PALOMA FAITH: WHY MY MARRIAGE BROKE DOWN

a really big bubble but that was the completely innocent perspective 8 years 9 years doing that just with my friends blowing bubbles in the shower but me but going to a b school since I was 8 there were so many rules and I felt so trapped and because of those rules in place, that's why I wanted to go against that, so there must have been something in your life, maybe rules were imposed on you and you say you just don't want this because how did you learn about the rules? Your mom was pretty strict, my mom. I was brought up saying that rules are made to be

broke

n, so my mother is quite naughty and I was, so I went to a public school in London and all the teachers were socialists and they all said, "Fuck the system, screw the government." That was the environment I grew up in, like questioning everything, questioning authority and the only time they could impose any discipline in our school because it was like all this was the police would come, no teacher had to do it.

The police would be there every day. Do you think that your attitude towards the kind of rules and things that they have is your success in music because you've done what you wanted to do? Yes, I do, but it's also non-conscious because I've never experienced rules like oh, let's say I think I would deal with it very badly, for example, if for some reason I end up in jail because I've never, ever experienced someone telling me what to do. before, really so without authority at all, no, but I like to reason as if my mother did.

I was very disciplined. I was very good when I was a child. Honestly, this is a disclaimer and people are always surprised. I've never used drugs. I've never been so drunk. like I wasn't really a rebel in that sense because I had nothing to rebel against, I just didn't have to because it was just reasoning, like the way I was disciplined, the reason why I never behaved because it was what I had been told to do it, it was like no, but if you do it you could get hurt oh that makes sense to me, you know, it's a proper open dialogue and now I have two kids and I do that. with my kids like me I don't say well, you can do it if you want, but my concern is that you might rub your knee or you know, or you might feel so full that you don't do anything good and then you might get sick. but sometimes I guess in any kind of business or especially in your career, where you've done a lot, and I imagine people are always trying to, you know, make you take different things with you at some point. you have to make rules, right, you have to do it, all things are not done and that must frustrate you, so what I do is try to try and understand if this is something that I can like influence in a change, would you learn how Would I like it to be done or is it someone who will never do it and then I have to do the horrible layoff that I hate doing?

I have fired people crying. before so I'm so sorry wait so this is okay wait a second so that's okay that's the same as relationships yeah that's right it's the same thing sometimes it's like you're not compatible and It's sad when it breaks and doesn't work, but you can see that it's never going to be right or make you both happy. You have to say goodbye. It's the same with work. It's devastating because you're so disappointed. Naturally, there are qualities in that person. I really like knowing how to fire someone. So if you were to say goodbye now, I tend to get to the point where I've learned over time that I shouldn't get too close first so someone else can do it. but in the early days I became very close to everyone because I have this weird thing where I want to know everyone's life story and then I make them tell me their problems and stuff and then I face them.

I really feel obligated to help That's how I am naturally, but you that energy is why and that's why management is always like what's your trauma, that's the trauma bond with everyone and management is right now, just don't let them. talk di ploma for letting more than 10 minutes pass because it ends with her crying and feeling bad or paying more to say sorry because like them, the job is not working or whatever, let me give you some money to say sorry, but definitely, but you definitely have. that, but you, but we haven't met before, but you have this really warm aura and I'm not saying this because you're sitting.

I wouldn't put it any other way, but you have this warm aura, so when I met you outside and you were sitting on the couch you immediately stood up and hugged us before we even met you said you're a classy guy and that's very endearing, that It's really it is, but it's nice, right, it's not like some people can hate it, it's Marite, right? some people, but I just have to say as a disclaimer that if I give people a hard time, it's usually very light, but it's not as hard as what I do to myself internally, so when I say you're a Posh Boy, I don't think you'll be offended because my inner voice is awful, he's a bully, so I guess he can't handle that, nothing compared to what I tell myself, which I think is what Drive pushed me creatively. and to achieve that, because nothing is ever enough, they always say that either or I think you're pulling on yourself or you're being pulled towards something, so something typically is the reason why a lot of people are successful, especially in this entertainment industry. it's because something is dragging them towards something in their past that hurt them or hurt them or they don't feel worthy enough or good enough or they're looking for validation and I definitely know that doing a reality show is the reason I did a reality show is because I wanted to be famous.

