Schwarzenegger Games (NES) - Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

Most enemies are on the ground. You can get a gun. It's immediately at the beginning of the

game

, but it's easy to miss because it's high up in a tree. It is called "McGun" or "M.C. Gun", like M.C. Hammer, but this is M.C. Gun. Do you want to hear some nonsense? When you finish the level, the weapon is gone, so you can't keep it from one stage to the next. Once you have the weapon, you better not make a fist or you'll hit again. Of course, the

game

has to be as unpleasant as possible, putting these fists in areas that are difficult to navigate.

Oh, no, no, no, no, NO! Good. Grenades are the type of weapon you DON'T want to get, but they are necessary to get through obstructed paths. If you don't time these explosions perfectly, you'll end up building your own death trap. Look, I just created a hole. If I fall there, I die. But I need to get rid of that last piece so I can move forward. What makes this harder is that you can't be near a grenade when it explodes because it hurts you. Let's go, let's go, let's go! Go Go...! NO!! This game is shit!

Duck pussy stinks! You fucking pile of poop-eating shit! These stages are designed without rhyme or reason. Doesn't it look like I can get in through this door? Well, I can't. This house is just part of the background. You can never know what is the background and what is not. Right here I can fall on the grass just because it's a darker green. Couldn't they just make it black like the background so it really looks like a hole? There is no clear indication of what can be stepped on and what cannot. We have to get away from the grenade!

Shit! I didn't know it would happen on this platform! Are you kidding me! Can you fall through walls? It's like you could fall down the stairs in your own house. Look, the bird got stuck. This game is so complicated that even enemies can't play it. The designs of these stages do not make sense. There is a laser gun. I can't reach it because there are stones around it. So I need the grenade first. But the grenade is near the last door. So why would I go back to get a gun if I'll lose it after I walk through the door anyway?

Come on, damn grenades! All you can do is keep throwing them and hope they stick to the rocks. Come on, come on, come on, you piece of shit! (sighs) Finally! You got to be kidding. Suddenly it seems like I'm playing a completely different game. Arnold is much bigger now. And would you believe they call this section of the game "Big Mode"? What a creative. Are you wearing green now? Oh, maybe because the pink wouldn't stand out as much against the purple background? As if this game suddenly had standards. Be careful with the bubbles. How could bubbles kill you?

Maybe when you're so masculine, little sissy things like bubbles become your kryptonite. And guess what? You cannot pause during Large Mode. If you were able to pause the rest of the game, why not now? Did a completely different person program this part? Why do there need to be platforms when you can jump to the top of the screen? Why do you always move even when you're crouched? Why do you shoot little Atari balls? You can upgrade the weapon with these power-ups that appear when you shoot things. But they are difficult to get because they work well and once they leave the screen, they cease to exist.

This will force you to wait for the projectiles to get as close as possible so that the power-ups don't appear completely to the right of the screen and you end up missing them. Why are they going well? Everything else goes to the left! At the end of Large Mode, you fight a predator and then the game returns to normal. Every five levels or so, you'll have to play another Large Mode, each with a different colored background. Hurrah. Jumping blocks is always fun. Every muscle in your body tenses when you jump. Ngh! Ah! Hmm! I don't want to overdo it.

I don't want to overdo it. I'm just trying to be careful... Aaagh! Oh no! Do I have to bomb *all* this shit? And avoid projectiles at the same time? This is some intense shit. Come on. We almost arrive! We almost arrive...! Come on! Shit! Ok, let's go. Let's go, let's go, let's go! Oops. Did I press Home? I pressed Start...! I have to go back to the beginning! RAAAAAAGGH!!! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK...! SHIT...! SHIT...!! DAAAAAMN...!! AAAA!! YOUR MOTHER!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKK...!!! That's all. I'm seeing red. I'm going to beat this bastard *right now*! Oh my god, I'm so fucking

angry

he could cut a baby's throat with a chainsaw right now!

I could kick a baby pony! Get out of my way, I'm going to screw you! Damn game, I'm going to kill it! Rrrgh! Your mother, your father, your uncle, your uncle! Arrrr!! Yeah! Yes, I'm at the final boss! And... and it's a... big predator head that looks like Casey Jones from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Come on, fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fuck! Shit...! MMM! Shoot that bastard, come on! If he stops shooting that shit at me, I'm going to kill you! I am going to kill you! Look, I'm not playing. I'm not FUCKING HERE! Grrr! I'M NOT... FUCKING!! Oh, I already took off my mask! *Now* it's serious!

Now it's fucking... Ngh...! Damn time to fuck! Oh my god, I have to win before I have a heart attack! I did it! I did it, I won! I beat Predator! Oh man! Oh boy! "Congratulations. You survived." ...Barely! *throws controller to the ground*