The Very Best of Top Gear Series 5 News (Funny Moments)

three cylinder motorcycle, you don't hear that noise anywhere, you told me the other day that your bike whatever it is sounds like you're burping no I didn't, what I said was that the sound at low revs from the exhaust It's like the sound a burp makes when it's forming down here, I don't want to hear a burp forming passing by my house on a Sunday afternoon with someone dressed like a power ranger I don't know I don't applaud him he's wrong I'm not so wrong actually I'm really glad you don't like it I'm actually quiteI'm glad about this possible legislation because I think bicycles should be a little bit outside the law, that's why we use them to be a little rebellious, because I don't want you like my bike, I want it to bother you.

Okay, Mr. Rebel, Mr. Easy Rider. I will ask you a simple question in a few years, okay you have two daughters, a spotted oik appears in your house in a p q r s z double t, okay I have cooked to get your izzy out, what are you going to do with it? put a big bucket of sand next to the door and when I see it at the door I'm going to stick my head in it and then the problem will go away, I don't want to worry anymore, you're going to leave a man on a bicycle take your daughter out, oh, that's hard so on the other side of the door I'll have a big bat because in 10 years your daughter will be 14 and you will be that 75 of the reasons why I would have to hit you with a bat probably with a nail now uh on average e

very

year four people crash into my yard four four that's more than the national average that's not many people have that many people The crash into your front yard gets worse this week two two and one week in one week two in one week and I think the problem is who know I live there and say "hey, look at me, look at me and the problem is fine." Can I just explain this?

Michael Schumacher drove me around Firano in a Ferrari. It was awesome to see a vauxhall nova bouncing around my front garden. He doesn't make me float. There is a perfectly simple explanation for this. You bought a house on a sharp bend. Don't you know what you've been doing for the last 15 years driving around hairpin bends while watching the TV on and then being shocked when you wake up and there's a Peugeot 106 in your shed? That's good, thanks James for that. one, um, though, is this roof because look, they've been to ikea, it's a flat roof that's

very

Swedish, that's very cool, uh, yeah, the Alfa Romeo brewery, remember I was in the studio last

series

which you two were getting a little bloated about.

Oh, it's fantastic, the bread, it's just fabulous, quite a nice car. I have more details. Let's take a look at it first. There you are, very pretty. The 2.2 liter version, the price will be £25,000, that's a lot. a lot that's 3000 pounds more than a mazda rx-8 swims to 60 8.6 seconds that's a lot too that's all that's slow means it's actually the same as a 1976 rover do you still want one um yeah we do He's like Cameron Diaz, right? We know she's a vegetarian, we know she's a committed ecomentalist, would you say no, no?, you could be, that's Cameron Diaz on wheels and she's wearing this.

There's a poll published this week, okay, that says 25 British men would rather be passengers in a car with Jeremy Clarkson than with Angelina Jolie. Oh, for God's sake, let's take a look at Jolie so we can see what she's all about here. Has the world gone mad. You are with me. "No, yes, Jeremy, I'd rather have me than her. Now listen to 25 British men. I've been in a car with Jeremy Clarkson, to be honest, I haven't been in a car with Angelina Jolie, but I'm prepared to take ". a punt that angelina jolie is the

best

option hey smart, you know they're little plastic cars okay they're in serious financial trouble they're taking down mercedes and uh chrysler the co-owners of them uh but nevermind because they have a new car and here it is, oh, everything is fine, everything is fine and now take it and bring Angelina back.

If Smart would make his financial problems end, we launched a new car called Angelina, it is now at the top of the list. pots the other day, oh I know it was the first time I did live television and I was there in my living room with my sky plus on a very good record, better live anyway, the thing is fine while I did it, did I realize? that one of the acts in particular was absolute nonsense, okay, they were just awful and I was thinking that when they hit the patio furniture, I'd rather hear an exhaust pipe, okay, than this, and that gave me an idea, okay, what? can you use a car?

Motor as a musical instrument. Well, could you, for example, re-record the Top Gear theme song using nothing but motors? has a degree in music, in fact, it's absolutely true, so I decided to accept Jeremy's challenge. We literally don't get letters a week every week from people saying, look, I want to go to work but I want to leave a trail of blue and red smoke. at my pace as I go, yes it's not easy if you can't afford a red arrow or if you don't have the ability to fly one, however help is now available from Japan where they have come out with these tires. let's say if the tours will emit colored smoke, yes, the thing is, this morning, to test this, we bolted some of those tires to the back of a tbr, put the stick on it and this is what happened there, look and it moves away.

He says, Hey, now they're telling us it's like a red arrow, they're telling us that these tires affect the handling and performance a little bit and they break down, oh yeah, but what a way to get to work. I look at the stick and he's having fun there. Are you looking at it? That's a happy thing. I'm a red arrow, I'm not a stick, look at me if you want to do that, there you go, they could use them when they need a new Pope, well they have the colored smoke, yeah. from the chimney, what did he get with a small Italian pike in his fiat uno in a chimney somewhere in the Vatican?

Ready? Yes, right now, can Angelina come back? Now there's talk about the BBC being dumb so let's try to do something about that man, sorry, so please note that the following article may contain information. Not now, let's continue with the

news

. Can we, because I'm not kidding, we have the biggest

news

we've ever revealed. in the audience of top

gear

top

gear

this little motoring show on the bbc two this week one I have here in new york an emmy we did that's an emmy yes what's the point this is ok it's for the

best

entertainment show Without a script that was not made in the United States, why didn't you go to the ceremony to learn well?

Because I was writing the script for this week's show. Yes, the thing is that when you are in the office you remember the sitcom when it won some Golden Globes. Recently, yes, the whole BBC stopped while everyone said congratulations and showered them with gifts, gold and diamonds. The BBC director general spent a week rubbing hot pork fat on Ricky Gervais. Yes, he did it. How many? chocolate covered ballerinas that you think they sent us how many do you think is nothing, nothing and if you think that is scandalous, write to us from monday to top gear channel 4 television 124 horsepower london sw1 now remember that mercedes era voy to base it on a fish oh yeah, remember the bionic car here's a photo look, that's the fish we have yeah, the car the car looks like this the bionic car is still the fish well yeah, I mean it's been designed in a wind tunnel to be like a fish you can't design something to look like a fish in a wind tunnel yes you can and they did it and they built it and they executed it it has been in an industrial estate in Surrey where it goes to 10 miles per hour, well it has a sheep pee system that goes to the exhaust and cleans up the emissions, but what's the point of the car if I'm going to buy a car that looks like that?

I want the salesman to say that the reason he drives a car that looks like that is because he does something: he lapped the industrial estate in three minutes 32 seconds. Was it a big turnaround? 0.6 miles not very fast. Would anyone here buy that car? No. but wait, no, no, no, no, can I contact you? Yeah, you don't like the Phantom. I think it's absolutely a stunning car. I mean, it's one of the most beautiful cars I've ever seen. I really want one of those. right, the bionic fish is going to be good, it better be good, it has an extremely efficient 1.8 liter diesel engine.

It has a diesel engine because it has sheep urine and that means that emissions are reduced by up to 80 and yet the crash resistance and safety of the bionic shell are not affected, so it is not safer , is what they say, than a normal car. It is a diesel car that you only have. Sorry, it seems, but it seems that I took it away. I never want to do it. see it again in my life now