Stefanie Stahl #2 | Was sind Glaubenssätze und wo habe ich die her? | So bin ich eben Podcast

audio hello and welcome to I'm the psychology

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for all normally disturbed people with Stefanie Stahl and Lukas ski lessons today we would like to address the topic of beliefs that you often talk about beliefs yes, if only it were, now It's in Psychology It's also a fixed term, it's been around for a long time and these very important beliefs are why deep internal programs are absolute in our programming and actually the epicenter of software. I would say that I really like programming. Yes, we know. After a few years you would say you have broken all your beliefs, I think most of them already, yes I am still on the path so I still have a lot of work to do.

Yes, there is still a lot of work to do. Where do beliefs come from and where do most of them come from? program now I say my configured like this and the right that everything will remain buried and above all the All the higher functions that are already in our brain when we come into the world are very primitive survival stories that are attracted to the chest, for example, the precise regulation of heat and cold, hunger, thirst and stuff, but all the higher regions of the brain are still forming and that's why what we experience from our parents is very, very formative and from our parents we learn if we are loved or whether we are loved unconditionally or what we do to be loved and of course our sense of self-worth is formed from this.

So, if, for example, I have parents who often get stressed for whatever reason because they are a little overwhelmed, maybe they both work, there is a brother there and it is a restless family environment where there is a lot of stress then think about how little one thinks and feels that little boy, mom and dad are really stressed and maybe they should have thought about it a little differently or waited a little longer before having a child. The little child thinks and feels, now I am too much, I am a burden and that is what happens.

It is also a belief exactly this way, so we. We come into the world and somehow we have to make sense of the outside world. We have to somehow find internal models of explanation and, when in doubt, from the point of view of the little child, it is always as if mom and dad are totally fine and the most wonderful beings and that you yourself are not wrong and so on. this programming arises. Yes, I think you notice that very strongly during puberty. When you reach puberty at some point, the image you had of your parents falls apart. holy and you realize for the first time that they too are deceiving themselves, that they definitely lie at some point, and that they are just as full of mistakes and perfection as you are, and puberty can be a very formative time.

Can it happen again in the matter of beliefs and when they arise, what is the crucial moment, from what age to what age? So it is assumed that the first six years of life are particularly important because during this time more than ten optical connections happen. Well, puberty is when the brain restructures, it is another moment, which of course can leave deep marks, but many things happen, especially in the first years of childhood, and that is where the so-called basic trust arises. trust is formed in the first two years of life We really put ourselves in the situation of the little child, then we come into the world and we are liberated and we are totally naked and defenseless, yes, and if I don't find who. bond with She accepts our then we die that we feel that we feel that we know that it is the genetic program in it the bond is somehow above all and if then we find ourselves with good conditions yes I have loving parents or at least one person who is our accept with love then there is already a very deep feeling it is also trust, oh I am worth taking care of and in general I can trust the outside world and that is really stored in the body, this feeling and that is The so-called basic trust and People who have basic confidence are the ones who have a better sense of self-esteem, they have a very good sense of self-esteem, they are not as easy to stress, that's why they don't react as much.

Also, they don't react as anxiously and can trust themselves better, so I have more self-confidence. But they also have a greater general willingness to trust other people and that, of course, makes them able to form relationships and that, of course, is an important factor for mental health and it has been found that people who have not acquired are actually a little different in their brains: the stress centers are very reactive and stress regulation works less well, the fear center is activated more quickly and at the same time. At the same time, it can be regulated worse, so you can really see that in the brain, that the brain has a different shape, the fights, even unconsciously, always to survive, in the end He executes the program because they did not find it correct and I am also a parent and I also realize how important it is to build this relationship with your child, especially now in the first period of training.

I'm a little scared sometimes, especially because of the basic trust I keep preaching. I give him that now I give him basic trust or not, so how do you give a child basic trust? I mean, just great love and we met once on the weekend, which does a lot of good, yeah, and he also reacted, I mean, not especially now. with small children, very small, so we are struggling with the age of today's small children, there is no pampering, so that is nonsense, and don't let them scream, for God's sake, when I shine, this basic trust arises because Screaming is the only autonomous action that the child can do.

