The Biblical Argument for Loving Your Woman | Tony Evans Sermon

I want to talk to you today about

loving

your

wife Paul makes a statement that we're not going to get into there yet, but Paul makes the statement Husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church for which he gave himself Husbands love their wives wives the word love today is used in many different ways and is used very informally. You can say: I love my job or I love chocolate cake or I love my car and you use it in motion and in flow because there is an overall meaning. where we understand the concept, but the way it is used today is not really the kind of understanding God wants us to have about the meaning of love and its relationship, particularly with our wives.

Now it is a very critical concept because it has been given only to man. There is no verse in the Bible that commands a wife to love her husband. None that I know of, there is only one reference and that is where he tells older women to help younger women learn to love their husbands, but there is no order, just over and over again to the man. you are commanded to love

your

wife now the wife is commanded to do something and that is to respect or revere her husband now that is not a mistake that is to recognize some unique attributes that belong to men and women who are different the greatest need for a

woman

is to love a man's greatest need is respect and god recognizes that and has communicated it in his word in the days of the new testament when they used the term love they had distinctive words that differentiated the meaning of love so that you knew what it meant.

I wanted to say. Don't just say I love you or I love hot dogs or I mean they had words that made a difference, we don't use those distinctive words today and that's why we use the word love to cover everything, so let me go back to New Testament day. and use or explain the three concepts of love that existed then and those concepts are brought to the Bible. The first type of love is in a word that was called eras eras now eros was sexual satisfaction or, to put it more clearly, it was basically lust, so when a guy said te eros he meant I love you sexually, that's the type of love which most of our music is made of today, where love is used synonymously with lust and love is intricately connected to the desire for physical contact.

So when the Greeks wanted to express the fact that they desired, they used the word love, but the word love would be a different word called eros, which meant "I desire you sexually." I want you to satisfy my physical need now, when you think about That is a common use of the word love today: a boy in a parked car can say to a girl I love you, therefore, it establishes a direct relationship between the use of love, although it does not have a different word to describe it and its sexual desire so that was a concept the Greeks also had a second word and that word was phileto now the second Greek word was love of friends when a man said I fell in love oh you he was saying I'm your friend now the uniqueness of this as The opposite of eros is that it was not linked to sexual satisfaction, but it had something that was also true for eros and that is that it was linked to a certain degree of selfishness, since in eros there was a desire to satisfy one's physical needs in Philadelphia. it was a response to a person for how they treated you and they were your friends in other words um phileo is someone who is like a brother to you he has your back and you have his back uh he is your friend who you know you can tell him and you know that he will treat you well and you will treat him well, so if you have a steak or a relationship and he doesn't treat you well, you will say I thought you were my friend, that's for leo, that's how it was. that mutual friendship that had an understanding about it that I will treat you well and you will treat me well as long as you treat me well I will treat you well if you stop treating me well then our friendship will end danger because I will not trust you anymore, so that was phileo , that was a legitimate term used between friends, in fact, Jesus used it with Peter when he said are you my friend? and the Greek word is phileo, are you my friend?

Now there is another word. This word is different than the other two because it expresses the love of God, it defines love from God's perspective and that word was agape agape now the reason I'm taking this time is because before I can talk about

loving

your wife we ​​have to know what we mean by love because I have tried to establish that love can mean different things to different people. Agape is unique because, unlike the ages and unlike Phileo, agape has nothing to do with what the other person does. Eros is linked to satisfying my needs.

Sexually for Leo it is linked to how you treat me as a friend, but this word agape unlike the other two because it had to do with taking the initiative to act on behalf of another person even at your own expense, now it follows that agape is different because had to do with acting on behalf of another person for the betterment of another person without any necessary demand or expectation of anything in return now let me go back to my original writing what I quoted Paul says open husbands their wives not eros husbands their wives look at them as sexual objects, not steaks of husbands or their wives necessarily defining them as friends, open husbands, their wives, that's the Greek term we would use love and maybe it would cover all three, I can't do that in the new testament, it's a specific term when you look to your wife, hug them, that is, love them in such a way that the orientation of your area is to meet their needs, listen to this no matter what you receive in return, that is going to change many homes right there, because many of the problems that We have with our wives are tied to the fact that they don't fill us up or they could be tied to the fact that they don't wear us down.

