Quarantine Stereotypes

Alright, guys. Good call. See you next week. (SCREAMS) Hey, honey, can I have like five minutes? Hey? The kids are a little excessive right now. I'm not that worried about that. Honestly, it's not that crucial. It's a room, guys. Did you know? Can everyone give me a minute? I just have to get out. What were you saying? Come on, Bill. Do you need to prune the hedges now? Maybe we should watch a show. Duh. Hey, didn't you wear that yesterday? (MANIC TONE) I can't wait to see another championship replay. Who do you think is going to win?

I know, Alabama. The entire Harry Potter series is even better upside down. It would be crazy if a wife fed her husband to a tiger, right? Yeah, that would be really crazy. Like... I mean, you would never do that. (DESTINATELY) No. Right? Good. Okay, you didn't say anything, so I said... Starting the healing process. Honey, I'm home. Start the three-day countdown for these foods. I always knew I was a LEGO guy. You have to try the ribs. They take up like half your day. The two greatest whips that ever lived, Indiana Jones and the soon to be me.

Who knew working on engines was so much fun? (SCREAMS) Ha! Have you heard about that, Bill? No one cared who I was until I put on the mask. This one is pretty good. I just forgot to make holes for the eyes. He was attacked by birds in the parking lot. The best so far, but not super breathable. Who knew a pot lid would work? I did not think on that. Hey man. You can leave it right there. Good to see you. If you too. Enjoy the day. I just deleted this an hour ago. I'm going to eat very healthy.

When this is over, my friends won't even recognize me. It's not like this is going to last a month, so this is just a quick detour. (SCREAMS) Mom, DoorDash says my Blizzard is here. They're at the door right now. Hey, I want pizza. Oh, this is a cookie. Here you have. No, that's mine. I don't share it. Everyone thinks it's China. But you know who's been really quiet about all of this? Canada. Think about it. This is a problem with 5G cell towers. You know, everyone blames the bats. But I'm not sure it's not just kale chips and almond butter.

I'm still going strong, it's not from this planet. (FROM ANOTHER ROOM) Honey, we need you. My team too. Love at night. Alright, guys. Where do we fall? The gym is closed, but this one is not. (SCREAMS) Dig, dig, come on. Your mom is weak. Your mom is watching Netflix right now. (BULLING) Come on. Arm circles, Lucy. Arm circles. Lucy, listen to your sister. Arm circles. John. Adam. Good to see you, friend. You too. How is the family? Better than ever. Awesome. Hey, enjoy it. Stay safe out there. If you too. Expecto patronum. Expecto patronum. How is your mother?

Excellent. She is fine. Adam, how you doing man? I'm fine, Juan. How are you? Excellent. Good to see you. If you too. Yes, it's time. (BELOW) Oh, I didn't know I had a mole there. Oh, wow. What is photosynthesis? So, um, photosynthesis... Plants. Photosynthesis, just to explain it quickly and easily, is the process by which green plants and some other organisms use sunlight to synthesize food from carbon dioxide and water. So... --next question. Package delivery. Do you want me to bring it? Yes that would be great. Have a good one, Codes. Ty? I could barely recognize you.

Was it the mask? Well, no. Very good TP tower you have there. (STUTTERING) They were gifts. You're not one of those hoarder families, are you? Oh, us? No we will not. The box was quite light. What was in this one? Those are light bulbs. Light bulbs? Light bulbs. Not toilet paper, right? No. Why don't I open it? No, it is not necessary to check it. Honestly, it's not hard work for me. Can you please not do it? Ty. So if I take this box and turn it upside down, there will be broken glass everywhere. (ON DEFENSIVE) Okay.

Hey, how are those home workouts going? You're talking to me? No, the other fat guy behind you. There's no other-- (SCREAMS) Let's see if this spaceship can fly. This is the only thing that kept me from going crazy. What do you have here? Do not touch it. Oh my God. That was a limited edition. Did you know? I think I broke your paint right here. He knows where I live now. I hate this place! I'll give you a box of donuts to stop you. Oh, come on! I will never recover financially from this. (SINGING) I'm a savage.

Classy, ​​spark plug, ratchet. Man, I got it right. Son, would you help me put this on the new Tic Tac app? Yes absolutely. (SCREAMS) No. Wow, that was really a ratchet. Walk through neighborhood number 14. Killing our daily step total. I had never seen Buzzcut here before

quarantine

. (NERVOUS) Oh, yeah, hey, ooh. Get on this side, get on this side. Distance, please. We have a baby. Say, hey, we should meet up when this is all over. Yes, well, yes, later, sure, sure. Get it, get it, get it. Come on. Okay, get it. You fans. We already sprayed our eggs.

See a dog, post a dog. Have you ever seen a dog? I know I'm a normal guy, but I would like to nominate Leonardo DiCaprio, Post Malone and come on Oprah. See a rock, sit on a rock. (TO HIMSELF) That's a little silly. I may not post that. This is going to be very fun. I can't believe we just did that. Do not look at me. Yuck. (IMITATING WIFE) Oh, I think it's a good time to have a dog. If I'm sure. Ho ho ho ho. (SCREAMS) Honey! Alright, do we have everyone? Awesome. Thanks for getting on, guys.

We will try to make this quick. Update us on last week, how it went. As for an update... It was all tr... You're cutting a bit. And we have lost it. OK. Oh, Dave, are you frozen? I understand you. Oh, you know I did. Well, I thought I mentioned it last week, the jokes don't sound so good here. Rick, we know you're not in space. Guys, please, if we can focus just for a second, we'll do this and then we can all get back to whatever we're doing. Jim, what do you have for us? You're silent, Jim. (LOUDLY WITH BABIES CRYING) Can you hear me now?

What's in the background? What I was saying is P1: return to silence. We will receive an update later. Yes, I'm going to remain silent. Man, I wish I could get away from my boss right now, right? Jim, you're not silent now. OK? As a side note, I'd like to point out how attentive Robert has been throughout this entire meeting. I'm aware of. And that's the kind of thing that will get them raises at the end of the year. Yeah, I mean I'm surprised if I ever get up at noon. I say we go to Lumber. (SCREAMS) Mom, I ordered a Reese's.

Stop the DoorDash guy.