working here.

So the show is very interesting, very well done. At the risk of seeming culturally insensitive, arranged marriages seem pretty fucked up. Like it's a really strange practice. Cristine: I think when... Yeah, let me clarify this distinction here. There is

matchmaking

and then there are arranged marriages that families arrange for other reasons. There is nothing wrong with

matchmaking

since people do it all the time. People meet on match.com and then meet their future wife. So there's a difference between a computer algorithm that can find something or someone for you and then this professional matchmaker. So neither of us (I think I speak for both of us) address any real problems, right?

Ben: Okay. Well, I guess... I guess we're not going to get into a deep conversation about the cultural practice of arranged marriages in India. There's a lot of... That show glosses over a lot of the caste asp: the class and caste aspect of pairing people off. It's a very subtle thing in the show, but like someone is saying, "I just want to marry someone from this very specific region of India" or something like that and "I'm not willing to accept someone with dark or light skin." .." It's quite complicated, honestly. Cristine: Someone said that on the show.

Yeah, they didn't want an Indian person who was too dark, those were their words. Ben: Yeah. They also didn't get into the topic of the dowry system, which I think it's illegal there, but it's still very much enforced. Anyway, there's been a very valid criticism of the show that it sort of glosses over the more problematic aspects of arranged marriage, so I don't want to ignore that: I want to acknowledge it. that review cristina: yeah Ben: But I think our funniest observation from watching the show is that the matchmaker was just terrible at her job. I think that was at least our perspective, right Cristine: I mean, maybe? it was and it was just for entertainment, because that's ultimately what it produced, it was an entertaining series.

Ben: But these families would come up to this woman and say, "I'm thirty years old and I'm this tall and this is where this is where it was." I'm in my life and this is what I do." I'm looking at the couple.' And she went back to her calendar and said, 'Oh, she's a little tall.' I just need to find someone tall and from this very specific region of India." Cristine: You mean her "bio data." She goes back to her bio data. Ben: So they put these people on a date and they clearly don't They have nothing in common: their priorities and values ​​in life are completely different, but they checked a box that said they were higher than the woman and that they were from a very specific group that they cared about. of matchmaking on very superficial things, which I think shows that choosing someone based on a minimum height requirement or where their family is from may not be the best indicator of whether or not you will find them valuable as partners for the whole. life.

Ben: Yeah, yeah. There you go. Cristina: To sum it up. Ben: In a nutshell. Ben: Anyway, that was just a rant to start with, because today we're going to answer some questions we got from you guys. some questions they have about relationships, situations they are in, and we can decide on them. them and... Cristine: Rule over them? Ben: You can choose to listen to us or not: our unconditional advice. Cristina: Don't listen to us. This is for entertainment purposes only. Disclaimer: We are not matchmaking or relationship experts. Ben: Better expert than that Indian matchmaker woman. Okay, first one from Jordan Woloshyn." "My partner leaves cereal boxes open and they go stale after a few days.

That I have to do? Should I stay with her just for the sake of the cats (we have four)?" Cristine: Well, cats...you get my point. Ben: Is this a deal breaker, Cristine? Cristine: You know, even cats I was ready to be like... Ben: Break up with her? Cristine: Does cereal really go stale in just a few days Ben: Well, here's what I say: If this were the worst thing you could say about? your partner, Cristine: Stick with them Ben: I think you're fine. I think the biggest red flag here is that if you're an adult who still routinely eats Fruit Loops for breakfast, you probably should. get ready Cristine: Yeah, maybe switch to something like oatmeal.

Today we don't even have a sponsor. Ben: It doesn't have to be oatmeal but, you know, cereal is for kids, right? okay? Cristine: Oatmeal doesn't go stale. Ben: Well, who cares about oatmeal? Well, next question: "My boyfriend looks at Instagram models. every day and he comments on his appearance with his friends. I feel like it's micro-cheating, but he says it's just 'locker room talk.'" Cristine: Ugh, this got serious. Ben: What do you think, Cristine? Is it just locker room talk? Cristine: Well, first Everything, let's analyze this. Looking at Instagram models with your friends is not cheating.

