The Ingraham Angle Coronavirus Cold Open - SNL

I DON'T KNOW WHY CORONAVIRUS. THE LEFT CONTINUES ITS DISHONEST REVIEW CAMPAIGN AGAINST TRUMP. HERE I LEAVE YOU A VIDEO OF LOCAL BOOKSTORES TO BUY THE LAST BOTTLE OF ORGANIC PURELL IS CRAZY. THE LEFT IS TRYING TO SLIP PEOPLE INTO A FREAK OF FEAR OF LIES, IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT. IT'S OUR MAIN THING THE CORONAVIRUS IS AN URBAN LEGEND. YOU HAVE MUCH BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT. TO HELP YOU CALM DOWN, HERE'S A LIST OF MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT. WOMEN WHO KEEP THEIR MAIDEN SURNAMES. MONTY SORRY SCHOOLS. FAT BARBIES. WHAT THE MAID SAYS. BLACK BANDS, THEY ARE TOO GOOD AND HARRY STYLES WHAT IS HE DOING?

WHO IS THAT FOR INSTEAD OF WASTING YOUR MONEY ON $300 SURGICAL MASKS? PLEASE CONSIDER SUPPORTING MY DRINKING LIST OF SPONSORS. LIKE DEER TANKS. LET'S CHASE HIM, SHOOTING THE DEER TAKES TOO LONG TO SEND BAMBI TO HELL WITH TANKS OF DEER. INTERIOR HORN AND WORD SEARCHES WITH RACIAL INSULTS. YOU DIDN'T SAY IT, YOU JUST CIRCULATED IT FOR MORE ABOUT THIS LIBERAL FAN FICTION THAT IS THE CORONAVIRUS LET'S JUDGE JEANINE PIRRO GET RID OF THEM GET RID OF WHO? WHO THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, JANINE SHOULD OUR VIEWERS DO SOMETHING TO PREPARE FOR THE CORONAVIRUS? HELL NO. AMERICANS ARE NOT AT RISK.

ESPECIALLY NO OUR SPECTATORS, WHO ARE THE ELDERLY, HAVE POOR HEALTH. THEY LIVE ENCLUSTED IN HOUSES SPECIFICALLY FOR SICK PEOPLE AND HAVE SMOKED THEIR ENTIRE LIFE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE NOT TOO WORRIED. NOT A BIT, SO DON'T TWIST IT. IF YOU SEE ME AVOID CHINESE RESTAURANTS IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M AFRAID, IT'S BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST CHINESE PEOPLE. A FORTUNE COOKIE ONCE TOLD ME TO LOWER MY VOICE BUT I HAVE NEVER LOOKED BACK ALL RIGHT, GOOD, STAY SAFE OUTSIDE, JANINE. ALCOHOL IS NOT NECESSARY IT'S A DISINFECTANT SO MOM WILL LIVE FOREVER. THANK YOU FOR THAT EXCELLENT REPORT.

WE NOW PASS ON TO THE MEN OF THE INSIDE, DON JUNIOR AND ERIC TRUMP. HI LAURA, Did you get my Valentine's Day? STEP. NOW, WHAT CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S RESPONSE TO THE VIRUS? LAURA, OUR FATHER HAS EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL. YOU KNOW, DEMOCRATS WOULD LOVE FOR PEOPLE TO GET SICK SO THEY CAN USE IT TO THEIR BENEFIT. LIKE HOW WE GIVE ERIC RAW CHICKEN SO HE MISS IMPORTANT MEETINGS I LOVE MY PINK NUGGETS. THAT'S GREAT, DUD LAURA, THE LIBS THINK THEY CAN WIN THIS TO HURT OUR DAD BUT IF THERE IS SOMETHING ABOVE MY DAD IT'S THE BATHROOM NO, THIS CRISIS YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE ANSWERS, DUD, I GOT IT .

