Obama White House Correspondents Dinner 2016 | President Obama's FULL SPEECH

You can't say it, but you know it's true. Good night all. It's an honor to be here as my last and perhaps last White House correspondent. You all look great. The end of the Republic never looked better. I apologize. I know. I was a little late tonight I was running CPT, which means jokes

white

people shouldn't make. Word of advice to you Jeff, anyway, here we are on my eighth and final appearance of this unique event and I'm excited if this stuff does well. I'll wear it at Goldman Sachs next year, I'll earn some serious Tubmans, that's right, that's right, my brilliant, beautiful wife Michelle is here tonight, she looks so happy to be here, that's called practice, it's like learning to doing three-minute planks makes it look like it. easy now, but next year at this time someone else will be standing here in this same place and no one knows who it will be, but standing here I can't help but be reflective a little sentimental now eight years ago I said it was time to change the tone of Our policy in retrospect clearly should have been more specific eight years ago.

He was a young man

full

of idealism and vigor. Look at me now. I'm gray. Counting the days until my death. Death panel. Hillarie once questioned. whether I would be ready for a phone call at 3 a.m. now i'm awake anyway because i have to go to the bathroom i'm awake in fact someone told me recently mr. President, you're so yesterday that Justin Trudeau completely replaced you, he's so handsome, he's so charming, he's the future and I said, Justin, just give him a break. It bothers me that meanwhile Michelle hasn't aged today, the only way you can date her in photos of her is by looking at her.

Look at me, here we are in 2008, here we are a few years later and this is from two weeks ago, so time passes in just six months. I will officially be an outgoing duck, which means that Congress will now roundly reject my authority and Republican leaders are not taking my phone calls and this is going to take some getting used to. It's really going to be a curveball. I don't know what to do with it, of course. In fact, for months now Republicans in Congress have been saying that There are things I can't do in my last year, unfortunately this

dinner

was not one of them, but everything else is another story and you know who the Republicans are.

I think we have Republican Senators Tim Scott and Cory Gardner, they are in the

house

which reminds me of the security bar the doors Judge Merrick Garland we are going to do this right here right now it is like the red wedding but it is not just Congress even Some foreign leaders have been looking ahead in anticipation of my departure last week. Prince George showed up to our meeting in a bathrobe, which was a slap in the face, a clear violation of protocol, although while I was in England I had lunch with His Your Majesty, the Queen attended a Shakespeare performance and played the field with David Cameron for good measure.

Someone is still debating whether I'm black enough. I think that settles the debate. I won't live it. Look, this is a difficult transition. It's hard. Staff are starting to leave the White House. Even the journalists have left me. Savannah Guthrie. She left the White House. The White House press corps to host the Today Show nor O'Donnell left the briefing room to host CBS this morning. Jake Tapper left journalism to join CNN, but the prospect of leaving the White House is a mixed bag; he may have heard that someone jumped into the White House. The fence of the

house

last week, but I have to give credit to the Secret Service, they found that Michelle brought her back, she's safe, she's safe at home, something that five more months, baby, calm down and yet, Somehow, despite all this, despite the turnover my senior year, my approval ratings continue.

The last time I was this high I was trying to decide my major and here I really haven't done anything different so it's strange that not even my assistants can explain the rising poll numbers. What has changed. Nobody can understand it. In any case, this last year is disconcerting. I most appreciate those who have been with me on this incredible journey, like one of our greatest public servants, Joe Biden. God bless you. I love that guy. I love Joe Biden. I really love him and want to thank him. to him for his friendship for his advice for always making things clear for me for not shooting anyone in the face thank you Joe would also be remiss, let's leave it for our host Larry Wilmore, aka one of the two black people who is not John Stewart, you are the South African guy, right?

I love it, I love Larry and his parents are here, they're from Evanston, which is a great channel. I'd also like to thank some of the award-winning reporters we have here tonight, Rachel McAdams. Mark Ruffalo Liev Schreiber thank you all for everything you have done. I'm just kidding, as you know, Spotlight is a movie, a movie about investigative journalists with the resources and autonomy to pursue the truth and hold the powerful accountable, that's a fantasy movie. Since Star Wars, it seems like it may be a low blow. I understand the news business is tough these days.

