The Secret to Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking | Sha Nacino | TEDxYouth@SJCS

Can you look at the person next to you if you are sitting next to the woman? Can you tell that woman that you look blooming today and if you are sitting next to a man? Can you tell him that you look nice in July 2022? I gave my signature keynote speech, the power of being seen in front of 8,000 people live and in person, they were the largest audience I have ever addressed and I felt like I had the most incredible conversation with thousands of people, one person At the same time, that is the magic of

public

speaking

and that is why I love

public

speaking

.

Can I see a show of hands? Who among you here loves public speaking? Well, who of you here is afraid of public speaking? Well, I see more hands up. I have good news. For you, no. In my years of experience delivering keynotes to diverse audiences, I have found that the notion that public speaking is scary is overrated. Public speaking doesn't have to be scary, in fact, it can be fun and is a very powerful way to inspire. people and changing lives, but I didn't always see public speaking as fun, in fact, I used to be very shy, introverted and socially awkward when I was a student.

I didn't raise my hand in class when I was in college, we had this class and I really needed to ask my professor a question after days of agonizing over whether he would raise my hand and ask that question. I finally did it. My professor looked at me with this belief and with a frown he said: you know how your question sucks. I felt very humiliated in front of the entire class and that day I learned that it is better to keep quiet after graduating from college. I started working for a bank and as a bank employee I was a Wallflower.

I was so afraid to start conversations with people in the office because I was afraid I would be humiliated again during team meetings. I didn't share my ideas, even if I felt like I had some great ideas, you would bump into me in the hallway and say, are you new here? and I told you no. I've been working here for 3 years and you wouldn't even notice me and I felt like something was very wrong with me because I get very anxious and scared when I speak in front of a group, even if it's just a group of three people or two people, so One day I talked to my friend and asked her how I can overcome my

fear

of speaking.

My friend said: join the toast. What's that? I asked Google. My friend responded. My friend was very helpful so I googled it. Toast Masters and I discovered it is a public speaking organization that will help you overcome your

fear

of speaking and communicate better. I joined one of the clubs and could still remember the first time I gave a speech in front of 20 people. I was so nervous that my knees were shaking, my heart was racing and my mind went blank and I could feel a tear was about to fall. I was already in my twenties and I didn't want anyone to see me cry.

There was a Lecter next to me. and then I hid behind the Lecter and as I hid behind the Le I realized wait a minute. Are you disrespecting your audience? You have to get up again, so I got up again and faced my audience and in that moment My tears betrayed Me. I was crying in front of 20 people and I was trying so hard to remember my speech. Whatever I memorized from my speech, but I couldn't remember a single word. I couldn't even remember the title of my speech. I looked in the audience and I saw that there were three of them that were crying with me and that's when I realized what a supportive environment Toast Masters was and then the audience members were like, okay, take your time, take your time. , so I took my time to cry when there were no more tears left.

I returned to my seat and that was my first speech. No words, just tears, but even if I didn't utter a single word that day, that day I learned that it is safe to speak and so I continued to attend meetings, I continued to give speeches and later I was evaluated, I wrote a couple of books and I was invited by companies and organizations to motivate their employees through my talks the more I spoke in front of other people. The more I realized that public speaking doesn't have to be scary and then I became curious to know if public speaking doesn't have to be scary and can be fun.

Why are many people afraid of speaking in public? Various surveys say that 75% of people are afraid of speaking in public and that really made me curious why we are so afraid of speaking in public and then I discovered the answer to my question: we are afraid of speaking in public because of the thoughts What we build Around this, I learned in positive psychology that our thoughts affect our feelings, our feelings affect our actions and our actions affect our results, so if we are afraid of public speaking it is because of the thoughts we build around it. , so when we feel afraid, when we feel scared before we act on it, we must first go back.

What thoughts are we thinking that make us afraid of speaking in public? And over the years I did a lot of self-reflection. I also interviewed many people from various backgrounds. and students of different nationalities Millennials entrepreneurs senior professionals sweet SE sweet leaders 60 years old and I asked them why they are afraid of speaking in public. The answers I got were universal and all boil down to this one thought that public speaking is a performance. The moment we think about public speaking it's like a performance, we feel like we need to perform and we feel so vulnerable and so exposed and we have thoughts like what if I forget my lines?

