The Mann Family Full Episode | Season 6 | Supernanny USA

Point Loma and it's sunny down here, but there's a

family

that desperately needs my help, so why don't we take a look? I'm Melissa and I'm Mark. We have four children, Naomi, five years old, and triplets, three years old, Nathaniel. Madeline and Nora I am a nurse-midwife and work two or three days a week. My job is at a local university. You got to be kidding. Naomi was a defiant baby from the moment she was born. It's very difficult to try to rationalize it. It's really like that. When dealing with a two or three year old, this child needs some discipline when Naomi doesn't get her way, she is extremely unpredictable, she becomes unruly, she is the owner of chaos and our

family

in many ways, Naomi, the triplets, emerged two years ago.

Years after Naomi we needed to use some reproductive technologies, in vitro fertilization, so we were really praying and hoping to have one more child. With in vitro fertilization, there is only a 30% chance that even one child will have triplets, it is extremely rare, something like three or four minutes. We just never imagined having us, why are there chicken nuggets on top? Naomi's attitude behavior really goes back to that moment when the triplets were born. It's a common thread that runs through all of our children: feeling excluded. Oh, what a mom's attention, just a mom. If I ask you again to go to your room, you will receive a paddle.

It turns out we were going to a church children's discipline seminar and it was recommended that we use a paddle, not good. At first we found that it works very well for us. a paddle when I can I love you buddy I forgive you these aren't really roids I mean you're hitting a kid and then hugging him at the same time which in general isn't working for us Nora please come get me the knife I think I really find it overwhelming having all four kids just wait wait wait wait come back here hurry up Madeleine Madeleine Madeleine listen to me Nora Nora I find myself really struggling not to check and there have been numerous times in the last two months that I just wanted to disappear wait Nora weird Madeleine Madeleine Madeleine come on Naomi Naomi Naomi I have been feeling completely desperate I hope the markets have more confidence in your ability to be alone with your four children we really need to change things super nanny please come soon we need your help guys you need my help I'm on my way home sweet and I'll meet the family I'm Nora okay hello welcome nice to meet you hello Joe I'm going to Fanueil eh hello nyami nice to meet you I'm Madeleine.

She was very excited when Joe first arrived at our house. She truly is a gift from God to our family. It wasn't long before she began to find herself in the middle of a lot of chaos. If I ask you again. You're going to go up to your crib, mom was putting Nora in the crib to discipline her and every time she left the room, Nora would jump up, what did I say? Let's get a paddle. I love you but you disobey Nora if you come out of your crib you'll get a popsicle a popsicle is wax on honey with a winning spoon that's what I saw on the tape just the introductory tape so you still have that one well, they're all broken Wow, sometimes Smart broke it on the table angry afterwards, so are there any spoons in your house right now?

A wooden fork. I wouldn't, Falk, okay, so it's the spoons that broke and now we have the wooden fork. Okay, Elizabeth, what did mom tell you? I said if you went out again, you'd get a lollipop. I love you baby, but you can't do so much mom, now you stay in your crib, you can give me a hug. I love you. I mean, what is it? one minute mom is spanking the kids the next minute she's hugging and kissing them I mean these are really mixed messages Joe watched me discipline Nora, it was hard, I hate it and I have to use physical force to get the kids to obey me, rest times no Talk to mommy, yes, come and get up in your bed, it's time for now, Naomi, we can't talk to me like that.

I'm not ticking if you get out of bed and when Naomi has a tantrum, she wobbles badly. You can't talk to me that way that's just respectful talk you allowed me not to talk to mommy that way you can read a book you won't get it if you get off leave me a book don't talk to me like that as you ask someone who reads Naomi intimidates them to death point at which they end up giving in to her mother, she really has had enough of this rude attitude and I wanted to hear her voice, so I took her downstairs where we could have a private talk, tell me really how you feel.

When Naomi starts and looks at you and talks to you like that, I want to slap her in the mouth and say, how dare you talk to me like that? You can't talk to me like that. I am your mother. like I can't be violent with her and sometimes I've grabbed it by the scruff of the neck and walked her up the stairs and pushed her onto her bed and closed the door and you stay there until I go up and get you I feel totally exasperated. I don't like mm-hmm. I don't want her in my house.

