Two A-Holes: This Day in SNL History

♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ -Where are these clients? Peggy, what time is it? -Oh, don't ask me. I'm just a woman. I'm not allowed to have a watch. Justly. I'm hungry. I'm just going to eat something. -Oh, I wouldn't until Don arrives. -He won't care, believe me. -Campbell, he puts down the sandwich. It's for clients. -Come on, Don! -Good. Do what you want. -Campbell. He puts down the sandwich. -Yes sir. -Who calls in the morning and expects an announcement the same day? -Clientele. -Rich clients. -Mister. Sterling, Mr. Draper, his clients have arrived. -Send them, Miss Holloway. -Leave. I want to see? -Ready to listen to some releases, baby? -Yeah. -And now, "Two morons in an advertising agency in the 1960s. -Welcome.

My name is Don Draper. -Your hair looks rough. -Yes. It's fine. And you look lovely, miss..." - I'm sick. -Okay, please sit down. -Yes, I heard her. -What would you like, baby? -Guess. Oh, I know. -Oh, well, all

this

food is for you. -They gave us food. -That's ours. -You want to move on, baby. -I got it. Do you want me to light it? -Here. -Smoking is weird. -Yes, she doesn't smoke. -Okay, I have to be honest. product and we're a little confused. What is

this

? -It's a hula hoop with a strap. Look at his face.

I have to say that I am speechless. -Yes, because it is brilliant, right? -No, because I don't know how to sell it. -I know how to sell it. Celebrity endorsements, such as Marilyn Monroe. Do you know who Marilyn Monroe is? -Yes of course. -Yeah. Honey, do your Marilyn Monroe impression. -Happy Birthday. -You understand it, huh? Do you understand, bangs? -Yes, it's funny. -Yeah. Marilyn Monroe. Silver fox, do you understand? -It's a good one. -Yeah. What about you, gay boy? -WHO? Me? -Well, uh, I... I'm sorry. I guess we need a little more time. -Now wait. Wait.

It is true that this hula-hoop with suspenders is of no use. Nowadays, when we are expected to maintain our jobs, our families, our bodies, and our mortality, isn't doing nothing the ultimate luxury? We spend our lives jumping over obstacles. Isn't it time we relax inside one? Because none of us are angels, but don't we all deserve a halo from time to time? Gentlemen, these suspenders do not hold any plastic rings. They are suspending reality. They are putting our childhood on hold. And this is not just a hula-hoop. It is the circle of life. -So, what do you say? -No. -It's stupid. -Alright then.

I will accompany you. It's noon. I'm on my way to the bar anyway. -Wait. Your pocket square looks like a rabbit. -That's how it is. -And now, "Two idiots train with a trainer." ♪♪♪♪ -Do you work here? -Yeah. Can I help you? -Yes, we are supposed to meet with a coach. What's his name, baby? -It's Matt. -Yeah. Go find Matt. -Oh, actually, I'm Matt. Were you my 2:00? -Is it us, baby? -Yeah. -Yes, we are. -Okay, you know, it's now 2:55. -Yes, yes, yes, yes, don't worry. We got here at 2:00. -That? Were you here at 2:00? Why didn't you come find me? -Why didn't you come look for us? -I didn't know what you were like? -You do it now. -Well.

Um... Well, I'll tell you what, I have half an hour before I have to leave if you want me to at least help you get started. -What do you think, baby? -I don't mind. -We do not care. -Well. Well, what do you guys normally do for exercise? -What do we do, baby? -So that? -For exercise. -So that? -For exercise. -Do you sell boxes? -Yes, we moved today. -No, we do not sell boxes. Just... How about you answer a couple of questions about fitness? - Is it okay, baby? -Yeah. -Yes, shoot. -Okay okay. Now that you have a coach, what are your goals? -I want to have a horse. -No, I meant, physically, what are your goals? -Ah, of course, of course, of course.

I understand you. I want to physically have a horse. -Alright. Excellent. What about you? -I want to lose 45 pounds. -Wait. Did you say... 45 pounds? -Yes, don't forget my horse. -No, I have the horse. Thanks, yes. Miss, losing 45 pounds wouldn't be good for you. -Okay, then I want a horse too. -Yeah. We will take two physical horses -You know what? Let's skip the questions. Well, how about you get on the treadmill so I can, you know, measure your heart rate? You've used one of these before, right? -Yeah. -Good, excellent. -Good job, baby. Do you have fun? -Yeah.

