Olivia Sui Is Dead | The Funeral Roast

foreigner the librarian bondage at this

funeral

it turns out that I did not die, it was just gas and it will always be just gas thanks for attending Olivia's

funeral

mussue Olivia did not say what to do with her remains but we will see What is left with her after this

roast

, we hope May this funeral be short and sweet, but like all of Olivia's attempts not to laugh, it will probably be long, confusing, and awkward. Look at it, we were hoping some of Olivia's more famous friends could do it. join us but they said they were more like acquaintances before she died although she left me with this really sweet voicemail let me get it off my phone oh shoot give me all your money hello everyone I know , today is kind of a strange day, I think we all knew it would come, but not this soon.

I mean, let's be honest, if we were betting, we all thought we'd be here for Keith first, oh my god, oh you, but in the end no, we're here. For Olivia, someone who is actually surprisingly healthy, she liked juices and honestly, it's really surprising that she didn't die in a car accident, but that's not why we're here to talk. Olivia was very spiritual. She actually she's someone I think she's like her. a very honest person and she is very pure at heart, so in that sense I would like us all to participate in a quick purity ritual, uh, just to make sure that she passes away, so I just have a couple of items. here I would like to share it so this here is a crystal for protection in this crystal is the memory of the time Olivia was in a hallway and I was walking with Keith and I thought it would be really fun if I just took I took the pencil out of my pocket and I threw it down the hall, saw how far I could have thrown it and the pencil hit the ceiling perfectly and then bounced off at the right angle to hit Olivia on the top of the head, she had no idea who.

She threw it away. Why where did she come from? She just turned around and she was so angry that she almost had tears in her eyes. She said: Why did you throw that? That could have hit me in the eye because she was angry and Keith and I laughed, we laughed a lot. Olivia then got mad at Keith for laughing, which helped me not have any guilt, so this Crystal is that day we laughed, Olivia, so thank you, okay, the next crystal is for patience. Now this Crystal is imbued with the memory of the time when Keith and I are having a very personal debate about whether we thought Rihanna or Beyonce were really the best now in this conversation, Keith and I agreed that while Rihanna was in actually great, Beyonce turned out to be so much better, Olivia couldn't stand that.

Olivia, who takes care of her damn business, decided she was too much and blew up at us by saying that Rihanna was, in fact, the better artist. Here's to the patience you show Keith and I think every day when you deal with us until you can. Not anymore, finally this final crystal right here, uh, this is just Himalayan salt to help with humidity. The corpse now, as you can see, is decorated here, there are a lot of Olivia's unfinished snacks and drinks that we found lying around, so if everyone can have. the single fruit snack that I gave you now all together in memory I would like us all to take as little of this fruit snack as we can thank you thank you all thank you Hello Olivia I don't know if you can hear me now but it's me, Ariana Grande , one of your many famous friends who we met on the set of Scream Queens and bonded over when I helped her file a restraining order against a toilet and since then we've had so many wonderful memories going to Air1 and watching.

What fruits can we swallow whole? Sometimes we would go to Six Flags and ride X2 and unbuckle halfway and just ride it out. Sometimes we would go to our favorite escape room, the Getty Center, and spend days trying to get Getty out of there. I will miss you but I must confess that I have a secret all these years I have not been who I have been saying I am It has been a disguise I do not know if you would like it if you saw who I really was but I have to now I have to reveal who I really am I hope you will forgive me and I hope you like me no silence please that's right Olivia it's me Kermit the Frog Kirby this whole time I've been inside this fur suit pretending to be Ariana Grande making a flawless impression I'm sorry to lie to you but I love you Olivia I felt like we always had a rainbow connection which was genuine goodbye hello everyone so um she's

dead

you know after I heard she died I drove quickly I went to her house to try to steal as much furniture as I could.

She had very nice furniture in her house and among them I found a book of her jokes. I don't know if you know this. Olivia started doing stand up recently, yes I saw that. some of that and you know she's getting there and I thought you knew since she'll never get the chance to say it again. I thought she had read her here we go stand-up set. I haven't read this yet. so I don't know what's here, this must be their opener, wow, there are people here and then he says pause to make a weird noise, okay, okay, this joke, you know, Olivia is a big Stanley Tucci fan, she has a obsession, I think. um, she said that if Stanley Tucci went to Hawaii, he would be Tanley Tucci.

Next up is just um, various noises that she wants to try. um migor and clitoris, my boyfriend's name is Sam, which is one letter away from Ham. I like ham, ham. ham wait for a plus I really hate butterflies I think they're ugly they walk funny and have no use in society oh I said butterflies I meant white people I can't I can't uh if anyone ever made fun of my mom I think I would kill them, that's not a joke, it's just a statement that she wrote sex is cool, but have you tried defeating Isis?

I haven't, but I plan to do it in the meantime I'll keep having sex I guess it's okay, this is just this is just a naked photo of Stanley Tucci it's actually a drawing a very well drawn image of Stanley naked okay, there's another one, ya that's enough, it's just drawings from Stanley 2 TV, wow, that's amazing, OMG my boyfriend's name is Sam Lerner, which is ironic because I guess he never learned that I'm crazy, I'm a bit of a foodie, Like, I really love pizza, wait, I said I love pizza. I meant that I hate white people.