It keeps changing all the time every year at this

dinner

, someone makes a joke about BuzzFeed, for example, changing the media landscape and every year the Washington Post. lasts a little less it's a kind of silence they are especially good at silencing the fascia table GOP Chairman Reince Priebus is here too, I'm glad to see you feel like you've earned a night off, congratulations on all your success, the Republican Party. nomination process everything is going great keep up the good work Kendall Jenner is also here and we had the opportunity to meet her backstage. She seems like a very nice young woman.

I'm not exactly sure what she does, but I'm told my mentions on Twitter are going through the roof Helen Mirren is here tonight I don't even have a joke here I just think Helen Mirren is amazing, she's amazing sitting in the same table. I see Mike Bloomberg Mike, a combative and controversial billionaire from New York, leads the Republican Party primaries and It's not you who has to hurt a little, although it's not an entirely fair comparison between you and Donald, after all, Mike He was a mayor of a big city, knows politics in depth and is really worth the amount of money he claims.

It's an election season, for example, tonight we have here the shiny new face of the Democratic Party, Mr. Bernie Sanders Berni, you look like a million dollars or, to put it in terms, you understand that you look like 37,000 donations of 27 dollars each . A lot of people have been surprised by the Burnie phenomenon, especially because he appeals to young people, but I don't, I get it. Recently, a young woman came up to me and told me that she was tired of politicians getting in the way of her dreams, as if letting Malia go to Burning Man this year really wasn't going to happen.

Bernie could let her go, not us. Bernie, it hurts me that you have distanced yourself from me a little. I mean, that's not something you do to your comrade. Bernie's slogan has helped his campaign catch on with young people feel Bern feel Bern is a good slogan Hillary The slogan hasn't had the same effect, let's look at this, but I've said how much I admire Hillary's toughness. Her intelligence in her politics cuts through her experience. You have to admit, though Hillary trying to appeal to young voters is a bit like your relative who just signed up for Facebook Dear America, did you get my touch?

Does she appear on your wall? I'm not sure I'm using this right love and Hillary, it's not entirely persuasive, meanwhile on the Republican side things are a little better now. Let's say this is a little more vague, just look at the confusion over tonight's dinner invitations. Guests were asked to check if they wanted steak or fish, but instead many of you wrote in Paul Ryan that that's not an option, people steak or fish. You may not like steak or fish, that's your choice, while some candidates aren't polling high enough to qualify for their own joke tonight, the rules were well established ahead of time and then there's Ted Cruz .

Ted had a rough week, he went to Indiana Hoosier country. He stood on a basketball court and called the hoop a basketball hoop. What else is in his lexicon? Baseball clubs. Soccer caps. But I sure am the foreigner. Well, let me conclude tonight on a more serious note. I want to thank the Washington press. I want to thank Carol for everything you do. You know that a free press is fundamental to our democracy and now I'm just kidding. You know I have to talk about Trump. We were going to stop there. Come on, I'm a little hurt though. that he's not here tonight, we had so much fun last time and it's amazing that you have a room

full

of reporters, celebrities, cameras and he says no, is this dinner too vulgar for Donald?

What could he be doing instead? at home eating a steak tweeting insults to Angela Merkel what he's doing the Republican establishment is incredulous that he is their most likely candidate. Outrageous disbelievers say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be present but, to be fair, he has spent years meeting leaders around the world. the world Miss Sweden Miss Argentina misses you for Jean and there is one area where Donald's experience could be invaluable and that is the closure of Guantanamo because Trump knows a thing or two about ruining beachfront properties, okay, that's probably enough, I mean, we have more material no, no, I don't want to spend too much time on Donald following suit.

I want to show some restraint because I think we can all agree that from the beginning he has gotten the right amount of coverage commensurate with the seriousness of his candidacy. I hope you all are proud of yourselves, the guy wanted to give this hotel business a boost and now we are praying that Cleveland lasts until July mmm-hmm, as for me and Michelle, we have decided to stay in DC for a couple more. years thank you this way our youngest daughter can finish high school Michelle can stay closer to her carrot patch she is already making plans to see them every day, take a look, but our decision has actually presented a bit of a dilemma because traditionally the

president

s don't I won't stick around after they're done and it's something I've been reflecting on a little bit.

