UNHhhh Ep 35: "Hollywood" w/ Trixie Mattel & Katya Zamolodchikova

Hi, I'm Brittany Murphy after Girl Interrupted but before Sim City threw in the towel oh that was a good time yeah but it soon got dark no no I'm old and I'm my best friends and I Betsey Johnson star the Serie. to the video that will soon be the classic Gothic Busters and welcome to the show, we will talk about whatever we want because listen, hey, it's our show, I have yours, no, barely yours, definitely, yes, yours, I'm just here to provide feedback cultural, you look great today. we have returned to our roots we yes, we return to my roots we return to the basics the key without a lock your jewelry is always a confusing piece of a larger narrative thank you very much we can a lot why is the eyeball there let's find out later, I hope it has a choker and I'm what highlights my neck red because I'm white you're a redneck I'm a redneck woman I don't have high heels abroad floating completely planted you know what Alaska if you?

I don't know Alaska when all the stars and she are and she said we don't have to wear heels and spikes anymore boom boom combo how do you do it anyway? Her network does that job we call it Ron does that job again I don't I don't know why she doesn't tell him to put a hat on his foot either, right? But I've got them okay, Ron, it's okay, it's okay, thanks, it's digging into my fingers, what are we talking about? Well, this is our story. I moved to Los Angeles. a little over a year ago and you lived here over a month ago did you always want to come here not as an East Coaster for a long time on the East Coaster my whole image of Los Angeles was always traffic and smog in fake people but here's the thing brief uh Keep an eye out for fake people the next time you hear someone complain about people being fake.

Plot twist that doesn't know how to be real. Absolutely true. Traffic is as bad as they say. I don't think so, not really. What do you know? Traffic is bad, but it's not the worst. Why are people here happy? Sometimes it takes 15 minutes to get to the stored water from my house, sometimes it takes 45 minutes, but you know what that entails, being strategic and performing better. shoe, frankly, when you wear those little Japanese flip flops with it, you know, or I'm going to get a pedicure and you know how long I'll be wearing those little foam lips in two weeks, oh, I mean, have you ever used a foam? platform sandal, yes, when I did Baby Spice on Spice Road, brave white flip flops taped and screwed to my chest.

I don't want to talk about it again, why did you mention it? Well, I'm sorry, what I'm talking about is did you know that it was right in New York and you can't tell the people there that it's great, no, it's a huge rivalry, I don't know why, because they're like, are you kidding me? There is garbage in the street here and it is very expensive, it is the best. Really because in Los Angeles everyone is beautiful. I know I don't agree and I'm okay with that. I'm fine with being a five surrounded by ten because he keeps me humble, but the thing here is that in Los Angeles you're a five surrounded by zeroes. and tens for negative 5 and 15 as if it were theirs, what is good, bad or ugly? my GPG bra yes Raja Fiji my cost I'm like move yes my GPG bra no no but you're my I could be the guy sitting in a shopping cart throwing his pads out a world of wonders no no I'm the middle five but did you know?

Ah, but it's magical, it's the most magical city in the world, it's beautiful here, hey, do you think Harry Potter was made? You've done something? I was in other night spots besides here, but you know I was in New York and they were like no, no, okay, no. He was riding the train and they said, "Don't touch the third rail or you'll die," and I said, "Do it." People sometimes commit suicide on the train and this girl was like, yeah, it's super dirty, that's New York, so I said what's eert like someone who ended their life, yeah, she's like, yeah, dude, 3m when there's only one every 20 minutes anyway, boom, that's new.

York City, have you climbed up to the Hollywood sign? Yes, I have to take you up there and it is much prettier from afar. Yeah, you get here and you realize there's a bunch of white walls shaped like short letters, there's Anna, it's like KKK here. badges on the back there's a diaper filled with that bottle of Arizona iced tea, but guess what, there's also a totally Shaymin witch doctor out there who's like oh yeah and he's you, yeah of course it's me, but I'm there and I mean and I want. which you know, RuPaul says we're pulses in Hollywood, it's just an idea, not a place exactly, which is 100% true, but it's also a place where we're here now, we're here, Hollywood Boulevard, that's where we are.