I don't want her to be around my children. My other children listen to that. just sends shivers down my spine it's a horrible situation as a mother you're looking at your daughter and you don't even like her go back to your room after looking at mom it was time for me to take a closer look at dad and me I learned a lot what I do for you Now you've hurt your brother because you were throwing a tantrum and throwing yourself right here for five minutes I would go back go back and get on the back I want you to come back Naomi I need your different behavior I could clearly see Dad's pattern when he feels overwhelmed it just shows it feels very uptight she has triplets and a five year old and it's not going away there have been many times in the past few months where I have felt I was so overwhelmed I thought I could handle anything and I felt broken.

I hadn't seen Mom and Dad work as a team, so the opportunity to go to the beach would give me only Mom and Dad's lack of organization meant that no one had a good time at the beach. We're done, we just let him out. kids are really having fun, take them now yes, I'm ready to go, please, come on Madeline, let's go, I know you're having fun, but we They had to leave, they got to the shower area and that was even worse. Both parents were stressed. You could see Dad was out of his mind. Let me put the food for you.

They were fighting to kill to kiss together. The kids weren't listening when I fell. and Joe came to rescue me, I was fine, where's Mark? Sometimes he had a son and I would think: what are you doing? I had three kids sitting there winning. I don't know what you were doing. He was walking with her. Gee, yeah, but it's not at his pace, it's okay, he just told me, honey, I'm telling you now honey, thank you, we really need to work on a game plan for these parents for the safety of the children, everyone ready by twelve, one, two, it's been a very stressful day for this family go back to your bed and bedtime was no different the triplets didn't want to calm down and now and I wanted a bandage I'm not going to wrap it all up but I'll put a bandage on you loose bandage I won't put medicine on it yes, do you trust me?

No, no, I don't try it, I'm never going to trust you, do you know why she might feel that way? I don't know if I see what you wear Get up and you go to bed-Good night, yes, again, Naomi was bullied, our mother until she got her way, she finally rolls me over. I have had a

full

day at the male family's house and I feel like there are so many issues that need to be addressed in this family but they have given in to their children and it is totally unhealthy and they are not teaching their children anything.

Joe is here to assess the situation and take control of it and get us in shape, that's scary, they're going to row us. I'm going to be gentle, right, I'm sorry, you're going to be gentle, you're going to be honest, so the first thing I want to talk about is discipline, your messages are mixed, hmm, you know, upstairs, with Nora, you spanked her and the You hugged. At the same time, how messy it is, I'm sorry I don't agree with that, I know it's an old school of thought and I know it's what people did, but there's no need to continue, you can break a child's spirit, so something drastically has to happen. change and we have to implement measures that allow us to properly discipline Mark, let's talk about your situation.

You and I talked about how you feel overwhelmed and challenged taking care of children. I heard you, it's a big responsibility and I know it. you feel desperate and I know it's because you don't have the tools but then you start to withdraw it's like you're here but you're not turned on I know you can see there has to be a place where you accept your family where you start to let your hair down and really enjoy fatherhood, but I didn't see that there was about 10 minutes that I really enjoyed being outside yesterday and I saw it, but I shouldn't take that we shouldn't need the water. the beach the sunset to have that and I want to learn the tools from you Oh Melissa, what's going on between you and Naomi?

Is it good that she pushes you and you allow it and then you blame her for it and that leaves you in a place? where you respond to her and her in a way that is very hostile, not healthy the behavior she shows when she is angry is your behavior she is just imitating your behavior and your messages are mixed hmm you slapped her and then you tell her oh and then you give in anyway, it's important for us to discipline ourselves, yes we sure love our children. I miss the things we do that build that, but right now everything is so mixed up, everything is so confusing and that shows me that it's very confusing up here. in your mind because nufix black and white for children they have no idea you are confusing them even more and it is ugly it is ugly on the outside and this is what will be important to change let's talk about the bedtime that we could use There is a lot of work there.