I like it if you are... Why do they look? Ben: I don't think that's why they're looking. Christine: No? Ben: Well, yeah, it's a little weird that... I can't really imagine me and my friends sitting around scrolling through an Instagram feed just to see pretty girls without it seeming like something pretty weird. So I'm having trouble putting myself in his position. Cristine: I can relate to this from my college days, even though I wasn't. It's really about looking at Instagram, but when I lived in a house with several guys who were nineteen years old, they would talk about which girls at the bar were the hottest and who they would fuck, for example.

And that type of talk between men, even though I was just overhearing it, when they were together it definitely perpetuated and encouraged this type of dirtier talk in the locker room that I didn't hear them talk that way individually to me or to each other. , but it was just when they were in this particular group of men that they all talked like idiots. Ben: I think... Cristine: Why, man? Explain yourself! Ben: I'm not going to defend that. I think this question depends a lot on how the man on stage or on any stage talks about women.

Because one thing is like we've been in a relationship for eight years, like we're not dead, and it's possible to find another... For example, if I'm scrolling through Instagram, I might see a cute girl. I'm not going to comment on it, but like she's not dead. I still notice that there are other attractive people in the world. I think it's more about how you act on that behavior. Crisine: Maybe it's more a question of respect. I think it would be a little disrespectful if her partner started saying "Oh yeah, this girl is so hot" and said that to her friend.

Ben: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating nachos." Cristine: Yeah, or like saying how would you fuck her or something. As if that would be disrespectful to your current partner. Ben: It's weird that she knows anything about this, because I like guys who get angry and maybe make a comment about a girl, but I like the fact that if you do it openly in front of your partner or others, that's pretty weird. . Cristine: He may just be trying to show off and play a role in his friend group, which is unfortunate and I think that, or I hope that, most men, especially, grow out of that behavior over time, but it's like if they grew up. of that or they don't do it and then they are kind of idiots forever.

So let's hope that maybe this is something your boyfriend is just doing to please his friends, which I'm not saying he's good at... I think it's bullshit and that's what happened to me when I listened to my ex. .My peers or a lot of my male friends talked this way and it was so disgusting and disgusting and just like, "Come on guys, grow up." So over time, hopefully, people like this grow up and stop participating in these strange social circles. Ben: Yeah, no. That's a good answer and I would just add, not to make it political, but there was a lot of talk about whether you just have to accept that men talk a certain way about women when they're behind closed doors, pigeonhole. room?

Cristine: Right, and we shouldn't just accept that. I do not like that. Ben: It depends on what you're really saying, because I've heard it used as justification for men and politicians to say pretty... Cristine: Like Trump? Ben: Exactly, like when Donald Trump gets caught saying he's a powerful guy so he can grab women without his consent. Many people defended that as locker room talk. I just want to say that I've been in locker rooms with other guys. If another guy had suddenly spoken up and said, "Hey, I'm so hot that I can walk up to a girl and just grab her and she can't do anything about it." We'd all look at that guy like he was a piece of shit, not like, "Ha ha, that's locker room talk." Cristine: But look, here's something that...

I appreciate it and that makes you a good guy and a good person. However, I have met, and I'm sure you have met, other guys in your experience who didn't have that reaction and were instead happy to engage in that conversation. So you can't just deny the fact that there are so many guys who just happily participate and perpetuate this "locker room" normalization. Ben: I guess. I just think it's much more common to have locker room conversations like, "Hey, did you see that girl at the bar? She was so hot." She wouldn't "do it", you know, no more...

I don't know how much more... Cristine: But your experience is that, at least among the men you've had... you've been friends. with, as if no one had been so unpleasant. I, on the other hand, have witnessed unpleasant conversations that I did not appreciate. But it was so normalized, like I didn't say anything when I was nineteen just listening to this. Ben: Yeah, I don't know. This is hard. I see so many levels of nuance in this question that I don't think we can give a single final decision or not, and it also depends on how comfortable you feel.

