Norm Macdonald on Bill Cosby, Conquering Stage Fright, and Saying the L-Word to Letterman

stand-up, I always talk to the audience now because they know they can watch my specials, they know they can watch my stuff on YouTube, they can watch jokes anyway. I know they can see your material, but if they see life they want interaction, what do you think Woody Allen? Oh Woody Allen, what do you mean he's a genius? Oh, he's a fantastic filmmaker. You know, women are very divided like actresses because they don't like him. so I don't think he did anything wrong but they don't like him for marrying sunny but at the same time he gives the best to womenroles in the movies, but I don't think she was his daughter, frankly, I think you just married a girl, yes, and they have a great time.

There's never anyone you can't do it with and then they have the best marriages with the child. who married you

norm

ally have

stage

fright

, is that true? yes, yes, yes, bad, bad, bad sex xanax no, actually, I had incredible panic attacks. Now panic attacks are different from anxiety attacks. Anxiety attacks make you very nervous. Panic attacks are imminently fatal. Do you really believe? You're going to die, so I once had a panic attack right before the update, where I was doing live TV so you can see it, you know, if you look it up, I'm talking really fast, as fast as I can because I want to get out, you know, and just telling the jokes and knowing that no one laughs because I don't even let them in and then, you know, Lauren was like, What was it?

I said, yeah, that's trying something different and I went to a psychiatrist. and since then I've been drinking handfuls of you threw the standard Xarelto, I took xarelto Jill wrote, although yes sir what does that mean? Do you know xarelto is a blood thinner, but I had a pulmonary embolism? Sorry, now I have to take it and the funny thing is that I knew to cross my legs, that's how you can do it. He knew about pulmonary embolisms, you know, and he had warned everyone because if Serena Williams had one and she's in great shape, yes, but it was from being on a plane and crossing her legs, he has to uncross them, walk on the plane , block the plane, which they don't do.

You know, they don't like that, especially when he's a young Arab like me. I mean, they think I'm reaching for a Persian rug. You know, I mean just because I wear my big turban and I have my dagger you challenge you go look for the challenges them at the door yeah, I mean listen man I'm a Sikh and this giant dagger is part of my religious ceremony are you a passenger comfortable on airplanes oh yes, am I? It used to be a very scary thing and what changed. I became overwhelmed with fear and it stopped and then my mind just acted out of fear so it's time yeah yeah you can only be afraid for so long but my mind took over and you know what I realized you are safer. a plane you know there are 10,000 flights a day you know you're safer on a plane because no one is going to mug you no one is going to rape you now I probably won't be raped I'm not a pretty guy and you're not going to crash into another plane, you know that they're too far away exactly, but a car, you know, I mean, you're driving all the time and you see a car accident, you don't do it, you just go, you know, you don't think about anything.

Meanwhile, on a plane, if you said look and stop playing and you crashed into a mountain, you wouldn't get out, that guy could help me down, but people aren't afraid of cars, it's never okay, I don't. don't let you be paralyzed I don't know turbulence Ivo turbulence yes, I don't accept the fact that it's not going to roll over yes, yes, it's hard to accept that there is a right airplane because you're sitting in the chair, yes, and a piece of steel in heaven, yeah, I was thinking the other day, Larry, you know, second, how do you know?

I was thinking that the Wright brothers, incredible, right, went up to Kitty Hawk. I think they went up for 45 seconds. There's something there first, they're geniuses, right, everyone who came before them there in a blooper reel is like an actor, but meanwhile at that moment they were probably whoa Jack was ten seconds but now it's just a blooper reel. joke and these are the people whose shoulders are Orville and that was his name well I'm thinking yeah Orville and Wilbur stood on the shoulders of these men so we locked ourselves in the country

saying

yeah reserved for brothers Wright, it's good, it would be Murdock.

I got it, the great writer David Murdock. I love reading that. Well, I know one died or was young. Have you read it yet? I do not realize. I have not received. Oh, never mind, Norm answers your questions on social media after this. Could Norman Donald some questions about social media, but first you played in super high roller celebrity shootout poker, smashed there, how did you do it? I'm not at liberty to say or they haven't shown it, you know they haven't shown it. You still play a lot of poker. I love you. I am a very good poker player.