THE FACT IS THAT AMERICANS ARE PERFECTLY SAFE, IT'S LIKE OUR DAD ALWAYS SAYS. THE N-WORD? NO. NOT JUST DURING THE SONGS, BUDDY OK. DON'T WE BRING YOU A TOY OR SOMETHING YOU CAN PLAY WITH? YES, MY BEEPY TOY. THAT'S A THERMOMETER, ONLY BEEP IF YOU HAVE A -- 104 FRIEND, WHERE DID YOU GET THIS? THE PARK. WE HAVE TO GO, LAURA VERY GOOD, THANK YOU FOR ACCOMPANYING US I'M A FATHER. WELL, NOW, JUST GETTING THE VEGAN LEATHER BOOT ON MSNBC FOR THE HIGH CRIME OF GIVING PRAISE TO A GIRL, I'D LIKE TO WELCOME OUR NEW FOX NEWS HOST, CHRIS MATTHEWS [ Cheers and applause WELCOME FROM NEW TO "HARDBALL" I AM CHRIS MATTHEWS TONIGHT MY GUEST IS LAURA, A SPECTACULAR BLONDE LADY WHO LIES TO THE ELDERLY.

HA CHRIS, NO, YOU'RE ON MY SHOW. I FORGOT, STRENGTH OF HABIT, MAYBE I'LL GET IN TROUBLE FOR SAYING THIS, YOU LOOK GREAT. CHRIS, YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT, IT'S FOX OH MY GOD, THE PLACE IS AMAZING, EVERYONE HERE IS HOT, CRAZY, OR BOTH. YES. NOW HE RESIGNED AFTER RECENT SCANDALS LIKE COMPARING BERNIE SANDERS TO HITLER HOW DOES HE RESPOND? YOU CAN SAY IT AS CRAZY AS YOU WANT. HERE YOU GO. THE RACE IS DOWN TO HITLER AND AN ICE CREAM CONE TO SEE WHO CAN BEAT THE MICHELIN MAN. BACK TO YOU, HITLER GIRL WELCOME HOME.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US HABADAHABA. NOW A CELEBRITY INTERVIEW FEATURED BY OUR AMAZING SPONSORS LIKE MESH PILLOW, YOUR LITTLE CHILDREN CAN'T SUFFOCATE YOU WITH MESH PILLOWS. AND FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO MAKE MONEY, FAKE PURELL, IT'S LUBRICANT IN A PURELL BOTTLE. AND NOW, THE WOMAN WHO MURDERED MICHAEL BLOOMBERG ON LIVE TELEVISION, PLEASE WELCOME SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN [ Applause and applause HELLO LAURA, THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME HOW HAVE YOU BEEN SINCE YOU QUIT THE RACE NOW YOU KNOW, I'M WELL, MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY HAVE BEEN VERY SUPPORTIVE, THEY'VE BEEN CALLING NON-STOP, ASKING, ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT DO YOU NEED?

IF YOU ARE ELIGIBLE WELL, YOU SURELY DID A MEMORABLE CAMPAIGN HERE ARE PICTURES OF YOU DEBATING WITH MIKE BLOOMBERG VERY GOOD AND TO BE CLEAR, WERE YOU THE DOG OR THE DONKEY I WAS THE DOG I GOT IT . Still don't support anyone? WELL, IT'S DIFFICULT. MAYBE I'LL JUST PUT A NEW YORK TIMES OUT AND BACK THEM BOTH WELL, NOW THAT THE CAMPAIGN IS OVER, DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS? AT ALL. I AM SO PROUD OF OUR CAMPAIGN THAT WE BUILT A BROAD COALITION OF TEACHERS, PRESCHOOL TEACHERS, HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS AND PET TEACHERS. AND NOT ONLY DO I NOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM MILLIONAIRES, I HAVE TO GIVE IT A DRINK ON LIVE TV BUT NOW I HAVE TIME TO DO SOME SELF-CARE GOING OUT WITH MY DOG BAILEY, JOKE CALLING BIG BANKS.

DRAG RACING SUBARUS. AVOIDING TWITTER AND BEFORE I LEAVE, I WANT TO THANK MY FOLLOWERS AND SAY ONE LAST THING. HELLO, HOW ARE YOU? I'M SORRY, I JUST... I WANTED TO WEAR MY FAVORITE DRESS TO THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE IN YOUR LIFE. I'M NOT DEAD, I'M JUST IN THE SENATE. WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT. SO LET'S STAY IN THE PLACE. AND LET'S DO THIS. LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT