UNHhhh 139: Ready 4 Love

how funky your chicken is how funky your chicken is how loose your fat is my hole is totally loose you know when you have an outfit made for something and then you think of it for that yeah you'll always think of this like it's my food get dressed this is it when you were in Little Hammer competing in 1992 92, that's right, yeah, yeah, and those skates didn't tie, no, I had to go up to the judges and show them your broken skate and I said I forgot, can I have it? A score anyway, did I tell you about Sean White when I worked with him and he told me that and I said, Congratulations on winning the drag race?

I told him you have four Olympic gold medals, yes, thank you, yes, but you don't compare to I'm fine, I want a cross-dressing reality show competition, yes, you slid down the hill. Hi, I'm looking for

love

in all the long places. Trixie Mattel and I've been rubbing my bathroom towels again and welcome to the show. where we talk about whatever we want because it is our program and not yours no no no we yes, let's talk about

love

wow, I love love, I really love it, if you can't explain being in love with a person who has never been in love, can you? as I would do it?

You explain it, I don't know to be honest, um, I'm

ready

to fall in love, obviously, look at this outfit, she's a Russian hooker, he's a bossy bald bottom, get

ready

to vomit because this December, Katya is ready for love , this movie is. banned everywhere look at this outfit says ask for help Can I say something I don't want you to say? Can I say something? No, you can't say it yet because I have to tell you why I am in love with the idea of ​​becoming love, I am ready to be controlled to the end, I am ready to be micromanaged, scrutinized and completely possessed by an Italian-American man, that is not the love, just so you know it's not, it sounds like you want to be in an abusive relationship.

That's exactly what I'm saying, listen up, okay, it's not that you're not adorable, it's just that I can't imagine you falling in love with someone, it happened once, it happened, who was it, wow, I'll turn on the music, yeah, throw away the microphone. it happened once and it wasn't reciprocated really yes, a long time ago, really, many, many years ago, are you making this up? because when you tell a real story, when you tell a fake story, they sound exactly the same, so I never know. What's going on? Do you want a boyfriend. Tell people you have a boyfriend because gay men crave nothing more than something they can't have.

If you start wearing a wedding ring, people will want to be your boyfriend. How about a wedding dress? altar sympathy guy guys don't want sympathy what's the name of your new fragrance the name of my new fragrance sympathy is the least you can do is a look well that's a good thing this is my I'm falling in love why in this scenario are you running oh why are you waiting why why are you leaving oh I fell in love like you peed your pants oh I'm falling in love for my leg oh I fell in love ow ooh ow why call the doctor what happened is when I came home from the math tournament I I refused to ride, I said I would walk in the summer and I fell on a grass dart that got on me and I started peeing and I felt like I was losing control, I know, I'm not.

I'm listening to you, I'm really asking you. Yes, if you were in love, what do you think that person would be like? Let me tell you that his name is Diego, but I am flexible with the name, only in the name. um, I'm pretty open, but his name has to be yes, I figured it out, he's between 38 and 42, he's from Mexico City, he has money, but he did his own in music engineering, he's a mathematical mind, he loves music , shapes and patterns. He's not very good with languages ​​but he speaks English and he moved to Los Angeles about four years ago, but he still doesn't have a really good social circle.

We meet at a club on Sundays at 4 or 6 p.m. like a tea dance for goths. People, I will say this: you have a bit of an obsession with youth and beauty and you like younger guys. I think you would probably fall in love with someone younger than you. I don't believe it. I do not want that. Didn't I just tell you that guy? Have you been in love since you were 16? uh let's just say notable crushes, I'm sure that's it, although notable crushes, which is the name of your dating service, notable crushes and it's like it's an absolutely notable crush. sponsored by sympathy you could be in a couple no triangles are not good a triangle is the strongest shape each side supports each other equally but that's true that was a smart thing I love myself but what if don't you wait? at the same time you are not, so you are isosceles, yes, yes, I mean, yes, there has to be something for me in this, although now I have decided that I need a boyfriend who speaks French, really, yes, I need to practice what It's more, I mean, what it is. the most reliable thing that's the best thing about relationships is what language I want to learn I'm not kidding that's me megan my friend megan we only saw men as a means to a linguistic end someone who helped because you need a You need a lot of practice, you need to do the internal, but you know what the French love to do.

They speak English perfectly. They are not trying to help you. They are surely not Chinese. Maybe that's too ambitious. I am 40 years old. Yes too. Why do you need to know French? I don't need, I want because he is French. Oh, that's what I. So you want, wait, you want a boyfriend to teach you French because you need French to talk to him because he's your boyfriend. a perfect triangle perfect triangle I stayed up all night the first time I fell in love I stayed up all night with butterflies in my stomach Can I share with you an important story from my youth? give me that give me that give me that mirror is that okay with you? about jumping in the mall, I was in a hotel that was connected to a mall, I was walking through the mall and I thought I wanted to get some action, not in the mall, in my hotel room, so this guy said, "Find me." on the second floor of the neiman marcus in the handicapped stall and I'm thinking, girl, I'm not 12 years old.

