The SCIENCE! - Could we really make SUPER MUTANTS?

Dear Bethesda: Hello! It's me! Austin! Are you sick of me already? TOO MUCH. I've had themes for years. Actually that's not entirely true. This is probably the second to last Fallout I have up my sleeve, but it's a big one. It's something I get asked about all the time. Not only in every video I

make

for you, but in almost all the videos of other video game franchises. And since I'm trying this new thing where I don't burn up the first four minutes of my video masturbating to the sound of my own voice, let's get right to the point: does your Forced Evolution Virus

make

any sense? ?

The forced evolutionary virus. The beloved coco-slash-mcguffin-slash-deus-ex-machina from the Fallout franchise. Going back to the first Fallout game, it's impossible to play a game where you don't have at least one casual interaction with it. Here's the truth: the forced evolution virus was developed more or less by mistake. The Pan-Immunity Virion Project, spearheaded by West-Tek, was a project aimed at creating a general immunity response in the event of a biological attack from China... CHINA and helping combat the rapidly spreading New Plague. These experiments never truly achieved their initial goal, but what they discovered in the process would forever shape the landscape of the United States.

During the animal testing phase of PvP, there was... wait a minute. Did you know. This sounds bad coming from me. This is just a serious story. We should call the expert. Just a second. While conducting the animal testing phase of his research for the Pan-Immunity Virion Project, West-Tek discovered strange side effects in his test subjects. The animals grew in size exponentially becoming stronger, faster and more intelligent. Seeing the product's potential as a war asset, the US military appropriated all research and samples belonging to the Pan-Immunity Virion Project and renamed it the Forced Evolutionary Virus. Research operations were moved to the Mariposa military base, where experiments were conducted on human prisoners of war.

However, the experiments were never completed. One day before the Great War broke out, Captain Roger Maxson, founder of the illustrious, noble, and moral model of humanity known as the Brotherhood of Steel, mutinied when he discovered what scientists were doing before the United States

could

react. Enriched uranium and plutonium atoms around the world reached critical mass and unleashed a reign of hellfire on a scale never seen before. And it is rarely conceived by the human race. While this meant the end of the human race as we knew it, the Forced Evolution Virus continued to exist. The full breadth and scope of its influence is currently unknown.

Strains are known to exist in both the remains of Mariposa and the ruins of Vault 87, and the Institute is even known to have experimented with captured wastelands. The forced evolution virus is most famous for creating colossal

super

mutants

. While its exact opposition is unknown, we know a lot about its characteristics. FEV is a megavirus with a protein sheath reinforced with ionized hydrogen that protects it from the harmful effects of ionizing radiation. The virus is pre-programmed with intron-corrected DNA that binds to host cells and completely rewrites their DNA with parts of the virus's own pre-programmed routines and the host's natural abilities.

At best, what results is a faster, stronger, and smarter version of what was originally infected. However, many subjects were not very lucky and, as a result, suffered painful and horrible deaths due to uncontrolled cancerous growths. Shit. Wait...why did I just say that? Shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Damn, this is what happens when you give creative control to Austin, right? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Damn shit. Balls of tits, fucking cocks. That's all. I will never do this again! Well. So, here's something I have to say before I inevitably start the SCIENCE! from the Fallout franchise. The writers of the original Fallout games, Fallout 1 and 2,

really

REALLY did an incredible job creating their universe.

Every time I read their history, whether it be the wiki pages, the game transcripts, or their game manuals, I am amazed by the depth, detail, and coherence. Obviously they take liberties like all great fiction writers do, but the writers of the original games, when they were creating a central story element of their world,

really

devoted a level of attention to detail that you don't see much in the modern gaming industry. Their nuclear weapons

science

and, as you'll see, their virology, while sprinkled with enough magic to make their games work, are also loaded with enough real-world

science

and history that, when you look at them as closely as I do, it really makes everything comes to life.

That being said, let's make a new idiot in this damn game. What the fuck does this mean? Well, to understand that, we will have to look at viruses, how they work and what they are made of. Let's take some of these terms and analyze them. Viruses are the smallest organisms. Or something like organisms. It's complicated. Smaller life forms? Things that do things? Well, one of the best terms right now is "obligate intracellular parasite." Whatever. They're fucking small. How small are they? Well, between 20 and 300 nanometers, on average, which means that the largest viruses out there are about the size of the wavelengths of visible light, although most are smaller.

They're so small that most can't be seen with an optical microscope, which makes sense: how can you see something using radiation that's actually larger than what you're trying to see? Viruses are composed of nucleic acid surrounded by a protein shell, called a capsid. The nucleic acid composition is unique to viruses because they contain either a single strand of DNA or a single strand of RNA, but NOT both. RNA and DNA are the building blocks of life, literally. Short for deoxyribonucleic acid and ribonucleic acid, these nucleic acids are found within every human being. DNA contains the building instructions for all of you, well, YOU in its sequences.

