Sean Spicer Press Conference (Melissa McCarthy) - SNL

NEXT ON C-SPAN, THE DAILY WHITE HOUSE PRESS CONFERENCE WITH PRESS SECRETARY SEAN SPICER. STAY UP! SETTLE! SETTLE! BEFORE WE BEGIN, I KNOW THAT THE PRESS AND I HAVE A ROUGH START. ALL GOOD, ALL GOOD, ALL GOOD, ALL GOOD. IN A SENSE, WHEN I SAY ROCKY BEGINNING, I MEAN IT IN THE SENSE OF "ROCKY" THE MOVIE. BECAUSE I CAME OUT HERE TO HIT YOU! IN THE FACE! AND I ALSO DON'T SPEAK THAT WELL. So I would like to start today by apologizing on my behalf. BECAUSE OF HOW HE TREATED ME IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS. AND THAT APOLOGY IS NOT ACCEPTED.

BECAUSE I'M NOT HERE TO BE YOUR FRIEND, I'M HERE TO SWALLOW GUM, I'M HERE TO TAKE NAMES. OKAY, NOW LET ME WAIVE SOMETHING SHINY IN FRONT OF YOU MONKEYS! I WILL RETURN TO YOU. AS YOU KNOW, PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCED HIS PICK OF HIM TO THE SUPREME COURT ON NATIONAL TV TODAY. WHEN HE ENTERED THE ROOM, THE CROWD GREETED HIM WITH A STANDING OVATION. WHICH LASTED A FULL 15 MINUTES. YOU CAN SEE THE TAPE. EVERYONE WAS SMILING. EVERYONE WAS HAPPY. ALL THE MEN HAD ERECTIONS. AND EACH OF THE WOMEN WAS OVULATING LEFT AND RIGHT. AND NO ONE, NO ONE WAS SAD.

THOSE ARE THE FACTS FOREVER AND THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE. WE HAVE SOMETHING X, THREE, FOUR, CAPITAL P, CAPITAL T, EIGHT, FOUR. NO, THAT'S MY EMAIL PASSWORD, FORGET IT. STOP WRITING THAT! NOW. PRESIDENT'S TIME FOR TODAY, 3:45, THE PRESIDENT WILL PRESENT A NEW SCREENING OF "FINDING DORY." WELL? THE STORY OF A FORGOTTEN FISH, okay? EVERYONE LIKES THAT. THEN AT 6:00 P.M. HE IS GOING TO ABOLISH THE NATIONAL PARK SYSTEM. BUT "DORY"! GOOD MATERIAL. SO IF NOBODY HAS ANY QUESTIONS - WELL, A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS. GO. GLEN FLUSH, "NEW YORK TIMES", BOO! FORWARD. YES, I WANTED TO ASK ABOUT THE TRAVEL BAN ON MUSLIMS.

IT IS NOT A PROHIBITION. I'M SORRY? IT IS NOT A PROHIBITION. THE TRAVEL BAN IS NOT A BAN, WHICH MAKES IT NOT A BAN. YOU JUST CALL IT A PROHIBITION. BECAUSE I'M USING YOUR WORDS. YOU SAID BAN. YOU SAID BAN, NOW I'M SAYING -- THE PRESIDENT Tweeted, AND I QUOTE, "IF THE BAN WAS ANNOUNCED WITH A WEEK'S NOTICE -- YES, EXACTLY, YOU JUST SAID THAT. YOU'RE QUOTING HIM. THEY'RE YOURS WORDS. HE'S USING YOUR WORDS WHEN YOU USED THE WORDS AND HE USES THEM BACK, IT'S A CIRCULAR USE OF THE WORD AND THAT'S ON YOU WHAT? SERIOUSLY GLEN, YOU'RE GOING TO START WITH ME FROM THE.

SAME? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE MY NUTS OUT SO YOU CAN KICK THEM BETTER? YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I WOULD ASK THAT QUESTION - SIT DOWN, GLEN, JUST SHOW YOUR HANDS. GO. YES, I WOULD LIKE TO ASK ABOUT STEVE BANNON'S ROLE ON THE NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL. WELL, THAT'S A STUPID QUESTION, SIT DOWN, GLEN I KNOW, I'M JUST SAYING "GLEN" AS IN A GENERAL GLEN. .IT'S YOUR WORD, IT'S YOUR WORD. NEXT. YES, I'M WORRIED ABOUT STEVE BANNON TOO, MANY PEOPLE SAY HE'S THE ONE BEHIND THIS MUSLIM BAN. YES, VERY GOOD, YOU STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

DO YOU NEED SOME ACCESSORIES? MY WORD IS TOO BIG, DO I HAVE TO SHOW THEM IN PHOTOS? GREAT, HERE WE GO. WHEN IT COMES TO DECISIONS THE CONSTITUTION GIVES A LOT OF POWER TO OUR PRESIDENT. AND STEVE BANNON IS THE KEY ADVISOR. WELL? AND OUR PRESIDENT WILL NOT BE DETERRED. IN THEIR FIGHT AGAINST THE RADICAL MOOSE-LAMBS. NOW DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS? YES, "WALL STREET JOURNAL." ARE YOU OK? TAKE IT, TAKE IT, TAKE IT, TAKE IT! YOU CAN'T COME TO ME LIKE THIS, I'LL PUT YOU IN THE CORNER WITH CNN! WE ARE NOT FAKE NEWS!

DO YOU LIKE THAT, DO YOU LIKE IT, DORK? Do you like that, idiot? Calm down, okay? OBVIOUSLY I'VE RECEIVED A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT BETSY DeVOS, OK? NOMINEE FOR SECRETARY OF EDUCATION. So today we have her here to answer some simple questions, which I'm sure she's capable of doing. BETSY! HELLO. THANKS, YES. YEAH. THE MAN? HELLO. I DON'T THINK WE'LL EVER HAVE A CLEAR ANSWER ON THIS. HOW IS GROWTH VALUED AGAINST COMPETITION WHEN MEASURING STUDENT PROGRESS? YES, WELL, I - I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SCHOOL. BUT I THINK... I THINK THERE SHOULD BE A SCHOOL. PROBABLY JESUS ​​SCHOOL.

AND I THINK IT SHOULD HAVE WALLS, CEILING AND GUN FOR GRIZZLY POTENTIAL - THANK YOU. IT'S ENOUGH FOR NOW. THANK YOU. I WILL ACCEPT ONE LAST QUESTION. YES, I'LL TAKE THIS LOSER. I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THE STATEMENT THE WHITE HOUSE RELEASED ON HOLOCAUST REMEMBRANCE DAY. DO YOU THINK IT WAS ANTI-SEMITE TO EVEN MENTION THE JEWISH PEOPLE IN THIS STATEMENT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS SOAP AND WATER AND I'M WASHING THAT DIRTY LIE MOUTH! FIRST OF ALL, HOW COULD A STATEMENT BE ANTI-SEMITE? THE GUY WHO WROTE IT WAS SUPER JEWISH. WELL?

AND THE FACT IS THAT MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE SUFFERED IN THE HOLOCAUST, IT WAS NOT JUST THE JEWS. THEY WERE ALSO THE GYPSIES, THE LESBIES AND THESE OTHER GUYS. THOSE ARE YOUR WORDS. HIS WORDS! IS ENOUGH FOR TODAY. SPICY HAS TO SAY GOODBYE RIGHT NOW, HE NEEDS A BIG NAP. WAKE ME UP EXACTLY ONE MINUTE BEFORE TOMORROW'S PRESS CONFERENCE. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! YES, THAT ALREADY HAPPENED.