Sylter statt Syrer - das wird nicht leicht. Lisa Eckhart bei Olafs Klub | MDR SPASSZONE

Let me tell you: I have a new fetish. First I smear super glue all over my body and then I stick to one...climatically active! Yes. Preferably someone who already stays somewhere. Personally, I really like to get somewhere. That stops you. Very important these days when everything happens so fast. Do you remember the movie “Goodbye Lenin”? Where is this woman in a coma and sleeping during the fall of the Berlin Wall? That's exactly what happened to me recently. Once again, my husband drank all night and slept until noon. Meanwhile, Olaf Scholz has announced three turning points.

I thought, if my husband wakes up now, he will no longer be able to find his way in this world. It would be better if he put the pillow on her face right away. Yes, everything happens very fast these days. Even between twins there is usually a generational conflict. Women on vacation are locked in exchange offices. And for the younger people of Fridays for Future, Greta Thunberg is now an old white man. Or we're all stuck in a time loop. Provoked by Olaf Scholz. He has created a hole in the time continuum that we now have to close with shell bombs.

Yes. Now I have welcomed Ukrainians into my home. Not to brag, I really enjoyed doing it. It was a good opportunity for me to finally get the Syrians out. Of course they were angry, yes. “What, why do we have to leave now? “Put the Ukrainians in a cleaning room!” I said, “Are you crazy? In the cleaning room... Hide among unvaccinated people.” But you already know me. Me and my tender heart. Yes, we all live together now and it's fine. Alright. It's... I'm telling you, there's something wrong with these Ukrainians. I think they are Russian. Oligarchs on the run.

But how should I differentiate them? Not even Franziska Giffey can do that. The centerpiece of Berlin, she fell in love with this fake Klitschko while she was on a video call. But behind them was a duo of comedians known for their prank calls. The Klitschkos are nothing else! I mean, they tried to convince us that the milk slices contained real milk! How can you continue to trust them? Whenever a Klitschko appears on the screen, I always think it's advertising. Now it's news. I often don't know anything anymore. I recently read at a demonstration: "Putin, go home!" That?

He he is at home. That's his problem. Everyone else was already in Kyiv. Scholz, Macron, Johnson, even Annalena Baerbock, even Baerbock, somehow managed to reach the capital. Just not Putin. Now the Pope comes. Well, you need it on the front. Pacifist, heavy on foot, looks like a white flag. If they wanted tanks, they would get the dad mobile. But that is not firing rockets to expel the Russians. No, it's about playing ice cream truck tunes to attract kids. I am so sorry for him, Zelensky. I know exactly how Zelensky feels now. Screams everywhere, a smell, you haven't showered in days, the blood reaches your neck and then visitors keep coming.

I know this from the postpartum period. At least Ukraine won't have to host next year's song contest. I'm telling you, that would have been a failure. Like the Winter Olympics in Russia in 1942. It was crazy. They all shot each other in biathlon. No matter, the war will surely be over by then. Because things are looking good right now. Russian troops withdraw from Snake Island. And the punkers continue to advance towards Sylt. They soon occupied the island, in the true sense of the word. Because all they want is to sit down. Some even just want to lie down.

The mayor of Sylt continues to call for heavy weapons, so the next wave of refugees will arrive soon. And if you think the Syrians were difficult, then wait for the Sylts. If everyone moves. To us, to the East. It will be like then, with confidence. They arrive with their bathroom bags full of money. For the price of a beach chair you get... Bautzen. Absolutely, I'll tell you. First they drink all our Rotkäppchen champagne and then they eat all the crustaceans in Leipzig Zoo. And then they play polo on mounted sips. Westerland... Westerland... Don't let the name fool you.

These are not Wessis. Much worse. These are Nordic. I definitely won't be taking one of those, yeah. I don't know how you can keep a Sylter like that. Do I have to wash it with salt water? They are islanders, they do not feel comfortable on dry land. They will constantly sit on our traffic islands. Or in kitchen islands. Then you have to leaf through them. We can only hope that the Sylts move upstream to spawn at some point. Towards the Czech Republic, towards the Giant Mountains. Then they come with “Moin moin”. Which in Czech means something like: Your mother smells like an old pool noodle.

Too much for that. Thank you so much.