TK Kirkland | Laffaholics 310

because even the devil is negative playing trying to hit them thank you Thank you DJ hello everyone how are you? Ray is a ring. I turned this place into walls. Paramount Studios has the secret chamber. Look at the flat screen TVs. Aloha, leave it. Ray yo ray is one of those so-called self-entrepreneurs, don't ask anyone because you'll find a way to take his wife and his kids and all that kind of stuff, and that's a beautiful thing, so we're here tonight, let him have a good time It's time to give up on all the comedians too, by the way, give it to the whole community tonight.

I want to talk about growth. You know, we're all getting older now that we're members of AARP, which is great. You know, and next year we'll start to get a sign that. we do each other for people who have AARP, you know, I'm in a PR memoir now, I'm 57 now, you know, oh yeah, I only look young because I use Noxzema and that's extremely important, look at all the old people . Old people look at me like I don't cry for c TK Can you calm down? So you know, call me, yeah, you have a and exercise to take us.

I know you don't eat poison, the lazier you are, the lazier you are. It's all lazy words and it's true ladies, most of you are women when you have sex. I'm supposed to take 750 hits tonight when they're good. Now look at you all staring at me like 750 hits. I will never hear of 750 jobs. You, I'm 14, maybe 15, well I never had 750 hits. Now these get 750 hits when you file, but once you go past 37 you lose 22 hits a month. I'm down to 19 hits, so I think I'm trying to hide. I'm not trying to stand out, I just want to curl up because I have to wait a few months for the numbers to come back and then, you know, you know it's important, oh, you can't date anymore when you're 57. the way you want because I'm confused, you know, I still want a young, you know, I still want to be with certain people, you know, and I can't date people over 40, you know, I'm going to be over 4 because now they're starting to lose the collagen they need. you ever had with an over 40, you see everything, she always talked about her kneecaps and you know, oh boys, clicking, oh baby, you touched my knee, hit it, click, click, no, no, I don't have any more of 50 because I mean, when you have them.

I always talk about cutting the ceiling because the fan is drying out, that's what they say. I say the boy. I said it guys. A little bit, you know you can't, you can't, young man, because you give him a good cock the next morning. Can I be 40? You're crazy, so you just don't do it. You just don't know what to do in a relationship with someone you know. Everyone thought that men didn't cheat. We know everyone looked at Kevin Hart and thought Kevin Hart did. I won't fool all the cheap ones, you know, him, all these old guys have a side, this here has a side.

I know that's why I'm working hard so my kids never think about retiring, but I have a plan, even if it's not theirs. Me in a nursing home in a week, the staff will call to go get his father, him, everyone, because I'm a seal, I'm the one who just arrived, I swear to God, I'm sorry son, I had than get a job. Me up here, all these old men, someone is going to be rubbing my feet, no, and you know what I don't want? Nobody my age, you know, I don't like them. I'm 82, she's 82 and we all look at each other.

Who is going to die first? Because that's what you're thinking about if you lean on a partner and you're together for a long time. I don't care who you are, human nature in the back to my right. I hope to live this, you know, hope. I get the insurance money, oh this is my money. I'm putting everything this year into making this die first and foremost. I have a cruise to the Caribbean. I just want a cruise in the Caribbean. You know, this gets on my nerves. You know I'm kidding, no, there's a. They always like you, you know, they always want you to be mad, but they always say you should get married because I don't want you to be alone, like I already have a game, if I pass out at my house, I have snacks all. on the ground that I can crawl to and eat until someone comes to save my life and you know, I change them every three months I have peanuts and candy and nothing I can say in certain places God knows where I'm going to land that and when I walk home every day and I think you know what I know right here, I'm going to fall right here, I have to crawl to go get the snacks like TK, how did you do it?

It had must have snacks. snacks Oh, who's talking when I talk? Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, let's put some rules in here now, okay, I know we laugh, but I've run a different ball game, man, this is why our society is over because you think you can do whatever you want, not tonight, when I'm on stage, we show focused criticism, Brent, and you're going to pay attention, this is the kind of leadership our women need in the world, you know you can do it. Don't drown these holes anymore, now all your holes need to be drowned.

I'm looking at you cleverly talking to your man, you're intimidating a mission, listen friends, if you ever get a line, choke your but make sure you stick out your pinky because the pinky ain't. a serious crime for real cops, come the dollar, did he strangle her? Yes, sir, it was the little pig, come on, he was strangled, but the little finger was out because we have to stop losing some of these little children, how to take care of these women, right? We have Rob. Kardashian was never there no one taught no blac chyna gang knew she was going to put that in her ass and get it we all knew this way she was coming to get you that's what we gotta give Ming gay know , disinfect all women, all women now. holes, sir, look around the room some of you, most of yours, how is that, but you are close to death now you are looking at life differently now you are approaching death over 40, right, How many years am I about to die?

