Trump University: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

And let's dive right into this

week

with the 2016 election. Or as it's increasingly known, America's Fucktastic Cirque De Dismay. (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) Now, the big news this

week

surrounded Donald Trump, a punchline that is quickly turning into a nightmare. Like you say, "Take my wife, please," and then ISIS kidnaps her. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -Now, this week revealed a somewhat surprising statistic... WOMAN: A new USA Today report found that Trump and his companies have been involved in at least 3,500 lawsuits over three decades. Three thousand five hundred demands! This is unprecedented for a presidential candidate. In fact, if every lawsuit involving Trump were the basis of one episode of Law & Order, they could support all 456 episodes of the original, all 389 episodes of Law & Order SVU, all 195 episodes of Law & Order Criminal Intent, and all 22 Law & Order LA episodes.

In addition to every episode of The Practice, Ally McBeal, L.A. Law, Boston Legal, Night Court, The Good Wife, Matlock, JAG, Perry Mason, Judging Amy, The Guardian, The Public Defender, Owen Marshall: Counselor At Law, Harry's Law, Courthouse, Suits, Family Law, Sweet justice, The D.A. from 1971, The D.A. 2004's Reasonable Doubts, Damages, Shark, The Defenders, The Paper Chase, Head Cases, Judd for the Defense, and all three episodes of NBC's First Years, and at that point, you're still one lawsuit away. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -But you've also basically run out of TV shows about lawyers, which means Trump's demands exceed the limits of the damn genre. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING) Well, lately...

Lately, there have been some new developments in Trump-related litigation, after he complained that a judge was presiding over two particular cases against him. I have a judge who hates Donald Trump. -An enemy. -(CROWD BOO) He is an enemy. His name is... Gonzalo Curiel. (CROWD BOOOING) And he's not doing the right thing. The judge who happens to be, we think, Mexican, which is cool, I think is fine. -Oh. Oh, you do, don't you? -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) Do you think he's okay? Good news, people of Mexican descent, Donald Trump thinks it's okay for you to be a human being existing on this planet.

Now, for the record, the judge in question was born in Indiana, but that's not the point. Because, as he later clarified, it was the judge's Mexican ancestry that made him unfit to judge Trump. You are invoking his race when you talk about whether or not he can do his job. -This is what I'm saying. Jack, I'm building a wall, okay? I'm building a wall. I'm trying to keep business out of Mexico. Mexico is fine. -There is nothing... A Mexican... -But he is American. He is of Mexican descent and is very proud of it, as am I where I come from. -But he-- -Wait... -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -Where are you from exactly? -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) Because it looks like you came out of a clogged drain -in Wonka's factory. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING) And you know what?

Brilliant! I think it's okay. But think about what he's implying there. The judge is not qualified to perform his job due to his ethnic origin. And this morning Trump took another step. What if he was Muslim? You have been very tough on the temporary ban on Muslim immigration. If you were a Muslim judge, would you also feel that you could not be treated fairly because of that policy of yours? Uh... It's possible, yes. Yes, that would be possible, absolutely. I'd say that was the dictionary definition of bigotry, except that after this campaign, the definition of bigotry might become "See: Trump eats Donald." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -Now, it turns out that the judge he initially insulted is overseeing cases involving the controversial Trump University.

And he ordered a cache of documents to be made public this week. Which was very exciting for us, because we actually researched his

university

when we did our big Trump piece in February, and it ended up in this very long list of horrible Donald Trump stories that we literally didn't have time to delve into. even in a 22 minute piece. But once we started reading these new documents, we thought, "Screw it. Let's take some time to talk about it now." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -Because Trump University is something incredible. When it was inaugurated, Trump made some big claims.

At Trump University we teach success. That's what it's about, success. It's going to happen to you. If you don't learn from the people that we're going to introduce, and these are all people that I personally choose, then you're just not going to make it in terms of the world of success. (WANTED) "The world of success." Sounds like what Donald Trump calls his bedroom. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) "Welcome to the world of success. Enjoy a mint and a confidentiality agreement." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -Now, unfortunately, Trump University ran into trouble in several states, starting with the name itself. We started digging into Trump University and discovered it was a classic bait-and-switch scheme.

It was a scam. Starting with the fact that it was not a

university

. Shit! Trump University wasn't even a university. Which is enough to make you wonder what the hell was in the Trump steaks? Oh God, it was a possum, wasn't it? It was a possum, monsters! (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) But the name was just the beginning, because remember how he had "carefully selected the instructors"? Well, according to his own statements, he did not personally select the instructors for the live seminars and could not remember the names of key faculty members. And it's probably a good thing he didn't personally choose them himself, that would be dangerous.

Anything Trump's little fingers touch becomes an ex-wife or an abandoned casino. And he doesn't stop there. According to sworn testimony from several former employees, many instructors and mentors had no experience buying or selling real estate. In fact, one had worked as a salesperson for Lowe's and another had been a manager at Buffalo Wild Wings. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -Or as I call it, B-dubs-dubs. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -And even a former member of Trump's own sales staff testified that it was, among other things, a joke, a front, and that he was just selling false hopes and lies. And to be fair, all universities have sold false hopes and lies to some of their students.

