The Making of an Alcoholic + Barely Surviving Alcoholism - The Amazing Story of Elizabeth Vargas

hello everyone between breaths a

story

of anxiety addiction and hope hello everyone I'm Elizabeth Vargas here behind the scenes of 2020 because tonight I want to take you behind the scenes of my life I've said before that I'm an

alcoholic

but I've never told you the details of what it did to my life, so I tell you my

story

tonight for a reason, in hopes of reaching some of the 30 million people struggling with

alcoholism

in America right now, even though I had support resources to understand the bosses I couldn't. I stopped and then I found a way out so this is my chance to tell all of you to keep going because you are worth fighting for and so are the people you love.

I asked a friend down the hall here at ABC, Diane Sawyer, to be the voice guiding us through my story and to ask me questions you may have too. Pick up the street and it's a beautiful afternoon and all the people are in the cafes and wine bars enjoying these beautiful, beautiful glasses of wine. I do not see. I look at them and I think I want one, but I look at them and I think I miss that moment where you know it felt so innocent and romantic, but it's me idealizing something that turned out to be really monstrous to me, like Elizabeth said.

She asked me to come to her house to hear the story she is telling other people who live in the shadows. The story of her life that she hasn't been told before. Oh, and we'll sit here. It's like a family. Yes, exactly on the walls. home photos of the two sons at the center of her life Sam is now 10 Zachary now 13. and also a photo of a journalist at the top of her field for decades a network corresponded tonight we bring you she was known for her reports solids around the world I'm Elizabeth Vargas in Baghdad here in Perugia Italy come back here to Jerusalem so you don't agree with those difficult interviews and the search for people whose stories have been forgotten there she was relaxed on Good Morning America we are breaking it and so stable on live breaking news events Elizabeth, took over as host from Peter Jennings on 9/11.

Thanks Elizabeth, this is like Peter just said ABC News, so here we are two TV news colleagues working next to each other in the hallway. preparing to appear on camera, only one of us was about to open the door to a secret life, the one who was dragging her to the darkest depths of the ocean says that it is an act of grace that she is alive tonight, everyone we are calm. I wrote I finally found Grace's place, yeah every moment of happiness is like thank god this is so

amazing

um and I took it all for granted when she drank so much she couldn't find a way out there are days when you wake up . and you feel so horrible that the only thing that will make you feel better is more alcohol and that's when you're in the death spiral, you know, that's when people die, how close did you come to dying?

I once had what I know is a lethal level of alcohol in my blood system and um, even that didn't scare me away from doing it, can you believe even that? And she says she was just one of the millions of Americans caught in a battle with alcohol tonight even though from the outside she seemed to be living a golden life, but I mean people can look at you and say you're very lucky, really , I'm lucky, I'm lucky, I'm lucky, look what you do, look how Look, look at your life, it's not like other people's problems, first of all, yes, I am.

You know, I'm so lucky to have my two

amazing

kids and to have this amazing job and to have resources for people to help me and resources to be able to do it. go to treatment, you are right, I am lucky, all I can tell you is that when you are in the cycle of this disease, it doesn't matter how much you have or how little you have. It doesn't matter. She leveled me, knocked me down on my ass. You know, I lost sight of everything and those children that she loves more than anything on Earth, please don't take away the sun from me, watched it with fear that they would lose her.

Are they the toughest? the hard part, oh, hands down, um, yeah, yeah, that's, uh, I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for hurting them with my drinking and I have. I have to find a way to not, you know, for some, I don't know. I know if I will ever forgive myself for that and that is why she says that is why she is speaking tonight and has written a book for all the millions of people like her and their families locked in this same heartbreaking journey that she writes we are your wives your mothers . your daughters your sisters your sons your colleagues your employees all of them once just kids with no idea what awaited them like the shy curly-haired girl she says she was an army brat whose family had to move across 14 homes nine bases military eight schools She says that when she was still very little she began to suffer daily from deep anxiety, including panic attacks, but with the discipline of the army she was forced to hide her fear and panic from everyone else through the university police, they say both men, and then she started as a local reporter in the west and Because I'm basically so insecure, anxious and fearful, I never learned to ask for help in my life and it was on the local news that for the first time she says she found some kind of potion magic that helped her with her anxiety after work, the news team headed to the bar and a couple of glasses of wine became her new best friend.

