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The Perks Of Being Billigual. Bengt Washburn - Full Special

The Perks Of Being Billigual. Bengt Washburn - Full Special
you are going to have to memorize about 44,000 subtly different drawings of sheds so into Germany it was culture shock Germany the language adopted a language intensive German six months 2,000 bucks totally worth it because I now speak the language like a three-year-old with a severe speech impediment I could not talk for three and a half years that was Germany my friends would ask what's it like what's Germany like well it's like I had a stroke I thought I'd learn the German my friends told me I would well not all my friends just my friends who only speak one language they know how easy it is to learn a second language and they'll tell you oh you pick up on the German event because you'll be emerged two people speaking German well guess what buddy you're not immersed in people speaking German University people speaking English there's a German accent so no progress this is my German but amazing progress with my German accent no I am NOT bilingual but I can sound bilingual yeah wunderbar this way now I use my accent to impress a random strangers I can just use it here to impress people yeah I feel takes a Fry's Vista hammer guys thank you for the good questions you're making now G your English is excellent twice thank you Wow first time I hear this Wow's thank you let's just cuz English is in your native language knows this is because I am from Utah never has a soft one couldn't complain either not learning German you...
the perks of being billigual bengt washburn   full special
can't complain this what'll happen if I complain about not learning German that's what I get well be grateful you're not learning Chinese grateful why why would you bring that why would you bring up something I could never do I'm not even learning German why would it be be grateful you stink at something that's kind of easy you got that going for you you can be found at something that's hard but see this way you feel stupid and disappointed you should be grateful Chinese is harder than German Germans technically kind of easy the grammars heart but there's similar words to English same alphabet whereas Chinese is insanely difficult there's no similar words or sounds and and you have to learn their alphabet we don't share an alphabet and it's not just 30 40 letters you want to be fluent in Chinese you are going to have to memorize about 44,000 subtly different drawings of sheds broken furniture yoga poses occasional waffle iron that's what I see like if I look at the menu Allah how spicy is your broken television really well then I will take the downward dog but again I'm a menu coward Chinese is crazy so many shchedrin I think Chinese is the only language on earth in which you can write an entire sentence accidentally you can just whoops I'm literate how did that happen sometimes a shed drawing will be a whole phrase or sentence so you have to memorize the shed with the sentence well ok the broken stepladder next the guys...
the perks of being billigual bengt washburn   full special
who in the golf club with the two sickles on the park bench for the roof shet drawing my foot hurts oh wait there's a chimney on the shed your foot hurts there's a chimney it's your foot when it weight there's smoke coming out of the chimney we've got a new pope 40,000 anything could be Chinese I'm conveying like you smash a spider on your wall and flip the body away the legs say something in Chinese it's probably a

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sentence on your wall my name is bent he didn't screw up my name it is bent it's be Eng T Swedish name Swedish because I am from Utah okay no does it make sense it is family safe and in Sweden you would actually pronounce the G it would be banked but here in Mapleton Utah where I grew up they never pronounce the G which is how I get my street name silent G always came in handy on the mean streets of Mapleton it's strange huh Swedish name made sense to my mom if it's a name in Sweden it's a name in Utah she told me is it popular in Sweden it was wildly popular in the 1800s and armed with that knowledge she sent me to school and I came home the first day crying he said my name's not real well did you tell them that in Sweden bent is a common name yeah they said in Utah Penn is an adjective name is not an adjective it's a past participle the verb to bend mom had a master's in English so yes wiedersehen name I was always grateful for my weird little Swedish name really was because my brother TAFE ahthe...
the perks of being billigual bengt washburn   full special
we will affix funny tape with ancient Welsh for David he taketh yeah my mom dug up a prehistoric name from a dead language who does that who does that well we were gonna go with dog but then we had a boy with tapir it's crazy this is my mom's logic she said I don't want my kids having to worry about sharing their names with other kids in their class at school and mission accomplished was the only bent in the Western Hemisphere and tape it happen we've done a Google search I've done a Google search has it been at a fourth I don't ever I don't think you go collect guess what you'll get videos of me doing this bit named stumps Google so I grew up in a weird family we were over here weird family you don't know you're aware family do yet you don't until you go to a normal family house and you play at their house this is why I found out I was in a weird family I was at my friend's house and their dog pooped in the living room just right there and this was what was weird to me as a six year old they cleaned it up immediately their house this was a big deal at dog log in the living room was a big deal our house different rules this was a rule or let it dry it'll come up easier those are like jello you gotta let him set a while we we always had at least two three dog logs waiting to dry and then every every couple hours you'd check them with a toothpick you get down and you're just like the brownie principle in the oven you...