Well, I mean, it could go either way, but the idea when the Bible says. love has nothing to do with your sexual response and it does not necessarily have to do with your friendship response get this romans 5 8 because god demonstrated his agape his love for us in that while we were still sinners christ died god demonstrated he went with us that while we were sinners now, do you know how much God hates sin? Do you know how much God hates? uh the Bible says that God is angry with the wicked every day, so he looked out and saw sin, saw bad thoughts, our bad actions, our bad attitudes, he saw. rebellion against him he saw our lifestyles he heard our bad words and complaints he saw all that and said I hate what they are doing but I will show you my love even though I can't stand how you act, how you talk, how you walk. how you move i'm still going to die that's

biblical

love and that's why you can love people you don't necessarily like because as it is for leo love is agape that's why jesus can say agape your enemies now no one likes their enemies a no one likes someone who hates their guts and wants to destroy them god says you don't have to like them, you just have to love them because love has nothing to do with what you get in return most of the world will reject jesus christ, but that Yeah. not prevent him from loving even though God knew that beforehand now let me look at a couple of verses very quickly in the book of john first of all john chapter 14. look at a couple of verses quickly and look at this concept john chapter 14 verse 21 the one that has my commandments and keeps them is he who loves me and he who loves me will be loved by my father and I will love him and manifest myself to him and again in verse 24 he who does not love me does so.

Don't hold my words and the words you hear here are not mine, but the father who put me here, Jesus says there is a direct correlation to

biblical

love and what you do. Biblical love is not love of discussion. Biblical love is not converted phraseology. that's a good rap that sounds good agape love is always demonstrable love for god demonstrated his love you can watch Calvary there is something to show biblical love always responds in action when people say I love god but I don't keep his commandments the bible says it's a lie because love is always measured in action if I were to ask your wives if you love her or would you ask my wife if I love her the question is measured in terms of agape by what I do in other words if you said I tell her to my wife that I love her all the time.

That is a meaningless statement to Agape because Agape does not care about your vocabulary. Agape worries only and always about your actions. Agape is physiological and not just emotional. Fellaio can be emotional. Eros is definitely emotional. agape is demonstrable now let's look at chapter 15. verse 12 this is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you no one has greater love than this than to lay down one's life for one's friends now to lay down one's life with someone who has given up much, I mean, we're talking about a serious sacrifice, to give your life is to give everything because that's all you have left if you give your greatest life, like he's not even talking about marriage, he's talking about the disciples, he's talking. about you and me in this room, he says that no man has greater love unless a man lays down his life for his friends, that is the ultimate expression of love, so what I am trying to tell you right now is that you understand that. when we talk in church I don't know what they're going to tell you on the street they're not going to tell you this they're going to tell you I'm not going to have anyone you want Take that away, let no

woman

take charge, do you know how many fish in the sea?

You don't have to go through this now. That's what they're going to take on the street because they have a distorted definition of manhood that's okay for a lot of men. the definition of manhood is the ability to score in the bible the definition of manhood is the ability to not have to choose the score because you have chosen to be fully committed to one person for the rest of your life that takes work it is easy to find different women make them vulnerable hard work is winning over someone who can't stand you well that's hard work it's not a lot of work leaving and finding someone who hasn't had to live with you yet that's fine I mean that part is easy so The topic I am addressing today is the type of agape love.

Now let's get one step closer to pragmatics. How do you love your wife well? First of all, how do you look at your wife to get started? love her and then the last question is what do you do to start loving her well let me talk first of all about how you start looking at her so that you start loving her first Peter chapter 3 verse 7 which is a Verse that we have seen on numerous occasions, but that gives us a deep insight into how to love your wife first Peter chapter 3 verse 7. Now husbands too, whenever you read the word equally in the Bible, it means he's building from something.

That has already been said and what he is building to is the end of chapter 2 where he says in verse 21 because to this you were called because Christ also suffered so some of you are suffering with your wives very well, Christ also suffered for us at leave We set an example that we should follow in his footsteps, so before we continue I want to hear you talk about that with Jesus. If I were Jesus, I could live with her too. It's okay, I don't want you, I don't want you to talk. That's because he says you could follow in his footsteps so he's not talking about something that only applies to him but it's an example for you and me right now he says who didn't commit any sin so he wasn't guilty nor was the seat I found in his mouth no he was lying he was telling the truth about us and he had done nothing wrong but he took the blame that's what the cross was about he took our guilt verse 23 now catch this man because this is the introduction of relationships between husband and wife that when he they vilified they didn't give it back in return now I could have said I'm not going to let any human being talk to me like that I'm not going to let any human being treat me like that don Don't you know I can let go of you and find someone else?