I also have a hotel room, yeah, come here, so let's go to the hotel room, okay, sure, come to the hotel room. try the hunter, he said oh, I can't understand it, I can only go in if it's public and I say, okay, damage, get out of here, sure, I mean, okay, then he says, ugh, I guess I'll be in the second one. floor then even marcus and he leaves and I was like yeah okay bye three you're gone I'm not going to confirm or deny what happened because I'm too famous to drop a union anemone marcus you need this marked did you need is it marked? that's what they should call it they made this marking but let's say you did fall in love I um but I thought you wanted to be in love you said you were ready to be in love sounds like you're ready no I am I'm just kidding why do you want to be in love?

Oh, I think because I've completely grown and changed in the last two days. I'm sorry, it's already outgrown. Yeah, oh, so she's been asking for change for two. I have been participating. In this intimacy workshop in Maine and after two and a half days I have decided that not only have I grown as a person but I have completely transformed and I am ready to love and I want to do it now and now. you're teaching your own class, yes, sign up for my class, yes, how to be available, make yourself available, don't miss the chance to love mm-hmm, yes, I think falling in love is very simple, I know it's not relatable content, I think it's Simple, but I never really had a problem.

I think I just have the type of personality where I can bond with a lot of different types of people. I don't think I'm that person. I mean, it's not because I'm lucky. the right men to run up to me I think maybe I'm too good, you want to be in I'm hungry, order for me, you don't even realize, friends, my legs are spread, I'm not a picky eater. I understand you, this is not very complimentary for a boyfriend, although that hair is not what you are saying, the back part I will choose anyone, no because then the back part of that wig is not very complimentary, this is the exact metaphor . so you got like what I got going through invisible clues, yeah, baldness on the back, visible traces could go at any time, snatched up in the front, exposed skin on the back, exposed tumor, yeah, um, as literal, as a wound, a wound, an exposed wound. in the back, but that's me, I need guys to have big no, I was just going to say I don't really have a micro penis, micro penis, I'll find what's in the back, that's what I want to know what hangs like a minivan we talk about the plight of people with micro penises we haven't talked about people with micro asphalt that's a struggle I can't even see it it seems like people think it's a freckle it seems like they got a piercing at home Claire, did you go? to pierce the pagoda and finish your ass loving you as a friend is quite easy okay, very lovely person okay, haven't you realized that everyone who knows you loves you?

That's true, yeah, I'm not, I'm not like I'm not. You know, I don't, I don't do it often, you know, I definitely love you a lot, but to me that just means that you know, yeah, I love myself too, I love you and something, oh, and I showed it to my boyfriend, He says, that's you, my best friend and I went, I know, I know and then I said: you know I have that mask and the ones in my closet those two people found each other birds of a feather mom birds of a feather if you have any questions, you can tweet at the world of awesomeness using the hashtag while hello, how can I subtly tell my friend that I let him criticize me harder than a bullet train if he asks me to?

I'll tell you, I'll tell you, hello, I'm very sexually attracted to you and I want to know if you want to talk right now, if you're interested, let me know, I'll give you some time, I'm not going to put you on the spot, your fear of rejection has to go out the window, yeah. Yes, that's what you have to let go. Yes, you discover that they don't want to do it to you. It's not because you verbalized it. The worst thing is losing a friend. make friends every day and also someone might just say I don't have sex with you and you can still go out and be friends, boom, and don't be weird either, don't put them in situations that are sometimes manipulative, where you might like them.

Well, famous people can go crazy about it, you could convince anyone to sleep with you if you're famous, it's happened to me, I've slept with someone really good, yeah, and then I find out that they've slept with a lot of drugs, yeah, drag race queens, oh, I don't know, I'm like that, that's why you slept with me. Pokemon go yeah the bone gatherer yeah I hate that there's a catch yeah if people are so much hotter than you there's a catch there's a catch there's a problem, there's this guy online in um, he's a model of some kind, he has the most beautiful face of anything in my life, the perfect, proportionally most muscular human body that has ever existed, hair, eyes, lips, teeth , everything and then the smallest one looks good and is like you.

I know sometimes there's a little look, yeah, I mean, has anyone ever had a relationship that's been ruined because he's a little no, that's not a never, never, that's not a thing? No, there are so many other things you can do, so many wrapped gifts, stretch them out. yeah if it's small I'll pawn it it'll take us longer I'll add my own candy bullet I'll take it off throw it like pizza dough make this work I'll stick a strawberry in there yeah that's okay if you can't take me if you can't handle me with my fake silicone tunic then you don't deserve me with my bald silicone helmet yes, if you can't handle me with my brown chiclets you don't deserve me in full porcelain veneers you can't stand me in my stamp you don't deserve me in my piercing