The child has to draw attention to himself, that is why you write it in the case of small children, the only one you have with you, to influence your relationships, so that he has a effect, to say here I. I am and I need something and if no one reacts and this happens repeatedly, the first deep experiences of total helplessness and being at the mercy can arise and that is why it is very important to stand up when children scream. There are these beliefs that are useful. There are negative beliefs that are useful that are actually negative and make self-esteem seem like I am not important, that I am worth living, that I am okay, that I am now a burden, that I have to be nice and be okay. -he behaved well, I can't defend myself, etc. and of course the opposites are positive: I am fine, I am valuable, I am welcome, lovable, etc., and if I am a young person, perhaps I have acquired certain beliefs as a young child that are negative, for example, it is important having enough light, exactly what kind of behavior that would trigger as an adult, for example in a relationship, okay, you're coming to terms with something now It's really important to talk about this topic: that belief alone may not have much effect on me, but basically it leads to certain behaviors and such behaviors can be, for example, in this context I am talking about. about the so-called self-protection strategies or short protection strategy when I give the example again now there is a person whose parents were always stressed who has little time yes and that is why the little child somehow has this belief that I and I I am important so I think I went against the direction and now this child, or later the child who grows up, does not always want to feel that way: I am not important, I am not enough, but then I start to compensate for that in some way and try to get along with my parents somehow, because that's the crucial point.

With this type of influence, if the parents cannot satisfy the child's desires for attachment, security but also independence and autonomy well enough, then the child takes responsibility for this, which means that this child, what he thinks while rolling does not that's enough, now he will worry about him, try to somehow get along with his parents and try, for example, to be a very kind child and try to do everything. well and when this child, who now grows up and at some point is an adult, carries this unconscious program with him into his adult life and then thinks.

Even as an adult, deep down, that is not enough and you have to make sure it is fulfilled. he meets all expectations and does many things well and perhaps strives for perfection and perfection, for example a very typical protection strategy would be my first. As far as my girlfriend goes, I have to think she was a bit like that. that, but it was nice to have a relationship because I could clearly see that she was very adjusted, but you could also have said that this girl also seems a little out of temperament because we also have our genes, not only do we have traces, we are also brought to the world with certain things and then we are not just the parents, perhaps also the constellation of siblings, then it could also be exactly the same child because perhaps he has a slightly stormy temperament and perhaps he already has a brother so Liebmann adapted that in the family that this child received it as a rebel and is now adapted to the opposite of giving but has developed an opposite strategy that is strong forward he gives a lot of courage and then as an adult I saw that it was not simply someone who took the butter off the bread and when it came to beliefs, if they were shaped by what percentage would you say it was genetics, meaning what the child brought with them in terms of disposition and how much percentage was socialization and education and that.

To be honest, I can't really determine that because right now, the beliefs being the same, the genetics are not the same. Am I genetically more inclined to adapt or am I? perhaps genetically more a child who is more rational and does not have as much need for pampering and burdens, for example, develops protective strategies to trust only himself if possible and becomes a distant guy. Yes, to be honest, Withdrawal doesn't really need that much closeness, but rather relies on avoidance and withdrawal is also a typical self-protection strategy, that you don't let yourself get too involved, that you stay alone a lot and that you are there. being able to do it well when you're alone.

For example, escape from introversion. Introverts might be better alone than extroverts and you can relate that to family in one of my books. This combination of genes and environment in lextra introversion is. highly genetically determined. If you are more extroverted. How do I do that now when I notice I have negative beliefs? Maybe, for example, I am not enough and therefore tend to be a perfectionist. I do that? For me, first of all, reprogram it so that you can recognize it in the deepest part of your being. I also like to talk about it in my books about the so-called shadow child. exactly what we are talking about all the time now, the inner child is a term used in psychology for our childhood imprint, for better or worse, and from now on we are talking about the imprint that is a little more problematic and that perhaps we always leads to certain dead ends.

As an adult, I have found the child's shadow for this imprint quite negative. And that means the most important thing is that I face it first and deal with my inner shadow child and find this. That can also be maintained. It was a great experience, huh. Actually, I have nothing to do with myself. Actually, that's what they say, all the lousy little naysayers just posted something about how we demanded my parents go back then. An example would be made so that a shadow like that is a negative belief for me, find out with you personally, yes, with pleasure, okay, I don't know how Lukas was drawn, so I mean, her parents divorced when she was six years.

