The Carol Burnett Show - Season 11, Episode 0124 - Series Finale

We are in the present, we don't care about the past, what do we care about here? I don't know what you're saying to mom, he means we worry about today, that's right, Eunice, you're tuning in, we worry about the here and now, so since we worry about the here and now, Let's eliminate all those little unspoken resentments. out of the way, let's tell them out, out, phooey on huey, is this what you've been coming here to do to have a little golden light in your head and play these stupid games, I mean, you're like an idiot.

Don't you worry about every new idea? Sit down, okay, now we're going to play a little game, we're just going to be honest and say exactly what we want out of life, right? It sounds fun right now, you go first, Eunice, what I want out of life . I want to be treated like an adult. I want to get up in the morning when I want to get up. I want to drive my car the way I want to drive my car. car without someone always telling me turn left turn right careful I want to walk into my own kitchen without someone telling me about the balls of grease under the refrigerator and I would like you to encourage me to have a career in the world of Showbiz If you had wanted a career in

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biz, don't you think you stayed in Lulabelle's tap dancing class for over a week when you were 10?

If you and Lula Bell had stopped ridiculing me every time I made a move in time, I would give Mitzi Gainer a chance today for his money. You know no one cares about Lulabelle or Mitzi Gainer's tap dancing classes. Mrs. Harper, it's your turn. What do you want from life here and now? Please, I'm an old lady with some. There are only a few years left I would like my daughter to accept my domestic hints a little willingly and without breaking my head I am just trying to help and make the two before her hut we live in fit for human beings and I would like watch wrestling reruns on TV at 6:30 and send them damn gossip and I'd like to have a daughter who treats me with a little respect instead of dragging the last name through the mud going crazy that all you think about is my Problem dragging your stupid name through the mud Don't you care that your little daughter is on the verge of me?

She was nervous. Did you forget about kindergarten now? If you two don't free each other from this hold you have. They got into a fight, Eunice will keep having fits and keep breaking things and you, Mrs. Harper, will curl up into a sour little ball and then you two will dry up and fly away oh well, I knew that would be the case. It's come to this, thank you very much miss, I've put up with ingratitude, disrespect, abuse and talkback from you all your life and I'll be damned if I had to take it away from some damn blatant charlatan with a cheeky face.

You see, she's not easy, but neither. Are you Eunice now White? Wait, she's the reason I keep having all these attacks. She's the reason I can't sit down right now. Listen, I have news for you. She's not that old lady you're having trouble with. You're Eunice, you're mad at Eunice because Eunice never finished anything she started It's time for you to take charge of your own life Eunice, I could, I could, if she would let me breathe once in a while, but mom, forget about mom, we do not. no matter what mom doesn't allow let's take charge of our own life anyway work on your own self esteem okay listen listen hey hey I'm okay hey I like what you say hey I'm okay hey I like it I can't say that because I'm not okay I've probably never said it just say I'm fine say it and it will be true I promise you eunice I'm fine oh louder come on say it like you really mean it Be serious I'm fine say it again I'm fine I'm fine and you're fine I'm fine and you're fine I'm fine and you're fine I'm fine and you're fine I I'm fine and you're fine and mom is fine I'm fine and you're fine at Unicef ​​your life will take on a golden hue as soon as you give that first little one step towards the path to independence and go to that employment agency and get a job I will do it I will do it it's just a small step eunice but only you can do it hey I like you I think you're fine and I know you can do it oh hey me I like you too and I'm fine.

Am I supposed to sit here all day like a trash can? okay, I'm coming mom, I just have to put my bag in the coat. I'm leaving right now, dear, there's probably a fine. in the car, well, if there is, we won't worry, I'll pay for it, everything will be fine, you'll pay for it with what that ex-husband of yours left you with so little that you can barely pay. a can of beans, it's okay mom, I'll manage because hey, I'm okay and you're okay, you sound like you're one step away from the exploding hatch, won't you leave me alone? five minutes I feel another attack coming on hey, it will happen, it will happen, it will happen, it will happen, it will happen, I'm fine, I'm fine, uh mom, uh, before we go home, we'll stop by the Ajax employment agency because hey, I'm going to get myself a job, well, hey, I think the day I see it, the day you actually go ahead with anything, you will never amount to anything when facing an enemy, bless her, praise her and leave her.

Wow, I wish we had time to

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you all the wonderful guests we've had over the past 11 years. There just isn't enough time. I have one of my scrapbooks here. I was looking before. There's Lucy and on this side. jerry lewis sammy davis jr the fabulous and wonderful mom cass and this lady who looks like charlie chaplin gloria swanson emmett kelly now this is a group that means a lot to me our dancers it is truly a pleasure it is a great pleasure to present Ernie's fabulous dancers Flat so now so when you record a show in front of a live audience mistakes are bound to happen and we've made some hills so to cover ourselves we take the show twice every Friday and hopefully the best of both recordings .

