SLENDER MAN (2018) - A Hilariously Bad Horror Movie

That's scaring me, what's he doing? is this what we're doing now is this what people find scary it's very black you can't see much yes darkness can be scary if used correctly in most cases it feels like these directors are like this let's make it as much as possible dark as possible and that will scare people. It doesn't even matter how we use the darkness, as long as it's dark, so you won't be able to see anything now that's creepy, who knows what's here. it could be anything there it could be a ghost there it could be a monster there it's the unknown what's scary could appear at any moment oh no what is that?

What's that? Oh man, that's scary. Well, much better. Which really bothers me. the newest Slenderman

movie

, this character has a lot of potential to be very scary. There are real life incidents with this character involved. There's the Waukesha stabbing involving two twelve-year-old girls holding down another girl in the middle of the woods and nearly stabbing her. to death on behalf of Slenderman Anissa Wire reveals to investigators that it was Morgan's idea to kill Payton to prove that they were worthy of summoning Slenderman. The victim of this attack was so terrified by this that she ended up sleeping with a pair of scissors under her pillow, which has caused legitimate terror. and pain for real life people in this world, then along comes Sylvain White and brings us this masterpiece noise.

I remember watching a

movie

called Slenderman, it came out in 2013 and it was so boring that this review is practically word for word. I'm sure Slender Man is only 78 minutes long, but the director somehow makes it feel like 78 years, so when I heard about this movie in early

2018

I thought, "Oh well, we could finally have a decent Slender movie." Man, something that will be." at least a little entertaining and yes we got it somehow, there's a random shot of these shopping carts at the beginning so then we're introduced to these two young women and immediately people think of the stabbing that happened in real life . life with the two girls and you're thinking, oh wow, this is going to get very serious.

These girls are supposed to be best friends, but it seems like they're having their first conversation, like they've just introduced themselves. Twitter pull, you could stay an age forever what would be easy 21 no way would he be 10 no time was he the worst man I say 30 it's like the height of sophistication feels so awkward around each other it doesn't sound natural at all there's this Halley scene family having dinner together oh my god it's boring why is there such a long pause between each line of dialogue this scene feels like it's been going on for an hour these girls have these embarrassing fake laughs hey cow so what's the big secret?

I mean, I can tell. but then I would have to kill you I could tell you but then I would have to kill you if I told you that I would have to kill you you don't have to kill you if I told you that I would have to kill you kill you in that time I tell you but then I would have to kill you if I told you that I was afraid I would have to kill you if I told you I was afraid I would have to kill you well I could tell you I could tell you that the Helpers catch what they don't have to kill you, I can tell you, but I would have to kill you if I told you, I could say Victoria's Secret, but then I would have to kill you .

It's a secret I told you I'm going to tell you two words right now I want you to listen to them very carefully now I want you to take them out of the office with you and incorporate them into your life write them down below, well, if it makes you feel comfortable, it's just two words, most people can't remember them, are you ready, yeah, okay, here, there, do you think I could hang out with you guys? Not tonight, grasshopper, sorry, maybe next time, did you do it? Call her a grasshopper, you want to tell us why she doesn't look like a young Shaolin monk to me, so this group of girls decides to hang out in this dimly lit basement and start talking about porn, so they decide to summon Slender.

Man, through this video they found online, it's basically like a creepypasta thing, it tells them to wait until they hear three bells ringing and then open their eyes and then see all this crazy stuff happen, boom, you just did. summon a Thunderman, those who hear the Three bells ring accept his invitation when you hear the first one you must close your eyes keeping the words unspoken you are serious this is Shh that girl just spoke in the middle of it doesn't negate the whole thing by keeping the unspoken , No? tell them not to say anything or they are very vague rules you know you can open your eyes a little you can say a couple of words but you know try to talk you know be polite so they opened their eyes and they see a tree that looks like Slenderman why are they its bells?

It does not make any sense. I understand the forest because that's where Slenderman goes for some reason, even though you know he's been summoned online, but he likes forests because he's tall and thin. he likes trees because he can hide among them and then there's a subliminal trailer type

horror

message edited with a bunch of flickering images, that's how bad some of them are supposed to be. I feel like they took half of this from the Ring movie, but in this movie there are all these flashing images that are a little random, but in the ring all the images you saw were relevant, they weren't just creepy things flashing in your face , so you'd be scared if I paused this. video at random moments it doesn't make any sense like what is this it's like a triangle with the eye in the middle oh I get it part of the Illuminati skinny man here's one that makes sense with the pregnant belly and the holes in it because Slenderman likes to chase kids, so okay, okay, maybe one will get a pass.