Check it out. The Obamas will stay in DC for two years after the

president

leaves office. He is about to go from commander in chief to armchair commander. You, Chuck Todd, what am I going to do in DC for two years? You have a real dilemma, sir. president I can't go every day Can I wish you like them more? These are these Joe, they are the same they capture different movements joy you need to concentrate here comes the nerd or the aviator time think about it Sorry, what did I say? Sir. President, yes, it would be practical.

Look, you can drive again. You will need a license. You love sports. Why don't you volunteer to work on one of the teams around here? Look at them, Wizards. I understand you are looking for some. help with training let's say I coach my daughter's team several times hello hello forty four finally so I'm going to be in DC for a while and I thought I'd start driving what's Barack Hussein Obama's name? Thank you, since you don't have a driver's license, you will need a birth certificate. Really, really, it's real, it's real. Michelle left your phone, hey, she has Snapchat.

Obama's attention is excellent and it really works. Register now. Breaking news. Michelle Obama in trouble after posting. This video today Obama worries is great, no, no, you use money a lot. Why don't you talk to someone who has been through this? I have to go to SoulCycle. She is right. I know who I need to talk to. I'm Brock, listen, can we meet now? That's great yeah so get any bison so now you want my advice first stop sending me all these LinkedIn requests and second of all here's the beauty of all this stuff you have all the time. world to figure this out can be you for a while if you know how to do it again so I can be me and I can wear my mom jeans in peace.

I hate these skinny jeans. Well, yesterday I had a beer at 11: It's 30 in the morning and you know McDonald's for breakfast all day. You know Michelle will be in spin class, so she'll never know. Let it go and it won't be long. You can walk out. The Oval Office is the same zippity-doo-dah zippedy Dan, you've got planes working on your tan and you know what you finally got the big deal on a sweet Chevy Tahoe. Watch here as the 347th round of golf of the year and it's totally cool and Glory. There is no problem for anything.

I can't think of any reason to worry and believe me, I've tried. I'm still waiting for all of you to respond to my invitation to connect on LinkedIn, but I know you have jobs to do. What really brings us here tonight: I know there are times when we've haddifferences and that is inherent to our institutional roles. It is true for every president and his press corps, but we have always shared the same goal of rooting our public discourse in truth to open the doors of this democracy to do everything we can to make our country and our world freer and more fair and I have always appreciated the role you have all played as equal partners in achieving these goals.

Our Free Press is the reason we Once again recognize the real journalists who uncovered the horrible scandal and brought some justice to thousands of victims around the world. They're here with us tonight Sacha Pfeiffer Mike Resendez Walter Robinson Matt Carroll and Bradley Jr. bet. please give them a big round of applause, a preprint is why we once again honor Jason Rezaian, as Carroll pointed out last time this year, we talked about Jason's courage, has he endured the isolation of an Iranian prison this year? We see that courage in person. and is a living testament to the very idea of ​​a free press and a reminder of the increasing level of danger, political intimidation and physical threats that journalists face abroad and I can make the commitment that, as long as I hold this office, my administration will continue to fight for the release of American journalists held against their will and we will not stop until we can see the same freedom Jason had at home and abroad.

Journalists like all of you engage in the tenacious pursuit of informing citizens and holding leaders accountable and making our government the people it can be and it's a huge responsibility and I realize it's a huge challenge at a time when The economics of business sometimes incentivize speed over depth and when controversy and conflict or what most immediately appeals to readers and viewers, the good news is that there are so many of you who are fighting those trends and as a citizen of this great democracy I am grateful to you because this is also a time around the world when some of the fundamental ideals of liberal democracies are under attack and when notions of objectivity and freedom The press, facts and evidence are trying to be undermined or in some cases ignored completely and in such a climate it is not enough to give people a megaphone and that is why their power and their responsibility is to investigate and challenge and counter distortions. and falsehoods it is more important than ever to take a stand on behalf of what is true does not require one to lose one's objectivity;

In fact, it is the essence of good journalism; affirms the idea that the only way we can build consensus is the only way we can move forward as a country, the only way we can help the world improve is by agreeing on a factual basis when it comes to the challenges we face. we all face, so tonight is a testament to all of you who have dedicated your lives to that idea that pushes to shed light on the truth every day, so I want to close my final White House Correspondents' Dinner by simply saying thank you. .

I am very proud of what they have done. It has been an honor and a privilege to work. side by side here to strengthen our democracy and with that I only have two more words to say Obama