You gotta have a good time, that's my friend, just take that ride, yeah, it's crazy to be here, you know, he handed it back to Kevin, listen to me guys, are you ever going to cheat on your girl and have a side? and his money earned? I won't be in anyway because the law didn't give them fifty thousand back. See they have a girlfriend. They should have at least twenty-five thousand. The bank to be a husband. They should have about 75,000 back because that means if they don't. You're not qualified, you want the right house and don't look at the house, you have to have a good credit score and a good down payment because you have to qualify, it's the same thing, so being in a relationship, if your money isn't right, don't qualified is for chicken or buy something if you don't, a cop is nothing you don't deserve, no, it's because here you get off for free, yeah, some dick, back to the lady or something, because you don't deserve it , It's not real. talk to you ladies, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

I have men without a debit card and it's not their fault that they came in here, that they go in and dig like they are successful new kids, they can thicken the bridges like they have money in the bay and their financial situation. He's upstairs but you still approach him knowing you're about to destroy his life, something so you go to the apartment and you light up. I have a bedroom set, you have matches on the floor with a towel over the window, pretending that's happening. who raised you lets you do it all night but I don't even eat fox snacks all night and I don't eat snacks this is love snacks when a girl wakes up and pees around 1:30 in the morning look through your cabinet and it comes Back to the bear, scratch the tits, honey, do you have any snacks?

Do you like having your cock sucked? But they have diaper hair on their balls. Then they could take a photo of their ball. Could you say more than 25? No. I have a car that picked you up tonight you got into the passenger side she closed the door she told you to put on your seat belt some music here moving with your never repeat it some mutants are here move with your where am I from that is considered a weak man passing you moved and you had no luggage you came with happy bags what adult man has no luggage and I am sorry for you women I will I am sorry for you Because at home we are talking about work, who is going to work, you you go to work and these guys aren't sitting around the house while you're at work and they have the nerve to be hot and go to the wall and adjust the thermostat, guys you can't. touch the thermostat unless you contribute if you can't contribute don't touch love the thermostat stays hot all day use cold water I'll turn on the hot water you don't deserve it because you're not qualified we I'm sorry for you ladies I worked hard with babies homosexuals to the wrong end here in the world and the children had to grow up not knowing who their dad is.

It is a shame. I know you ladies want love, no, you want to be dug and the tit was stinking and but you got it, you have to be like this, this was too late now I'm looking at you all, this is true, this is you in ten years, you will all be dead and this is my father, yes. I'm looking around the room, yeah, wow, you're about three weeks old, this is the last show, yeah, you won't be around before you know it, because when you're older, you'll know that some of you are a little touchy.

Some of the things I say because you think because you get older God forgot everything you did in the past, but let me tell you why I'm here. God sent me here today. God told me he was driving at the time, but. TK said as you entered. I need you to give them a message about how and let him know that he keeps a video of everything you've done since you were 21, so when you die you won't go straight to heaven. fill out some papers and then the ushers take you to this room they like to roll the tape angels roll the tape some of you hold the microphone it takes time to stop the day because there's nothing wrong with Hoenn if you blow up if you do you won't blow up and you , as a horn, you miss mayonnaise, you and I are looking for work, we had dinner, you haven't made it, you stayed on the barrel, you really had a great time.

I want to congratulate all the women here. Who doesn't believe in abs? You like the treadmill, salad, going for a walk, well, that's how you feel. Why do you wear a belt around your stomach as if we don't see the fact of what kind of superhero this is every time? The time I see you with a belt it sounds, oh my god, I made it. I'm going to start. Meg Hero hates seeing a woman in cheap fabric because cheap wheezing leaves evidence. I hate seeing a woman with a wig because that means hair and if the wig isn't done it means you're lazy I'm in Vegas and I get a ticket after the store because I'm successful I'm a milario this is what I do so we're back to the hotel and I think it's appropriate for you to wash your butt before having sex.

I've just been raised properly. I got like a street weapon when I got out of the shower. I know well, outside my peripheral vision there is a difference on the couch. I don't make eye contact. Let's go to the closet, take the gun hidden behind my tongue and rest the lift of her with someone I met at the club she's like TK, who lifted her. I like this. She puts my wig back on. No two people can be the same. I love it as a night to raise Jill and the boys, it doesn't matter how good a woman looks at the club and the ladies talk about how handsome a man is, plus a relationship can't get serious until you see how it looks. lives at home, so since I have never lived. with a man I can only tell you about a woman and ladies, many of you have not improved your face club game in years your face club game is horrible I'm the woman's house I'm going to take a shower I know there are No clean towels for the face There is no salt on the towel, so I will remove the shower curtain.

I mean, excuse me, can I have a watch with a new face? This comes back with a very thin and very cheesy part of the face. I hold it under water and it disappears. I'm going to tell you all this to improve your face, girls' game, now there is a soap dish, why not? Here, this comes back with six little pieces of soap. I said what you want me to do with these six little pieces. "Little bits, son," he said, holding them under the hot water and molding them into a bar, "so please, do a man's ladies ever come out of the shower and see flabby balls and his chest hair, flabby balls in these arms?" , lip balls while pubic hair improves your towel boy, some of you ladies a blanket game is over, let me say it again, some of you ladies a blanket game is over, did you have a mattress king size but do they have a queen size blanket?