I can certainly teach you techniques for getting them into bed and staying in their beds as part of the sleeping process. It's okay, there's a lot on your plate. I understand that it would work. I just need two parents who are on board to love. do that on board, okay, so we're reading, thank you very much. Both mom and dad have their own parenting problems but it gets worse when they don't work together so what I'm going to do is take them both out of their comfort zone and teach them individually and then I'm going to bring them both together again so that one morning Discipline is the first thing I want to address is the mother and discipline with the old technique and with the new Naomi. please come up and when Iommi started playing it was time for mom's first lesson, if I contact you you will come down to our level and in a very firm voice you will tell her that I asked you to listen and do what you were told that I asked you to come here and you disobeyed me next time you don't obey me you will go straight to the naughty do you understand do you understand and then I showed him where the naughty place would be? you put them on the bench, they'll stay there for one minute depending on their age, so five minutes, three minutes and then you're gone.

Now all mom and dad needed was to practice and Naomi was forced to take a time out, yes, because I told her no. to do that again, yes, she goes into timeout, she will have to continue at the table, sit down, explain, you are in timeout, know me because, what is a voice, yes, where is that voice? We asked you to sit here at the table for five minutes. And I'm just scared because Naomi was on the naughty bench and she was screaming and throwing such a fit that it didn't surprise me, but at the same time I felt humiliated that I had contributed so much to this.

Very behavior yesterday in this situation mom would have resorted to spanking. Words are there to emotionally manipulate and blackmail and to pull strings that have been pulling for too long because you've allowed it, you have to let it go through your head. Eventually you can't take it personally and I just calmed down and gave them a chance to finish the timeout. Naomi, you are here because you disobeyed. Oh, it was hard work, but it was also very encouraging. It felt empowering to finally do it. in a way that was really going to make a difference now I think the moms were safely disciplined under their belt it's time to work with daddy I have a t-shirt so it's yours let's wake up again with you who really needs to learn to take care of your four children on his own and to achieve this mom has to leave and he will learn to be more capable and have more confidence to take care of his children go to work that's what worries me the most doing wait wait wait everyone wait Madeleine shoo ok you two wait here now we are going to cross the road here we have to look both ways look to the left there is some bar Nora Nora Nora wait wait at this stage when You have two and two, now you need to be in the middle, okay, let's cross.

Then once they reached the small play area, Dad got busy having fun with the kids. I certainly think it's a challenge for him. I think he has taken a step forward. I think he can do this. I think he needs to believe that I know. This is around children. Listen, everyone come here and that's why he started walking back and Iommi left and decided that he was going to go and do his thing. like a big, adult woman and dad started dialing on the warpath from here because you're free here. I want you to turn around with a very firm voice and say that to meet me you have to come.here.

Get to know me right now because if you don't listen to dad you will have problems later. Do you understand? Naomi, you have to come here right now or you'll be in big trouble when we get back home. Thank you so much. I'll sit on the bench a lot that's the first time I've seen dad exercise his tone of voice in public and Naomi responds you speak with such conviction but they take you seriously they know you're not joking that was really encouraging. It was perhaps the most enriching experience for me, everyone did the work, it was time for lunch and Dad had prepared a chicken and fruit sandwich and Naomi stood her ground.

Naomi wasn't going to back down and she wanted her dad to give in and you really can't, so it was really about getting through this with dad and having him in a place where he felt strong enough to be able to carry Dyer with me through all of our tantrums. that Nora began to begin. time outs to come back to the table when this old man for hours I don't have enough fingers and I give him to count the number of time outs I did today I'll tell you what he's stuck with there and what we needed to stay strong Naomi I let him realize that He had to do what he was told and finally he ate a sandwich.

The hardest thing for me is seeing how out of control Naomi is. I think it was a very valuable exercise for dad, however, the real practice is. It will be when I leave and dad will do that exercise when I'm not there. I have worked with these parents individually, but now it is time to bring them together and see how they work as a team and not. I think easy communication and organization are key for mom and dad, so I've brought a list with the most important things at the top: two kids getting ready for the two of you to decide who will take care of Who?

This example here is for the beach because that's where we're going to go. Mom and Dad will be responsible for working together as a team and completing everything on that list, but the fact is, it takes a lot of work to manage four kids. and get them out of the house no, no, that's mom's, give me Naomi, put everyone down, make them go to the bathroom. Are we going to take our truck? Yes, it's okay, because there is a red van. Well, so that mom feels that you are working with her. She said, look, you know what, let's do this and as soon as you go off on a tangent about something else, she's like, okay, let's do it?

