The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works) | Mel Robbins

You know, I've heard a lot of experts say that

fear

isn't real, that it's a bunch of nonsense,

fear

is so real, in fact, there are probably things you're afraid to do right now in your life, in your relationships and work. and the fact that you are afraid, that is robbing you of all the experiences that you want to have in your life. I mean, if you're afraid of flying, that's going to limit your ability to travel and see the world or visit friends. if you are afraid of speaking in public, that will really limit your ability to express yourself and share your ideas if you are afraid of talking to your boss or asking for a raise that will directly affect the amount of money you make or what if you are dreaming of starting a business or you've already started a new business but you're afraid to talk to people and you're afraid to share your business with people, I mean fear is something that stops us all and that's why I'm here to talk to you because Fear doesn't have to be real, but I'm going to share a

secret

weapon that I've used for years to overcome every fear that used to hold me back.

Now first, before you use this

secret

weapon. I just want to cover some facts about fear, what it is, what it isn't and some things you may not know about fear, so first of all, fear is a physical state of your body that is exactly the same as arousal, Let me tell you that Again, fear and excitement are exactly the same physical state. Your heart races. You may sweat a little. You may feel tightness in your chest. You may feel a pit in your stomach. You have an increase in cortisol. It's basically the way your body enters. a hyper-aware state because you are preparing for action.

Now, what is the difference between fear and excitement? Really simple, the only difference between fear and excitement is what your brain does while your body is agitated. If you're excited, your brain says, "Oh, wow, this is happening." be so cool get on this rollercoaster if you're afraid your brain is going oh no way there's no way I'm doing this it's dangerous get out of there don't do that it's saying something different so what's critical to understanding this ? is that we are going to use to your advantage the fact that your mind is working for you to excite you or against you with fear and I will tell you in a minute how you are going to do that second thing.

I want you to understand that you may have heard the advice. Feel the fear and do it anyway. You may have heard the advice. Oh, just try to calm down. Think positive thoughts. It does not work. And there's a reason why not. It doesn't work, so let's go back to fact number one: when you are afraid your body is in a state of excitement and agitation and your heart is racing and you are very excited and hyperaware of what is happening and you are getting a little scared. What is it like when you are calm? You relax, right?

You have this state of low arousal. It's very, very difficult to go from a state of agitation to being all excited and weird. to some kind of state, it doesn't work, it's like trying to stop a train by throwing a rock on the tracks, it will make the train go off the tracks, it will cause a disaster, in fact, they have shown in research that when you try to ignore your fears , it

actually

makes them worse and it's also been shown in research that positive thinking alone can also make your fears worse, so what do you do, what do you do when you're about to go talk to your boss and you're scared what do you do? when you have to get on a plane and you're

actually

afraid of flying?

What do you do if you have to give a presentation and you are afraid of speaking in public? This is what you are going to do. Are you going to use a strategy just like the one I use that has helped me overcome all fears and made me fantastic when it comes to a high-stress situation? This is how you do it. Use my 5 second rule in combination with what I call an anchor thought and that's going to reframe what your mind is doing so that your mind goes from feeling agitated and making you feel afraid to reframing it from agitated to excited.

Now it

works

like magic. I've used this technique for years, literally, for years and one of the ways I want to introduce it to you is: I want to take you backstage. I want to take you backstage to a speech I gave this year and what you're doing. you're going to see, you're going to see me behind you know, the main set I'm about to come out, you can hear the crowd roaring, my intro video is playing, my body is in a state of excitement, I'm literally my heart. He's running my arms are sweating like you're going to see this.

I will tell you and you will see me use this same technique. I'll teach you how to reframe my nerves into excitement. Look at this, I'm about to go on stage, there are 7,000 people out there and it's very exciting because what they don't know is that they are about to learn the 5 second rule and their lives will never be the same. Again, I have to tell you, my heart is racing. My armpits are sweating. I have exactly the same physiological sensation as when I am afraid, but I am not afraid. I'm excited, excitement and fear are exactly the same in your body.

It's just what your brain calls it Here's a science-proven trick I use every time I talk When I start sweating When I start getting butterflies When I start getting my heart racing I say I'm excited I'm excited to go out I'm excited to talk to this people. I'm excited to share the 5 second rule and what that does is it sends a message to my brain that tells it why my body is all agitated and excited and like that. I'm not afraid, remember excitement and fear are exactly the same in your body, the only difference is what your brain calls it, that's why you want them, go get them now.