just no not ready it is not done yet this has been here a while did that dog eat some lotion again because there's like 40 holes that we could play cribbage in that we didn't play cribbage because we grew up Mormon face cards were against the rules how do you grow up Mormon there's a lot of rules when you grow up Mormon as you know we're drinking no smoking no premarital anything yes of course the most logical rule I learned later no coffee I know it makes sense now my friends it didn't grow up Mormon explain to me no pen it makes sense you couldn't drink you couldn't smoke no premarital anything why stay awake we don't even know why you get out of bed you don't get it just stay down it's just gonna get worse he's pretty strict no swear neither no swearing no swearing although my mom would spell the swear words cuz then they don't count apparently she didn't spell bad where she didn't spell like a sailor but she but I understand spelling in front of you know little kids but there'd be a whole room

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of adult readers and she was still Oda M into H E double - thanks mom we know we can read we can all read all of us so can God were pretty sure he's literate we think he's highly literate like she thought she found a loophole for swearing she spells it God's up there well what she's saying baby did anybody get that did you get that was that some sort of a cold language was that Navajo that was Navajo...
Gabriel fetched me a wind talker was swearing my dad would almost swear it come close his favorite she I said shoot now you said shoot which is Texan for shoot dad and we couldn't we couldn't spell swear words even if we even spell the swear word my mom would necklace does anybody else get knuckled she would write here once your skull congealed it was fair game for this middle knuckle right there to whack that knuckle which eventually was arthritic it's serious if color rheumatoid arthritis I call it karma luckily my dad did not knuckle my dad never knuckle my dad is a psychiatrist so he did not believe in hitting to modify behavior instead he would sit us down and adjust our medication why spate the but when you can chemically spank the brainy sir bad kids who just need bigger pills now hold on apparently I have kids I agree with mom I think mom's technique is right I think kids should be knuckled or spayed not hard and not an Inger but at random just out of the blue because that's life random pain from above is light now what was that for she happens when are you hear him - life's not fair I am married now kids my wife different than me my wife did not grow up Mormon my wife grew up Irish Catholic they're practicing Irish Catholic - like I mean every weekend a drunk Maxine no she is different than me for one thing she has a job my wife is an officer in the US Air Force yeah oh yeah public affairs public affairs officer for those who don't...
know what that the implications public affairs officer that means every morning she has to wake up but on camouflage clothing design for jungle combat and then go to an office answer emails while dressed like a bush stump and they know it's dumb I've told every office she's had you know in this environment I can see you you stand out it's really bad serious if you had more plants in here that would help you get height you could stand in front of an open window and sway that would throw them off but as it is if the enemy attacks here's the plan storm the building shoot all the plants lose everybody you should become going to work dressed as a file cabinet like a fax machine helmet it'll make sense so we're a military family we've moved a lot all over the world even seven years ago my wife was transferred to Germany so I put my career on hold had to make like two calls wonder my mom / manager at the time and I cancelled my cellphone planet and I was ready to go all the loose ends of my career tied up and fault my wife to Germany she's my wife right she's the love of my life she is the mother of my children she is the source of my health insurance so I had to move to Germany in case I got sick this is an American thing still isn't it follow the benefits to a place you hate usually you know sad the more someone hates the job the more they bring up the benefits how's your job it's awful I hate it but the benefits are good if I...