It was like, ah, I finally feel relaxed. I think I wrote this in the book. They all looked prettier, smarter, and more interesting. Me too. You also know that all my insecurities would fade away and tonight this staggering statistic almost 63 percent of women with alcohol problems say they are struggling more with anxiety in that dramatic hookup later tonight, but when her story begins, Elizabeth Vargas says she was just a socialite. A drinker she had no idea that

alcoholism

would slowly take over her body and her life. Later in the broadcast, she will show you indelible evidence of her dangerous destiny.

He was caught on camera. There is a real temptation when you take a bath. What you did wasn't as bad as everyone says or it wasn't as bad as I remember it and, for better or worse, I have recordings of myself on television and audio recordings that remind me how bad what happened next was. The wrath of the network begins a secret life that will almost destroy everything until it finally returns to Joy and Hope, man. I'm glad Aflac pays cash. The series premieres Wednesday and remains first on ABC. Good evening, we start tonight with two rescues.

Watch live host Elizabeth Vargas. television news and you would have no idea that the woman who worked so hard to be perfect is suppressing so much anxiety that she borders on panic. I mean, I remember presenting the evening news and every night when Michelle and I loved Michelle, the floor manager, when she would count down I hated it two minutes two minutes and you know my heart would start pounding one minute now I'm like hyperventilating 30 seconds 30 seconds and literally the study the edges of my vision would start to swim a little and if you look carefully at the beginning of each newscast you will see me tonight bent over and I'm holding on to the desk with my right hand good night from Los Angels and on my left hand where I hold my pen I take my engagement ring and I'm digging the edge on my thumb why did you get into this business if it was going to torment you like this I loved it I still love it I love telling stories to people and 14 years ago she found someone who helped her new husband, the singer-songwriter Marcon, they married in 2002 do you know her song Walking in Memphis and her favorite song healer I love that song for the first time she confided her deep insecurities to someone he he calmed her anxieties by singing it to sleep but even before they got married he noticed that she was also drinking at night he thought she drank too much and I remember um he got angry when he said it and he grabbed my arm and said you have a problem with alcohol and that it made me very angry but it also got her attention and she says she controlled her drinking while dealing with her son's acting, then her son Sam and continued to work hard at her job once even after a miscarriage and then Following the death of our legendary Peter Jennings in 2005, she and ABC's Bob Woodruff were named co-hosts of World.

News Tonight plus 27 days into broadcast Bob was nearly killed by an IED explosion in Iraq. It was devastating for everyone who worked there and I felt like I was in a hurricane of life. She said that she tried to continue alone carrying the battle of the broadcast as a solo presenter, but after a few months this is my last broadcast as co-host of World, she was replaced by main presenter Charlie Gibson. They demoted me without any sugar coating, that's what happened. She wrote that she understood why they gave her the job, but. Because she had tried so hard, she felt like a failure, and as the years went by, she was added to the fatigue of all the trips trying to be a good mother and the great financial responsibility, so she began to turn to her old man. friend white wine as consolation and this time, a warning sign of alcohol problems, she began to keep the amount a secret.

I would stop on my way home from work, you know, and have a glass of wine or two in a bar and then alone, feeling really pathetic, you know, I would actually do it. I'd actually pretend to talk to someone on my cell phone oh okay oh no I'm just here waiting for you no problem take your time I'll be here you know like this whole façade and uh uh pop a couple Altoids and I hope you didn't breathe in white wine fumes when you greeted the kids but as time goes on your husband seems to be taking away your wine glasses at night and they are turning into whole bottles and he knows it and that created all the real problems. we needed to argue and work on frivolities in comparison you know what you want to talk about why don't you ask yourself what my day is like or what do you know why you don't support me more when why are you drinking from two bottles of Chardonnay every night, you know, I just went and I changed the narrative in a quite dramatic and destructive way.

