Shane Gillis Live In Austin | Stand Up Comedy

human anyway, damn folks, that music across the street, dude, that bothers me, I'm an old man, now turn it down, okay? What is that rap? Turn it off, I have to talk about my sister doing heroin here, this is what she's been doing. I laugh, I've been thinking about the first time, uh, Jesus Christ, I do a lot of

comedy

and every once in a while you can hear music from another room and it's like, damn dude, the music is so much better every time I listen to music. I'm like a guy who crushes what I do, some idiot dressed like Cam Newton, press and play, it's so much better than this, you guys want to hear about my problems, this guy is like taking Molly's finger, someone, I'm going to press play Do you do it?

You're having a lot of fun there, get out of here, go dance, I knew you wanted to dance, that boy wanted to dance all night, it's okay, I like my family, it's a good family, I had to go to my niece's house, huh , seventh and eighth grade. girls volleyball game recently no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, dude, shut up, just relax, I don't want to have kids, but if you ever want to, get out of something that's all you have to do, like if your friend like, do you want to come to our son's basketball game, ask how cool the kids are and then no matter what they say, go fourth, no, I went to these kids. volleyball match, can we finish with toddler volleyball shorts?

It's weird, it's disgusting, man, just get them gym shorts, that's nothing, man, it's disgusting, because then you know it's just me and the other guys in the

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s. eye contact with each other bro are you watching this in such a fun way to just destroy a show right at the end? be like kids aren't attractive, leave it to Trump, kids aren't attractive, no I am, I'm really serious. about gym shorts though it's weird so I came home from a volleyball game my roommate his girlfriend played college volleyball so I'm really excited to like volleyball whenever I can so that I walked in there and thought, "That's what volleyball is." weird culture get them shorts get them gym shorts the shorts they wear are disgusting and she said no we need those shorts for speed on the court and I was like uh I know that's not true I saw the NBA, none of you are moving. as fast as a referee and those guys wear dress pants, dress shoes for some reason she said, no, we need those shorts, tight shorts are essential.

She compared it to a helmet in football. I said, "I know what they are." not essential because I googled the Special Olympics volleyball team, suddenly those shorts weren't so essential for them, what's that about how baggy you think they are? They look like the #1 mixtape out there offensively baggy, that's how I would do it. describe all of her outfits we're all adults we can this we all agree special olympics is good it's a good show it's just great I feel like the guy who came up with it had to be a real risk taker you I know I mean it's crazy first suggest to a guy in a board meeting like he had an idea that we should compete with these, like what would you say?

Uh, the city said the fastest ones say we fixed it, you know? I'm not making fun of the Olympians, the concept is crazy, it's like if your best friend invented the special olympics and told you about it first, you'd say never tell anyone who you're going to tell that to. Are they making dust? I personally volunteered and trained at the Special Olympics for a while so you know what you guys do, no don't clap please, I did it for those kids. I look like this, so I train for the Special Olympics. I was like a double agent, no one knew which side I was on, chaperone player, no one knew I would be there training holding a clipboard with five guys who looked exactly like me.

I always see the other team's coaches looking at me like I do. I think they have it, I think they'll let one of them train, yeah, no, I trained at these special Olympics for a while and it's fun, that's another thing you can talk about, it's happy for everyone, there's sportsmanship, It's fun, isn't it? let someone tell you it's not funny buddy, I was there, everyone laughs, it's funny, I coach basketball, kids would catch the ball, just throw it into the

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s, people would say what were you doing out there, my whole team I ruled everyone, all the guys on my team were they were the funniest they were brothers they are brothers dude my whole team loved two things they love tits they do it I don't know if you know these guys dude they love ladies they love ladies and they love john cena that's it, that was the news every day, we were at the meeting, there were a lot of women here tonight, it was like, they would say what do you think John Cena is doing, oh, you're going to have to get much worse Before you meet him, look, here he is like the angel of death to those guys, I told my boys, I was like you saw him coming, get out of there, he takes souls with him every year, the mermaids would sponsor the our. basketball tournament, so every year Hooters would bring in like three or four waitresses and they would present like a big cardboard check a donation to the special Olympics as soon as the girls walked into the gym, the game completely changed, man, it went from hugs and sportsmanship to like the guys got competitive, very competitive, knocking down rebounds, just making layups and then at the end of the game there was a hug line, you know, between the waitresses and the players, and yeah, that was exactly How do you imagine. us, to break the jaws of life, friend, my boys, my boys are ragged with those young people and I am not going to criticize the players, they were absolutely right, the girls were hot, the waitresses like every year, I I myself sneaked into the line of pigs.

Okay, I think I'm going to get out of here, guys, thank you very much, this is a lot of fun, thank you.