Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G) Class Day | Harvard Commencement 2004

I'm John Paul Fox, a Mather house class marshal and I'm Zach Corker, also a Great Mather house class marshal and we're here to introduce you to the

2004

Class Day guest speaker, our beloved President Larry Summers, defines the chord mission. of Harvard University as the advancement of new ideas in the promotion of knowledge and all students of Harvard College have embraced this mission every day, every hour, every minute for the past four years, as we consider the choice of the guest speaker of This year, the senior class committee sought above all to find an individual who would quench our thirst for knowledge, quench our intellectual appetite, and send us out into the world with a greater understanding of why we are here.

An individual with such ability is rare. However, I am happy to announce to you that we have found you mr. Ali G has dedicated his life to the pursuit of knowledge and truth as an interviewer. His ability to ask tough questions has put him on the same level as IDI Bradley Diane Sawyer and the highly esteemed Arsenio Hall. He has illuminated our world with his interviews of American political figures such as Newt Gingrich Ralph Nader and dick thornburgh he has also discovered how David David Beckham likes to bend in all seriousness, yet this is the man who put the most Boutros in Boutros Boutros boutros- ghali throughout mr.

G has embodied an intellectual curiosity and tenacious pursuit of Veritas that should serve as a model for us all and now, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen of the Class of

2004

, we present to you the show's presenter and West Staines frontman Ali G. Massiv we introduce you to our main man, Mr. Ali G Iza is now a professor not booyakasha G on the outside, a big shout out to massive Harvard, as it was done with a capital H because Harvard is a place in it, you see, no I'm not ignorant, things are apples and oranges, don't start. capitalized unless they start with a sentence, but a few brain boxes are probably already in it.

My name is Ali G and I represent the United Kingdom. Okay, wherever, for those of you who didn't study geography, the UK is a place with over a hundred. Miles away from me, the proper capital is any one now, not your geography square, yes, it's Liverpool, smart and quite a flyer, if you don't mind me telling you first, I have to say that, as I'm a little nervous talking to so many of you, at least I would. It would be if I wasn't totally destroyed. Normally the only public speaking we do is in front of 12 people and it's very easy when we have to say my name in the words "not guilty." Check it.

I agreed to speak here today because we wanted to talk. to the brightest minds of our generation to see what makes Harvard so special and also because they agreed to pay for my flyover into a hotel room. I hate to mention this now, but when you're told that your hotel bill will be paid for you, you naturally assume that includes essential extras like breakfast and special interest pay-per-view movies, imagine my surprise when this morning I was given a bill for four hundred and sixty and four dollars. I was actually trying to save Harvard money in less than 24 hours. packages at $19 $99 99 young and tight back to a thief really back to a thief free campus confessions Asian fever shaving bar cut twice cold mountain that was a mistake backdoor thief for about four hundred and ninety dollars I mean, get out of there for a bit.

There was even an investigation for this, I'm sure one of the Ivy League cheerleaders was wearing a Harvard sweatshirt, actually, low respect, honey. I guess you need a cushion to sit on. She is an artist anyway, I understand that it is a great honor to be one. I cry today to think that so many excellent people have been educated there, like Lyndon Baines Johnson, since none of them were lost, JFK, also President George Clinton was there by mistake and also the one before him, you know, and William Tell is probably one of yours. and a guy with his hat, but the most important thing is that it really suits me from Star Wars, if you're out there in the middle of love until Natalie Mia is staying at the Best Western hotel, he has a really nice room, although since This morning they have Massport parental controls on the TV. like Miss Sandy today, looking at just you on your first day of college, I think I think the food, the things are enough for you, experience of wisdom, but most important of all, 22 ounces of the best Moroccan chronicle, Well, to be honest, X Lacs works.

To be honest, I usually go at 11:00 in the morning, but there is nothing. In fact, we'd appreciate it if one of the medical students said he wouldn't mind taking a look, don't worry, he's clean as a whistle, you could eat your In fact, Julie has lunch. I know you don't want that kind of thing. Do you respect Amy? You are now the smartest emergency student in America. Some of you are probably Boolean accounting, you know? 1 2 3 4 I could go on Easy, others of you will be bullies in English. I have memorized the entire alphabet twice and can even spell words like Potamus.

Credible is also very intelligent. I was so smart that we finished my education 6 years earlier than any of you at that age. out of 15 even the professors admitted that there was nothing more they could teach me you students, you who come here from all corners of the USA from the rainforests of Arizona to the deserts of Alaska, some of you probably never before have seen a black man. Hi, there are all kinds of people here and it's great to see that Alfred is finally letting so many women out there. Many of you are probably feminists. or as we call them in England lasers I agree with you relationships should be brought into the 20th century you women shouldn't have to cook and clean when you get home from work, you should do it before you leave.

