THE ROAST OF THE SIDEMEN

Well, this has been coming our way for a while. I am very excited. This is the

roast

of the companions. My name is Alex today. I'm here to

roast

the companions. Welcome, let's give a round of applause. Very brave of you, very brave. There are a lot of rich people on the scene today, a lot of money, but if you want living proof that money can't buy you happiness, Mini Minter, first joke, I told you there's a lot more, there's a lot more. Harry hello kicking that ball in your mother's face. He didn't really change how ugly she is and, speaking of dogs, when I heard that JJ was going to bring a dog on stage at the UK press conference, you should have seen the look on my face when I saw that she wasn't. talia wait she's in the audience I knew she'd be here and that's why there's a couple more about her I told you I'm sorry Talia nad um talking about dogs josh no I'm joking I'm freya don't worry um I have to do it I congratulate you Josh, you're one of the most consistent youtubers I know, consistently boring, yeah, um, Ethan, I'm really sorry to break it to you kid, but more than half the people in this scenario have your mom muted on Twitter and unfortunately, after seeing what annoying.

Mummy Bez is on Twitter. I'm not surprised your dad left you, let's take it down a step guys, I was just told this video is coming out on Sunday so I need to hurry up my breakup announcement with Sarah so yeah. I'm announcing my breakup with Sarah any minute now. I've been feeling pretty sad, as you can probably tell, recently. I guess you've been feeling the same, Talia, so send me a message. Thanks for laughing. So far I really appreciate it, what is your mom going to say when Logan Paul slaps you? Nothing because she doesn't care about you, don't worry guys, this is short, Simon off camera, you have no friends, I'll do it.

Let it sit for a second. Toby is the only guy I know who could pay a prostitute and still end up in the friend zone. I have to ask Cal for permission. Can I, yeah, yeah, don't you want to? I don't have this written so I might as well post it since you guys know um vic tried to suck the dick of every electronic music DJ in the world last week. I even caught him trying to dig up a gingham. I'm going to say this anyway because in case you delete it, um Vic, you're too nice and a bit boring, I really can't think of much else to say about you, um, so I've been chalice, I hope you got it everything, I hope everyone.

Have a wonderful day apart from you Simon, the delivery of some of them is very good, if my mom thinks I will pay for prostitutes, now it's over for me, I just want to say a huge thank you to the escorts for inviting me here and having I, I make these jokes for you, I'm a big fan of all of you, in particular Ethan, I'm a big fan if you didn't know, but I've been wondering, I'm not sure what's looser than his mom's. vagina or the skin around your belly, I love you mom, no, but seriously, you know, I love all the escort videos, especially the hide and seek ones, but I couldn't help but notice how good Ethan was, let's suppose he he got from his father. six other people on stage there are six more, we will communicate with them, we will communicate with them, uh, speaking of which, a lot of people don't know, but Simon is actually very insecure, he has a lot of things. of insecurities um, but I guess I would too if I had, a few sloppy seconds yeah, you're getting more rest than me Talia I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Tyler um, I don't think, I don't think it showed up, yeah, um, well , I mean, I guess.

At this point I can't say which is more fragile: your ego or your relationship. You know, many of you know that Toby is a very private guy, I mean he keeps a lot of things to himself, but there's actually a story that you know as a kid, Toby used to pray to God every night to have a smaller nose. and, as you can see, God is not real, a lot of people say Josh is boring, but a little bird told me that Josh has been experimenting in the bedroom lately, Freya, let him. for a change it was a great day it was a great day um I heard poems that go down very well on this channel so one second you wrote this no, you didn't write it you don't have a partner uh vic this is for you the roses are from red violet to blue here there's a fun fact your girlfriend is taller than you jj uh uh you know, i think it's safe to say that none of us would be here if it weren't for jj the position we're in um nothing embodies knowledge strength and integrity like slapping your own mother at Christmas.

I lived with Harry for five years, so I like to give him a round of applause. Harry has been a wonderful flatmate and I like to think I know them very well. A lot of people I see online one of the biggest criticisms they get is that they don't really know where the line is with their jokes. I can promise you that Harry knows exactly where the line is. Thanks guys, that's me, cheers, so he was. I'm not really sure how many insults to write today, but the victim texts me. I have it here. In fact, he said: Hello, friend.

