TOP SURGERY MADE MY DYSPHORIA WORSE

What's up guys, Jake here? As most of you may already know, I recently underwent top

surgery

as an ephah trans person who has been linked for about four years straight. The top

surgery

was definitely something I felt like I needed the whole process for myself. It's been quite overwhelming as I only had about five days to prepare and it's been a long battle just to have the top surgery, but now I'm here and I've had it and over all I feel great, I feel extremely positive about Surgery. towards the appearance of my chest the results not having to tie up all my clothes I can now wear everything related to the fact that I had top surgery but my

dysphoria

has gotten

worse

starting to take testosterone for me was a huge relief. to relieve most of my

dysphoria

and I focused quite a bit on forgetting about the fact that I had chest and trying to ignore the fact that surgery was so far away, so I think I was denying how much dysphoria I had in my chest, this worked. most of the time because apparently I'm very good at ignoring my feelings now that I've gone through what I consider to be pretty much the last medical stage for me, this has highlighted as much about me and my body as I can.

I really can't face it right now, a lot of these feelings are related to dysphoria, but some of them are just related to my body in general, outside of gender. I think hating your body for a long time takes a very high toll on your mental health, so when you do something drastic that changes your body in a positive way, you don't realize how much it changes your vision towards another part of your body, so since the surgery my brain has been obsessed with how thin my arms are and how much i hate that. I've never really bulked up or developed any muscle.

How fat my stomach is. I can not stand it. My inability to grow a mustache. I know it sounds stupid, but I have what I consider a pretty good beard. I like it. my beard makes me very happy, but it's just the lack of facial hair that is growing on this part of my face that causes me a lot of discomfort because looking at my brother and looking at the men in my family they have a very strong beard game and I have very good mustaches, other than not having them and not being biologically like the rest of the male people in my family's cabins, but most of my refocusing dysphoria is butt dysphoria.

This is something that is very difficult for me to talk about because I have always been very good at ignoring the discomfort that part of my body causes me. I never want inferior surgery, it's not something I think is appropriate for me. I don't think it would really benefit my life in any way. I would have loved to have it. I was born with a penis, but obviously that didn't happen, so knowing that this is something I'm stuck with, knowing that this is the one thing I can't change and will never change, is a big reality to face and I think it's Ha It's been easy to ignore that because I still had steps to take, I still had things to do, I still had other things to focus on to distract myself from it, but now I have this harsh, glaring reality that this is my body for life now, apart from from getting older and maybe some late changes due to testosterone, my body isn't really going to change, sure now I can start working out and working out because I don't have a binder restricting me from being able to bulk up. my arms when I've healed enough from the top surgery and can tone my stomach if I want, that's all I can really do, that's all that's in my power, the thing is, packing has never worked for me, it's always worked for me. has

made

us feel. ten times more uncomfortable than comfortable.

I think they think they have a foreign object in my pants that just sits there and can move and can look weird and can cause really embarrassing situations, it just makes me paranoid and it never feels natural. and my focus is always on being a Packer if I ever try to pack, which increases my feeling of dysphoria, but I think the most important thing about having less dysphoria is sex. Sex as a trans person can be a complicated thing to navigate and I think I have done very well. I've done very well. I've had very good sex.

There are always little things I have to do that frustrate me. I find it very difficult to have sex when it's not dark. in a room not being able to have sex in certain positions or in certain ways or do certain things that I'm pretty sure my body would enjoy, but I'm too distracted by my feeling of dysphoria to even enjoy it, so it's that complicated. It's a mess and I'm trying to have the kind of sex I want to have, but my dysphoria doesn't want me to have it and that's just a reminder that I'm trans and my body isn't what it should be.

All that, the post-op surgery is much

worse

than I think it was. Fortunately, I currently have a partner who is extremely understanding of my dysphoria and my body and is always very ready to facilitate my needs and help me feel. comfortable and that really helps, unfortunately there is nothing you can do with this type of dysphoria. It's not that dysphoria can be a therapy. It's not like things like depression and anxiety where they can give you medication and they can give you CBT in forms of therapy. and that can relieve it and sometimes help it go away.

Dysphoria doesn't really work like that, it's like it's hardwired into your brain, unless you know you can do something to change that and help fix it, like surgeries and hormones. Being there forever, it's very important to realize that it's a shitty reality to have to face and I think this is the first time in a long time that I truly believe that I am living the trans experience in a negative way because, although I have always I had dysphoria and it has always been difficult. I have always been moving forward to alleviate it and now I am done and looking down forever with what I have.

I think dysphoria that gets worse after surgery is something that a lot of people just don't talk about. I've never seen much discussion about this. I've never seen people say I had top surgery and I feel like that's what happens with the human brain. It's that once you've solved one problem in your life, another problem arises or you push something else out of the background and it becomes all-consuming. I think there needs to be more discussion about this, more discussion about how testosterone works. It can make people feel more dysphoric because maybe changes are happening as fast as you wanted or you're not getting certain changes that can make people feel terrible, you have this, your only option, the only thing you think is going to happen. happen. work and is going to help you is actually nothing like what you wanted or people who have top surgery and their results are not what they wanted.

I can't imagine where that would leave you and me. I can't imagine how that would affect your dysphoria. This is one of the many horrible things about being trans and I want to make it clear that I don't hate being trans. I don't know if I would choose it if I had the choice. I mean, a lot of good things have come out of being trans, but there's also Altum Utley, just this basic level of suffering that I will always have to enjoy being in this community is sometimes a gift and it's wonderful and I feel like I have a a deeper understanding a more philosophical understanding of myself my identity my gender and it has given me this point of view on life that I feel so blessed to have comes with the price of suffering comes with the price of being persecuted comes with the price of people making laws against you, people being murdered, people being constantly harassed and attacked throughout their lives, losing job opportunities, always feeling inferior in society, feeling like even within their own community they are being discriminated against. and then they all have that along with what I consider one of the most integral parts of being trans and that is dysphoria, unless you're one of the lucky ones who no longer experiences dysphoria because of your transition, then it's something that's woven into your life and in your so yes, the top surgery alleviated a large element of my dysphoria, it has also reframed that dysphoria in other places, so this is an idea of ​​what it is like for me to be trans.

The thing about me is that I always like to have a positive message that people can learn from a video, but I don't really think I have one here. I think we're just here to share the fact that it sucks and not a lot of people are talking about this and I think we should have a more open video. discussion about how dysphoria can get worse with medical transition because medical transition is not something that is so lifesaving, it is not something that is a cure. Younger trans people and people who are at an earlier stage in their transition should know that it is a harsh reality to face, but I think I would have preferred to face it sooner rather than later.

I think I'd rather have someone tap me on the shoulder and say hello, then top surgery might make you feel worse about the rest of your body or testosterone might not give you all the changes you think. It won't all be sunshine and rainbows, but with all that being said, I hope you have a lovely week. Stay hydrated, love yourself and know that I love you. Where did this new output come from? I don't even know when I started. As?