get sick then I'll be happy I could like six months in the hospital would be great so I didn't even learn German I didn't learn German while I was there my son did my son was fluent in six months because he's a genius no he was 3 C he was learning language at a point in life when you're supposed to learn language I was 46 I was trying to learn language at a point in life when you're probably not supposed to learn anything I think probably they say it's harder to learn as you get older I don't know I know this I'm now 52 okay and for thousands of years you know the typical 52 year old man did he died 12 years ago he didn't go over the ocean and learn German you know and I think your brain still knows that so when you try to learn German you're Brett what do you do and we're just gonna die soon we die next we don't learn now it's dirt nap time what are you doing time to learn this is a bad investment knows it's harder actually they say this after 40 your brain can't remember and learn new things as well and it's baloney here's the thing my brain could remember and learn new things it just won't and I know why this is because it still remembers all that stuff I made it learn in high school in college and then never used so now it is very cynical about learning new stuff tulsa if i say come on we need to learn this my brain does not trust my judgment so yeah that's what you said about high school...
geometry straight A's and now we are a comic that can calculate the volume of a cylinder useless pi times PI R square I could do it do I ever use that skill calculate the volume of a cylinder no every time I buy a soda the answer is right on the can I mean it looks about right they don't show their work but I believe in yeah lots of useless stuff on our heads everybody even there's worse cases in the comics there are people on death row right now that got A's in high school sitting there man those days in geometry are not helping me here on death row they should not have taught me that information they should have taught me how to hide the body how to clean a crime scene during home act that would have been handy instead they teach me how to calculate the area of a trapezoid in case I need to carpet a crooked room well my rooms are square pretty much it's harder to learn I guess she get a little older no I mean I'm not old 52 my wife thought I was old at 40 this is how I know she thought I was old we got transferred to the Beach California we're right by the beach what do I get for my 40th year birthday by the beach many ideas maybe snorkeling gear boogie board no metal detector does this come with dress socks and sandals perhaps a hernia belt she thinks I'm old I found out I think I'm old because I was excited well I'm gonna go to the beach and find the watch room the only member of the family more excited to meet the dog when I took...
that detector out to the yard and started digging random holes the dog went nuts you should try it they'll run in circles and then join in and look at ya finally somebody who gets me you do get a little bit older a bit things were changing now like I've decided to start coloring my hair I got to start coloring my hair because my head has decided to stop coloring the hair on the sides and back of my head but it will continue to grow brown bangs just gonna shoot a nice youthful blaze of brown right you know for conversations face to face look maybe 42 walking away 80 year-old man my teeth are going I've got these gaps in the back of my teeth no no if you have that there's gaps back here now in the back I could floss with a tube sock I don't know how they found the root why dunno how they found the room they're all crammed in the front I can't even floss in the front it's like they just headed for the exit beylin ship is smells funny the end is near ship is second in my eyes when the eyes go they get worse they had to up the ante on my lenses this year they got thick can you see him in the back can you see him can you see him yeah I cannot see them from here I cannot see my glasses now unless I am wearing my glasses which is kind of a convenient way to ruin the day you know you just set them down there goes the morning would you do this morning band I spent three hours walking around the house gently touching everything in the house pal painted...
all the furniture for about three hours it's my fault it's my fault this is thing they told me I need progressives but I didn't want progressives because progresses make you look old I'm sorry they do as opposed to this manoeuvre that doesn't look old at all I can now adjust my eyesight with my mouth to this TV is fun I need the glasses to see the TV but I can't see the remote through the glasses so now we do the pure over with the remote and then I just get the button and then I flick the signal at the TV they love on the remote this what I love about the remote they make the volume button and the channel buttons identical because they're horrible people well this is same shows the other channel only louder we pan for louder channels sounds like a ripoff I'm a grandpa that's when I felt old when it turned into a grandpa that was a line 48 I became a grandpa and overnight you know you you go to bed just a guy here you wake up a grandpa and I'm walking to the shower I go by the mirror I see myself in my underwear and I realize I am now wearing grandpa underwear I went to bed in underwear and woke up and grandpa underwear we could have a whole drawer

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of granny panties now overnight then I took off my underwear and I thought I am now a naked grandpa and I'm sure I'm soaping down and naked grandpa on a shower freaking me out I could never be a naked man again that'll never happen you understand that from now on I'm a...