Right now we're under, this is such a tourist destination, here's why, well you've been here, you realize there's no reason to come to the boulevard, look, you just buy some wigs or come fill it up, fill those wonders of the world or see a colorful character completely taking his pads out do you want to see this yes, that is the reality mom this guy yesterday he was running after the elections running down the street he was running down the street and his shirt had the button twisted and came out and said she doesn't You won't win who Hillary Oh, shouting it out, yeah, a little, so you got something in your eyes, just look at that real quick, I got you, wait, double star that was the five Ron, can you work with that ?

You can do it? Five star combo. Can I get one? five star sun five star comma extra sauce you have mom if he doesn't estimate I have my bases covered singing the blues the problem is hugging Boulevard this totally belongs I broke my fat Wow Katya in the music challenge where you did the saxophone right , let me read it furious because it is a measured instrument that is read to read, yes, we wanted you in the saxophone challenge to be metallic in Mozart's one-one-one, older than me, than a joke. Do I hear that in the gym?

I heard your verse at the gym what happened what's bone black black white and red everywhere vampire blood drinking you're starting over yeah just a flesh wound Monty Python we have a first aid kit thank God it's just a small cut that we can We can't be trusted to sit in a wig without getting hurt it was the saxophone oh don't touch me if you're not going to heal my body, mind and soul on this finger, stay away from me Ron she's not okay now I'm talking about the cut The stigmata of Ron Ron Elia is a fantasy.

Here's why when I went up to the Hollywood sign you could look down from the top of the mountain and everything looks like Los Angeles, but then there's a little bit of brown in the Hogwarts castle, that universal. in the middle of The era like oh really yes Jaws stuff yes and there's a dragon there that breathes fire it depends if you irritate it yes you want to feel my tits yes oh no, you're going to shake it no, I don't know, maybe, I don't know if They're supposed to feel a little bit, they feel heavy, yeah, like a baby, um, yeah, no, that had a pun in it, but I didn't know there's a drag race.

Queen. I won't say who who he was is who is with the jury this ship when the 4.4 boarded my forehead it's time to change the accessories mom Ronald Ronald Aaron Chris Chris Chris is my boob Chris do you think this is a joke Chris Chris Chris Do you know who I am um by Chris no, here it is, so here's the thing: the weather here you guys just came here, you just came to California, it's so much better, it's so beautiful and it's never too hot when I go see Elena and stuff I could have taken as many as I can in this arc and we could return to California.

A big reason I always wanted to move here is because if you don't know Barbie's real name Barbara Millicent Roberts she is from a fictional town in Wisconsin this is all true and she moved to California that's her story she went to Malibu so it's fun for me to move here you know my name my initials rpm by McCook bowel movement for them with what's your last name I'm kidding anyway it better be a Gong Sound, phone it up, phone it up, Ron Ron , we have to fart. Put Chris in if you're not going to cooperate, but I think we have the same farts.

Simply put, I think it's the only way to experience California. is to come at least visit it yourself where to go and California. I suggest Palm Springs Palm Springs. I also suggest Hollywood Boulevard. I also suggest walking to the wisdom tree. What I can do. Tree of Knowledge. What is the tree of wisdom? It's a hike, take a hike literally, oh. I like to walk because it's so stupid to say that I like to walk it's so stupid because the truth is sometimes done I'm so sorry, no, you just stole your little one, I want to kiss you, can you?

I make a confession, there was a time when I felt sexually attracted to Trixie Mattel and that happened yesterday. Now listen, romantic love is a fickle friend. Real love is like a twist. That all flows, but um, sexual attraction. Here is the teamahma. The sex isn't that great, it's great when it's great, but it's not better than. Great because the sex you have isn't always that good. Oh, and don't forget to subscribe to while President, you're going to try to lick me. No, Victoria, you know I'm very grown up now. That's fine thanks. I'm talking about Los Angeles.

It's a great place to connect the dots between the real world on paper like I'm a little monster, it would be a horror movie if you can't handle me on my Miss Cleo, you don't deserve me on my highway. up Molly, you're a girl from Los Angeles, are we done?