He brings as many lines as you can, but don't let the others. Oh, that was from Harry. Actually, I will order you. comes out later player okay it's nice to see a lot of familiar faces in the audience oh connor cameraman big con talking about big con how much you send them hoodies for me mental mental what does simon's girlfriend have in common with christmas day in the Olatunji House? she probably she ruined them both and nervous probably says yes. Oh, sorry, it's not nice to talk about people's girlfriends. I googled how to write a roast and it came up, pick something interesting about the person and deconstruct it, obviously jj has the box in a nice one. you have the weight loss that Simon has, he has it all, he really is boring, I mean imagine doing a podcast with Randolph and still being the second most interesting man in the room, that's the third mental one if you count the tripod that I in 2018, Ethan tweeted as of today I have lost 30 kilos now I don't want to cause any but have you checked Harry's nightstand? naughty I didn't really have anything for toby well I had one thing written but my mate told me it was too far away he said whatever you do you can't attack someone for their career well I'm going to do it I mean look at him he's pathetic losing to Jake Paul in 100 meters, that's crazy, but I thought black people are supposed to be fast, what does freya have in common? with ea servers josh just has to get one of them drunk to attack him this is too much tough people tough people i hate how people treat different members of the companions i mean if harry pulls out a bag unexpectedly , it's party time, yeah.

Will someone call me the bomb squad? I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry. There are some rumors floating around online that jj may be going on. I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here at first. I thought he would never survive being confined. space surrounded by a bunch of blood sucking leeches, but now that I think about it, I think it'll be okay, oh yeah, before I go, I actually bought one of you a gift that cost me £70, so I'll bill you , but Oh, I actually did this, so I thought it was special, I thought it was unique, but now that I think about it, I probably won't be the last youtuber to put jj on a canvas.

See you later, shut up. You know what you like escorts are here that was an eight year old loser I would go crazy it's great to see a room full of people who have been sucking jj for years for all that money and chalice how was that special needs class? at private school, go so far jj Hi, how does it feel to know that you've put more unwanted sperm in a vagina than you've caused views in the UK? Ah, rape face or as Simon calls it, sex, speaking of your face, I just want to get this one out of the way, take one last look at it before Logan destroys it.

He looked huge at that press conference, of course you were all trained by the same personal trainer. Deeda, she slapped my hand before he showed up. She had never seen so many. people who actually train and never seem to, which is obviously a testament to vida, your trainer, you look great jj, just get the fight out of the way, all right, we want to see logan paul versus ksi3, no, ah, companions or like most of the content. The creators call you second channel content now, uh, an innovator, a leader, a guy who brought us into the 21st century with his sorry, this is my stuff on pewdiepie, which was ksi, but it's here, so you comment two of a guy's fights, he doesn't.

I follow you seriously, Simon actually followed me right before he arrived so I think it was for safety, but you don't know what's coming Bazinga, you assumed he was going to make fun of me about your weight. No, everyone has been so busy talking about your body transformation. Don't talk about how much of an idiot you've become before this, you thought Jim was the chip shop guy because your vagina is so loose there's really no end to it. I just like the image of a big star if you had a vagina. I'd still think you were boring, how's the spectrum going?

I'm just going to read what Vikkstar thought was a joke. He actually texted me a couple of things he could have done beforehand and I worked out the level at about where he thought he was going to launch this, it's a lot lower than the bar was going to be open today, but Harry can't be trusted with alcohol. In fact he texted me saying Vic stars in what Jeffrey Epstein played for the kids on the plane to make him sleep victim how do you constantly look like you just took a neck brace off manny? He's here tonight, yeah, toby, toby brown, how could you have the whitest name among the escorts?

Toby, you sound like most people's first attempt at drawing ksi. I was reading your wikipedia when I was doing some research because I don't know if this is 2005. Simon and jj became friends when they were 12 or 13. Investigators didn't know that Simon would help record the videos by holding the camera. you've stuck to what you were good at circa it's so boring sorry circa is so boring of course he's the only companion capable of growing a beard talking about talia talia you could choose between all the companions you chose that one i guess you can always work your way up harry its good to see you doing it as well as you can considering the way to be sure i treat it like my canary in the mine if i see him using facilitators i think its over but i have to thank the companions that you are. solely responsible for lowering the expectations of all girls in the UK about what men are capable of, especially erections, aren't you Harry?

I'm jealous of people who don't know you. I see what they're doing, man, you're trying to do it. bring us here to insult you and make more diss tracks, it's not going to work, you guys have no talent, but seriously, thank you very much, you are all lovely guys, talentless guys, but lovely, thank you very much, ah ksi, given what happened last Christmas. I might be the only roaster invited to this year, good evening, jj once went to visit a men's prison and the guys were made up, some of them hadn't seen the right years, the build up for ksi versus logan has been intense, jj he hasn't threatened to end a life with a hook since his ex girlfriend got pregnant that's the level look how angry he is jj said logan had the worst 18 minutes of his life my first thought was when is the new episode of the games coming out challengers toby came second in the 100 meter race or by his nose the 97 meter rice the companions love hide and seek maybe next time they can try to find josh's personality.

