Rethink Retirement - well-being beyond your bank account | Clare Davenport | TEDxBYU

Transcriber: Annet Johnson Reviewer: gaith Takrity Have you ever dreamed of retiring? What is

your

retirement

dream? Is it pure happiness and relaxation? Can you almost feel that warm wind? Try those umbrella-shaped fruity drinks? Lounging by the pool, playing endless games of golf, walking on the beach? I've always loved vacations, haven't you? So I think we're going to love this constant vacation space when we're retired too, right? In fact, it reminds me of a couple I know. Let's call them "Jeff and Jenny." They have been dreaming of

retirement

for years. Jeff had worked at the same company for over 30 years.

He knew everyone. He was the life of the place. And Jenny had often worked two jobs so they had enough. Finally they did it. They moved to sunny Florida, of course. But something strange started to happen. Jeff seemed lost, alone. They began to nibble at each other. They began to fight. And Jenny, although she was starting to build a community, she didn't really like golf. She had never been so sporty. She missed her old book club. She missed her best friends, her children, and her future grandchild. What's going on? Hadn't they done everything right? They had moved to sunny Florida.

They had worked with a smart financial advisor. They had saved enough. I ask you if this is

your

dream vision for retirement. They see it in advertisements. Why are so many people dissatisfied at this age? Why does depression increase by 40%? Why are substance abuse and divorce rates increasing? Why is everyone alone? And people's self-esteem is low? Surely we can do better than this. Look, I've spent many years consulting, training, and researching the ideas, tools, and frameworks that best support us in times of transition, like retirement. Look, I'm not here to tell you whether or not you should retire, because maybe you should or maybe you shouldn't.

It's up to you to design and discover. But I do want to share with you what I know about these life changes, these earthquakes and life disruptors so that we don't end up in a situation like Jeff and Jenny. Look, we know that transitions are a regular part of life. They can be difficult and triumphant. They can be predictable and unpredictable because life often does not follow a straight line. But my research and that of others shows us that if we direct our intention and attention to them, we can improve our

well

-

being

. And we can also improve our

well

-

being

during retirement.

I like to think of it as an ROI, a return on investment. But this time for our well-being. Think of it as the “ROI” beyond our

bank

account

, a portfolio of investments in human flourishing, your flourishing in retirement. Where "R" is where we

rethink

our current definition of retirement. “O” is where we optimize well-being in retirement. And “I” is where we ignite our path forward. So "ROI", let's reframe, optimize and ignite your retirement. Let's start with "R": reframe. Let's rephrase your current definition of retirement. Look, even the word retirement gives me chills. I don't really like that word very much.

And when I look up the word "retire" in a thesaurus, I see the strangest words: retire, delete, leave, my personal favorite, "go to bed." And while I get it: sometimes it's very, very tempting to go to bed, it implies that we are fading from life when, in fact, these years may be some of our best years, some of our most flourishing years. So how did it start? Well, historically we never abruptly retired. We move smoothly from one stage to another in life. And then it's rumored that this gentleman... I think it's a little scary, in fact, the German chancellor, Otto Van Bismarck, in 1889, created this idea, this invention of retirement when he established disability insurance for the elderly. 70 years old.

The idea was radical. But other countries followed his example, setting the retirement age between 65 and 70 years. But what was interesting about this period in 1889 was that life expectancy was less than 44 years. A far cry from our current 80 years. To be clear, this definition or invention of retirement is over 100 years old and we have nearly doubled our life expectancy. So can't we all agree that we need to

rethink

, rethink, redesign... our definition of retirement? Next, let's do an "O" of the ROI, let's optimize. Let's optimize our well-being during retirement. And it is here where we can learn from great science and research.

Edward Jones asked more than 9,000 retirees: "What gives you satisfaction when you retire?" His answers: be authentic, spend time with those you care about and love, do interesting things, things that help you grow, and be generous, give back. Curiously, money was at the bottom of the list. And look, we know that money can give us freedom and flexibility. But research consistently shows us that above a basic level, money is not the secret ingredient to happiness in life or in retirement. It's also interesting to examine the disconnect between what retirees think: connection, contribution, community, and early retirees, who are more or less their

bank

account

s and this vacation view of retirement.

And when we look at this vacation view of retirement, we discover that over time it becomes the norm and begins to lack the joy it once had. That's probably why Berkeley researchers found that we experience a surge of well-being when we first retire and then, a year or two later, a pretty steep decline. Behavioral economists might call it hedonic adaptation, in which one more drink and one more game of golf simply lose their luster. We can also look to the world of positive psychology as we continue to optimize. We can examine the science of what makes for a good life, a happy life, a better-than-good life.

And it is known by the acronym PERMAV. I like to think of it as my wellness manual, where “P” is positive emotion, feeling good, hopeful, inspired, and loving. It's like a micro moment of joy: a good laugh, a good meal. "E" is commitment. Have interests in searches that fully captivate us and distance us: that help us grow, our relationships, have loving and authentic relationships with others, with groups, with communities. “M” is meaning, that sense of purpose, something beyond ourselves. “A” is achievement, having positive progress in life. And “V” is vitality, investing in our bodies, in our minds, because they both matter and work together.

Look, these elements together constitute our well-being. They matter, they work together, and we have to pay attention and intention to them because they can change. Therefore, during retirement, it is very important to focus on these. We can also learn from the blue zones of the world, those zones where people fully embrace the PERMAV elements. They live prosperous lives and live 10 to 15 years longer than most of us. The word retirement doesn't even exist. Take Mary, for example. She is amazing. She is 101 years old and has her own garden. She walks more than a mile a day, she volunteers five days a week and spends a lot of time with her great friends and her six great-grandchildren.

She is thriving. She is optimizing her retirement years. Next, “I” of ROI. Let's light our way forward. Let's take action. Let's explore ideas. Let's sneak into the future. We know that life is not a fixed destination but rather a continuous design project. There is no better option for us. There are many great options for us in retirement. We also know how to break down our ideas and our actions. We break them down into small details so we feel comfortable taking action. We have a conversation, we explore an idea, we learn something new, but in a safe way.

So we took some measures. We tweak and edit and take a little more action as we go. In closing, I invite you all to have a conversation about your retirement. But maybe this time it will be a little different. It is never too early or too late. Let's create a retirement canvas filled with colors and textures of well-being and ignited by our limitless designs and imagination, just like Jeff and Jenny did. They returned from Florida. Sometimes they still go on vacation there. They bought a smaller condo, two doors down from their best friend. Jeff decided to go back to work part-time and takes improv classes twice a week.

And Jenny, she's enrolled in a master's degree in English and still loves her lifelong book club. They are prioritizing their friends, their family and their new grandchild. They are thriving. And what do you tell me about yourself? Let's start generating a return on investment in your retirement chapter. Let's start with “R”, abstain. What does retirement mean to you now? And what beliefs no longer serve you? “Or”, optimize. Who and what will you prioritize and how will you utilize your many, many strengths and abilities? And how does this compare to those you care for? And “I”, turn on.

What is one small step you could take today to better understand your “retirement law,” knowing that the best may be yet to come? Thank you. (Applause)