I thought being famous was going to be the most fun thing in the world. So you discovered a lot of things, not so much, very quickly and then I was doing a reality show and reality shows, you know, are. You know being Posh is a reality, but my problem was that people fetishize something that the 1% get to experience completely, so you're on a TV show about being Posh um and you did it because you want to become famous or whatever. and then you have to try to turn that into a career because you can't get a normal job after that, so that was a problem, but why do you think that then you could get a normal job? although you could, yeah my mum always tells me I need to train to be a teacher, she's like if you've had kids, you've done the Staffing pop, go and do a PGC because then you can have the same holiday as your kids.

It's okay, considering I could release one more album. Do you think you're adorable? But that's good, but that's great, that's a really positive thing because sometimes, but I also think I despise you a lot, but I just don't. You are not despicable in my life. I've had a lot of stubborn things. I mean, I've had an experience where people are really like they love her and I've had the complete opposite. I quite like that CU. It would be horrible if you walked into a room and people were like, "You don't really remember her, yeah, they were horrible, do you think for yourself?", so with your new album, could you obviously put your heart and soul into your music?

MH, do you think for yourself? that is your only place that never always supports you, is always there to help you, always never backs down, that is your place of comfort, so when you want to have a sounding board, when you want to release all these emotions, you can do it. putting it on an album and writing it, yes, it's therapeutic, it's absolutely cathartic, but I also do a lot of actual therapy and I find it important as I notice when I'm gone for a while. I need it, but I also don't believe that anger is a negative emotion because I was raised to believe that anger was a negative emotion and my mother, when I was a child, always told me that if I hit something or throw something, I can't believe you.

You are like your father because that was the biggest insult and because my dad is a very angry man. Why was that the biggest insult? Because he's a very angry man and that didn't get him anywhere, but I also have something like. I have stress related alipa and I think all of that is and always is emotional. If I'm stressed at work my hair doesn't fall out but if it's emotional my hair starts falling out and it has something to do with body type. It's like eating yourself if you don't release those feelings, so it's very important that you do that by writing this recent album when you finish it and release it.

Is there a feeling of? Is there a feeling of calm? Is there a sense of completion? Do you have that when you write your music and especially when you complete it or is there a feeling of sadness when you complete it because then you can't go back to that place because actually Comfort is in a trauma sometimes well, just because you finished the album doesn't mean that the trauma is gone, no, it's not like that, for sure, but I think in the past, up until my first five albums, they were all albums that I felt like I had slept with something. but I think this is an ongoing navigation because we have kids together and that's what makes this a different kind of heartbreak album because the heartbreak will be forever and the navigation of our relationship changing shape will be forever, probably until let's die, you can.

You don't really let go of someone you have children with and some people you know simply because you don't see them, some people you never talk to again and they are still very present because you look at your children and you see that person. in your children or they come back from visiting their ex-partner and they're making gestures or they have opinions that you don't agree with, those are their opinions or whatever, but in my case it's even more difficult, I think. in a way because we really like each other a lot and we're very close and we still love each other and that makes it confusing, that's very sad, it's kind of heartbreaking every time we see each other, that makes me sad, yeah, it's sad. because if I were, if you told me and I was your friend, I would say, but wait a second.

I can see you're getting emotional now because it makes me angry because you have so much love to give, obviously. you want to be put down, no, it's like that because obviously he's very crude with the kids, of course he is, and obviously you're a great mom and you want to make sure your kids are okay, so you have that pressure and then you also You still love your partner and sometimes you are like in life, why hasn't this worked out like that? I love you and you love me, but I say that on the album there is a spoken part where I say that I know. it's my fault and then does this Mantra well thank you does this Mantra which is a does um it says that there is nothing more human than failure over and over again and it's true yes, it's true we and you know that we have to fail well and that It just so happened that I realized that in this strange game called life, which by the way, all the time I thought I would open a door and find all the answers, but you never do, and that's what's scary about life. . but you, you, we constantly have to make mistakes, yeah, and fall in love and get married and then that maybe not working out isn't bad for you, that's just part of life sometimes and for us it's not even a failure, it's just part of what's going on and I think maybe you're giving yourself too much trouble feels like I think you are, yeah, but saying that to me is like telling me not to be me, I know, I know, I know, I'm I.

Do you find it difficult to listen to the album? There's a song I can't listen to and I don't think I'll play live called Divorce and I just get angry because it's too much. I think I could really sing it so why did you put it on the album? Because it is the most sincere. It's basically all the things that made me emotional now in a song, oh my god, and it has my vocals really, yeah. As soon as I hear them at first it's like I recorded them playing in the garden. I start to cry.