I'm not saying Josh is grieving, but I haven't seen six people. take someone so lifeless from my grandfather's funeral, joy guys, what he would have wanted, my favorite member of the companions is vic or give him his full name, the victim vic really has the it factor and by that I mean that He's a clown who likes the taste of boys, she's making friends, guys, he's going to lose his job, I'm panicking now, Harry has been in a five year relationship with Kent, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Sorry Kate, Harry struggles with two things, video ideas and staying sober, so I thought I'd copy the companions and break up. from a TV show, why not try Total Whiteout, dancing with spices and of course come with me?

Harry went viral when he kicked the ball on his mother's head, being from Guernsey he is used to ending up in a relative's face, Ethan is in very good shape, he apparently built his arms by hanging on to his more successful teammates for years ethan has always wanted a decent figure oh sorry ethan has always wanted a decent father figure ethan took his mother's last name which is ironic because the only thing his father left him was pain thank you very much. A lot of yesterday is not right starting with um, why would anyone go hide and seek?

There must be a lot of kids still sucking on each other's tits, but at the end of the day, anything for the protein, am I right? Ethan um, now everyone. He keeps saying how great Ethan looks, but what no one talks about is how good he thinks he looks.He sees every time he walks past the mirror, it's like, oh Jesus Christ, and for a kid who laughs a lot, it's the least funny thing you've ever seen. Have you ever known yourself in your life at least when you were fat? What could be pity laughing at him?

You know what I mean? But now it's uncomfortable when fat people lose weight and remain ugly, isn't it? It's not fair. He plays at home the moment he gets lost, he does what any self-respecting man would do and he just ditches his girlfriend's open season, now we can have a decent fuck and fuck all he wants, but now You know, I was exhausted. and um, I know I've been there myself when you're a youtuber you start to think you're way above your own station, but even at my worst, even as stupid as I was, I never thought I could fuck seriously, Honestly, right? slide into our dms, he's gone, he's been there so many times he left skid marks on our inbox and could you come to thepub with us pathetic never had a chance without me honestly you can't go wrong back to planet earth for you, paul, but you're not wrong about vickstar, imagine being the nerdiest member of the escorts, that's like being the fattest girl with weight.

Observers, is this not Jesus Christ? But she also paid to eat, so Mini Mint, uh, he hates comment channels. I'm sure you've heard it. I would listen to channels that monitor content quality if I were you too, a lot of videos. he made it die in his head the only thing that's dying is his channel, we all know that to be fair to him, you know he still gets views, we all know that based on how he looks, but they'll fade away, you know what I mean? when i saw him walk in here he walked with his hairline he walked in 15 minutes later i'm not saying he's going backwards but he makes it look like a playstation 4 controller um i really have a lot for harry to be honest just me i watched one of his videos it was a try challenge, not laugh challenge, with his mom watching Tik Tok and I thought: what is this?

Know? It's not even a joke, it's just bad, at least when he aimed the ball at his mother's head. I laughed a little, you know what I mean? But he's in his prime and unlike Ethan he's done the wrong thing in my opinion he's just stuck with one and that's just a bad look at Jj man he's had it all because money has chlamydia. a prostitute to be specific you know he didn't change hands it was a liam with all payment paid or wire transfer yell liam he solves all problems as for josh what would he be doing if he wasn't So? for youtube so I have a financial advisor who managed idiots finances while taking a cut without adding much so pretty much what he's doing now so um as for Toby he's lovely I really have a lot going for him , I mean, it's just kind of not important, uh, if it was a roast dinner, if this was a roast dinner, it would be like a Brussels sprout, just push it to the side, not even anything, really, and let's be Honestly, if they could go back and change them for many, at least they would. he has locks, you know what I'm saying, but anyway you all had a lot of laughs at me? dms, you know how nothing ever comes up in your sex life guys, probably because it's like your videos are boring because Simon has run out of ideas?

Josh probably has to get Con to come help him. Harry hasn't had anything in nine months. Jj has to pay someone to do it. Toby keeps saying that he will be there soon. Vic sits in his room and does it only three times. one day and Ethan is still hoping for a social media collaboration that will never happen. I've been honest, Geordie the Sidemen and I love them. Thanks for watching guys, I know his ex is.