Do you go out with your friends, drink a lot of wine and talk about how sexy Ryan Gosling is? Because it is more or less the same? I don't know. Cristine: Yes, it really depends. It depends on... You know your boyfriend best; You know him as a person. So if you feel like this is a detriment to your relationship and he's hurting your feelings and you've expressed that to him and he's showing that he doesn't care, then I think it's definitely a cause for concern. Yeah. Ben: Okay, that's a good point. Alright, let's move on: "My partner doesn't work because of the pandemic, but I do.

This means he's home alone all day and wants to spend every moment I'm home by my side. But I work in retail - I spend my life surrounded by people and sometimes I just want a few hours to myself when I get home. He always gets mad at me if I go to take a bath.Ben: It also means that the cats could, you know, hit him and knock him down, I guess, but... Cristine: They could do it either way. Ben: But who really cares, right? Cristine: I mean, I always hang it up, because I end up using more toilet paper, so I'm the one who replaces it.

Ben: Okay. Cristine: Have you ever hung up some toilet paper? Ben: Is that a legitimate question? Have I ever put out a roll of toilet paper... Cristine: I feel like I'm always the one putting out the toilet paper rolls recently. Ben: Why are you always finishing it? Cristina: Yes. Ben: I already bought new toilet paper before, yes. Cristine: But did you post it? Ben: Okay, next question. Oh, and Michelle's last question: "I put the maple syrup in the cupboard and my boyfriend keeps it in the refrigerator. Who's right?" Cristine: Well, I guess the real question is: is this syrup fake or is it real maple syrup?

Ben. She's saying maple syrup. Let's assume we're talking about maple syrup. Cristine: Real maple syrup? Ben: Real maple syrup. Cristine: So if it's real maple syrup, it's stored in the refrigerator. If it's fake corn syrup, that shit doesn't matter. It doesn't matter where you put it. For all I care, throw it in the trash. Ben: Here's what I'll say about this one, just so there's a little compromise, you know? I don't want to cause any fights here. You know, if that bottle of maple syrup lasts more than a few weeks and you want to preserve its quality for months, you should store it in the refrigerator.

Christina: Yes. But if you're using tons of maple syrup and that bottle is going to run out soon and you prefer it at room temperature, I think that's fine too. Cristine: But it tastes sweeter when it's in the refrigerator. It brings out the maple sugar crystals, if we're talking real maple syrup, not that Aunt Jemima crap. Ben: Okay. Alright. Thank you. Michelle. I hope that this serious problem in your relationship is resolved. Cristina: Look at them. They are so cute in her profile picture. Ben: Alright, there are the questions of the week. How do you feel, Cristina?

Do you think we made anyone break up? Ben: I hope not, guys. Just because we've been in a relationship for eight years doesn't make us experts. Ben: Yes. Cristina: Right, Ben? Ben: No, absolutely not. We're still figuring it out as we go, right? Christina: Every day. Ben: And that's the fun thing about having a partner Cristine: Trying to live together. Ben: In crime. Christina: Yes. Ben: There was a good mix of silly and serious stuff. I think I just want to be a little careful because like some of them, it really depends on your values ​​and your kind of comfort with who you are and who you want to be, and no one can really answer that for you, right?

Cristine: Yeah, don't look to an influencer for their two-minute response to answer your... a really important question in your life. I guess if you're talking about a relationship in your life, that's incredibly important, unless it's not important to you. So that's another discussion. But these things shouldn't be taken lightly and you shouldn't just follow the advice of Ben: Strangers Cristine: or reddit, right? How to read a forum. I would not do that. Maybe talk to other people in your personal life who know the person you're in a relationship with, if you're just looking for someone to talk to about it.

Ben: Yeah, that's totally fair. And apologies to LaurDIY. We were having her today to talk about her perspective on Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B's new song, WAP. Cristine: Oh, were we? Ben: I think that's... I think it means "Waffle and Pancakes," so I'm wondering if you could put maple syrup... Cristine: Yeah, Joana said that. Ben: Oh yeah, Joana Ceddia. Yeah, that's where I got that. Cristine: You have a very good perspective on waffles and pancakes. Ben: Anyway, Cristine: Delicious. Ben: LaurDIY couldn't make it because she went a little crazy last night until nine. She partied too much.