I just listen to them and then say H, a cable, really, yeah, but that's something special at the same time, yeah, maybe. I'll get it, maybe I need to toughen up a little bit on tour and you just have to act in that light, are you kidding me? That's going to be amazing, how do you deal with heartbreak? I don't know, not very well, I think. You have to go through this and you have to face your feelings. I think in the past this is what I learned from this in the past. I always dealt with it by probably putting it aside and filling it up. that void with another person almost immediately, actually, then you would replace him immediately, you just respond, not immediately, but very quickly, and now that I have children, it doesn't work, it doesn't fit, sit well.

I've tried a bit of dating. I've tried a few things and it doesn't work because when you have kids, the moment you know someone isn't right for you, you just can't see it like that, they won't make you happy or you know if they're going to hurt you because if I'm miserable my kids will. I experiment and realize that I am upset or stressed about something with someone and then I will be quicker to react with my children, like you, why? You keep asking me when they're leaving, mom, mom. Mom and you are kind of like that, whereas normally you're like yeah, you love whatever, I don't know, so I have to be careful, so I don't think my old habits work anymore, so I'm kind of learning how to do it.

It sounds very cliché, but I was trying to have a relationship with myself. I don't know if I've ever had one. They always say that heartbreak is like pain and they go through seven stages, and the seven stages are shock and pain. guilt, anger, bargaining, depression andthen a turn up and it kind of comes to acceptance, if you were to say what my album is about, by the way, all the stages of grief, that's what it is, so Chon, it's chronological, but it goes through all those stages, so the song represents those stages. Can I, can I ask a personal question, why do you think it didn't work, your 10 years together, you have, you know, two beautiful children, yes, and the relationships that I have are difficult.

No matter how new or old they are, why don't you think it worked? Resentment because I think I did too much. I felt like I contributed more to the entire setup than I received. I didn't feel like they equaled me. my continuing contribution and over time that took its toll and resentment built up. There were a lot of things like, I won't go into details, but there's a lot of disparity, I think, between what I felt and what I put into it. him in terms of love in terms of everything, not love, I think we were equal in that practically, I think more and that is sometimes difficult, but then you communicated it because sometimes I think that in relationships maybe that is not communicated, like that Which I definitely have.

I've felt it in previous relationships where I felt a certain way but never communicated it, yes I communicated it but I think that was the case too, in the end it's about accepting that you can't turn someone into something else. For example, I'm a pretty ambitious and proactive person, but if someone isn't ambitious and proactive, I can't make them that way. I have to accept who he is. That's what love is, so you have to be okay with who he is. and what they are bringing to the table, do you think that in relationships sometimes we change and then the other person potentially doesn't change with you?

Yes, and then that becomes a problem, because well, I think having children was a big change for me because I have always been quite maternal and I enjoyed that role, but as soon as I had little babies I didn't do it anymore and this is quite common in relationships. I didn't even have the capacity to want to be a mother to anyone other than the baby or the next baby. I didn't want to be a mother to my partner or my friends like I had friends who also got mad at me because you put so much love and everything into the baby, well, they were like you didn't pay attention to me like before.

Let's just wait a while until my kids are over 10 and then you can come back. I will give it. I'll have a decade of that. I didn't want to take that off. there, but I think that takes its toll and I think it's a big change, you know, a lot of people say superficial things about having kids and, well, she never wanted to have sex with me again or well, she just wasn't that good anymore. nice to me or she was always grumpy or whatever, but I don't think there's enough recognition for the huge amount of pressure or work that women do when they become mothers and I believe and talk about this a lot that feminism has a nice attitude . of letting something start for us and abandoning us halfway because we've been given this kind of pseudo-what I think is a patriarchal idea of ​​equality that basically means we're all doing the work of three people and we're tired and irritable and it is understandable that we just finished and we like it, but explain to me more, what do you mean by three-person jobs?

Well, I'm doing a full-time job as a breadwinner in my situation, yeah, um, and I'm, you know, making cool things happen, I feel like the one responsible for making exciting things happen during my family's vacations. , like events, like painting whatever they do, like Playdoh playdates, school uniform shopping, grocery shopping, like it's some kind of invisible, unspoken work that you do as a mother and um, so there's that and then there's on top of that, like being there for your kids, being like a source of um, like moral growth and emotional support and all that, it's a lot and I think it's needed. taken for granted by society like the mother the mother and everyone always says oh his mom or mom will come like you don't even realize until it happens to you that everyone is like the mom and no one goes dad or them and if he is involved They say: Oh, you're so lucky, and women even say it about their damn partners like I'm so lucky because my partners are stay-at-home dads.