I would say that my father tried hard. for perfection. My mother was perhaps a little overwhelmed in her role. They were both very affectionate. I think the issue of money has always been a problem for us. What was an early feeling or what comes up when you think about childhood gangs? a little helpless that means I'm helpless a clear yes maybe exactly I'm helpless and I've always had a little bit of the feeling that I had to do it alone. Those would now be very important beliefs on Diana's part, that she. In reality, it may have little influence on the relationships that arise. probably because of the separation, possibly because you couldn't help it as a child, then you experienced something really stupid happening, i.e. your family fell apart and that's probably where your deep feeling of helplessness and then it's okay if I don't trust those out there, then I better focus on myself.

If you reflect on it now as an adult, that was a question of how can I extend it now, then you can see the first big realization, human beings are right. that is simply an unfavorable influence and that does not apply to my life today, well, I am tall, you can have a lot of influence, that is no longer true, today I am no longer powerless. That's also over now with my parents and I can do a lot to take care of myself and that's what I'm doing well, so the opposite of helplessness and how do I let it affect other people? and you can here, oh, I can trust because that's just a role print.

I have to do it on my own, that's howI felt like I was a kid, but that's not entirely true for my life today because today, of course, why not? I can't commit and why shouldn't I have a happy loving relationship and now maybe we'll have one again? If you then find a deeper level of your self-esteem in this work, if you really have the feeling. Deep down you have the feeling that I am enough, I was enough, then you can also trust that a woman can stay with you for a lifetime if you are enough like you, otherwise I would always have the feeling that the woman really Run away when she Find out what it was really like and then you would be you again.

I have to do it myself and I can do it pretty well, you can do it pretty well and that would be a sun protection strategy. protect me from injuries, but also precisely from real closeness and therefore we have wonderfully reached the point that these strategies in themselves protect in the short term, but in the medium and long term they put strain on a relationship because this strategy in reality prevents you from being happy in the long term, okay, how could you convert this belief now? First of all, of course, I recognize it in the first step and how can I perhaps turn it into something positive by making it clear and formulating it? in the form of such a positive belief to be formulations for you, for example, I can defend myself, I can have an opinion, I can help shape my life and my relationship, so we can even do the opposite of powerless, so we can do what we now we can make a formulation that suits you, let's make one in This is the direction you are going if you are so far from me for a relationship on equal terms.

Yes, I am powerless, it's okay. I am as powerful as you, or I can help shape the relationship and I can have a say, yes, so if you make sure that you can feel yourself even when you close your eyes, the duo try to feel the chest and abdomen. area like that. I can help shape how you feel, yes, good and now not only are you thought of, but I also feel that I have already taken another step and the more you become aware of these new beliefs, the more most of the time they also become They feel when I go.

Now there are new connections in the brain again and the programming is carried out through feeling rather than thinking and feeling through thinking and feeling they feel that tight and that is why it is so important that the new beliefs are Realistically, they also have to be encouraging for you. I am the fastest runner in the world. Couldn't you feel bad in the rain? So they have to be really acceptable. Are there really acceptable beliefs now? The 9 because it is also true that it comes for your adult you are no longer powerless you are great today of course you can your relationship with the way of course you can you would of course you can yes so that is also the reality of today much more appropriate And the crazy thing about these beliefs is that they would create lenses through which we see reality and then we have a distortion of perception, yes, and the important thing is to recognize it and I always cancel and change, that is my motto, so to speak frame man steffi

stahl

mann rapping on old shadow child you're on this old show I'm unconscious and then you realize you're just remembering the place where I'm back I see the outside world or my girlfriend through my shadow child eyes and then I switch to the adult self.

That's the great Lukas, who can think clearly, take a deep breath again, make a sign, I can give my opinion, yes, I'm just as tall, we're at eye level and then you can behave different, then you start stimulating things, for example, or you decide, yes, you argue instead of, for example, just closing it and not sealing it, I have to do it alone, that was my second belief, well, how can I do it? change it, then first of all a new formulation, what would be the opposite of I have to do it alone, we can do it together or I can do it myself I live here and trust there, yes, I can seek support at any time, yes, I think others do not they do so well, so many times not always some people, of course, you do it very well, yes, okay, that is another article of faith, there is another government, I have to do it alone, that is many times a belief that can be boycotted from previous relationships and others are not doing so well.

I have to do it alone. I can make sure in the relationship that I don't trust myself, that I don't heal. problems, for example, because I have to do it alone, exactly, and if you don't open up and can retreat and his girlfriend always runs into a wall somewhere and because he has to do it alone, then I say now forget his girlfriend Don't do something offensive, something like that is easy in a relationship and it's often hard to avoid it, so for example she describes a very affectionate text message and somehow she doesn't react, but in the end you react, she doesn't.