In the morning, you women too should only have to do household chores. It's fair that his mom does the other things frequently, but the most important thing is that he is evil. You know that young women and men learn so many incredible topics that some of you will hear. I have been studying medicine, that knowledge comes with many responsibilities, remember that doctors are very powerful people, you can make people laugh, you can cure diseases and you can ask to see a woman without being slapped. For those of you who study history, you probably learn enough about the presidents like who Jefferson was and what Lincoln gave to America, other than the limousine, some of you are the best law students in the country, you would know without even having to think about it, how to get someone off a possession charge and if any of them then make room 204 Great Western Best Western there just do me a favor put your ear to the door and don't come in if you hear me scream Natalie player for me lightsaber was good using the app brought your grandparents here we go talk about food finances, recognize that it has fallen on you in recent years.

Now it costs thirty-eight thousand dollars a year to go to Harvard. I don't know how everyone earned it except you and you earn every penny. but most of you received that money from your parents, oh you farmers made some decisions with that money. They could have bought a high-end Lexus, but instead they chose to invest in their children's future, are they mentally? If you have other Neobux children, don't make the same mistake again. Do you realize how many honeys you can get with four legs? Hello, sweetie, my son has half the green. What kids or a beloved bass do you want to see?

DVD playing in the back Yo, oh, what's that ostrich lever? It's not inappropriate, it's not inappropriate, that was at play. One man, the students gave it to their parents. Tell me about them. Respect them. Very good. Very good. Relax. Let's talk about the future. your future many of you are probably worried about employment unfortunately most of you will end up getting a job especially now that you have the burden of a degree you are the elite you will be the captains of industry of tomorrow sitting in front of me you will probably be next , Bill Gates, Donald Trump and even Ronald McDonald, and even if you can't be Ronald himself, most of you are probably McDonald's team leader material, by the way, if any of you ever do business with Sir Ronald, advice not to do it.

I mentioned the size of his feet, he is very sensitive about it, we did it, we really met him and he said that, although it seems like he is always smiling, there is sadness in his eyes because they pay all the money in the world . I still can't do anything, maybe that's something some of you MIT nerds can think about. They will become powerful people, they can change the future and they need it because the world right now is totally blank, blank, blank, you know? the word that I have been told is not allowed to say you know you know you know the rough world you definitely know with the old team anyway you have to think about the problems of the world because you have to solve them In it, look at the environment in a hundred years, no there will be more rainforests, the ice caps will have melted, actually that's a hundred years from now, so there won't be anywhere near them, so don't worry about that, but there are others. things look at the state of the family nowadays girls are having sex at younger ages there is an increase in the number of absent fathers and more and more people are having affairs but we shouldn't just focus on the good things believing in something is easy do something about it difficult actions speak louder than birds we who have great potential to become great Americans and remember that the United States is the largest country in the world, apart from Jamaica and Holland, oh yes, and Thailand, because you have water girls that you know and probably a few others, but you are definitely in the top twenty, you are the future, you have the opportunity to change the world, to really improve people's lives, to change, to change the lives of the poor, or they could go to Wall Street and make millions, get a chinchilla with a plasma screen.

It covers a series of meaningless relationships with gold-digging women who do things and come back for jewels. Don't waste the opportunity God has given you. I'll see you on Wall Street. Let's finish this now because we can feel something moving below. I really regret taking your grandparents now, so what can I take away from this time at Harvard's new friends? Different ways of thinking about the world and as many laptops as we can get. Davis managed to get Nick out of your dorms while you were sitting there. Hear me walk, but I also have ideals like those of the great civil rights leader Martin Luther Vandross.

I have a dream of black girls and white girls playing with each other, let's make it happen, by the way, Kofi Annan's speech is so-so. So tomorrow Amy will have to create completely new material. I look and see thousands of people with different hopes, but it is important to never forget where you come from, because black, white, brown or Pakistani, we all come from the same place. punani unemployed, big, Princeton, keep it real with that, not me driving well, well, we're all here, it's my pleasure, I guess he said it all, you really didn't have anything else, well, it's my pleasure to introduce you to Vinita Liao, from Cabin House Marshal. from cavitus it is my pleasure to announce that you need to bring a new class module from the Dunster house much love to the girls of appspot well, we have a little gift for Ally Jay.

I have the senior class waiting for me to return. our acceptance, but one of yours returned it right now or else on behalf of the senior class, I appreciate you coming to your class on the day of the little speaker photo of all of us, uh, I see, I won't give it to you? to the police officer to return it to him and I think it is now very appropriate, yes, to initiate you into the class of 2004. We would like you to join us as we toast you with our first class marshal's shotgun, yes, and I did not do it.

Greet users well about your possible strategy for later.