There is so much difference between a stay at home parent and a stay at home parent. It seems to the stay-at-home mom that there is so much difference between a working mom and a working dad, it's just not fair, but break that down quickly so the working mom goes to work, comes home, and the kids are immediately her full responsibility, if you wish. whether or not they are obsessed with their mom, I love it, but it's true, like if a worker can come home, sit on the couch, the kids don't bother, they're already doing something else and they're like daddy just left gone to work Dad, hey dad, you know not right away, can you do this for me? can you do this for me? can you do this for me as soon as he walks in the door? as if they were like that with a working mother and then the same with the stay. -Moms at home constantly think all day: can I eat my favorite food?

I can do this? and oh the kids are up all night with a temperature they don't want, they want their mom and obviously there are exceptions of course. They're because there's always a rule for everyone, but in general it's not fair and and um, but do you think that's what we're burning? That's what I was, that was my ultimate conclusion. What emotion are you most comfortable being in? oh, the most comfortable, yeah, hysteria, probably, really, yeah, I mean, I just like to laugh at everything that's like my coping strategy. If I'm too alone, it's dangerous, why?

Because I go to places I like, my mind is a little self-destructive and sad. I guess I don't know. I think there's a lot of things that you know now, in this sort of social media era where people are encouraged to indulge in psychological clichés and platitudes in these sort of mythological forms as just a self-help quote or whatever and I think it's dangerous because culturally we are now encouraged to almost solve ourselves from responsibility. Now I have a problem with hyper-responsibility, so I am really responsible for everyone. Naturally I do. I want to help people I want to like you, you know everything has consequences, like me asking people about their backstory, everything is like a compilation.

I'm always compelled to help people understand them, connect with them, make them feel better, um, and I think I'm hyper responsible, so I always think what did I do if things went wrong, what did I do to make that go wrong, what It was my part in this, you blame yourself, you blame yourself, well I think it's always partially us, I think it's every situation we find ourselves in. Even if it's the worst, it will be partly us and we're the only people, not always because that's how you handled it, so I've done this amazing type therapy called cognitive analytic therapy with cats and talk about periods. of thirds, so one third is you, one third is the other person and one third are things that you have absolutely no control over, like the weather or a circumstance that you immerse yourself in or whatever, that's how The Responsibility should be divided in a healthy way, but wait a second, but this is not all that you are involved in and can relate to or for sure you have a part in it, so you know, but that is the part yes Speak about saying you're about to say something like What if you grew up in a home as a child?

That divorce, yes or no, is not something traumatic, since that is the third, that is the third that you cannot control. but you're saying that, but how you respond to it you can control how much you let it affect you and your future life and your future relationships is something you can control or take responsibility for like I'm a child of a divorce and I do. Therapy guys, I mean, that's not my only trauma. I have millions, in fact, look at the list of all the horrible things that can happen and they have them all. I've had a connection with all of them, but I think, I think. um, when I talk like that about my concern for this kind of culture, like um, a kind of psychology and all that, it's like I encourage toxic self-pity.

I don't think that's good, it sounds like someone sent you. to the boarding school I would say it's not like that, but I think all these messages that my algorithm right now I've been blocking because I don't think it's good for me, my algorithm constantly tells me that nothing is my fault and it's all of them, toxic man and d, and I'm like, oh my God, I chose to leave that person, what would you say is the happiest period of your life? I don't think happiness is necessarily like a feeling of euphoria, I think it's about growth, so sometimes horrible things can happen where you grow so much that it's happy because it leads to something better, but I think that's probably weird. , but having my children has been the most brilliant thing that has ever happened to me, but that's how it was.

It doesn't manifest itself the way I thought. I thought about holding my babies in my arms and acting like I was very happy, but I wasn't. I was very depressed for a long time. I had postpartum depression for like two years after both. I would say it was very sad and very lonely both times, but then, like this winter, I went on vacation for the first time alone with my two children and, like without friends, there is no help with the children. as if nothing, without a partner and I just went alone and came back and everyone said how it was and I thought it was the happiest and most rested I have been since the birth of my first child.

I really felt like I experienced the rewards of all of that, so happy to be okay with just accepting myself and where I was at that moment, without looking for something else, without looking back at what happened and I couldn't let go or whatever. be. we all do to commit suicide basically, I was so happy that I had these, I have these two amazing children, that's amazing, my mom always tells me that she, when my parents got divorced, it was me, my brother and my little sister, and it was snowing outside and she put us all in one room, we all slept together in the same bed, she said it was the happiest moment she had ever had because it was like, oh, I have this little pack of equipment, little pack and that's amazing, if you feel.