Don't respond so lovingly and get a little offended and now you have the belief that I have to do it alone, then there is a high probability that they will close and I will retreat a little inside, maybe just for tonight. but maybe forever, so that the relationship has already cooled to a level that people are very sensitive to. It can easily happen that she somehow internally thinks that she wants to take the stone out of the wall, just as if you were sitting now but I can open up and I can trust, then the door would be open to talk to her about it, let's say today somehow way it offended me, you responded like that and then, now it means something, it somehow triggers a little fear. of loss in me because of her response and then she has the opportunity to say in the positive case just take into account that you didn't mean it at all.

I'm so sorry, I just thought it was cool weed under stress, blah blah blah and all. okay again, it takes a lot of courage to even verbalize something like that, to say that it offended me, so I know very few people say something and say that I actually would have wished a little bit more of a different response, but that's it. and at the end of the communication, also in relation to expressing exactly that, yes, I recently had a client who described exactly that, that was not so good, that's why now I go to the example that they only had one friend and he is totally in love or was it exactly the situation, he answers a not so loving text message and says that he has already noticed inside her how the switch works again and that where it always happens in all relationships the Swiss falls isolation isolation and that it also works and, in In the end, this fear of loss is again very elegant in your balance, which, however, also affects the relationship to a certain extent, so it is not just about three days, but it actually happens in Gronau.

It was also such a small thing but since she had already been with me for a few hours she was able to remember it, she was able to remember the stages and she was able to reflect that otherwise we would have been a process. that would have just happened automatically and then she consciously decided not to do it. I consciously decided to talk to her boyfriend about it and he reacted very lovingly and explained it to her and then I see them getting closer, even closer and not further away, and that was not a great example.

That's what I'll do now. Also in my model, an acoustic isolation strategy, the strategy is that she withdraws and the strategy would be that she does the exact opposite, she opens up and speaks. I think the example shows it once. Once again, how important communication is and that of the other, that the other is yours. You can't always read your needs on your lips, but sometimes you have to formulate them. I don't think people are particularly averse to conflict, that's why people. They want to be able to see everything inside their own head because they are too afraid of having to admit it.

Of course, they are also afraid of taking responsibility for their own needs and this withdrawal; These are also people who fight for the protective strategy. of concord - they do not dare to say what hurt them - they withdraw, but the other person is left with the lost cause. If she had posted this it would have been a problem. If his friend had done that, we were in trouble. lose position. He wouldn't have had the chance to fix things. He wouldn't have had the chance to apologize. I wouldn't have had the chance to explain it. That's why I recommend that we think about it. who strive for harmony and are conflict averse.

Whether the behavior is truly fair or not, wouldn't it be much fairer for a long time to overcome the fear of being left behind to give the other person a chance? So the distance is greater now? value with which you can strengthen your spine How do I want to be treated in the relationship? Yes, the other person isolates themselves and doesn't let you in at all and of course that is an emotional protection strategy and then. I no longer have to feel what that does to me and I walk away and then I surprise myself. Why don't I love that person like that anymore or why do I no longer find the other person so attractive?

It's about what you described so well, Lukas, thank you so much for your openness to Mega, it's also that the other person really gets what you get. This is not the case because your girlfriend will suffer the exact same injury as you. , you won't feel it, it's better to play in July because they will deny you if you don't like her and she comes to your side, that's terribly painful for the other person, that's very interesting, that would actually be something. different for someone to throw away exactly what belongs to us and you have that with all the protection strategies, that's how it is on the internet, for example, people live a lot from devaluation because they want to protect their shadow, the child devalues ​​others and with It devalues ​​all of one's inner pain, that I don't feel small, but the other person is allowed to feel that way because then they feel devalued a little, so the other person has exactly the feeling that you don't want. have, thank you very much if you do.

If you want to know what beliefs you have inside you and if perhaps you want to change them, then you have the opportunity to visit sinnsuche punkt.de. There is the course on your inner child Stefanie Steiner I have developed the online course and that is why I am going to do it Exercises with the shadow child and so that everyone finds that his shadow is comforting. Numbers cannot strengthen adults and can develop your child sun and if you prefer to read books. then it's your bookner, the child inside has to find a home published by the Keller publishing house.

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