It's like the sidewalk from "The Jetsons." -Good. Do you know what "The Jetsons" are? -Yes, I know what "The Jetsons" are, yes. -You can do the voice of your dog, Astro. Honey, do your Astro voice. Astro's voice, go away. -Centeno, Relroy. -He said: "Goodbye, Elroy." -I got it. Yes. -Shaggy does it. -Yes, the guy from "Scooby-Doo." -Yeah. So are you going to do it or...? -No. -Okay okay. Why don't we just... -Zoinks. -Look friends, I don't want to be rude but you two have wasted more than an hour of my time, you know? The last thing you seem to want to do is exercise.

You don't even know how to use the treadmill. I mean, why are you here? Well. Now you're just looking at me. I have offended you? Wow. This is absurd. It never happened to me before. I don't know how to feel. Um... I'm a little angry. I'm ashamed. I guess I'm too embarrassed to leave now, okay? I'm going to go, okay? Bye bye. -Good exercise, baby. -Yes, I'm sweating. -Yeah. Gimme some more Astro, baby. -Roo tower like a rabbit. -Yeah. -And now, "Two idiots in a travel agency." ♪♪♪♪ -Hello, come in. How can I help you today? Take a sit. -Yes, we want to take a trip.

What type do you have? -Well, we have all kinds of travel packages. Do you know where you want to go? -Where do you want to go, baby? -I don't mind. -We do not care. -Well. Well, I can help you with that. Would you like to go somewhere warm? -What do you think, baby? -About? -The heat. -The fact that? -The heat. -Can I have a diet ginger ale? -Yes, I'll have a lemonade. -Hey, we don't serve drinks here, but we do have water. -Do you want water, baby? -I hate water. -She hates water. -Well, then I guess a cruise is out of the question, huh. -Yes, we don't understand. -Should I show us photos or something? -Yes, do you have brochures? -Of course.

These are some of our popular destinations, all very beautiful. Are you familiar with Yucatan? -Yes, yes, yes, yes, I know that place. Do you know that place, honey? -Do you know Yucatan? -You've heard about that place, right, baby? -Babe, Yucatan? -Yeah. -Yes, we know. -Excellent. Do you want me to provide you with more information? -I don't know. Do you want to go there, baby? -Where is your ATM? -Yes, you have to check your balance. -Uh, look friends, we don't have one of those here. There is a 7-Eleven across the street. -Mm-hmm. Do you want to go there, honey? -I want to go to Europe. -You know where Europe is. -Yes, we know where Europe is.

Did you have a specific place you wanted to go? Any specific place in mind -Yeah, what do you think, babe? -I want to drive there. -Yes, we want to do that. -You can't drive to Europe. -I can do it if I drive a boat. -So you want to rent a boa and take it to Europe? -What street are we on? -Yes, where are we? "Look, why don't you two think about this a little more and when you narrow it down to a few places, come back, okay?" -I know where I want to go -Okay, we got it, buddy.

Where do you want to go, baby? -England. -Well. England is great. It's a big place. There is London, Brighton is very beautiful. Did you have a place in mind? -I want to go to Hogwarts. -Are you referring to the "Harry Potter" books? -Yes, did you have trips to that magic school? -Sir, that is not a real place. -Mm-hmm, okay. They don't go there, baby. You probably have to connect to the Internet for that, right? Something like Orbitz or something? -No, it's a fictitious place. You can't go there. -Of course, of course, of course. We have to wait until summer.

Wizards don't go to school anymore, right? -No never. It is impossible. You will never be able to go to Hogwarts. Does not exist. -It's invisible, right. -Look, you obviously don't know where you want to go, so why don't you go home, think about it, and come back when you've made a decision? -I want to go there. -Where? -Where do you want to go, baby? -I want to go there. -Madam, that is a poster of an airplane. -I know. I want to go there. -Yes, we will go there. How much does it cost? -Go out. Get out of here. -They're getting closer, baby. -Can you rub my shoulders?

I slept strange. -Yes, do you do back massages here? -Leave! -Make me a grilled cheese. -Good. Did you know? I'll go back and have some coffee. When I get back, you two better be gone. -It looked like a rabbit. -Yeah.