Try Not To Laugh | 420 Jokes | Laugh Factory Stand Up Comedy

weeds get a bad rap, I don't mean to roll it up like a joint, you know, I mean people talk, you know, people buy about it, you know, you know, marijuana affects your memory, I never forget the smoke, like that that marijuana makes you stupid. It doesn't make you stupid, it makes you smarter, okay sir. smoking pot since high school I grew up in the San Gabriel Valley in Los Angeles, we had what's called off-campus lunch. I don't know if you remember that that's where you could play golf on campus, smoke pot, eat, and then you had to come back for some.

For this reason, I once came back enlightened and we had Matt in between. He had intermediate math after lunch, and one time I came back enlightened and we had to take a test on fractions, a little pop quiz, and one of the questions on the test was what is it? difference between a quarter and an eighth I wrote 50 dollars. Almost everyone smokes marijuana. What do you think? I just found out that my 15 year old cousin smokes marijuana. What the 1500 wants to beat an adult before he grows up. He wanted to help stop. that would deter him from turning it into something bad, so I told him I smoked a little, I wasn't expecting the reaction, his eyes got so big, he was so excited he was like dude, Adam, dude, you smoke weed, dude, how can you not?

Have we smoked together yet? I was like a friend, how come we don't smoke together? Five years ago, you were 10, when did you start using deodorant? Take it easy, plus I have this rule: I can't smoke weed with anyone who didn't grow up watching ducks. stories, that's just one of my rules about smoke, yeah, that's a good rule, ducktails, the pun is, that's how you find it, yeah, I just renewed my marijuana card today, ah, thank you, my second card, my first card, I got three days of being in Los Angeles. I didn't have an apartment yet, my first purchase was a marijuana cookie that wasn't edible, it was the coolest thing I ever received at that time in my life because I had never seen brands on drugs, it had a marijuana logo from Aunt Mabel. cookie I trust this she is family below one game per dose eats 1/3 of a cookie who eats 1/3 of a cookie I eat all thirds of a cookie you are not going to eat meat 1/3 of a cookie now I am tall and I'm hungry I'm looking at 2/3 of a cookie that's not happiness that's the Hunger Games and I ate the whole cookie I woke up two days later about a mile and a half from my house feeling refreshed we'll get out of this ditch and I'll keep going with my day my friend smokes weed all the time my kids like the guys I hang out with they stay up a lot it means concentrating a lot and they all have girlfriends and wives not girlfriends they get gorfeins and/or wives they won't let they smoke at home, so now my house has become the designated house for smoking marijuana.

Yeah, they just called me out of the blue as a man. What are you doing? Call me for no reason. What are you doing like I'm here watching the game? A panel comes up and then I get high and get into these deep philosophical discussions about marijuana. I love your friends today, that's how they want to have a Wolf Blitzer discussion on CNN when they're high, but it's always some nonsense that comes out of nowhere, like you're invisible. What ex-girlfriends house would you steal other guys' asses from? Hey, thinking about it, oh, that's deep, that's deep, look, it doesn't work like that, it doesn't work like that because technically you were visible, but you steal, it's not now.

The television just floating down the street oh mom, she actually came here and visited me once and got into my medical marijuana, because I have glaucoma and I can't see any of you, but she came here and visited me I gave a shower I thought I hit everything but the southern woman is like a honey badger they will dig for anything good you suck she's looking at it I got out of the shower I looked great she's just sitting there she's like Justin Douglas Smart now, what? which one is this? The full name. She's like she raised him better than this man.

I can't believe she brought this to her house. I've been through thick and thin with you. Jesus has cried for you, intolerant sir, and I can't believe it. you and even that hits hard what is that is an indica sativa what is that purple rhino mr. Hayes said substitute teacher, what's that called? If you're going to do drugs, seriously smoke marijuana, exactly, I don't judge what's the worst that can happen. Smoke some marijuana, you'll eat a couple of Twinkies and you'll drive very safely. The white ones, you have good ones. weed and I congratulate you because you use discretion you get your weed from someone called a guy I don't know who this guy is you can ask anyway buddy you'll get your weed from this guy I get it from this guy I see you guys on Tuesdays you want me to pick you up something that's all you get ask a brother your dogs can you get your weed? from my cousin here at the Holiday Inn right down the street won't you call them from your cell phone so I can block the number? in it they then wonder why they get caught it's two in the morning and your car is orange that's why they caught you you need a guy when you get weed from white people they let you try it before you buy it you can You don't get that from black people you have to eliminate them with what you just received from them in the business, that is called reneging.

I had to go back and learn facts about us from the white people. I didn't know anything about eighths of quarters or anything like that, no one told me that if the bottom number was bigger, you got less. I have to run to Home Depot to get one of those rulers with the lines, the guy said what do you use it for, like a combination, I ate from afar. what's your honors day is that the short little line next to the corner someone else wants me to get ripped off I want the right length I'm on the phone telling my friends not to worry about it I got to 164 it's coming we'll do it alone Put one in the freezer this little ass for Christmas I have a prescription for medical marijuana and here in Los Angeles you don't even need a real reason to get it the doctors say why do you need a prescription for medical marijuana? uh, because my neighbor moved to Burbank.

I don't know where else to get marijuana because everyone smokes. I hate it when I go to the store. Hi, but the guy behind the counter is taller than me, so you try to buy something and he. like 275 please how much? What if I tried to give it to him to smoke Afghan weed? I don't want to smoke Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan stone themselves to death. I'm just trying to get to Hollywood. This is the deal I made. at the weed store and no one had the edibles well for those of you who don't know edibles I didn't know so I walked in now listen something you need to know about me is like I love blueberry muffins so that I walked into the pot store and thought, "It's those blueberry muffins." I think I said, "Yeah," and I said, "It's got weed in it." And he said yes, and I said, "I'll have a blueberry muffin." my weed shop has a little area where you can smoke and watch DVDs and I just put on the first season of Chapelle great and I'm literally licking my fingers when the guy performs it, you didn't eat that whole bun, huh?

I didn't eat that whole muffin right now in one sitting, did you, and I was like, yeah, and he's like, okay, listen and I'm not around right now, give me your car keys or drive home now. myself and I see. I said what and he says I tell you to get out of here right now or get ready to be here for eight hours like you're joking, he says, you ate that old bagel, he says, I own this place, I was right, I was high for eight hours, that's one of those high moments where you say I got kids, man, I had to pull one of these, I walked in the house, I was like daddy's sick, don't come in the room, click, I'm going to stick my head out, I was like no matter what you hear from this room, don't come in here, it was bad, it's just an hour later, I thought, except I could use some orange juice, it's fun that you smoke pop , there is a type of smoker that I hate to be around and that is the person when they get high they think that it makes them smarter in some way do you know one of these and I realized that there are certain things that I can't do with that friend while He's drugged, can't I watch movies with him anymore?

What happened a few weeks ago? We were watching a movie. He is smoking a joint. I'm completely sober. We're watching Return of the Jedi. I don't want to ruin the movie for you, but at one point and Return of the Jedi. The spaceship explodes and my bunny tips over and because you know that would never happen in real life, bro, you've never seen a fireball in space because fire needs oxygen to survive and there's no oxygen in space, that's never happened. would happen. I was like, you know? which you're right and while we're at it, I don't think those are really rides either, I'm sure they're just dwarves dressed up as bears, the white ones have cool magical names for their forms, now think of it as a chronicle because the purple arrow is juicy. fruit derailment northern lights crack green purple horseshoes Obama yes, there is an Obama strain out there yes, us, cannabis