Pence Spreads Hot Trump Gossip, MAGA Nuts Fight Election Fraud & Republicans Hatch a Childish Plan

thank you so much thank you for watching thank you for coming thank you for um thank you for taking the time to try to get Taylor Swift tickets all day and night to be here well we're lucky to be in Hollywood and uh or maybe we're not lucky to be here in Hollywood, we're lucky we're not in Van Wert County, Ohio right now, which is what you know about this or just from there? Well I don't know I just react negatively for no reason in Bird County Ohio not far from Fort Wayne Indiana there right now there are thousands and thousands of aggressive vermin on the loose thousands of men are loose in Ohio after being released From their cages during a robbery between 25,000 and 40,000 minks were released the letters Alf were spray painted on a wall next to the phrase we will return which apparently means Animal Liberation Front oh no no it doesn't.

I know what Alf means, it means this beyond plum sauce and he stopped eating cats, no but this is serious, they say there are still about 10,000 minks on the loose, so if you feel something exquisite rubbing against your leg, call to local animal control. They are very active and very aggressive. They are excellent swimmers. They can climb trees. They threaten them, they bite them, they hiss at them, they expel from their anal glands a strong musky odor very similar to Mike Pence on the day of the insurrection has been going around promoting his new book and captivating the world with his Robin Williams.

Mike Pence-caliber charisma had a town hall event last night with Jake Tapper on CNN and when you see him in action talking to people who interact with real Americans, you suddenly understand why this guy made it almost all the way to the White House. Meet Andrea Barbara Dansby from Anderson Indiana Barbara thank you I represented Madison County in Congress for many years Andrea well an honest mistake happens you know he's not usually allowed to talk to women so he got nervous. I'm sure it won't happen. Again I want to bring in our first Hoosier of the night, uh, Daniela Milosi, she's from Fort Wayne, well, Michelle, uh, I think we just found the new spokesperson for Prevagen, the reason he calls his wife mother because He doesn't remember his name.

He doesn't know himself and then he got into the hot

gossip

we expect from the white shadow, you know, not all of his stories about Donald Trump are negative before Trump stood by and enjoyed watching his minions try to hang him, offered a very significant converted place. Pence was commander of a then-imaginary branch of the military. The only committee I ever asked to be on in Congress was the NASA subcommittee. What he didn't know was that Karen and I had taken our children on vacation when they were little. Cape Canaveral just to see the Rockets um, I'll never forget him just telling him on the phone would he leave the Space Council?

Me and we went to work. I think it might be a robot. I think someone built a robot for Donald Trump. vice president and on the morning of January 6th he lost the remote control we met and they sat down and I prayed I prayed for the grace of God to find that moment and that spirit and uh it wasn't easy and uh and to be honest with you I'm as human as anyone another one definitely a robot, he's a whip because then I'm just as human as him Meanwhile, Mike's former boss ran for the Oval Office without him this time, Trump got a visit. today, from a woman who could be his running mate, failed Arizona gubernatorial candidate Carrie Lake, traveled to Mar-A-Lago today, you know there was a real fear that the Maga brand candidates who lost They would go full Trump and claim that all their

election

s were rigged, but admittedly that has not been the case.

Adam Laxalt conceded in Nevada. Dr. Oz and Doug Mastriano conceded in Pennsylvania and Arizona even though he lost by 17,000 votes with no evidence of any

election

. Mischief of any kind. Carrie Lake still isn't. I give up Hello Arizona, this is Kerry Lake. I wanted to reach out to you to let you know that I'm still in this

fight

with you. No, thanks. It's like a very scary message from your wife the morning after an argument. I want to let you know. I know I'm still in a

fight

with you, just like Trump, Kerry Lake claimed the election was rigged before it even happened and as a result, his followers have been attacking Maricopa County officials, specifically the guy in charge of the elections there, his name.

It's Bill Gates and here's the thing, not that he's done anything wrong, but if you're trying to avoid stirring up these conspiracy

nuts

, you're not doing yourself any favors with the name Bill Gates, okay, you might want to. stay with William or something. By the way, Bill Gates is a Republican, which makes this argument especially stupid, but still the crazies are excited. I don't remember this, but about a year ago this character appeared at a city board of supervisors meeting in San Diego, do you think? that the four marble feet that hold you at the top of this chamber will help you from the destiny of humanity that you are unleashing, the children and your children's children will be suffocated, they will ask you how many vaccines you have had, you have been a good little Nazi, I am dancing, it's funny, right, it's funny, yes, his name is Matt Baker, not only is he concerned about vaccines, he hitchhiked to Arizona to support Carrie Lake's voter

fraud

claims, which is more valuable: your vote or your money. now ask a lobbyist that same question now ask a campaign manager that question now ask Mark Zuckerberg which is more valuable your money or your vote or your country or this world or the corruption that is taking over every county in this nation and then you look into your own soul and you look in the mirror and you realize that you are the cancer that is tearing this nation apart.