It is responsible for keeping the body functioning and is what makes the decisions when it comes to cellular activity and cellular identity. DNA in humans is characterized by being a double-stranded helix, while RNA is a single strand. DNA and RNA work together to assist in cell division and the transmission of messages. But in viruses? Oh man. In viruses, they have a much more sinister purpose. But more on that in a moment. So a capsid that surrounds the nucleic acid, either in the form of RNA or DNA. So what happens to these introns and exons? Well, first we will have to explain the relationship between DNA and RNA.

Don't worry! Only the basics! When it's time to do shit, which is, honestly, ALL the time, an enzyme unzips that DNA double helix, reads the bits and bytes of information, and makes a copy of this information in the form of RNA, which, eventually, be sent to do cool things like build proteins. BUT FIRST, before this RNA can be sent, our RNA copy of DNA is not finished yet. Surprisingly, there is a significant amount of junk information stored in this RNA that must be removed before it can be considered complete. Removing this junk information is called "RNA splicing." Huge, complex bundles of proteins and RNA called emplycosomes separate the good pieces of RNA from the bad.

The bad parts will be broken down into their components and reused as building blocks for more DNA or RNA in the future, and the good parts will be glued back together to be sent to the rest of the cell as whole cells. RNA. These "good" parts are called exons and the "bad" parts are called introns. They are called exons because they will eventually leave the nucleus, while introns remain inside and will eventually be reused. Alright, we're getting there. A virus is a kind of shiny little automated machine. You see, most organisms in the world, including parasites, produce ATP, also known as the Universal Cellular Energy Currency.

We've talked about it on this show several times; Basically, it is a requirement for life and for doing things. But viruses? They do not produce ATP. And they don't actually do anything that normal cells do. Cells, including bacteria, eat food of some kind, produce ATP, and live their lives fulfilling their purposes. They also divide to produce more cells like them, so that when they finally die, their legacy is assured. Viruses, clever little bastards that they are, have figured out how to use this same process of cell division against us. They float around and invade our cells in one way or another, either by injecting their RNA or DNA into a host, or by convincing the host to open its doors to let the whole virus in, which is not a big deal.

Viruses are incredibly small, thousands of times smaller than our own cells and almost all bacteria. And here's the brilliant part: viruses hijack our cells and DNA and use the available ATP reserves to create more viruses. The virus's RNA and DNA bind to our DNA and RNA and make copies of themselves, creating more and more viruses, until that cell's resources are exhausted. The cell bursts and hundreds or even thousands of newly created viruses spill out, searching for other nearby cells to invade and start the process all over again. Blegh. So, according to the Fallout writers, what exactly is our forced evolution virus like?

Let's start simple. A protein shell. We have it. In fact, it is specifically said to have a sheath, indicating a very, very specific type of invasive structure. Pods are characteristic of viruses that aggressively impact the cell walls of hosts and inject their genetic information to float freely inside, like a syringe. This protein exterior is supposedly reinforced with ionized hydrogen. Because? Well, viruses, like all cellular things, are susceptible to damage from ionizing radiation. However, unlike human and animal cells, they have no way to repair damage caused by radiation. They are simply toast. So the only way to protect yourself from radiation is to, well, shield yourself.

Hydrogen is the lightest element in existence, making it a natural candidate for additional materials. A normal hydrogen atom is a single proton surrounded by one electron. Ionized hydrogen, however, is just a proton, free of the charge of the presence of electrons. The idea here is that these single protons

could

absorb incoming neutrons, which is actually a prominent form of radiation released by nuclear fission and fusion. Whether this would actually work or not, I have no idea. But it's a good idea. These are incredibly resistant viruses. Now, remember, the forced evolution virus involves editing the host cell's DNA, not simply turning the host into a virus factory until the cell inevitably expires forever.

It is not about creating a trail of destruction, but about rewriting history. So, according to the writers, the forced evolutionary virus, when it finds a cell, attaches to it and injects what is most likely RNA, the messenger molecule. This RNA is encoded with very specific genetic changes and is ultimately the key to how FEV rewrites the host's genetic code. But this is also where the description of how FEV works starts to get a little complicated. You see, the writers suggest that somehow this virus sends something into the cell, reads the DNA, and makes a copy. This copy then, in the form of an exon, leaves the cell and re-enters the virus.

The virus then takes this genetic code, replaces it with the pre-programmed introns found within it, and sends it back. This DNA is then replicated using the same processes as before. The problem is that viruses do not have the ability to directly edit DNA within their own structures. The lack of this ability, in fact, is what specifically makes viruses viruses. They do not have space or capacity for these complex processes. Even megaviruses, among which FEV is classified, are not equipped for this type of behavior. But that doesn't leave us dead in the water. The flu virus, for example, is able to completely hijack the spplicosomes of host cells and use them to replicate its RNA.

Pretty rude, huh? But replicating your own RNA and sending them out as new viruses is a very, very far cry from rewriting the entire genetic makeup of a human being. Fortunately, all of that belongs to the realm of science fiction. Fortunately, we will never risk being overwhelmed by armies of

super

mutants

. So. Cool. The end. Wait, why isn't the output starting? Is there something that should be... Oh, SHIT. I...DAMN. Damn, damn, I forgot about CRISPR. SHIT. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Sigh. Yes it's correct. The FEV can't work exactly like the writers said. Exons and introns cannot be used withoutmore to photocopy and touch up the DNA.