naked grandpa which is that's a good thing don't because I was not a very impressive naked man I'll be honest if I ran through the cobbler shop here naked right now and you said naked man you'd all look and go saying I have seen better but if I ran through here naked and someone said naked grandpa you don't look bad goodnight grandpa the top 20% naked grandpa it's kind of nice I've never looked worse and I've never felt better about it it is love that's a nice thing as you get older the shift in the nudity goals it's wonderful I really like that young people you're worried you want your body to be beautiful my age I just don't want to make anybody sick yes big questions too when you get older the big questions hit you you know as how long you gonna last your eyes are this bad how it's gonna you know 10,000 years ago with this eye sight I would be dead you too you'd be dead ten thousand years ago you'd be dead those are thick you'd be dead real fast right we'd be dead we'd be out in the woods chasin furry blurry moving stuff with our spear backwards we don't know we don't know like sneaking up on a bison oh it's a bear and now we're dead because we poked a grizzly with the blunt end of our spirit some fatal mistake would be like a people hunting story told by bears just once I had one sneak up on me and they like poked me with a stick then they run right into a treatment that I am NOT a...
scherzo she was there you remember you asked pot to God seriously I scat you not Nature doesn't put up with that eyeballs does it it doesn't put up with it there's no cross-eyed cheetahs on the Serengeti they're chasing two perfectly synchronized gazelles like wow these guys must rehearse forever they are good snowfall Eagles with lazy eyes the zoo there are there's a bunch of the zoo but in nature if you're like a farsighted woodpecker let me explain farsighted woodpeckers in trouble that means you can't see up close that's not good for woodpecker you can't like back up and squint can't adjust its eyesight with its beak like I can can't ask a buddy or these maggots on the look well it's dead because it has bad eyesight it's bad eyesight is not compatible with hunting and gathering that's what we used to have to do we're all hunters and gatherers oh you used to be if you wanted meat you had to like chase it down with a rock or a stick you had to run down the meat now you can just walk it down it's right in the fridge this is meat speed I'm working at meat speed right now you just go over the fridge and get a sandwich easy sometimes though even that's too much work isn't it you've had a long day of doing this and you are tuckered out my flanges are poop you go over the fridge you're gonna scare up a sandwich you do your pre sandwich make an inventory right okay we got the lettuce the tomatoes...
no more Kraft singles dance now I have to slice the tomatoes and the cheese I can manually slice cheese I don't have the tools or the skill the knifes gonna swerve in the cheddar and I'm gonna have a cheddar door stop screwin up the cheese to sandwich flavor ratios no I gotta undo the twisty tie on the bread which is just who did this like you're going for a merit badge on this the wrong way was right the first time do you ever give up on a sandwich do you ever do that you give up it's too hard you gotta combine ingredients in order then there's the twisty tie I'm only a man you should go hungry I think if you're too lazy for the same but you don't do you you can just go over the phone now and just order out the food on the phone aren't we failing at a very primitive level when we order out food we are failing to feed ourselves the hello Domino's I am tired and unable to be myself yes again and a half an hour later I'm sitting on the couch watching a show I hate cuz I lost the remote there's a knock at the door it's open you know I'm not gonna stand up to get the food the food is literally tracking me down now and I was gonna enter my cave for our ancestors that's like a mastodon just wanders into the cave then has like a heart attack over the fire cooking itself after rolling through a sauce puddle and over toppings and onto sharp rocks cut itself into easily consumed triangles less than 30 minutes for the next ones...
free if food doesn't fly into my top hole 30 minutes after the phone call someone failed and it's not me physically lazy I am physically lazy well a lot of us are it's how lazy I am I'll wake up first thing I want to do in a wake up now after all these easy things in life the first thing I want to do any ideas go back to bed just regain consciousness and I just want more unconsciousness I mean shouldn't I be a little bit grateful for regaining consciousness that's an important event most important of every day is waking up should not be a little grateful like wow how long was I out 9 hours holy cow I almost died that was a close eat instead I opened my eyes I'm not this crap again man consciousness stinks kinda lazy this is what I found out her a lazy my wife probably moved to Germany and I became the stay-at-home dad in Germany and that was the hardest work ever there are two kids the housework here's the thing about housework that I learned the other person only notices what you don't do you can spend hours cleaning that house or like 20 minutes right before she comes home first words out of her mouth why is that pan on the stove cuz I'm gonna hit you with it stovetop recipe for gratitude bring it to you you gotta clean we didn't do housework the same I can't even help I'm bad at the housework I can't even find things she'll send me to the basement if I say I couldn't I can't I can't find it she gets...