This looks like a bunch of Springs or something. Here's an image you can get on an Urban Outfitters t-shirt. Why is there a Zelda Triforce on top? forest there, Slenderman plays The Legend of Zelda maybe the connection here is that you know, the link starts in the forest, right, and Thunderman likes forests, that's why there are a lot of trees there, so he says, oh, I like The Legend of Zelda and children. he plays The Legend of Zelda uh-huh and he likes children everything is connected, everything is connected as to why his victims are children why he wears a suit why he has no face why there is a video invoking him on the Internet for what does he have tendrils coming down his back what is who is who was he what the hell is he just stop asking questions none of that Borton is fine he's just a creepy monster what do you want an explanation from me God I'm not saying you can't leave anything It depends on the imagination, but some explanation would be nice, since his origins and motives are completely unknown, he preys on innocent young people.

Hi, I'm Jared the subway guy, if this video was just floating around on the internet, a lot of people would have seen it and many. A lot of people would have done exactly the same thing they did, then a lot of people would just randomly disappear and a lot of people would be killed and all these people who had their browser history lost would be linked to this video, don't you think? anyone would want to investigate their computer if they disappeared unless Slenderman erased all their browsing history maybe this is the first group of girls to do what this video tells them to do maybe it was released the other day maybe Slenderman posted it on YouTube Just the other day, like who made this video, there are so many unanswered questions, it's so dumb and then we get our first horrible CGI scene.

She has this nightmare and her face distorts and she gets serious. Oh my gosh, as the movie goes on. it gets more and more ridiculous and it just gets ridiculous then the Katie girl disappears so it's safe to assume that Slenderman has her there are those loud noises that I hate don't get me wrong you can use loud noises as long as they make sense to the scene as long as the loud noise is done appropriately and authentically, something happens in the scene that makes the loud noises not just a loud noise. These girls made their friend disappear out of nowhere and they're still like they're walking down the street. streets alone at night, you would assume they would be afraid and you assumed their parents wouldn't want them to do that, so the girls find a video that Katie posted online the night before she disappeared and in the video it sounds like she was about to be attacked by Slenderman, so does that mean that in the middle of Slenderman's attack she stopped the video and found a way to upload it to the website before he attacked her?

Then there's this scene of Katie's dad showing up at Holly's house all possessed and crazy. Didn't she think to knock first before entering her house? Why did she lose her mind? Was it Slenderman and then he attacks Haley like a crazy person? Does she think Halle has her kidnapped in her basement or something? Because? It once crossed his mind to go to Holly, an attacker's house to get Katie's purse, so Ren talks to this random person on the Internet who tells him that he has to give something to Slenderman in order to get her back. friend and trust in this. random person, so they all go out into the woods in the middle of the night, it's pitch black and they think that by bringing random trash that they think is valuable to them and giving it to Slenderman, it's like sacrificing it in his name, pleasing him and Al.

Doing so will simply give me Katie back. I made this in ceramics class. This is a photo for me and my dad. My grandmother made this. Why would Slenderman be interested in a random photo of you? Your ceramics. A random thing your grandmother sewed. How does this make sense? Do you think he's just sitting behind a tree somewhere like, oh yeah, break that pottery, baby, here, get your friend back, that's all I wanted to see now the world is perfect again, these are the girls dumbest people in the world and on top of that they wear blindfolds like they put them on, they just sit there in the middle of the forest, we have to keep these blindfolds on, so let me get this straight, you three are trusting this person randomly online when they are told to go out into the middle of the woods. forest in the middle of the night and putting blindfolds on you and waiting for this mysterious thing to come out of nowhere and take your trash and give it to your missing friend sounds legit, yeah they'll probably work.