Lucky you when you go through something like a depression like that, sometimes it's quite hard to see the end point, well I didn't know it was there. I think when you have a real mental illness you're not that aware of it, but you feel an emotion, you're feeling an emotion, right, yeah, but I just associated having babies with not being a good parent, oh, always blaming yourself. , yeah, and it wasn't that in hindsight, no, of course, it's not the hormones and all. I'm going crazy, but the great thing about you, PL, is that you're so happy to talk about this stuff.

I know a lot of people aren't. People are so nervous about saying that or worried about saying that, but you're not. "You're in a position where you know you're so much in the public eye that actually, probably, as an individual, you should be more afraid to talk about things, but you're like, no, I don't mind talking about it." You're not afraid, it's funny, you're almost afraid of what people think, but you're not really afraid of what people think, it's not like, it's like you, it's like, well, I'd rather they thought bad things. about me based on the truth instead of as a pre like they imagined who I am if I was fake and they hated me that would feel horrible but if I am exactly who I am and people hate me then it's better because they hate the version real me we finish the podcast we ask eight questions um um that's quick, you can be as honest as you want, okay, but before we get into that, when are you going on tour? when will it be?

When can people come hear you, see you, and enjoy everything you put into it? February 16 release for the glorification of sadness and then I'll be touring the UK throughout April and have some summer. festivals and I'm also doing some European dates, do you love it when you're on tour? I love being on stage, it's the only time I'm not anxious, really, yes, in life I'm always anxious, but on stage I'm never anxious I just think that this is all that exists is this moment. are you ready for your eight questions? suck it well here we go uh what's the saying or phrase that always makes you smile or cheers you up well, it's one of my new songs I'm not a good girl I'm a bad woman it's one of my lyrics that's pretty boss that I like a lot it's that your favorite lyric is now that my 2 year old daughter walks up to every person she sees and tells them I'm a bad woman, it makes me laugh, the best compliment anyone has ever given you.

I can't remember the actual compliment, but I think it was when someone went on Facebook. I once told and wrote a story about how they met me before I was famous and how nice I was to them, so I think being praised for being nice is probably the best compliment, kindness is the best, 100% the most it scares you. about you my decision making skills why always second yes I honestly am not no this is not I am BR we just have a lot of similarities we have a lot like I am you you are me double name I am yes yes Dangerous although I'm starting a cult religious.

I'm injoin, just sign this PayPal agreement. When was the last time you cried and why? Just now because you asked me some questions that were a little close to the surface. and I'm also two days away from starting my period so it's not good, what's something you can't let go? I think it has something to do with maybe rectifying my relationship with my father, but it may not be with him. but I think I try to rectify it with other relationships and it's always obsessive is a great answer what is something that you would be embarrassed for people to know you like or want I find it hard to be embarrassed have you ever felt embarrassed probably but I don't think it's something what I'm holding on to or something, it's probably something unusual like oh how embarrassing.

I think it usually has to do with things like I committed political correctness or something I would be ashamed of. It's just that kind of thing that turns you off sexually when people say that to you, right? It's turned off. I'll let you know, with overconfidence. I understand that to play more about what you talk about all day long and how you treat each other all day long it's not just spitting on each other's fingers and rubbing each other that's amazing what do you like most about yourselves I think I have the ability to make people feel good like I had fun I've been having some personal problems and she keeps saying remember, that's your ability, that's your magic power, so I'm just trying to say it out loud.

Do you believe that in yourself? Well, yes, not all people, but I think so. really good on first impressions, terrible in the long run, okay, and the bonus, what's your favorite swear word? The best time I think you've used is when you get rich early, what happened? My most popular tweet I've ever made. you explain what happened was when he started doing his whole big rant about refugees that day and I just put like you know it's horrible, it's so right wing horrible and then, um, I just put Richy Suak on Twitter and it was the More like something little intelligent and informed thing I could have said about it, but it was the most popular tweet because what I was saying was so horrible that it didn't warrant any kind of intelligence at all, was that word.

It was invented for well, before you go, I have one more question, so you sat there and had preconceived ideas about me, yes, have they changed? No, you're still classy, ​​but you're kind. I didn't think you were a single I thought you were Posh, you're Posh, you're the first to admit that you went to mom in Chelsea, you made that application form knowing full well that it was for Posh people the application form, um, that means you I like it, yes, but I never did it. I like you well, I'm glad, it's okay, you've been validated.

I like you. Thank you so much. I hope it's mutual. Thank you so much. It was incredible. Thank you so much.