Seth Holds a Surprise Inspection of His Monologue Writers in June 2024

-And you guys, I don't have to tell you. Summer, just around the corner. New York about to experience a brutal heat wave. Everyone is sweaty and exhausted. And that includes my

writers

. You know, they write... They're always a little sweaty and exhausted, but the hotter it gets, obviously, the worse it gets. You know, they write hundreds of jokes every day just to get the 10 or 12 that we use in the

monologue

. And honestly, a lot of those jokes just aren't good. Sometimes... Sometimes I think they add some stinkers on purpose just to fill the page and get the job done.

But just because it's oppressively hot doesn't mean we can tolerate laziness. Which means it's time for another

surprise

inspection

. So, that's how this works. I'm going to read some real jokes, actually submitted by my

writers

, that don't work for the show. The program that pays them to write useful jokes. Some are stupid. Some are offensive. Some are just crazy. The most important thing is that the writers don't know we're doing this. And since many of them don't watch the show, they'll never know. Then let's get started. According to a new poll, former President Trump leads President Biden by double digits in Iowa because he paid a corn star.

So in that case, a professional comedy writer was sitting at his computer, realized that corn rhymed with pornography, and said... "I'm like Oppenheimer for jokes." Tyson Foods announced last week that it suspended Chief Financial Officer John R. Tyson after he was charged with driving under the influence. Worse still, he tried to get away by showing a paw to the officer. Bryan wrote that joke. That's Bryan. He seems like exactly the guy who would write that joke. Actually, that's not Bryan. We told AI, "Take a picture of a guy you thought wrote that joke," and he looked exactly like Bryan.

Last night the 50 Best Restaurants in the World awards ceremony was held, and a restaurant in Barcelona received the top award. Or should I say "maximum value"? Ally wrote that joke, and in the end, it's not really a joke about the news. It's just a joke about the way Barcelona pronounces words. A British woman was arrested yesterday after she allegedly threw a milkshake at British politician Nigel Farage. So I guess her shake brought all the boys to Scotland Yard. And Matt is going to jail for a joke. Great Matt. Today was the day to take your cat to work.

Okay, but that didn't work out very well for Roy. I regret to inform you that we are now in the Scollins area. Mike Scolins. Remember that face. Mike Scollins writes the ones that make you the saddest. A museum recently opened in Arizona displaying the world's largest collection of fossilized excrement. Or if you really want to see crap, visit the Louvre. Alright. Remember that. According to a new study, women have better cognitive functioning while menstruating. Now before we continue, I want you to know that he wrote this. We have established who he is. You all know who he is.

Do you want me to move on? Can you all sign a legal document? According to a new study, women have better cognitive functioning while menstruating. So if a guy asks you if you're on your period, he accepts the compliment! That's how he walks into my office. He says, "I did it again." Netflix announced yesterday that it will livestream a competitive eating event titled "Unfinished Beef," not to be confused with its new dating show, "Porkin' Around." Goldich. A sugar substitute used in sugar-free gum has been linked to an increased risk of heart attack, according to a new study. "Who's the idiot now?" said the fifth dentist.

That last one is a Scollins joke, so... if you want to leave now, you can. And finally, McDonald's is offering a new McFlurry flavor inspired by grandmas. "It's close," said Grandpa. OMG, he wrote a shock! Ha ha, there it is! That's my Boy! I love it! I love it! This has been a

surprise

inspection

. -We'll be right back with Eddie Murphy, everyone.