It's just that, most of the time, they call it "a theater arts degree." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -Now, these new documents also include several revealing sales tactics manuals. For example, the room temperature was not to be higher than 68 degrees, which is partly to keep the students alert and partly because Professor Wild Wings doesn't want the ranch sauce to get too spicy. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -There are also instructions on how to sell and upsell students, or as the playbooks call them, "buyers," in expensive courses, with typo-ridden advice like, "If a customer If you're adamant about knowing the price, just say, 'Our prices range from $29 to $35,000.'" And if prospects seemed wary, there were tips for dealing with that.

MAN: '"You have to be very aggressive," says a passage in the playbook. '"If they complain about the price, remind them that Trump is the best." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -You may laugh, but that's the same technique Trump has been using to run for president, and apparently, it works! -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) These manuals are riddled with shoddy sales techniques. For example, employees were asked to replace the words "thank you" with "congratulations" so that the prospect would end up thanking them. -Which is quite unpleasant. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) If I started this show every week with "Welcome to Last Week Tonight, congratulations on joining us," you would rightly turn it off. (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) And I know what you're thinking: "Well, what about the people who just didn't have the money?" Trump U didn't really have a problem with that.

MAN: A set of manuals for the sales team taught them how to market the courses, even to single mothers with three children who, quote, "may need money for food." "Money," the manual instructed, "is never a reason not to enroll at Trump University. If they truly believe in you and your product, they will find the money. You are doing yourself a disservice by allowing someone to use your lack of money as an excuse." an excuse." "Lack of money is not an excuse" is not what single parents need to hear. It's what Donald Trump needs to hear when one-fifth of his companies inevitably file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

And as it was expected, some of the customers on the other end of that tough sale ended up feeling cheated, like Carmen Méndez, who put a price tag of $35,000 on her credit cards and was disappointed CARMEN: I thought I was going to be a millionaire... because Donald. Trump is a millionaire and they were offering the course for people to get rich. MAN: This is the closest Mendez got to Trump during the course, a photo of her with a photo of Donald Trump. Oh, that's not an isolated thing. , because another former student said: "They told us we would take pictures with Donald Trump.

It ended up being a cardboard cutout of Mr. Trump." Which is actually a perfect metaphor for Trump University. You expect something real, but in the end, all you get is a tacky two-dimensional façade with Donald Trump's face slapped. (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) But perhaps most suspicious of all, the manuals even include specific instructions on what to do if an attorney general shows up. And believe it or not, the answer is not: "Kick a table to distract yourself and. get out of there." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) No, apparently you contact April immediately. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -And he also reminds them: "You don't have to show them any personal information unless you have a court order." which is suspicious advice... for a university employee. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) I'm pretty sure Harvard doesn't tell its new professors: "Welcome, here's a gun and a cyanide capsule in case of for the fluff to appear. -Don't let them take you alive!" -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -Now, Donald Trump... -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDE) Donald Trump has widely denied the lawsuits' claims and his attorneys have collected statements from satisfied clients.

In fact, according to what Trump says, "the school was a very good value." Ninety-eight percent of the people who took the courses... we have report cards for all of them. They reported the course. Ninety-eight percent of the people who took the courses, ninety-eight percent passed the courses, thought they were fantastic. Well, first, there's something instantly suspicious about 98%. The only things that have that level of. unanimous approval are dictators, Pixar movies and Neapolitan ice cream. (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) Yes, it has chocolate for chocolate addicts, vanilla for the bored and strawberry for the perverts. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -In fact.

According to the plaintiffs, the reason those numbers are so high is because the surveys were not anonymous and were completed when participants still expected to receive future benefits from the program, such as assistance or mentoring from the instructor they were evaluating. So hear why a former student gave him a good review he now regrets. I really look at it like this, it's... it's... Let's say you go to a really nice restaurant. And, uh... at a really expensive restaurant, you eat a really delicious dinner, and the chef comes out near the end of the meal and asks you if you liked the food, and you really did.

But then... when you get home, you realize you've had food poisoning and you're very, very sick. INTERVIEWER: What do you think of Trump University? I feel like I've been poisoned. I felt like I had been tricked, poisoned, and scammed. The only thing worse than that is having the same feeling and then realizing, "Oh shit! He has three years and 364 days left in his first term." -(AUDIENCE GROANING) -But perhaps the most valuable lesson that has emerged from Trump University is the one it is currently teaching us all about what is behind Trump's campaign strategy. Because the manual tells its salespeople: "You don't sell products, benefits or solutions, you sell feelings." And that's what's happening now.

The crowds at a Trump rally may not be able to point to a concrete benefit or solution he offers, but they know how he makes them feel, and that they are fired up and ready to boo any name that sounds vaguely Latin. (AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) So if you plan to vote for Trump in November, I'd like to direct you to a quote from the top of the old Trump University home page: "Take the risk, but before you do, learn what you're doing." doing". getting into." Donald, I couldn't have said it better. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER) -So thank you.

Or should I say "congratulations"?