At the end of her glamorous day at work, she would head to the bathroom sink where she hides bottles of wine, looking at me in the mirror thinking this is what I'm getting into my own bathroom to down, you know, for my cup of pasta. of teeth you know half a cup of wine so I can spend another hour feeling good another warning sign uncontrolled bingeing on vacation her sister Amy had no idea Elizabeth had a drinking problem until they went on vacation with their children in the summer of 2011 .It was mid-afternoon and she was drunk and she told me that she drinks too much because she was very unhappy.

Amy tries to intervene, but Elizabeth insists that she can handle this alone, she's not an

alcoholic

, she's just going through a hard time and, after all, she's still impeccable at work. Then a year later in 2012, another family vacation, this time with Mark and the kids in Florida, which was ours. great vacation and my idea of ​​a vacation was emptying the mini bar drinking everything in it. At one point, his youngest son, Sam, enters the hotel room. I was drinking and sleeping and I vividly remember, like one afternoon, Sam standing over my head. in bed saying mommy when are you going to get up and I remember I could smell the sunscreen and I could feel the warmth of her little body um because I had just come from the beach and you know I would die for my children Diane, I wouldn't think for one nanosecond about dying for my children, kill for my children, but I would die for my children, but I couldn't stop drinking for my children, before his first attempt to ask for help and the day. he almost died and a stranger saved his life Virginia Tech Tennessee you fainted tomorrow if you were watching television several years ago you may have seen a journalist and a secret drinker doing a series of reports on alcoholism I was struck by how many of these women said they kept their alcohol consumption a secret oh yeah, we're kind of sneaky.

I still remember my interview oh, we alcoholics were sneaky and I was like, oh my God, right, that was an interview with Mary Carr, the brilliant teacher and author, and Elizabeth says afterwards that she impulsively. I invited Carr to lunch. She was nervous enough to tell this to another alcoholic. I told her "I think she might be an alcoholic" and she said "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry you're going through this", she helps Elizabeth resist, although she says she never forgot him. the powerful kindness of Carr's words because very few people tell a moose, we all look at the alcoholic with revulsion and like, you know, do it for the love of God, ugh, you know what's wrong with you and that makes you feel so horrible. yourself, it was only after that Florida vacation in 2012 that Elizabeth Vargas decided her drinking was enough of a problem and she would tell her bosses she had a medical problem, but she was secretly visiting her first rehab center where the minimum usually stays 30 days I was so deceived and indenial that I convinced them to let me come for just two weeks crazy, yes crazy, denial is a big part of my story.

Crazy, a few weeks after leaving, she starts drinking again when she returns to work, this is the time. Elizabeth is about to cross another bridge into illness. In the past, she had always been able to maintain a firewall between her private drinking and her professional life. The firewall will now begin to crumble. I looked at myself in that session and I looked horrible. she's always had hangovers but they used to go away but now her body chemistry has changed so much from the alcohol that it's created a cycle of demand it's a bad bad place to be your heart doesn't feel like it's beating it feels like it's fluttering and it's not even like your hands are shaking, your whole body is shaking, you're shaking inside and the only thing that would stop it would be to drink a little more and as you watch what happens next, we have something important to point out: there are no Elizabeth scenes Vargas ever drinking on live television on ABC News, his drinking infiltrates his work when he is videotaping.

I had a drink that day because she was just shaking, you know, it was horrible, it was an interview with a famous singer, remember for 30 years, Elizabeth Vargas. She had always been so clear and in control in front of the camera, suddenly she isn't anymore. Your parents are very, very religious, yes, and you are very open. Do you see how hard it is for me to talk? The editors had to eliminate many of her questions so that The Piece could even air after this interview, for the first time word spread within ABC that something had been wrong with Elizabeth at a photo shoot, but she says that he had turned red in his eyes and was not feeling well and in a few days. she is back on the air functioning in top shape, she is an extraordinary young woman and since she deliberately kept her alcohol consumption a secret from her colleagues, the producers did not guess what she really was, a month passes, everything is fine, then another interview is scheduled on video it's for a story that never aired I woke up that morning and I felt horrible uh that horrible, horrible trembling heart and I was on my way to the shoot and um I remember we were driving down Columbus Avenue and I saw a liquor store she makes the car stop, buys wine, drinks a little from the bottle before starting to record, looks shaky but conducts the interview, then after the cameras stopped rolling, says she slipped into a nearby room and secretly drank again and what happens next will be the moment.