She slept late and missed the call. But I hope we can get it another day. Cristine: Yes Ben: What do you think... What do you think of that WAP? Waffles and pancakes? For anyone who doesn't know, there's a new Cardi B song that's very sexually explicit about... That's kind of your thing in general, right? I guess a lot of her songs are about "I'm a woman who enjoys sex." And then there's a lot of conversation about whether that's empowering or not, and it seems to really trigger a lot of conservative people. Christina: Yes. People with platforms that are conservative seem to get very angry at the idea of ​​these women singing these songs.

Cristine: And I think that's the goal of music and everything is to activate those particular people. They want to bother them and make them feel uncomfortable, because, for decades, it's always been the opposite, where men could brag about their sexual prowess and whatever they did and be admired, so now all of a sudden women are doing it, These conservative men say, "That's immoral." So I think that's the point of all this. It's like something... Yeah. As for my personal feelings, I don't really care. Because, I mean, personally, I wouldn't empower myself like my little sock to be like Cardi B.

I'd feel so dumb. Ben: Do that? doing those dances; I don't think I can do it. But if that makes you feel good as a woman and empowers you, then that's great too. Ben: Good for you. Christina: Yes. Ben: Yeah, I think we're totally on the same page, which is really absurd and kind of funny, but also sad to see people react to this like it's something morally abhorrent and terrible for our culture. "How dare these women talk about enjoying sex," right? At the same time, I've noticed that anyone who questions whether or not these songs empower women is immediately labeled a misogynist.

And, you know, like I was reading... I heard the song and in one of the verses it talks about, you know, "You know, I'm so good at sex that I get a man to pay for." things for me." cristina: ah. Ben: I don't really... You know, I'm just a guy. I really don't know why a woman would find that empowering. Cristina: Good point. Ben: You know what I mean? Cristine : I haven't looked closely at the lyrics. I watched the music video. Ben: Okay, cristina: But ultimately, if that's a lyric, that takes away from what I thought was its main message, which was: We, as women, are powerful and can do whatever we want on our own.

We don't need your money or your help. Which I think is a general message. Ben: I think it's more about, "I'm a woman who can talk." graphically about enjoying sex." And I think you touched on something earlier, like for years we've had hip-hop music from men that is very... brags about their sexual conquests. Cristine: They say "I fucked her from behind." or something like that. Ben: So this is kind of a response to that, but I also wonder, when we hear male rappers, you know, brag about having sex with a lot of women, I know some people.

They think that's cool and I guess a lot of kids like that, but I hear that, I think it's just silly, right? Cristine: Like Shaggy's song, "It Wasn't Me." "I have it in the bathroom..." Ben: I guess, just more raw things like that or like rap... Music videos that are full of girls shaking their butts which is like sexually objectifying women; I roll my eyes at those things. And similarly I wonder: A female response to that: Is that empowering or is that similar to who these people are? Cristine: I mean, they're taking the culture and turning it on. his head.

Maybe that's just part of making similar statements. Ben: Are they, though, if the lyrics still say "I'm so good at," you know, "sex that this guy's going to pay my tuition"? I think that was one of the lines. Cristine: Did it say pay your tuition? Ben: Yes. Cristine: Well, tuition, okay! Just kidding. Ben: She's trying to empower herself and move further. Cristine: Oh, interesting twist here. Ben: I guess. Anyway, I'm just a guy, so who cares what I think. But... Yes, yes. Do whatever floats your boat. Alright, I think that's all. Just, do you have anything else for us?

Cristine: Let's start. I leave. Ben: He's very effusive. Cristina: I'll leave it. Ben: Okay, see you next Taco Tuesday. Cristine: Like a Holo Taco. Thank you all. (Cristine: Wet like my shiny taco.) Ben: Shh! Arrest! Stop right now. See you next Taco Tuesday. Thanks for tuning in. Cristine: Thank you very much for watching. Both: See you later. Christina: Bye!