I think it's probably better. If we bury this joke book with her, yeah, well, what happens? It's me, your boy. Augustus Olivia Olivia Olivia. I always knew one of us would go first. My services were needed today, not for the Yelp review, but to act as a sin eater. That's true, Olivia. She may be small and light, she is full of sin that she has accumulated throughout her life. Today I will eat on the corpse to take this sin on my own body. I'm already too dense to rise to the sky, so I might as well do it.

Well, make sure you have a clear path, Agarton, bring the meats and grains, thank you very much, Garthan, one day I will learn your name, okay, what we have here first, let's prepare it, I don't want to receive anything. In your nice sports suit and licking the cake of new shoes, here we go, it's a little picnic. I would be reading a list of sins here while I eat the most heavenly spaghetti directly on her body, oh, everyone is about to I see something strange, here we go, my God, and number one Olivia was responsible for the accident.

I think Market, which is what she calls herself, drove her SUV through a vacant subdivision and tricked some Arowan into a grocery chain I'm not rich enough for. Many of you may not know this but she is addicted to prescription glasses, she didn't prepare herself to try not to laugh once and then every other time after that, I once saw her eat a nun but at least finished it, she's known by greedy neighbors Goods she's coveted Goods from Sam, if you know what I'm saying, she's guilty of stealing the hearts of a nation and made a fortune on the black market with it, okay, she helped them get overthrown later, so it's fine during a conversation.

We were having one time and she's known for her greed, hey buddy, I gave some concussions for the rest of us, my belly is swollen with questionable flesh and Olivia is now light enough to take to the sky. I personally don't believe in him but I got a free meal have a good one if we end up in the same place fight me I can't believe Olivia is gone I never got to meet her hot foreign mother it sucks to see you gone like that um we have so many memories together um like that time we got stuck at the intersection in Beverly Hills and this guy yelled, get out of the way, stupid.

I'll never forget that and um, I'll never forget the song that you made. The life is a party. you're a boy that's okay because you're going to meet my mom my mom doesn't care about life it's a party you're a boy that's okay so I decided to make my own version um I hope you like it and I hope you can hear me from heaven Master Namibia, that's fine because she's a nice foreigner, thank you, do you mind if I wear something a little more comfortable? Yes, Pikachu Olivia as she tries not to laugh. The parties died halfway through her life.

Olivia was an actress as always. I'm here to read. the will of the deceased and the spirit of Olivia I will do my best to make sense of this and ultimately fail Dane, her boyfriend Sam Lerner because, quote, Shane always loved him more than me, he is not gay, it is a matter of respect, respect each other, no. Olivia leaves Tommy and the Olivia doll so he can finally hang out with Olivia like she said we would. Ian won't get anything from Olivia because that's how many acting roles he's booked since the Angry Birds movie. Keith will get Olivia's contact list so Keith can be the least famous person in a room full of celebrities for Damien.

Olivia leaves him a pendant that is very dear to her. She appreciates your deep and meaningful friendship and loves you very much. I have never seen talking to each other Noah will receive Olivia's brain so Noah can have a pituitary gland that actually works and lastly, Olivia leaves Courtney her industrial lock since Courtney is also insecure. I need you to lend it to me too, actually, um, if everyone looks under her seats, Olivia has left us copies of the Odyssey because it's just as difficult to read. as is Olivia we will all really miss Olivia let's honor her by doing her favorite hobby looking at dots on our phones and ignoring everyone else in the room oh you all are still here may she rest in peace this is making me sweat in a way strange. comedian that your boyfriend knows and that you talk to maybe once or twice the second season foreign is our national anthem when you were sent to capture, she was supposed to be

dead

to capture Sam Learner, but he captured your heart, which in the planet Sway is in our Cold, empty, empty eyes when she arrived on Earth she was dressed in Sway's most stylish sportswear and when she landed she became the most famous actress Planet Sway has ever seen.

She originated roles like monk as pirate girl CSI Miami has a Korean teen lol real credit look it up oh my god yes we miss her but honestly I don't know how they didn't realize she was an alien she really doesn't know drive human cars and is 45 times her size too. she always says I'm a dog doing this you guys like this she says I'm a dog because for the first 20 years she didn't even check what body she was in she thought she was a Pomeranian they gave her Caesar salads but then they didn't We won't put cheese or the dressing that ordinary humans call a large plate of dried leaves, but we will miss her and mourn her soul and her soul belongs to us, so now I will perform a ritual to absorb her soul and take it back to Planet, here we go, this is great to do it in front of a group of people who don't know me.

Her soul is taking over me. About my glass. Wait, wait, is anyone going to yours? I have it, so thank you, bye. Also, who is that guy? I am alive? Oh, I would feel very sad if I died and never saw them again. Oh, die, thank you guys for being here at my funeral. I like it. I was going to say I like whites, but then I say that. I love my friends and I have to go back to Planet sway now I'm an amazing dog this is our third interaction