I'm putting a man to bed, I can't put my legs out because my legs are longer than the blanket. I can play with my toes all night. I'm cold. He gets angry with me. Get out of bed. Put the blanket down so my feet are warm. My upper body is freezing, so don't do it. I have two blankets in the illusion of the hug, that's why I hate ruined women. I don't know about you who hate ruined people, who hate ruined men, right, we hate ruined women, like thatThat since I've got the mic, I'll keep it real. from a young perspective again because a lot of women like it tonight, that means pretty soon a lot of women think that when a guy picks a date we're supposed to pay for everything which I don't care if I have 1500 in my glove compartment you bring 60 $80 with your ass what's up?

I understand how we're going to get home. My philosophy is that you manage the local. I deliver it to the state and the federal government. That's how we got to this point because I'm thinking about getting married for the first time. once in my life, but that's not going to happen because I told them that they had $25,000 in an account in a year no, no, no, no, I'm going to go because what if then I'm responsible for the twenty-five thousand that I have? I like her, but she's not going to get any dick because she doesn't have 25,000 dollars because you know what I tell myself, what you've been doing your whole life, but you knew you would meet me, you should have been saved.

You all are here for each other and you can't know that no one has money in the bank, that's my horrible feeling, oh you're getting this cock and only one. Things go wrong while we all talk. I don't want to get too serious and really my show is usually hot, breaking and destroying, so what else is there to talk about? We don't want to talk about Trump's ass. that man over there who has the right to fight the bomb, okay, I'm back again, one more month, right, but he's running for governor of New Jersey, is that right?

I saw it on the news, I heard that wrong. Google it when you go. oh bomber running for governor of New Jersey yeah, well, well, I bet I'm right, who said it. I bet my $10,000 right now, look, you're not ten less, look at you, that's it, everyone, what you've been doing your whole life. You have life insurance. You have to have life insurance because you're a cool office, gimme, so you look like a guy who's going to fund me for a couple years because it definitely shouldn't be a tragedy, it should be profitable when you die, someone should blow up with your death.

I know. sounds, but you want someone to say that your uncle Kevin died and we think you understand, am I right between the legacy? How are you sister, you suck cock, look at me, look at me, look at me young lady, can you look at me please? Excuse me, young lady, young lady, the brace, excuse me, ma'am, turn around, turn around, honey, don't let me go out the door, turn around, honey, baby, could you turn around for a second? I need you for a second, take a seat, miss, I think I know it's not you who should turn around, the faster you go, you can get up, come on, baby, take a seat, our promise will be real fans, okay, take a seat, take a seat, You had a grown woman, take a seat, I see that girl, yeah. hug the pajama balls as tight as hell okay, listen to what the button let someone else get up and don't raise their hand they already have this upstairs they can't do what they want they have to go to the bathroom downstairs okay, go ahead, give it a round of applause go ahead, it's wrong with you, you met someone else stand up and don't raise your hand, think I'm, this is the problem, we have no structure, you're just doing what everyone wants to do, not tonight.

We need structure. This is what you men are supposed to do. I gave it to our beautiful women. They want a ride, not to a restaurant. A girl wants a good cheese for her cock. You want to travel. She wants a passport. You're just taking Jersey. and you hope that's when you have enough, you have at least two thousand six hundred miles, I get some anywhere as long as it's out of state, sir, how did you get that overweight, that's all, it eats up your flexibility, look? He looks proud: you suck cock and Lenny. I could see the structures of your neck for now.

I knew I said hey, ass all the time, honey, you have kids. How many children? But? You didn't have any more dumb TVs to hit your knees and us. I have to call you Niecy I'm clowns and I had a great night the night, it offended some people, you were surprised, they look at me like who is she, but that's what it's about, we found out that she eats, that's cool, how old were you? Studying for them around 14 Why did you start sewing? That's horrible. Hey, how are you? You were 55 years old when you were studying.

Oh no, how would you study? You weren't 17. You started so late. Everyone knows each other. Don't die yet, I'm six years older, okay, if I offended anyone here tonight, you deserved it and I know you know I say the world is at stake in my store, but let me explain something to you from above the streets of Compton. The way from Jersey City, New Jersey, the mother is now in the black community because she describes a person. Place on template is a word that helps me get my point across, so there are white people here saying why are we trapped in each other in a black town.

I think it's okay. I even used the word green. This is the way to really talk on the street. This is what is called black dialect because I don't want any of you to be on the street tomorrow. Good man. I watched a t2 the K last night, you'll probably get your ass whooped. I don't want to be responsible for that kind of stuff and for ladies it's just an adjective to help me get my point across to you, sophisticated because in my world it means beautiful intelligent temptress charming and horny all the time in your world Prada means borrowing inconsiderate confusing problem how in what world do you want to be I want to be well choice good choice so when we go out let's take pictures and if you have a retained stomach your stomach inside because I think it's rude to take a picture of me your holy stomach see if you have any questions, I had a good thing God raised me baby GLD, thank you very much for your time, I salute you