Thank you, our next speaker is Kimberly Burleson. Alright, good luck beating Kimberly Burleson. The sad thing is that it makes you think differently about white men with dreadlocks, you know that yesterday the Republicans officially wanted enough seats to regain control of the chamber, which means they are getting to work to change the focus of inflation and climate change and a woman's right to choose to what Americans really do. I'm worried about Hunter Biden's laptop. A group of House Republicans announced today that they

plan

to investigate Hunter and the entire Biden family to determine whether their business activities compromise natural security.

The highly classified documents found in the Mar-A-Lago game room, no problem, but. Hunter's crackhead photo stream, which we need to find out the background of immediately, they're also talking about investigating Dr. Fauci so by the way, I have no idea and neither do they, but they'll come up with something I'm I'm sure it's ridiculous. It's

childish

, you know, today we learned that outgoing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will not seek a leadership role in the next session of Congress. She is 82 years old. She said it's time to start an exclusive fan account and that's right too. a new speaker of the house will be, come January, it will be Trump, he will suck up to Kevin McCarthy, a man who somehow always seems to be in the first half of the Cialis commercial, more than 50 percent of men experience some type of erectile dysfunction.

Democrats control the Senate. The Republicans have the House, which means we have two exciting years of non-stop fighting ahead of us, but I think this is a ray of hope, as divided as this country is right now. To me, this is proof that we can. come together and we can put aside our differences no matter what has happened in the past, what is this? I have your ear no, no it's not this is not my year yes, it's Cherry Pie diving Philly my ears don't taste like cherry, but I do and if not they do it man no if they do it no and no if they do why did I eat it your ear should know I think I know what I'm going to give you for Christmas Guillermo oh that's good I like what you told me 25 years ago you told me that not only marijuana would be legal Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield are going to start a commercial together selling it and He said what are you eating Evander's gummies?

You should be here, you know, it's the holidays. He approaches and Mariah Carey looms in the distance. You know that everything I want for the Christmas song you will hear everywhere, every four minutes for the next five weeks. Well, apparently Mariah, as a result of the huge popularity of this song, tried it. to register the name of the queen of Christmas Mariah Carey queen of Christmas filed paperwork to possess that was denied according to the US Patent Trademark Office another artist is already known as the queen of Christmas a woman called Elizabeth Chan fought Mariah Carey she says uh quote Christmas isn't about one person and well don't tell that to Jesus but then she let's see what a bold move for Mariah I mean the first line of the song en I don't want much for Christmas.

Now she wants to be Queen it seems like a lot. She didn't even know you could name yourself queen or something, but when I read it I decided, oh, thank you, I want to think of a name for myself. I always wanted. be the king of something, so we did a little research just to see what was available. The following titles are already mentioned because they are registered trademarks. I can't be the king of uh pop uh King of the jungle King of Queens Kings of Lion King Kong King of the Hill The Sausage King of Chicago king of the world Hawaiian king King of the Highway King of New York The Lion King King of the Mountain King of Swing King of the Ring king of all media Burger King Midas king of rock and roll or King of Steaks patch, none of them are available, but I found one that is not only available, but it's good, it's really good, for which, by the power vested in me by the US Patent Office, I hereby declare that I shall hereafter be known. like thank you and bring me my crown the king of those little plastic things on top of the pizzas that look like a tiny table plastic things on top of the pizza that look like a tiny table Lord may he reign thank you my Lord we will never be left at the top of the box another Maybe, what are you doing back there?

Okay, okay, one more thing before the king declares that it's Thursday night, which means it's time to whistle and blur out the big moments of the week, whether they need it or not, is this. Week of unnecessary censorship looming at this hour. Chance the rapper has a big, you'll see it only on CBS mornings, they're ours, they're not there, these are ours and come on, you've made a career too. I guess Matt Damon too oh my gosh oh my gosh yeah shoot Biden they met for three hours and now I added smaller and bigger why yeah yeah I really want to get it right when my top agent Tim Gables, came in and said sir.

We have to get you out of the building now I put my finger in this I'm not leaving someone okay you heard the man but I'm done