What if I don't know what to say next? What happens if I forget my lines? I can't engage the audience. What if I'm boring and we have all these right thoughts? No wonder we are afraid of speaking in public. Public speaking is not a performance and today I am here to share with you a different way of thinking about the public. Speaking, how about we think of public speaking as a conversation as if you were simply telling a story to your friend? I am blessed because I have a mom who listens to my stories for two or three hours every day since I was young, so My mom listened to my stories from when I learned to talk until I graduated from high school and it's the same with you, you have you've been having conversations with your families, friends, mentors, schoolmates, you've had practice when it comes to public speaking you've had a lot of practice because you know how to converse public speaking is a conversation between the speaker and the audience and maybe you're telling me How can you know it's a conversation when you're the only one talking and we're listening properly, so think about it this way in a conversation, both parties take turns speaking and listening, so when it's your turn to speak in public, imagine that It's your turn to speak in a conversation, let us explore the similarities between public speaking. and conversation and I would like to share three similarities in conversations that you should keep in mind who you are talking to and what the purpose of your conversation is.

I have a brother who recently got married, he and his wife have a happy marriage, but I can't stand how my brother spoke fondly to his wife during our dinner conversations and I bet the way my brother would speak to his wife is different from the way you would talk to your clients. The same goes for public speaking, who is your audience? What message do they need to hear? The way you would talk to Millennials is different from the way you would talk to Baby Boomers. The way you would talk to students is different from the way you would talk to Sea Sweet leaders.

The second similarity is that in a conversation you need to connect with your audience, so IM with a person you are talking to, so imagine, you, C, had this to catch up with your friend because you planned the exchanging stories and then your friend arrived and looked very messy. up and disoriented because she just came from traffic, now don't just say hey, I have a story to tell, listen to this, first you need to connect with your friend and ask her if you are okay, do you need water, okay, take your What time is it? the same when speaking in public?

What is the state of your audience? They are tired? Do you need to speak slower or faster? Do you need to tone down or calm your voice to calm them down? I remember when I gave a keynote at a convention. In Paris, France, I was the closing keynote speaker and at lunch time everyone was very tired because two languages ​​were used at the convention, so I realized what the state of the audience is by the time I go up to the stage, they would be tired by now. So I decided that maybe I should increase their energy and for lunchtime I modified 50% of my talk and incorporated one of my music videos with permission to dance from BTS and invited everyone to dance on stage, so this is a of my songs. videos that I shared with them and invited people to dance with me and they danced too and that was the perfect way to end the first day of the convention and the transition to the ganite.

My video didn't play, you didn't see my beautiful music video, that's okay and the third similarity is that if we want to get better and better at conversations and public speaking, it takes practice, so we need to practice and maybe you're saying that okay, now that I have this idea I can see. public speaking like a conversation I can get excited, but what if I still get nervous? what will I do? It's okay to be nervous and it's normal to be nervous, which brings me to my final story for this talk in May 2018. I flew to Singapore. to attend a global speakers convention and although I have been speaking to various groups of Filipino audiences in the Philippines and abroad, I realized that, wow, this is a new audience and I was very nervous and I said to myself, okay , we will be in our listening and learning mode for this convention we will not talk and then one of the speakers showed his book and said I have this book and I want to give it to the first person who answers this question in 30 seconds.

I love books and I love meeting other authors, so I raised my hand, shared my answer, he gave me the book and I was happy and that was it. I thought he was very surprised because during the break, about 10 speakers came up to me and handed me their calling cards and said sha, are you, are you, are you, on LinkedIn, do you have a calling card, can we exchange calling cards and then, that same year or a year later, I was invited to speak at conferences in Singapore, India, Malaysia and the Maldives, the 30 seconds? The speech I gave launched my career as a global speaker and not only that, when I decided to host two free online Summits, the Global HR Summit and the Global Gratitude Summit, I invited these speakers to speak at my Summits and they said yes in their own way. to give back and together we were able to serve 25,000 participants of 15 nationalities during the height of the pandemic and this would never have happened if I had not dared to speak, even if I was still nervous, the fear of speaking in public prevents me from doing so.

Speaking What are you missing because you are not speaking and what are others missing because you are not sharing your ideas? Speaking in public doesn't have to be scary, it's a conversation, it's like talking to a friend telling you. stories for a friend when I got so nervous and pressured to give a talk in front of a group. I remember what public speaking is and why I do it and I remember my favorite conversations, especially with my mom and how those conversations made me feel. safe seen and appreciated I am standing here on this prestigious Ted recitation an employee share your ideas during team meetings as a leader speak up and encourage others if you need more public speaking practice engage in more conversations you've got it, I'm Shino and I wish you fearless possibilities