kind of mean well did you look oh no I didn't I just smelled that it's a good idea yeah sweat down there in fact I did I closed my eyes so I could hear better then I took a big whiff next time I'll look I'll use my eyeballs housework was tough man we didn't do it the same like you should even when I helped it didn't help like my wife hey did you did you see ins mittens where's mittens they're under the bathroom sink she grateful no she's angry she's angry because instead of put him away I memorized where they were that's I do housework I find stuff in the wrong place I go wow you are lost you stay here I'll go get help the Boy Scout rules applied to housework do it the same it's her find you have fights when you start raising kids they're hard they're hard this is a tough task makes you ask the big questions in life that's what I find why am I here that's a big question why am I here usually when I ask that question it's right after I enter the grocery store why am I here and then oh oh yeah that's right because my wife sent me here to get something and I can't remember what it is and I'm not gonna call and ask her because I am NOT making that phone call again load the gun that shoots yeah hey you remember earlier when you sent me to the store you do well I don't I was nodding and looking at you well I guess I was pretending to listen can you answer me this did I Drive or did you drop me...
off okay then I will continue to look for my keys I can't do that so now I have to wander through the store hope something jogs my lousy memory so I can remember what I agreed to buy while I was pretending to listen to her and it doesn't work so I'll start guessing I will buy $400 worth a guest groceries a whole pile and it never works every time come home did you get the Spanish olives yeah and then this is what I'll do or you forgot which is a lie you can't forget something you never heard I don't even know what I need when I send myself to the store I don't know I think the breezeway just wipes my head clean I'll come in to the store I'll walk right by the carts because I don't need a court I'm just getting a few items right five minutes later I'm in front of the donuts loaded up to the chin like a looter I need a cart basically I'm trying to poke something off the iron so Donuts can come home with and there is a time limit because within minutes this gallon of milk is gonna rip my fingers off and then people walk by and tell you about the existence of carts do you know there's carts and for old yes I know about what like I don't know what a card is well a wheel basket where did you get that genius I flip you off right now but then I would drop my bacon this is my favorite thing to do shopping I'll go to the store pay for my groceries walk out without them after an hour of shopping I kind of forget what...
I've been doing I see the cashier you look like you could use a couple hundred dollars there you go but it's fun it's fun for everybody so I'll get almost to the door and then the back boy makes it fun you'll hold up my groceries say hey you forgot these you might want these huh huh and then everyone laughs with them Oh silly man and then I'm embarrassed so I go wow what a weird day it's not it's normal that's another business and it's fun this was the funnest I had with this I forgot the groceries like normal I'm embarrassed to get my groceries I get almost back to the door and then the bag boy a whole different tone of voice a sir and your wallet and keys pull different tone you know it went from this is funny to this is a serious situation is this like a Silver Alert is that what they call it and he didn't wave him around either it was very careful he had an about slow and like no sudden movements like he was feeding the carrot to a wild deer don't run little buddy there you go and the people weren't laughing either now they were looking at each other like wow we should not have been laughing at him I didn't know he was that dumb and the produce manager knew he was serious to him he kind of came over slow then he kind of grabbed my arm and I uh are you here alone alone as in who is watching him does he have a bracelet or ID or something so he said are you here alone and this was my response which is the wrong...
response and he grabbed harder and he said uh did you drive from the yes I drove alone and I'm fine I'm okay can we help you out to your car oh I don't want you to help me out of the car again I don't want you out there when I can't I mean that's the last step it's me in the parking lot with my Ford Fiesta keys in the air just trying to use them to set off the alarm I'm a little Spanish party ditzy brain which when you're raising kids is a problem I I had a baby I was in charge of a baby with this brain babies easier toddlers of course you just watch the baby toddlers you have to like intervene because ten thirty hundred times a day they'll make an attempt on their life no warning signs so just be plain and also no wonder what electricity would taste like well then you saved their life and they tried to smash in your face with their skull there's a meddling dryin babies this was the hardest part about the babies I had the baby at home this is in Germany my wife would call from the office around 11:00 so how's the baby and I would panic because I had not thought about the baby for hours how's the baby better question where's the baby I mean I hope it's upstairs in the crate or the crib either way it's the same thing took her fancy crate but I'm not sure it's up there because I haven't heard nor spelled it for a couple hours I hope it's sleeping and constipated in the crate that's enough hope...