I want to give you one more example just to make sure you really understand how. You can use this, many of you have written to me about your fear of flying and I can really relate to that fear because I used to have the exact same fear, but I use this same strategy to conquer it. This is how you're going to do it. do it so first things first, if you have to do something that really makes you nervous or that you are afraid to do before you are about to do it, think of an anchor thought, what is an anchor thought?, well, an anchor thought.

It's something that will anchor you so that you don't escalate any situation into a full-blown panic attack or a situation where you screw things up. It is a way to anchor yourself to maintain control over what you are thinking. and how you behave, so here's an example of flying. It is important when you are creating an anchor thought to choose something that is in the right context of what you are afraid of doing, for flying choose an anchor thought that has to do with the journey you are taking, so if I am boarding a plane to fly back home to Michigan, an anchor thought could be an image in my mind of my mom and I walking along the shores of Lake Michigan, where I grew up, that is a thought that makes me happy, excites me and is also related with the trip I'm going to take.

If you have a conversation you need to have with your boss, choose an anchor, think about how you feel after having that conversation, maybe you'll be the one to bring it up again. You get on the phone with someone you love and say, “Oh my God, everything went so well,” or you know, you walk out of the meeting and feel like, yeah, I survived that conversation. I feel really good about myself, so now that you have your presenter, you think I'm ready to conquer fear, how you're going to do it is this, so let's go back to the airplane example.

I'm on the airplane. I'm flying to Michigan. We reach turbulence. My body is going to start shaking. I'm starting to get nervous, my heart is starting to race, one of two things can happen. I can't control how my body feels, but I can always control what I'm thinking and I can always control how I act, etc. Can you do it when I'm on a plane and the turbulence reaches 5 43 2 1? That's the first step and it's essential, and the reason why using the 5c 5 4 3 2 1 Rule is essential is because that's how you shift gears in your mind, wake up your prefrontal cortex and activate your brain, now you have the control of your thoughts, you have interrupted the fear, you have resolved your thoughts and now your brain is ready for that anchor thought, so what do I do next? go 54 3 2 1 es insert the anchor thought that already occurred to me before the flight I start to think about walking on the beach and being with my mom and dad and I start to tell myself that I really want to walk on the shores of the Lake Michigan I am so excited to see my parents now something extraordinary is going to happen in your brain because you have interrupted the fear and because you have used the 5 second rule to assert control and awaken your prefrontal cortex and because you have an image that Contextually it makes sense to your brain because you're flying to Michigan, you know your brain

works

, uh, Mel is excited to go to Michigan because my body is in a state, remember the first fact, fear and excitement.

Exactly the same, what is the difference between fear and excitement? What your brain says Using the 5 second rule and an anchor thought, you can shift the gears of your mind and reframe thoughts of fear into thoughts of excitement and because you have a vision. that makes sense based on what you're doing your brain believes it, you just tricked your brain now Dana used this technique, she says she's never been so calm when flying and Sarah used it too now Sarah wrote to her that she was petrified of flying, but using the 5 second rule and 54321 with an anchor thought, check out this photo of her on a helicopter tour in Hawaii Not only was the tour amazing, but here's what's really amazing, if fear stops you, this will change your life and for those of you who are afraid of speaking in public look at this photo of Carol she was also afraid of speaking in public and by using this technique that I just explained to you 5 second rule anchor thinking reframe your thoughts from fear to emotion something incredible It happened she was able to overcome her fear and give a speech to her nursing colleagues and that was something that was a life goal and also something she checked off her bucket list.

The fear is real, you cannot control the feelings that will arise in your body. when you are on a plane or when you are talking to your boss or when you see someone who is attractive and you really want to go up and talk to that person, but you can always control what you think and you can always make a decision about the actions that you are going to take. so that the next time you feel afraid 54321 you go to that anchor thought, tell yourself that you are excited and that my friend is the power of how to overcome fear in 5 seconds and not do it.

Don't forget I'm here to help you, however I can make sure you celebrate your successes on social media using rule #5c, tag me and if you ever have any questions or need advice you can always reach out to us at hello mel

robbins

. com.