It just doesn't work that way. Viruses work in a very, very specific way: they hijack a host to replicate. Some can infiltrate the host's DNA, but even then, everything is aimed at self-replication. Of course, viruses are used in gene therapy to deliver new DNA, but it has to be programmed completely from scratch, no editing or replacing small specific areas. At least not easily. But then, of course, SCIENCE discovered the most beautiful, powerful, and terrifying tool since they learned to split atoms: CRISPR. Short for “clustered regularly spaced short palindromic repeats,” CRISPR was originally discovered not in viruses, but in bacteria.

E. Coli bacteria, in fact. In fact, microbiologists relatively recently discovered fragments of what appeared to be virus DNA in the genome structures of bacteria. How do I get there? Well, when a bacteria is attacked by a virus it has never encountered before and successfully fights it off using inefficient enzymes, the bacteria cuts the genetic code from the remains of the virus and slips them into its own genetic information. Basically, it's a mug shot of that type of virus. That way, if the virus comes back, the bacteria send out proteins armed with these DNA/RNA mugshots, and what if they find something that matches that mugshot?

It gets fucking wet. And that? This is the power of CRISPR. SCIENTISTS today have figured out how to use this process to their advantage by replacing these viral photos with... well, anything. Any length, any complexity of DNA. These proteins will hunt and destroy anything that carries the genetic code you give them. Do you want to get rid of the blue eye gene and replace it with brown ones? Simply give this protein the correct genetic sequence, inject it into your subject and BOOM, these CRISPR Killers will find that sequence in the genome and destroy it. Now, we've had the ability to edit the genome for... well, years.

Decades, actually. But there are some things that set CRISPR apart from all previous methods of gene therapy. For one thing, CRISPR is much, much, MUCH more precise than previous methods and costs about one-thousandth the price. CRISPR sequences are everywhere and incredibly easy to obtain. But in addition to being simply precise, in the past genetic tuning processes were severely limited by species. Each species of animal required different techniques. But CRISPR? CRISPR works in humans, it works in dogs, it works in cats, it works in plants, it works in fungi, it works in presidential candidates, and it works in bacteria.

It works everywhere. And you can change anything. And THIS is the terrifying truth about the forced evolution virus: we have never, ever been closer in all of history to having a FEV in real life. You see, FEV is described as a MEGAVIRUS, which is a particularly large family of viruses that has astronomically large genetic chains. Furthermore, its operation is not typical of most viruses. Instead of infecting a host cell and destroying it to create their offspring, megaviruses take over the entire cell and turn it into a viral factory. It allows the cell to continue functioning almost normally, producing ATP, regenerating DNA and RNA, etc., but it remains throughout the lifespan of the cell and produces more of its kind.

If you wrapped a megavirus in messenger RNA that turned cells into, say, CRISPR protein production facilities, you could, essentially, force a genetic mutation in anyone you wanted. A person or animal's own cells would become factories for their own mutagenic process, creating an army of viruses and CRISPR proteins that eliminate unwanted genetics and replicate them with those that make you stronger, faster and smarter. And all of this is something that could happen in our real world, with the technology we know exists now. Right now there are scientists in China working on modifying embryos using CRISPR. This is no longer science fiction, it is real life.

This could possibly be the next generation of biological warfare. SHIT, I THOUGHT FEV WAS GOING TO BE COMPLETE SHIT. I mean, sure, it would NEVER work exactly the way the Fallout writers said it would, but the fact that something even REMOTELY similar that could do the exact same thing COULD EXIST IS GOD. CURSE. DAMNED. FRIGHTENING. AND I DO NOT AGREE WITH THAT. Sincerely, Austin P.S. I am a handsome man. You know it. I know. I have crooked teeth, but I avoid getting braces because I try to maintain a level playing field with the rest of humanity.

If I'm too perfect, the world economy could collapse because all the red-blooded humans would stop what they're doing to ogle me every time I leave the apartment. Well, maybe that's not entirely true. In any case, sometimes even handsome, hygiene-focused men like me are so busy that they forget to shave and stop looking like a real human being and start looking like a bearded Malaysian pig. BUT that doesn't mean you have to take out your carbon steel blade to cut... PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. Instead, you can sign up for Dollar Shave Club. Dollar Shave Club loves to bring amazing razors to your door every month for a third of the price of what you'll get in the store.

And if you use dollarhaveclub.com/shoddy, you'll get your first month's shavers FREE. The only thing you have to pay is shipping. And after that, it's just a few dollars a month for awesome razors. You can finally be kissable again! Remember, dollarhaveclub.com/shoddy offers your first month FREE. Hurrah! ALSO! Today is the third and final presidential election before we Americans elect our next dictator, so my broadcast today will be a little different. I will start streaming at 9 p.m. EST, or 8 p.m. my hour, and we will play political and AMERICA themed games, as well as participate in some fun bipartisan debate drinking games.

So if you ever wanted to see me get drunk in front of the camera, now is the time. Are you ready? I'm ready.