Don't they know I don't have to deal with this? Don't you understand who I am? I mean, don't you understand that you don't know my name, okay, I could have done that, but when they ruined him, they insulted him, he didn't insult them in return, I don't know what happens, the type of thing comes up when he suffered, no He threatened, yes, treat me like that again. to be raising your face from the ground did not threaten but committed to the one who judges correctly who at the right moment will always tell the truth who bore our sins now boy who sins brought something for which he was not responsible because in his own body in the tree that having died to sin we could live for the righteousness by whose stripes you were healed now grasp that by the stripes that he bore we were healed could it be that the only way your wife is going to recover is? for the stripes you bear in his name look at it now some brothers some brothers backing away okay man don't talk crazy preacher okay catch us now follow me jesus brought the spanking but we get the healing and remember you can walk in his footsteps okay now let's go to the verse 25, for you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the shepherd and overseer of your soul.

You were going in the wrong direction until he took the spanking, but when he was willing to take the spanking, that's what made you change. Some of you are only going to get your wives back when youLove enough to receive some spankings, you are not going to hear that on the street, on the street they will tell you that you do not have to receive any spankings, give them a little gift. Don't take any, okay, but now look, we get to the verse seven husbands in the same way, like who, like Jesus, remembers that we are following in his footsteps, like Jesus, what does he want you to do first of all? your wives of in an understanding way or you live with them according to knowledge or, to put it more simply, you study your partner.

One of the problems in our relationships is that we spend very little time studying our wives. Women are very, very complicated to understand. I mean, you say something and you want to know what I said to elicit that kind of response, you know, you put your arm around her, leave me alone, what I didn't do, you, well, you'll never do anything, I'll let you say it. I want to know where that came from well that's because we don't study our wives and we are all guilty of that I am guilty of that well we don't understand why they are the way they are so then we can Don't handle them when they get like that gentlemen you should know before your wife when her menstrual flow is because that, more than anything else, will determine where her emotions are.

Now we have this new phenomenon today that is nothing new called pms now, if your wife has PMS, that will haunt you, okay, that will haunt you because she will go through these major emotional changes, it's not new, it's in the Bible, a woman during a flow of mystery had to separate and all that. I mean, God knew people were going to be stubborn during that period of time. I'm just being honest with you now. The whole PMS is the intensification of emotional changes due to progesterone and the hormonal changes related to that. The more changes that occur and the loss of the pedestrian, the greater the emotional changes, so you know that today they have a big business going on, but they don't really offer any solution other than changing the diet, trying to reduce it. about the changes, but what you really have to do is get your family to help you get through it well.

Now we can turn to the Bible for that, when it says that husbands live with you wisely and understandingly, it is saying to learn to read the movement. he is saying that one of the ways you love your wife is to learn to read and if you know she is coming the week before that time, that is when those changes will occur and culminate during that period of time when her flow starts well and then The period a few days after it starts to increase, the hormonal structure starts to stabilize, it becomes more constant and of course she is more alive and more active, she is more oriented towards you, she is more patient with children, but See, that's something she can handle, you say.

To your wife, for example, you tell her why you have to be like this, you tell her because I want to be well, I mean, she gets angry, well, the point is that if she is going through those changes, then she can't help but respond in kind. a different way wavelength, so if there are other irritations in the relationship, you will feel them and know them now, let me go on a little longer because we are running out of time, he goes on and says. this live with them in an understanding way learn what motivates them give honor to the wife give honor to your wife the concept of giving honor is the concept of putting her on a pedestal whether you like it or not that is what it means the concept of honor is putting it on the pedestal doesn't say change your wife if you're trying to change your wife you're ruining you're ruining changing your wife isn't changing your wife changing your wife is honoring your wife now if your wife is like my wife she spends a lot of time pampering herself in the mirror about how she looks how she dresses how they look in the mirror you know what women do they are pampering themselves they are doing themselves they feel good now to honor her is for you to add to what she already does for herself is that you pamper her by pampering yourself it is you that make her feel good about herself good and the reason why many of our wives rebel is because what they need We are not getting women, they need honor, They need to be pampered or put on a pedestal and every single one of you did that when you dated your wives, y'all, honey, you're okay, you hear me? do you hear me?

We are talking about a bad man. my jamma, are you okay, okay, okay, I mean, we pampered her and getting up from the chair we pampered her and opening the door we pampered her and we were walking on the wrong side of the street, you know, moving her to the other side, we moved . inside you know now she's lucky if we can get in the car before we leave, I mean when we talk about things, things have gotten bad here, it's okay, pamper your wife, honor her, make her feel like someone special if you do that without expecting it. anything in return, then whatever you get is a bonus, look, don't do it, santa, it's okay, it's okay, now it's okay, I heard the past this morning, I'm going out here honey, you've got a week to pamper yourself yeah You don't get yours.