I think you, Slenderman, are the least of your worries, whatever bear comes, I get nowhere and just start smalling on them and eat them, they hear something walking towards them, they think it's Slenderman a about to take his chance and then you sit there in silence, oh, we're fine, he's going to give it. We, Katy, everything is going to be great and all of a sudden this bear just bites Chloe's neck and they're like, "Oh, there's no darkness," this scene is you can't see anything, so they start hearing these bells toll like They did it in the video I saw online, do you hear that?

It's a bit strange, like Slenderman walking around the bell. Oh, I like the cicada thing, even though it's a scary noise. I like that inclusion so Chloe takes off her blindfold and is somehow able to see something in the pitch black woods like she can't even see what's going on how can she and then she starts running to Get out of that forest, girl, then Slenderman decides not to kill Chloe in this scene for some reason, he says oh, will I? just let her live even though it's very easy to kill her right now, she probably could have killed all three of them in the forest.

I'm not sure why I didn't. He's very selective, so he spared Chloe in the forest just to harass her. then facetiming her for seemingly no reason, okay? Why is he Facetiming her from outside her house? I know he is altering her perception, but why is he doing this to scare her? I'm right outside. I'm going to look for you. I go to get you but then he strangles her but she looks in the mirror and he's not there and it turns out she's actually strangling herself, then there's a horrible ADR scream, there's a scene where Holly is dating her boyfriend.

Slenderman alters Holly's perception and makes her boyfriend cringe and it's hilarious. I can't believe this made it into the movie, so Hallie sees Slenderman in the distance and he has these really horrible CGI tentacles. Then there is a scene in the library and the professor comes out and there is a loud noise. It sounds oh it's such a horrible scare, unbelievable when this happens, I don't care at all, I just get angry, it just tells me that the director didn't know any other way to make this scene scary other than trying to trap the viewers. off guard with a loud noise and then the lights go out in the library, but they didn't actually go out.

Slenderman is just altering his perception if this is one of his abilities, why is he using it so badly? Why would she use her in a library when there are other people around wait until she's alone and then alter her perception make her walk somewhere you can catch her God Thunder the man is terrible at his job I can practically listen to rule 34 fanfics being writings while I see this is you I'm going to pee your pants maybe and come so let's go baby she was saved because she trips nearThe teacher, if it is so easy for someone to come out of their illusion, I don't understand why they did it in the library like that.

My God, then there is a horrible shot through a window, it looks terrible. One of the funniest scenes by far is when Hallie has a nightmare near the end of the movie: she's pregnant and then randomly these branches shoot out of her belly and break the glass. How weird oh my god what the hell It was that kind of thing you feel when you give birth. In the end, from under the rings, she enters the wrens' house, completely dark and doesn't turn on the lights for some reason, like the lights clearly still work in the wrens' room, it's like a million drawings. and items stuck all over the wall, how does he do all this without her parents noticing?

They never go into his room so Slenderman can kill these girls whenever he wants, but he just likes to play with them and you know, scare them before he kills them or something, so Hallie finds Rent about to jump out of the window. your room. This house is not that tall. I think she went up like a flight of stairs, so if she jumps, you just break her legs, so Slenderman confronts Ren and infiltrates. house, then these random tree branches grab Ren through the window and drag her outside, but the CGI is some of the worst I've ever seen, but they spare Hallie for some reason, it's not her time yet, so Hallie walks out to the forest towards this. random door because he apparently wants to die, either that or he's not in control of his body, in which case they did a really bad job of portraying that and they're just a really cheap and cliché

horror

movie gimmick that's been done a billion times when a character looks like one.

Somehow there is nothing there and then they look back and then they bully. Wow, something's down there. We've seen this a million times before. It's not scary anymore. We all see these things coming. Kali has accepted her fate and approaches Slenderman and she says, "take me." I don't care anymore, but then she runs away when she grows CGI spider legs, she actually grew CGI spider legs, so she's running away now because she changed her mind because now he's scary, you know, those spider legs are so bad, don't go away, brother. that's creepy, that's creepy, then this tree eats his friend, I'm not kidding, it just eats her, so the thin man controls the trees, the minds of the people on the internet, he can grow spider legs, he has arms tentacles, what else can it do?

Can it sail? It's kind of It's hard to imagine that anyone saw the final product of this movie and said, Hey, that looks good, that's cool. I love it, let's launch. I even want to know the budget of this film. Ten million dollars. Characters may have died or gone missing. their minds but ironically this movie killed Slenderman