That forces her to confess her addiction to her bosses at ABC, she gets into a car to be taken home, she fastens her seat belt and says it's the last thing she remembers, an award-winning network anchor is in a blackout. Totally, what is the next thing that wakes up? in the emergency room I don't know where I went I don't know what I did I don't know what I drank I drank enough to have a lethal blood alcohol level that was point four point four is the blood alcohol level that according to doctors killed singer Amy Winehouse at least 2,300 Americans die each year from exactly this type of alcohol poisoning the central nervous system can shut down her heart can stop so what saved her?

We know that she was seen wandering near a park in this Park Riverside in New York late in the afternoon it's still daylight, you don't know how you got to Riverside Park, no, and she says that, according to her husband, The Stranger, a woman He was driving by and saw an unsteady person in high heels and they closed in. A woman saw me and said: Would you like a ride home? I guess I don't know. I told him my address. I was able to tell him my address. So a complete unknown. If I see you. She said that she saw some men near her that she didn't like. the look of whoever could have been at that moment probably saw me as a vulnerable person and she brought me back here at that moment I was apparently unconscious in the lobby of her apartment building maybe someone who says this will help you finish the portrait Of course, you know, part of me is almost afraid of someone knowing that it's like, um, it can be very difficult to confront your husband.

Mark runs and calls 9-1-1. The woman who had taken her there leaves a card with her phone number. Number later Elizabeth calls but the call is not returned, so all she knows is that somewhere tonight there is an anonymous stranger who was kind enough to stop and save a life and he stopped and stopped. God bless her and the day of her secret will come. Life falls apart and the answer to the questions so many families ask: How did I drink normally for decades and then suddenly fall off the cliff into a world that needs a hero?

The occasion in 2012 after that terrifying afternoon lost that blackout. Elizabeth Vargas finally calls her boss at ABC to tell her that she needs to seek treatment for her addiction. I was too embarrassed to tell her it was just alcohol because I thought she was very unladylike. Being drunk is how you know it even now. It's hard for me to say that word, so I said alcohol and Ambien, with the support of ABC, she goes back to that rehab center for a full month and while she was there she met this man, Earl Hightower, one of the leading experts on the country in alcoholism intervention and Recovery, she says instantly, he saw that she had made a career of hiding her fears and resisting help and that she was not ready to face the truth.

I just thought this is the kind of woman that no one can really get this woman sober. There's no way we're going to sit down and go watch, here's her deal and she'll leave, oh she's fine, really, he tried to wake her up by warning her that she's an alcoholic and she can't drink safely. God, you had a meaning kind of nailed on, but back then she was sure that's who she was. impossible, she was an alcoholic as she had no immediate family history, she didn't know, as we said, excessive drinking alone can lead you into a full cycle of illness.

This is Dr. Deirdre from the National Institutes of Health, she is the program director at the Institute. She studies alcoholism. Elizabeth asks how excessive alcohol consumption actually alters cell chemistry and brain structure. Excessive drinking over time hijacks certain processes in the brain, the physiology of the brain, so that she begins to crave alcohol just to feel it. normal just to feel normal no longer drinking for the pleasure of it is just to feel good if you visit our website you will find a link to the 11 questions that will help you evaluate if you have a problem with alcohol, there is only half the risk of Any family history I struggle with: Was I born an alcoholic?

Did I become an alcoholic? When did I become an alcoholic? What is an alcoholic versus a problem drinker? I can answer all those questions, it doesn't matter if you were born an alcoholic or if you became one you are one and then some tonight that growing body of evidence about the link between alcoholism and anxiety, especially among women, is causing some experts Expand your approach to treatment and recovery. How many here also have anxiety? Very good for all of us, oh my God. This is the Karen Treatment Center in Pennsylvania and for two hours a group of strangers find a lot in common in their lives.