In a week I won't pamper you anymore uh-uh no you don't understand that it took you five years to make this mess it may take you five years of pampering to clean it up I don't know well I shouldn't have done it I said that but the idea I want to communicate is very simple The idea man that I want to communicate is that wives need honor but agape love means honor and do not expect anything in return or do not demand anything in return, that is what God will use to give you something in return you cannot go demanding it I am going to do this now you better do that god doesn't do that he doesn't say I'm going to die for you now you better save me.

I'm going to die for you and salvation is available if you want it, but I'm still going to die and some of you men in your homes have to decide to die to be scratched and kicked and abused and you. You are still a great man, so you have not become less of a man. You're quite a man if you do that because it takes someone with guts to be willing to do it. Well, closing here as to the weaker glass, he calls it weaker. In other words, she can't take what you can take, she can't take it physically, she's physically weaker, she's emotionally going to cry first, usually because she's emotionally weaker, she can't take what you take, so that you take more than she has for the Bible. she says she is weaker and that is why she gets angry faster and stays angry longer because she is weaker she can't take what you take so if she works and then has to come home, cook and then take care of children, her circuits are often overloaded, she can't take what you take and then get angry because she's not available at night, but if the circuits are overloaded, she can't handle it well, she can't respond well and then she feels as if she were forced to respond physically. but she can't because a circus is overloaded because she is weaker the bible says that god made one weaker and then closes by saying and being heirs together of the grace of life treat her as equal heirs do not treat her as someone under your foot the way some men treat their wives they are like dogs they are like dogs they are treated shamefully not as equals she is not your daughter so don't hit her it's okay she is your equal you are the leader but she is still your equal in essence, she is as good as you treat her as an equal and then he says your prayers cannot be hindered, you are on your knees praying, the lord changed my wife, god says you have hindered your prayers if you are not honoring your wife.

If you are not willing to be spanked for your wife, then get up on your knees because I will not hear your prayers because you do not love your wife, let me give you a couple of things you can do, specifically number one, the first one. What you are going to do is every day if you are going to honor your wife you are going to pamper her do something special for your wife or say something special it doesn't have to cost money but don't expect anything in return she is inventing the bed, go to the other side off the bed and say hello honey let me help you and then after you pick up she gets up off the floor you know she's going to do the dishes honey let me put it in the dryer let me dry it yeah every day.

Do something or say something special, you don't know how much it affects your wife when you say to her on the way out the door, honey, you sure look beautiful today, do that enough, one of the days she'll tell you, well, let me stay home. . so you know you're not stupid, you're not stupid, it's okay, every day say or do something special, don't expect anything in return, I mean, if you say honey, you look wonderful and she says, get out of my life, collect your feelings ground. and she keeps transporting secondly, make sure you include the unexpected, she stops being so boring, she can predict what you are going to say or what you are going to do before you do it, that is why she won't make love to you. as boring as everything else don't be don't be so anticipatory so predictable i mean remember when you were dating what are we going to do tonight surprise you know you were creative be creative the bible says the mercies of the lord are new every day you never know what It's coming and that's why you want to get into the habit of thinking, planning and being creative.

It doesn't have to cost money. A special little love note, ideally once a week, but certainly twice a month. Go out with her now. This is. different from the nice things you do every day that was something a little quick but twice a month say this is our night let's get someone for the kids or whatever we have to do I'll take you to dinner whether it's to walk even but we are going out I can't wait to be with you I can't wait to be with you I want to be with the children and that's nice but there is nothing like being with you because the husband and wife relationship takes priority over the father-son relationship you are preparing the children to leave quickly you still have to live with your wife okay so what I say to you today is please a couple of times a month next is to give her time with the children and you will see that men can move away of children much more easily than women can give their time, honey, let me stay with the children tonight, just go and do something for yourself because what that says is that you are important. and I really want you to relax, I care about the fact that you have the burden of children, most women love her with your words, they read the song of Solomon, at some point, love her with your words, love her with your words and don't wait until 10 at night when you know you want something love her with your words at 10 in the morning when you know you're not going to get anything she's walking out the door honey waiting for you to come home love her with your words when you read the lover Solomon, he talks about the beauty of her teeth and the tenderness and softness of her skin and the aroma of her perfume and he goes on and on and on and on and on and he talks about how she is like gazelles and and the beauty of her hair and he goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and then he climaxes in chapter four where she says come to your god, she takes the initiative sexually, because all he's been doing is giving her his words. who's been building that thing calling in the middle of the day and said and I just told him, I just thought I'd call you because you've been on my mind, I heard your voice and that's all I need, bye, that's all you.

I need to live up to your words, okay, a famous song came out, it simply said: love her in a hundred ways, love her in a hundred ways, she will change, it may not be tomorrow, but remember that you are not eros, you are not a felaio. If you are gaping, you will love her without expecting anything in return, so every time you get something, it will be a reward from God for you.