How much of poker is skill? How much are the cards? All your skills because over time all the cards are the same. Everyone gets the same cards, not in a single hand, but let's say a thousand hands, me and you will get the same cards, it all depends on how you play the cards, you know, you have to know when to hold them and know when to fold, yeah, yeah, know when to walk away. when to run away, yes, which is very humiliating when you start to run away, some comedians are a real bomb on purpose.

Louis C.K said that he sometimes bombs on purpose to show that he can win back an audience. Have you ever done that? No no. I have failed but I don't try to get them back. Here's something curious about what I bought. I feel like comedy is surprising. That's the most fun. Something they wouldn't expect now if all these people came to see me. He laughs and then Isn't that a big surprise? So that makes me have a kind of out-of-body experience, then I make a big mistake, I smile, and then they hate me. Well thought about the social media question, but now I know what I'm talking about. to the audience if you ever get upset just engaged yeah yeah yeah Zuka calls yeah yeah on our blog has there ever been a time when you were being serious about something important to you and everyone was sure What were you kidding about?

Yes, that happens very often. I know you're serious, yeah, go, gosh, you know my dad's on his last legs, choking with black bile coming out of his mouth, wait, what dee Ann Coulter on Twitter is your style of delivering jokes? genetic or developed aha, no, it's genetic because It was funny, no, it's just that she said the style of expression and I always had a strange voice when I speak. I know, I don't think she knows. People don't know until they hear a recorder, but I know from them that people do imitations. of me they say hey I can do you I say oh how's that going it's like you don't do it then they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but sometimes mass bed and Pink Cal on our blog you seem to have streets of great introspection and carry a philosophical attitude on Twitter is to tweet ever a means to create material and grow as a human being grow as a human being yes, last night Larry, I had a long exchange with Professor Richard Dawkins, that would never happen to a lump of coal like me In a

norm

al life I couldn't get a biologist and on the street to talk to me, but here I am asking questions and I stumped him with a question.

Can you believe that friend? Well, great Richard Dawkins, what's your mom? Well, he said. we were all programmed to live and procreate we were programmed to almost everything we do and I said if we are programmed but we knew we were programmed, that doesn't mean we're not programmed when he said that's an interesting philosophical question. I'll have to think about it and get back to you. I tweet and then it's like this book every Sunday night. I do, it's my two cents and I do the above column, but I knew they would do it and worse. on Twitter oh wait a minute it's the king of things yeah I didn't know you did it all in a barn on a girl I'm every sun so I said I invented Twitter that's true my two cents Yeah, I'd say you and Jack Handey Jack.

Handey, yes, Jack mangoes on Facebook, dirty work: what do you think? Yeah, I started with the dirty work, dirty work, we're talking about making a sequel because nowadays you know, because I thought about it because my friend David Spade made Joe Dirt 2, but instead of going to the movies you haven't seen that no has done it hasn't come out yet it's going to creak well it's creak creak it's the place where Jerry Seinfeld makes communities and cars all of that is just one of the millions of things on your smart TV, but this way you can make a movie, a very low budget and just putting it straight like Adam Sandler makes all his movies straight to Netflix now, yeah, what Seinfeld wasn't, the best show, oh, by far, yeah, didn't make it, for me, the best.

The show was never you'll never get rich, but Phil Silvers, I didn't change his name to Bilko, yeah, but that made me laugh more, oh, but the best written show was the best acted. We fell in love, yes, there is no genius animating. and curse dad, you know George Costanza, oh he's an Alexander, you know Steinbrenner, Jerry Beef in Larry King died, Brenner was Larry David, yeah, do you have any philosophy or faith that guides you in your career and life? life in general, yes, philosophy, anyone? Don't think two seconds ahead. I mean, you know, I don't know what that means, but just kindness.

Now I try to be nice to people. Larry, this is what I'm learning. I'm learning in my trickle in your trickle, yeah, well. You know old age is old age, yes, Tori, but I believe in kindness right now. I used to walk past homeless people. He was a homeless man who lived next to me. There is no dollar and a dollar falls out of my pocket, see, that is not for you, it is for licorice, and I am going to buy licorice, come back and you would go, you have a dollar or a licorice, I am not going to look for a job, now there is not much. of jobs for guys who poop in their pants Thanks Norma for being with us and another enlightening philosophical edition of Larry King you can now see my guests Noor McDonald on Last Comic Standing on NBC 9 o'clock East 8 central as always you can find Me on Twitter where things about Kings and until next time