The stigma around a cock. The isolation was huge. Hide lie sneak cycle. On average an addict will relapse three or four times before they get sober and alcoholics who have anxiety have twice the risk of relapsing, what's there is coming out and if you don't work on it and you go ahead and do it straight away, it will come out. side, she'll come out and relapse, which is what happened in 2012, after Elizabeth's first full month of rehab, it only took like six months, seven months later, before I was looking in the bathroom mirror again wondering how I got here. , you just want to shake her and tell her.

Why do you do this to yourself? Elizabeth is headed to rehab again and then a few days home before she has to return and this time it's her brother Chris who flies from her home in California to take her. I walked into her apartment and she was there. completely out of it, it was 7:30 in the morning, a couple of empty wine bottles next to his bed and I remember wanting to tell him that you could walk into a room and you could light up that room, but don't show up drunk these heights. It's early 2014 and after the latest rehab she's about to get a double whammy.

First, the secret she has kept for so long explodes around press reports of her forcing her to do an interview. She sits down with our colleague George Stephanopoulos, but she says that she is terrified and that she is not ready. You're an alcoholic I'm an alcoholic So, just a few days after that interview, her husband Mark says her marriage is over. There are lyrics in that song, healer, that she wrote long before they met, but it says that she can't save. she of herself who is going to help the healer I think that's how she must have felt because she couldn't save me I could only save myself her favorite song now the soundtrack of so much regret and it's about not being able to help her and uploading the tape of herself that she couldn't endure hearing until the day of this interview and for all those who hit rock bottom, the promise that they can turn towards hope, since when did experience become something to hide?

I say Google Fiber doesn't see the full story at xfinityfacts.com Ashley Home Store Labor Day sale now extended save up to 50 or six years interest-free on purchases of 14.99 or more get this 449 bed or this dining set , just what you need to stay new Oikos yogurt drink, be unstoppable, never, no, I don't have a car here, but let me tell you something because I didn't physically endanger my children, doesn't mean I didn't devastate them or put me in emotional or psychological danger. That last time, in 2014, she went back to work and her husband Mark is now filing for divorce, so she decides to take a vacation by renting a beach house in California and taking someone with her to help her with the kids on time. complete.

It all seems so glamorous and privileged unless you know what's crumbling inside It's your youngest son's birthday You were going to make a coconut cake Sam's favorite He had all this vacation planned and it was his birthday and I bought him a little iPad mini and I wrapped it all up in shiny gold paper and I don't think I even remotely thought about how hard it would be on my own and I drank, drank again and ruined it by starting with wine, he says, and then the only thing left in the house was a bottle. of tequila and then they inform her that the office needs to record her voice for a report that will air the next day, so early the next morning an ABC crew arrives at a rented vacation home to record her, it's 8 am.

Drunk, I remember that day sitting there and I could read the words and I couldn't get my mouth to work to say the words. The tape became useless again. It was recorded more than two years ago. I heard it for the first time. today and it's really hard that the woman we all thought of never stumbled even on live television and we're interrupting regular programming to bring you some breaking news and you can hear it on audiotape slurring her words as Howard struggled with the programs while Howard struggled with the program while Howard struggled with us I can't tell she's unable to master simple words Tourette's Syndrome Tourette's Syndrome I hear the struggle I hear the alcohol I literally felt sick to my stomach but I'm glad I heard it why because I didn't want to be there ever again.

I was drinking so much because of the kids. Her children were terrified with worry that she might die and begged her to stop three thousand miles away. Her bosses at ABC are urgently alerted that Elizabeth is drinking again. She is coherent enough to call. her sister and told her that she was in trouble and it was the first time that she called and said I need help and I will never forget that it is still very difficult to talk about it because I think I instantly knew that this was bad for her sister she. brother a friend everyone booked the next flight to be with her Elizabeth also manages to call an ABC producer who knows a recovering alcoholic who lives near her rented house an actor and director who runs to him He comforts her children while she is Detox enters a rosary and arranges as some sort of sobriety coach to travel with her back to New York to confront what she has done.