I used to make the show that everyone watches at home, however we've kept all the outtakes and now feel like you're old enough to watch some of them. She was inspired by you, Rita, baby. I taught him each of your songs. remember to blame me where do I sleep questions voila next was harvey korman's first appearance as mother marcus on a soap opera yes now harvey played this real kg he didn't wear that suit all day so when you see me open the door , this was the first time I saw him in all that drag, no, we have to be honest, I mean, there are times when it's the actor's fault if something goes wrong.

I personally have never failed a line, which is something I can't say for you, thanks, well everyone makes mistakes Tim, but the real professionals just keep going, they don't let it bother them at all, that's right. , I mean, you have to catch it when you screw up and I. I think I really believe that the most unprofessional thing an actor can do is start laughing. Oh, I'm in a spiritual medium. I communicate with your late great weight. Wait. I think Lyle Wagner is coming. It's a false alarm. You say that Unfortunately, the money would end up in my despicable wife's vagina in the event of the death of her little nephew Theo.

Well, Theo, you know what this means, don't you, I'm afraid, so, Theo, you guys will split the difference. I can see, I can see when his chest is. all the books you study, I'm very glad you liked them. From time to time we like to deal with serious topics on our show and in the next scene, Tim had just been given a serum injection that was slowly turning him into a dog. Luckily, Harvey was able to control himself being the consummate professional and part-time dog lover out there, I don't get it here, come on, come here a minute, what is this empty space here next to the pharmacy, oh, a drive-in?

Well, you know, Vince. The more I see your work, the more impressed I am with you. You know, Vincent. I'm going to tell you a little secret. Yes, I am bidding against two large real estate developers for this contract. I'll understand when we join this next sketch. It's already a disaster and he got nothing. You better explain yourself a lot to do. What are you?, exuberant, exuberant, it was that oh yeah, he was, even though that's my boss, hi bill. Hey, I hope, John Bill, you're crazy, look what I made for dessert, don't you think it's too sweet, where is she?

If she will make you happy, because bringing happiness is important to me, so don't do it. Don't be surprised if I show up at your unhappy door one day, better yet, be surprised because I won't do this again. The role of the psychiatrist was played by Craig Richard Nelson. Be sure to check your local listings for the best Carol Burnett shows. at the end of this summer this is your crazy announcer talking um you like this so this um this is a night of mixed emotions for me like graduation is a sad and happy time it can't be possible that it was 1967 when Harvey Vicki Lyle and I stepped foot in this scenario for the first time because it seems like yesterday those clichés really have a habit of hitting you in the nose, don't they recently? um, a lot of people have been running around and expressing their own opinions as to why I decided to quit at the end of this

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and I think I should be the one to tell you since I'm the one who really knows that in our 11 years we've had four stripes different schedules and we've had our share of being up in the ratings and being down in the ratings and the ratings have nothing to do with my decision.

If they had, I would have stopped the process a long time ago because there have been many, many. times where they've been much lower than this

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and now I think it's more graceful to leave before you're asked and the fact that CBS picked up our show for the 12th year and was pretty adamant about it. It's very flattering to all of us here on the show, however I'm also adamant and very proud of our show and I'm just not a fool, now is the time to let it all go and move on to other things because change is growth.

It's difficult because all of us here really become a second family. We have been through marriages, divorces, deaths and births, and I know that the love we have shared can never be measured by time. Our first director Clark Jones. Our first year. just wonderful dave powers who has been our director for the last 10 years and is doing other things he is going to run the company of three next year. I would like to thank our various producers ernie rosen bill angelus buzzkohan our current producer ed simmons our executive producer Joe Hamilton who I love very much, our technical team, our stage assistants, the group upstairs in the office, all of our creative staff is the best anyone could have had.

I know they know all the love and admiration I have for each and every one of them. Of them, no one could feel more grateful than I tonight to have had the opportunity to work with and learn from the brilliant talent of Harvey Corman, who has no creative limits and we have all seen Vicki Lawrence blossom and grow from a newborn green girl. from Inglewood Alto into one of the best young actresses and comedians in the industry. I am very proud that Tim Conway defies description. His brain never slows down. Those little wheels are constantly churning out original bits of genius that amaze us all.

I think it's a credit. tim being robbed by some of today's comedy giants tim would never say that, but I can and the fact that he is even more kind than talented is the best thing you can know about him, so on behalf of all of us, I want thank you here tonight and everyone who has been watching us for making these years possible, you brought us together and we are all very grateful. I love you Pete I'm so glad you had your time together just to have a laugh or sing a song it seems like we've just started and before you know it the time comes that we have to say see you later there's a time when You leave aside dreams and a moment for the things you have to do but the moment I like the most is any night.

I can spend a moment here with you when the time comes and I feel alone and I feel so sad. I will sit and think only about you and happiness still comes, so I am glad I did it. We spend this time together because it makes me feel like I belong. It seems like we're just getting started and before you know it, the time comes when we have to say see you later, good night, thank you.