So if you both team up and get it done next, you can release the next thing. Okay, when mom and dad work together and took on a task each, everything became a lot easier, so check the voice of the comb or brush before we leave, who will have which children, it's up to you. I have Naomi and Madeline, okay, bingo, we still need. a bathing suit, yes, and here are your easy clothes, you could put on these dresses, okay, we are ready, ready, now you were ready, you did half the battle, this is us, but who could step forward, could relax, remains to be seen.

Okay, I see some and dad working together and that really makes this experience beautiful for the whole family. Being on the same page was helpful now I feel like we can go out and enjoy our lives a lot more, we can enjoy each other. while we were with the kids and that feels great, mom and dad did really well at the beach, I mean they had fun as a family, however the real test will come when I leave, it was time to tackle another problem . together, time for bed, come on, let's put on your comfortable pajamas.

Often times a nightmare in this house because the triplets and Iommi refuse to settle down, using a crib for a time out is wrong and the triplets want to grow their cribs anyway so I gave the kids new ones. beds and put Nora and Madeline in one room and I owe Nathaniel in the other once you've put the kids to bed, hugs and kisses and they've told their stories. I would like you to leave their rooms and leave. their door ajar and they will come down if they want you, what they will do is leave the bedroom and go down to look for you, we will see how it goes tonight, this is your first night in your big bed and, indeed, separating the children had an immediate effect because Madeleine and Nora fell asleep immediately the next job however was to keep Naomi and Nathaniel in their own room dismissed all the children are in their rooms if they go out we start the technique of staying in bed dad, you are going to start the first step, yes Naomi come down, okay, you'll just leave, but I already did it and put her back, okay, I'll sit downstairs with Bobby, go to bed, Nathaniel, it's time to sleep, baby, don't let the real you in, no, no ,Amy. that doesn't matter about Nathaniel it's just when she comes out that you treat her right it's time to go to bed okay you're on you're on your third which is not communication just gently put him back to bed you're on new. "You're watching Naomi compete with her parents for their money and it's because she doesn't accept what they say, so she wants to be able to control it.

What's the longest this has lasted for you? Oh, probably about four hours. I'm hungry. I'm tired There are monsters I need something to drink I need to go to the bathroom You know he'll get every excuse in the book I still haven't heard a knock or two hours in Go dial, go check and check for victory, guys I just did the sleep technique. with four children and there are beds that you should be very proud of yourselves in. Can I? The biggest miracle has been tonight for me is that I never got angry even once. It's amazing what you can say well, it feels.

Really. It's good to not need the spoon anymore, especially with Naomi. I'll be gone for a few days. You two keep calm with Naomi. It's a change for her too. Well, it's a little scary. because it's been really nice having Joe, there's a safety net, but it's also really nice because I feel like we both have a new sense of trust. I'm having a great couple of days, thanks to you too, enjoy, Jillian. I'm not ready for her to do it. Leaving, I will rest and I won't be able to make it in the next few days, it will be difficult for them, but if they can get together and talk to each other, I think they will do pretty well.

I've been away for several days. I hope that mr. the wooden spoon hasn't returned to the house, okay, so let's watch the first clip. Mark and Iommi's timeout is going down right now, okay, you're coming in, you wanted a timeout, don't pinch me. in my face like this come on, I'll put them back on we're in time out because you pinched me and hit me because you yelled at me he's going to leave it in the closet and when he's had enough he'll come down and then I'll have his timeout five minutes I'm sure I'll use bad words hitting and kicking good five minutes tell me why you are in timeout what else did you do to get to the right thing in that circumstance she completely collapsed?

I knew she would have to do it. sit in that waiting time. YO SH really got into it and then you continued with the discipline that was important so it was really good to see that everything is okay, dad is at work. Naomi, I told you you had to hold her hand, no, Maddie. I'm going to hold Nora's finger because what I said could you hold Naomi's hand when we get in Nathaniel Madeleine is neither coming in nor coming out wait, stop, stop, Naomi, stop, Naomi, stop, Naomi, let's stay together here, okay, Stay with me, stay with me, tell me the difference between you not long ago and you now.

I have a totally different feeling of confidence. Children listened to me in the past. If I ever did anything with him, it was like cornering them by yelling what would you say? to another parent who was in your shoes and you felt like the only way to control the situation was to hit and take our wooden spoon, seriously, I would say you can make the change, things can be different, no, 180, it's a total 180. It was thank you, so let's move on to the next mom and Naomi Naomi those are bad words, we've been warned, I eat you, I love you, her words go straight to my core because she knows she always had a reaction. from you when she used those words that was her way of getting your attention and you have to learn to be able to go like that when she used to say things to you you would get angry and yell and Smacker, how do you feel about Naomi?

At the beginning of saying some pretty harsh things, I feel like there's a lot to do and I just realized that I have a lot of work to do, we're going to have to work on this relationship because I think there's a lot of healing to do there. I think we're certainly on the path to doing that with a couple of you, so let's move on to the next phase. Oh, I know Mark is feeling really overwhelmed, but he's not alone, I mean, at last count. Every year 6,000 sets of triplets were born in the U.S.

There are so many groups that cater to moms and their experiences with their children, but what about the dads and the kids who changed diapers? So I took him out to meet with a couple of other guys who are parents of triplets who understand exactly what you're going through, you mean this week, having kids in a family changes the marriage and having triplets really changes the marriage once you We had the kids, it was all about the kids, so Let's go today, we actually wanted to have the anniversary dinner and we were sitting there, so I wonder how the kids are doing, maybe we should call them right now.

It was really good and hopeful for me to see, you know three other dads that I've been through everything that I've been through. I often want the opportunity to run errands or something. I'll take one of the kids with me so I can have some alone time. How did it go with that feeling of guilt about what you're not giving to others when you're investing in one? Triplets are a small group of people and they move as a group and if you took one out and I said hello, come on, let's go to the supermarket together, which my kids love, we would take turns doing it.

I don't think it's a feeling of guilt. I don't feel guilty about it. I think it's fun. Once there is a kind of group dynamic in the house, I think when you take them out individually it's a different thing, it kind of hurts their individuality. The guy one time, the other day, we were going to the store, I was going in a good mood. go to the store, yeah right, come to him, say "I love you dad", yeah, it was like "oh, that's great to have him" and I think seeing his enthusiasm and his kind of just being parents to his kids I think It was very good for me, it is too.

There is an official network, how did you meet? There are more, happier, more, happier, like 60 families. I think of all of them. In fact, next Tuesday there is a big meeting at a restaurant that you should go to. Wow Joe, that was amazing. It's really great that there is already a network of people who face the same kind of problems as us, so on Tuesday we are serious, thank you sir. I think the meeting went very well, I mean, everyone had fun and that's good to know. that when Mark feels overwhelmed he has somewhere to go, the fact is that the relationship between Naomi and her mother is still strained and I see it as a last chance to bring them closer from here before I came, he was not very happy with you . with mom sometimes mom wasn't very happy with you, right?

Yeah, sorry, what I want to do is introduce you to this book that says mom and Naomi show and share, so Naomi, you need to find something that you want to show mom and share. with her what you think about it, how it makes you feel and Michael, yes, that's all good, the goal of the program and sharing is to get both mom and Iommi to become more emotionally intimate with each other so that they can share their memories and enjoy them. experiences tell me about your fifth birthday and the white special was fun we wanted a jelly bean and we jumped there we want to cut and we ate there it's a nice moment when you see mother and daughter talking about the good times they've had If we had gone to the Syracuse Zoo in New York and we would have eaten popsicles and there is that photo of us at that celebration, we were just mommy and thank you.

I love being the other one at the zoo. I really wish Melissa and Naomi would do the show and share every week because if they do this they will become much closer and have happier feelings because their experiences will be happier. I am very excited about my future with Naomi. I feel like Joey helped me really do a 180 in my approach to Naomi, so the changes that I saw in the children are the changes that I live by when I teach families, these children are three and five years old and they will fight, but that's the journey so we can't begin to express. how grateful and grateful we are for everything you have given us I feel like we are starting a new path it is bright and has many possibilities thank you thank you this has been a transformative week for us and we have a Feeling really good about having Joe here it has really strengthened me and it's given me hope that I can become the kind of father I'm supposed to be too.

Joe, it was very hard to say goodbye to Joe, you're not going to be. Okay, you know, right, she's given me faith in myself. You know she definitely she has changed my life and she has changed my family. I am very grateful.