Honestly, I thought it was all over. I thought she was going to lose the kids and I thought she was going to lose her job. They all did, and even through the fog of alcohol, Elizabeth says she finally realized all the ways her children's anguish had destroyed her life, pleading with her to stop drinking. says in At this moment she was on her knees in shame unbearable ashamed humiliated a lot of pain you know, you know debris a lot of debris in her wake this woman who says she spent a career trying to hide any weaknesshe finally decides to give up and reach for help and you get help, yes you need help then you can fight.

ABC News agrees to give her one last chance, thank God, they gave me one more chance, thank God, she makes a calendar of all the days she was drunk and what she did. To those around her, she says she was shocked into denial and began apologizing to her colleagues who had to redo her work because of her drinking. She apologizes to her family who gave up so much of her life to try to help her and to her family. husband who agreed that they would have joint custody of the kids and especially with the kids, she apologizes in heartbreaking detail, you can't just say "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I hurt you" and then you know, leave it at that.

I'm sorry I drank I'm sorry I scared you I'm sorry I wasn't there for you I'm sorry I fell asleep and I missed your recital I'm sorry I'm so sorry and she says it's her promise to spend every day of her new life trying of being the mother she always wanted to be, what do you most want your children to say, what would you most love to know about them and she fought for herself to be able to stare into the abyss and came out again, that's what I would like you to say tonight. Mark Cohn issued a statement and will post it online, but says, as always, that he supports Elizabeth in her recovery and that the two are working together to be loving parents. her two amazing children and below what Elizabeth learned about staying sober and what I learned I shouldn't ask a missing man found dead the investigation about today free Hello guys tonight as you know Elizabeth Vargas is back in charge how many people live Here back with the people and stories you love, the breaking news, and now the personal story you hope will help someone else.

It has been more than two years since she came out of that Abyss. You say that people are going to say that this book is too. soon oh, I'm sure you haven't been sober long enough to write this book. Could they be right? You know it absolutely certain. The right time there is no guarantee that you can stay sober for two years, five years, ten. years 15 years the truth of the matter is that every alcoholic only has today none of us know what will happen tomorrow we all do everything we can today that tomorrow we won't have a drink but we really only have today now she attends support group meetings and has learned that if she ever goes out somewhere where she feels tempted to drink, she has to leave and she also takes time to meditate to control all that old anxiety.

Is there anything specific you know you should do? Pick up the phone and call someone. By the way, I also learned something new from doing this story, unless a recovering alcoholic volunteers to know the exact number of days sober. Don't ask about her responsibility. for us it's for themselves and their loved ones, but you don't count the days of sobriety or you, I do, but that's something you know, I keep it to myself, why if I had to talk about it openly like in the National Television? She feels as if she has cursed me in some way and today that woman who used to be so afraid to show any imperfection says that she likes to start each day with a Hymn of humility and acceptance.

It's a Leonard Cohen song, prayer for broken places and light. that can shine there's a favorite saying I heard that was you know when you pray to God there are three answers and one is yes no now and I have something better for you so the sun will set on us here yes yes another . good morning and you know what at the end of the day when I'm in bed it's another thank you God for this day and I'm so grateful for all these new days and all your encouragement and for everyone watching, we wanted to say If you think you have a problem with alcohol or if you know someone who has, you can visit our website at abznews.com and get all the resources to help.

I want to remind everyone that your book will be in stores next Tuesday and it's called Between Breaths and along the way you told me that on this trip it meant a lot to you to receive voice messages from your friends. We want you to know that we have some new ones for you tonight that are very nice and that meant a lot to me, so send messages of support to the people in your life too please, we will be there reading them and we will say goodnight. I am very proud of having taken a lot of courage.

You wake up. We support you every single day I have always been behind you and in front of you 100 I love you I love you thank you very much for what you are doing and we know how much those children love their mother we love you too Eddie Murphy and stranger things Kate and Matter Matarazzo young Kimmel tonight on ABC