Object Relations Theory Explained: Melanie Klein, Donald Winnicott, Otto Kernberg, Balint, Fairbairn

situation in which he told a 4-year-old girl with a broken arm that he would find her a new mother. The girl started crying and she said that she wanted her real mother. To which Fairbairn asked: "You mean the mother who broke your arm?" And the girl answered "I was bad." You can see in this example that for this girl the idea of ​​having a bad mother was so terrifying that she needed to repress the idea of ​​the internalized bad

object

. Next up is Donald Winnicott. Some consider him the most prolific clinician within

object

relations

theory

. Winnicott's contributions include studies of how an infant's psychic structure develops, including the ability to be alone, as well as the "true" and "false" self and the "transitional object." The fundamental thing to be a functional adult is the ability to tolerate uncomfortable internal states and emotions and be able to regulate them.

Winnicott saw this as one of the central developments required in those early years of interaction with his caregiver. Winnicott's famous quote: "There is no such thing as a baby." he hints at exactly the assumption we have covered with previous object

relations

theorists, namely, that at first the baby does not differentiate between itself and the mother. For the baby, the mother is an extension of himself and he does not recognize her as a separate object with his own feelings and needs. During the process of recognizing others as separate objects, most children use what Winnicott called the "transitional object." The transitional object can be a teddy bear or blanket and helps the child bridge the gap between inner and outer reality.

It is the first thing that the child recognizes and possesses as something that "is not me" and is the recipient of impulses of both love and hate. Any parent who has tried to find their lost child's favorite teddy bear knows how crucial those transitional objects are for young children. And also that only the child can alter them, so it is better not to try to wash them. Unlike others in the soft camp (and more like Melanie Klein), Winnicott recognizes that aggression is part of the normal development of object relations. He says, “What is a normal child like?

Does He Just Eat, Grow, and Smile Sweetly? No, he's not like that. The normal child, if he trusts his mother and her father, does everything possible. Over time, he tests his power to disrupt, destroy, frighten, wear down, waste, manipulate and appropriate. . . At first, he absolutely needs to live in a circle of love and strength (with consequent tolerance) if he does not want to be too afraid of his own thoughts and imaginations in order to progress in his emotional development. For Winnicott, the mother has to survive the baby's destructive impulses and remain emotionally attuned enough for the child to realize that the mother is her own person and to develop the healthy capacity to care and consider others. the rest.

Furthermore, the mother's sufficiently good attunement allows the child not only to recognize others as independent people but also to develop himself. When the mother responds in a reassuring way to smiles, feelings, facial expressions, etc. From the baby, the baby learns that it is safe to express himself exactly how he feels. He has the feeling that she exists and that she has an impact on the world. This makes possible a true sense of vitality, creativity, connection and authenticity. However, if the mother does not respond to the baby because he is depressed, drugged, absent; or the baby experiences an overwhelming or unsafe environment with ordinary attunement or care that is not good enough, the child learns that it is not safe to express her feelings authentically.

Then you have to repress or defend part of those innate feelings. According to Winnicott, this most often happens through excessively pleasing others, complying, anticipating other people's needs, and satisfying them, all with the goal of eliciting some positive response from the absent, hostile, or overwhelmed caregiver. This, in turn, often leads to feelings of emptiness, lack of vitality, and unhappiness in the future. Overall, object relations

theory

is incredibly useful in understanding and treating deficits in psychic makeup and skills that develop in those early years. While the classical Freudian approach, for example, is more suitable for understanding internal conflicts at the neurotic level.

When it comes to treatment, therapists work with internalized representations of self and object. For borderline personality disorder, it might include working on tolerance of ambivalence, for narcissism, it might be working on the grandiose self. In the case of depression, depending on the type of depression, that could involve working with malevolent internal objects or repressed aggression. Just to give you some ideas! For more ways to connect with me, check out the links in the description box. I hope you enjoyed this introduction to object relations theory and I look forward to seeing you next time. Bye bye.