that was my deal with babies you have to remember where you set them down they're like your cell phone or car keys who's in charge charge of the house at this brain scary Italy these fights you do have little more fights after yet married Racing kids like I got my son ready for bed once gotten ready for bed one night brushes teeth read the story put on his pajamas bring him in to see my wife to say good night my wife well he doesn't match what are you talking about his pajamas they don't match you have him in spaceships and dinosaurs and I said no I haven't been a shirt in a pant if I had him in a shirt and a shirt you would have an argument that would be bad for his little psyche like a shirt pant some sorta high-waisted crotchless Capri it's not good for a little guy spaceship dinosaur we're gonna sleep through that crisis literally no one will ever see that ever ever worst case scenario kidnapper Mike gets him under a dome light in the van this little feller doesn't even match not gonna get any ransom for this unwanted child that's the worst that could happen like an embarrassing Amber Alert my wife did not agree she said look here's the deal here's the deal I care about matching pajamas how hard is it for you to make pajamas match how hard is it really and I said it's easy to make a match watch this and then I turned out the light no don't clap for that I should not have done that that was mean but you different you...
like different things that's important you actually become emotional opposites after you become a couple did you know this when your partner gets very upset emotionally your instinct is to try to calm them down by acting calmer which makes them feel clinically insane for

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angry so they get angrier than you get calmer they get angry and then maybe you tell them now calm down and then maybe someone dies right then we were tell them to calm down you try to act as angry as they are but if you want them to calm down you should probably act about twice as angry do you see when I'm say you're driving you're stuck behind a slow car in the fast lane he's really upset right now if you sit here calm down calm down makes it worse but if you say stop screwing around and run him off the road just read him off the road the cops Cubs are the truck can't beat him in the hospital it's killing us see and then he will say oh well maybe we should just both calm down you get married you don't know how different you are when you mean you don't notice how different you are near me cuz you're so hot and heavy and love those engaged couples are creepy they have no idea I was next to an engaged couple on the plane they're already kind of making out cuz that's what they are and then we take off and they announce an emergency landing they're gonna empty the fuel on the plane and it's scary scary I'm worried the engaged couple start making...
out more he said to her at least we'll die together I couldn't live without you anyway sick so now I'm terrified and nauseous but that's the engaged love phase meanwhile right across the aisle is an older married couple I told you we should have taken an earlier flight they're gonna squeeze in one last fight before they died cuz they're married that's what you do I think also this is my fault I say sleep in and everybody dies my fault why don't you talk louder then everybody on the plane will want to die like I do you could do that for the whole plane I want to die I'm taking off my seat belt you see that I'll put down the tray too I want to die the thought of living to face your mother alone I think not for Mary G the activities that were romantic while you were dating will make you fight after you get married you remember this let's go for a drive when you're dating awesome how's the married drive great couples who said wonderful I stare she tells me when I screw up and by when I mean when it is too late every time you should have turned there I should have turned thank you for withholding that information on television is imbue tafolla the way you weaponized it I noticed this the first time my wife and I went married canoeing also the last time we went canoeing with my sister and on her fiance see they were in the engaged canoe they're in The Love Boat we're in the Titanic engaged canoeing was awesome he's in...
the back steering like you do she's up front spotting for rosin left honey a little more left all right my little navigator bunny then they would hit a rock that was my fault no that was mine but you were that was what them they would hit rocks argue over who was more awesome and then make out just disgusting sick sick fish were puking meanwhile in the married canoe married canoe my wife's up in front I'm in the back she's up there left okay but left we need to go let try your other left genius holy mother of dumb have you forgotten your left from your right seriously have you ever known the difference if you've been guessing for 32 years and then we get the canoe in the water marry canoeing was two hours of staring at the back of her knacking skull then down at my paddle and then back at her skull you should have worn a helmet when the merry convince a rock you get a killers postman you got it half right so if you're married you both understand that impulse to kill but you don't you don't when you're married you never hit or kill your spouse and that's married love it's all the proof you need when you're married right you should you loved me baby you woke up didn't ya hey you guys you've been wonderful good night everybody you